Life As I Know It...

We Must Look Past What We See...

2009-04-14T22:05:00.000-05:00

There really isn't much of anything that makes my heart happier than to deeply appreciate mankind! It warms my heart to watch shows like The Biggest Loser and to see men and women encourage each other in times of enormous obstacles. To see a stranger lend someone a caring hand in times of need.

These sort of acts remind me how we might all be so different in many ways, but at the inner core, we are made up of the same things!

My recent discovery of the Susan Boyle "clip" has brought me nothing short of that extreme warmth and love for mankind! Her clip on Britain's Got Talent reminded me in many ways of when I first saw the clip of the other Britain's Got Talent extraordinaire Paul Potts (who I loved and downloaded his album) a couple years ago. It's a person that at first glance might be easily judged. Someone that might be shoved assigned in the professional world. Mr. Potts was a cell phone salesman, and Ms. Boyle is unemployed. Someone who might be rejected in the romance department -- Ms. Boyle has never been kissed in her 47 years of taking part in this world.

Many of us in life might not have the Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston looks (sorry, had to put them together, because they are two of the most "perfect" looking individuals in my opinion). We might have a stutter, bushy eyebrows, ache, a lazy eye, or even untamed hair, but does that define our character? Does that mean we are any less of a person than the next?

I know people who get disgusted by watching The Biggest Loser because they don't like seeing the limited clothing state in which the individuals find themselves in when going to the weigh-in and they simply can not understand how people can "let themselves get to that point." It's easy to think we are better than someone else. I think we should all strive for the challenge of believing we are of imperfect as the next person and that we are no better than someone else. We must look past what we see on the outside, whether it is what the media would tell us to be beautiful or not. We must remember that sometimes our strengths are simply hidden beneath the imperfections that might stand out at first.

As in Ms. Boyle's case, don't be afraid to give a person a chance to shine, even if your first thought is shaded by doubt.

You can see Ms. Boyle's clip here if you haven't seen it already: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY
[It gives me chills and warms my heart each and every time I watch it. She is just sooo cute to me!]

Most Likely Something You Didn't Know, Which Could Save Your Life

2008-12-26T13:21:00.000-06:00

I was cleaning out some old emails in my inbox and found a friend had sent me the following link. Take 10 mins to watch this 20/20 bit which most likely is something you probably didn't know, but it could save your life. I wasn't aware of it, but you can bet I'll take this tidbit of information with me in the future when purchasing automobile tires!

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=4826897

Now go check your vehicles tires and let's see what years we all happen to have on our cars currently. This might let us know if we are due for some new tires!

As a Person of the Behavioral Sciences...

2008-10-28T23:13:00.001-05:00

...I LOVE trying to better understand people by how and what they do in life. Why would someone choose to say one thing? Why would someone chose to act one way?

These have been fascinations of mine for many years -- it is percisely why I chose to go the route I did with my education. It's probably what's drove me to be the total over-thinker that I am in life -- I'm constantly thinking about things (and sometimes it causes me problems...HA!)

When considering the blog realm it's always interested me in what types of topics different people choose to write on on their blogs. Some people use their blogs mostly for sharing their life via photographs to their loved ones. Some people use their blog to give updates on what is going on in their life. Still others use their blog as a forum for topics of discussion. Whatever the case, I think you can learn a lot about a person through his/her blog. What they write about; how they write about it; as well as, how they setup their blog in order to write about it. I mean look at blogs designs -- one can create his/her blog layout that is personal for them. People choose who they want linked on their sidebar on their blog. They can also even choose who they want to be able to respond on their blog. So many ways to personalize one's blog.

For me, I can often find myself taking all of these sorts of things into consideration as I'm yearning to learn more about a person. Why would one choose to link an individual on their blog for a long time, then one day decide to not link them anymore? Is it that that person hasn't blogged in a while, so the person feels the link is a "dead-end" to send his/her readers, as the linked blog is no longer being updated? Or is it that the blog author feels the linked blog is not one they want associated with his/her blog anymore due to a disagreement in views or beliefs? So many possibilities.

What about comment moderation? Why would one choose to moderate who could comment on his/her blog? Does one not want cursing on their blog? Does one feel a need to have ultimate control? Does one fear if he/she does not "approve" each comment first, a comment might arise on his/her blog which one might disagree with? Does one find it hard to even listen to other views other than his/her own? Is one so set in his/her beliefs that anything that might stray from them is ultimately "wrong", thus it has no place among the "right"?

So much is left up to wonder when we look at people's actions in life. It's a sense of excitement for an individual like myself to question and wonder why we do what we do. I truly believe we all have some justification for all our actions, even if we are not consciously aware of it at the time of performance.

As for me...allow me to explain some parts of MY blog.

For instance, I offer a sidebar of links to individuals blogs on my blog. I've taken off different individuals' links to their blogs in the past. My justificiation for this action is that it's someone's blog that has become stagnant -- in that it is frequently, if ever updated. I referred to this earlier as the "dead-end" links.

As for comment moderation on my blog, you'll see I have none. What I've found interesting is that I've never had to use this function as I've always been open to accepting individual's comments on whatever topic I might happen to be addressing that day. Have I been careful to only post on topics I felt would not offer an array of opinions? Of course, not. I'm pretty sure if anyone was to venture out among my many posts on this blog, one would quickly learn that I've openly discussed many topics that bring out the most far right and left opinions on the matter. I've never been one to shy away from peoples' disagreements and differing opinions. Matter of fact, I love that sort of stuff. I enjoy a good debate.

Would I moderate my comments if someone started cussing? I don't believe so. I can't say I've had that, but I don't see how that would bother me, because if anything I would just see that as another opportunity to begin wondering why that person would choose to react in such a way. Why did that person feel the urge to use those words? I've definately had times in my life when I've cussed and I can look back on those times and understand what was going on with me at the time that lead me to use the words I did.

It's all just so intriguing to me.

Homecoming Look-A-Likes

2008-10-25T19:54:00.001-05:00

I have been having such a blast in Abilene this weekend celebrating homecoming from my undergraduate alma mater. I love seeing friends who I haven't got to see in quite sometime and recalling memories from our days here together.

Right now I'm just relaxing after what's been a long day of events and hanging with friends. A large part of this included attending the homecoming football game (which we won). While I was there, I happened to notice this lady sitting nearby who immediately made me think I had moved into the future and seen one of my best friends 5 to 7 years down the road with a kid of her own...

What do you think?

Maybe a New Horizon

2008-10-13T23:18:00.001-05:00

I've been really depressed lately I guess it is. At first I tried to blame it on something physical. Then decided I was stressed. Then figured I must be depressed. Not really sure why, but I'm pretty positive that's what it is.

I've now ended two sentences with the word "is" and that's not like me when writing. I decided to post this tonight because I remember one of the last time I was really depressed it took admitting and really opening up about it to be able to overcome it. So I thought tonight, though I've been admitting it to people lately that I feel stressed and depressed, I don't think that's been enough. So I'm going to post this, and see if this might be the step it takes to overcome.

I sure hope so. I'm hating this.

BTW...I've kinda used this blog as one of my confirming factors as to accepting I "must" be depressed....I mean look, this is the longest I think I've ever gone without blogging (i.e. at first I couldn't even remember where to go to login in ORDER to post...it's pathetic, I know). Anyways, it's a symptom of depression to show a lack of interest in things you previously enjoyed. Yeah, that's me and my not writing in my blog (not to mention other things in my life...HA!)

The end.

Don't Do It...Call for Help!

2008-06-29T00:50:00.002-05:00

Less than two weeks ago I was driving home around 8 PM from my counseling job when I got stuck in traffic. I was taking my regular journey through downtown Dallas; however, at this time of night, traffic issues had never really been a problem before. As we crept along I found myself scanning the horizon ahead looking for the source of our stalling. I couldn't see a wreck. What could it possibly be?

Several minutes into the delay the situation began to pan-out before me. What I saw up-ahead was an exit ramp coming off the interstate I was on, which had been blocked off. It was just beyond that police line that I noticed an interstate bridge towering over that exit ramp which had several police cars with lights flashing up on it and then several police officers standing on the bridge, outside their cars. It was then that I glanced to the right of them and noticed about 20 or 30 feet away a dark looking shadow was on the edge of the bridge. As I continued to roll ever so closer in our crawling traffic situation, the dark shadow was revealed. It was a man who was sitting over the bridge edge and preparing to jump. It was all making sense to me now...that interstate bridge and the interstate exit ramps below had all been cleared to handle the situation of a potential suicide jump.

Thankfully, I didn't witness the individual jump; and I am uncertain about what ended up happening in the situation, as I ended up moving past the scene as traffic continued to crawl along.

Did the man jump? And if so, did he survive? Were the police able to convince the man that suicide was a permanent form of relief for the pain he was obviously suffering at the time; rather than a temporary relief?

I don't know what became of the situation, but I do know we all can find ourselves in situations where we want a sense of relief. It's at those points where we need one another the most. And it's when we do find ourselves in those situations and we commonly feel as if we don't have anyone to turn to, that we need resources like 1(800)SUICIDE.

It's been within the past month that I had a client share with me how they turned to a crisis hotline for someone to talk to when they were having a rough time. These options are life savers -- literally.

Let's help in whatever ways we can...

http://www.hopeline.com/

One year ago today I lost a close friend in a murder-suicide. Her husband shot and killed her, and then killed himself. These sort of things can and need to be prevented. Let's reach out and help one another. Let's give hope!

Energy Saving Light Bulbs

2008-06-21T10:30:00.001-05:00

Ted Poe is a representative from the Houston, Texas area who is serving in the U.S. House of Representatives. I've known of him for a good few years because he graduate from my alma mater, ACU, and I actually had a class with his daughter while I was there. Mr. Poe is known for his creative ways to teach criminals lessons, as he spent many years as a judge in the Houston area prior to his time in Congress. From what I gather, he is a pretty witty individual.

Here's you a taste of Mr. Poe. I think you'll agree with me, in that he has very creative ways to get his points across! =)

Craziness

2008-06-03T07:51:00.000-05:00

The first thing I do basicaly every morning when I get up (even if I'm waking up late) is check the internet. Email comes first, then I check some other things (i.e. it's fantasy baseball season, so that, and then I might check some social networking pages of mine, or my site that has me subscribed to all my blogs that I read, etc.). But one thing that check almost 100% of the mornings (along with my email) is MSNBC.com. It's my favorite news website. I want to know first thing in the morning if there is something "big" going on, or if someone "big" has passed away during the night (Note: is it just me, or does it seem like we're in the midst of another of those phases where there seems to be a lot of "famous" people passing away all around the same time?!). So this morning when I checked, this was the first big picture that popped up on the homepage and let me just say, I think it's a rather scary picture....

That's it. I just wanted to share that picture because when I saw it a couple minutes ago, I just couldn't get over how disturbing it was for a non-gory picture.

Growing Up...

2008-05-20T23:15:00.001-05:00

My favorite Beatles song when growing up was always "Hey Jude"...

...apparently I wasn't the only kid who loved that one...

...ENJOY...

Leona Lewis

2008-05-13T22:51:00.002-05:00

Okay, so it has been several weeks back that I was introduced to the new big star, Leona Lewis. For those who aren't familiar with the name or that don't know the story behind young Ms. Lewis, she was the 2006 winner of "The X Factor" (which is the British version of "American Idol"). I was introduced to Leona Lewis when she made her American debut with he friend, Simon Cowell, on none other than the all American show "Oprah" (HA HA!). Anyways, it was then that her single "Bleeding Love" began hitting radio waves in America and since then, well let's just say it's exploded on the American charts and I believe it is currently #1. Whatever the case, I've no doubt you've most likely heard it at some point in time, as it's being played like on every radio channel right now it seems.

So once I heard Ms. Lewis for that first time, I too, like Simon, fell in love with her...her voice is INCREDIBLE. She sounds a lot like Mrs. Cannon (AKA Mariah Carey...HA HA!). I've ALWAYS thought Mariah has had one of the best voices of all times (that doesn't mean I think she's the coolest artist of all times, because she DEFINATELY has some attitude/diva issues I don't think too highly of...HA!). Anyways, from what I hear, the 23-year old new artist is such a sweetheart and quite the humble young lady -- something that's respectful among big-names (let's see if it can last).

After hearing her on Oprah I wanted to get her cd as soon as it was released in America, but it turned out that I didn't purchase it until this past weekend. Nonetheless, it's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, just as I had expected!

This woman has unbelievable vocals, but besides that, the words to her songs are ones that hit you. They make you listen to them and they tell the story; the story of our lives.

As I've been making my way through listening to all the tracks I got caught-up in the lyrics of the 9th track on the disc yesterday when driving to my second job. I found myself having to start it over and turn up the volume and pay close attention to the words...

...wow.

I was immediately reminded of the close friend I lost this past summer. I began playing it over and over. At points I got so wrapped up in the words and reflections on my friend that I found my eyes watering.

"Yesterday" (the 9th track) is one of those PERFECT songs for the background music in a slideshow that is played when someone passes away. [HA HA! I know I sound all morbid, but I've had soo much experience making picture slideshows that are accompanied with music that when I hear a song, I immediately think of how the lyrics are and if they'd go in a slideshow of any sort (i.e. weddings, parties, honors, funerals, etc.).] It's a beautiful song!

I immediately found myself calling one of my coworkers, who was also really close to the friend that we lost last year, and I told her I had to let her hear the song when I got back to work the next day. When I did share it with her today at work, it took a lot for her to hold back from crying, and she was like, "see, I wouldn't be able to listen to that song more than once because I'd just cry everytime." She thought I was kinda weird for saying I've listened to it over and over and over since discovering it on the cd. But I told her the way I look at it is, "yes, it's still sad that we lost our friend, but I like to think of the positive and look at how the song's point is to remember even death can't take away the great memories we have with that person. That I like to smile when I listen to the song and think of my friend because it makes me think of all the great times that of 'yesterday' that we'll always have."

It's a BEAUTIFUL song, and I'd recommend it to people who have lost people close to them. Don't be surprised if you find yourself crying, because it really is a touching song...the lyrics are so real. Here is some video that someone made to the song. This way you can hear the song...and below it I've pasted the lyrics (and actually, I don't know that I'd suggest watching the video clip the first time you listen to the song. I'd say start the clip so the song plays and then just follow along the lyrics so you focus on the words. Then if you want to go back and watch the video part the second time, do that).

I just can't believe your gone
Still waiting for morning to come
When I see if the sun will rise
Even without you by my side
Well we had so much in store
Tell me what is it I'm reaching for
When were through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart

They can take tomorrow
And the plans we made
They can take the music
That we'll never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future
That we'll never know
They can take the places
That we said we would go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

You always used to say
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or at least how the story goes
(but I never believed them 'til now)
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can't take yesterday

Chorus

I thought our days would last forever
(but it wasn't our destiny)
'Cause in my mind we had so much time
But I was so wrong
Now I can believe that I can still find
The strengh in the moments we made
I'm looking back on yesterday

Chorus

All the broken dreams take everything
But they can never have yesterday

Now, that isn't the only song I've fallen in love with from the cd. Like I said, it's an AMAZING cd. So here are some of my other favorites right now...

Of course, #1 "Bleeding Love" but also, #2 "Better in Time", #3 "I Will Be", #11 "Take a Bow", #12 "Footprints in the Sand", and #13 "Here I Am".

"Here I Am" really touched me just tonight. It was actually what pushed me into going ahead and writing this blog entry tonight. I have thought yesterday how I wanted to write it because I was so touched by the song "Yesterday" but I didn't take the time to do it. But then tonight when I found myself stopping and replaying #13 to pay closer attention to the lyrics because I had heard something that was said in them and it made me think of one of my close friends right now. As I replayed and listened to the whole song I was struck with it..."yet again, another amazing song that represents a piece of my life!"

I recommend looking up this song and reading the lyrics and dedicating it to any close friend you have that is going through a tough time and you want them to know you are always there for them.

Sing on, Ms. Lewis!

Celebrating Some Anniversaries...

2008-05-13T07:48:00.000-05:00

I just want to shoot out three quick birthday wishes...

First, my cousin, Johnny, and my close friend, Misty, are both celebrating their 25th birthday's today. Both of them were born on Friday the 13th...

...enough said. ;)

Finally, I want to wish Belinda a WONDERFUL 50th anniversary of her birth! I actually don't know Belinda personally (we've never met), but I've been honored to have her reading my blog for quite sometime now (I don't even know how long ago it was that you started reading, Belinda, but I do know it's been a while) and I've greatly appreciated all the comments she's left!

Whether you're celebrating a quarter of a century in life experiences or half, may your day be blessed and filled with many wonderful memories and smiles!

Some Quotes and Points

2008-05-04T22:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I was cleaning off my desk today and came across some quotes and other points I had jotted down on post-it notes and left on my desk to put into blog entries at some point in time. And honestly, I can say some of them are pretty old...HA! So I'm going to just put them all here and share them now because I refuse to just discard them, because I really wanted to share them at whenever point in time it was that I originally jotted them down...HA!

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First, I saw the following on some Postsecret cards a while back that were in a Postsecret video clip that was posted on YouTube. I really "felt" these sayings...

"Sometimes we put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down."

"I like to stay up late on the computer and look for answers."

"I think God is just a big placebo."

"People don't realize how lucky they are to have friends who genuinely care about their well being. My secret is that I don't have any."

"I don't fear being touched... HUG ME... I fear being let go."

Each of these touched me for different reasons. Some made me think of people I know. Some made me say, "Hmmm..." Others made me feel for the person writing the card.

I love Postsecret!

Speaking of Postsecret. I actually printed off one of the cards (two weeks ago I guess it was) and mailed it with a note to someone. I couldn't help but think of that person IMMEDIATELY when I read the card. I immediately wished it had been sent in to Postsecret by the person I mailed it too, but I couldn't help but feel the hope slip away when I realized that wasn't that person's handwriting that was on the actual card. Nonetheless, I wanted that person to know I thought of them and desperately wished it had been from them.

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A couple of the other post-it notes I have have some stats written on them. They were actually from a gameshow that came out some MANY months ago, and the show was called "The Power of Ten." I'm not sure if it's on air anymore (I'm pretty sure it's not); however, it did seem like a pretty interesting gameshow to me.

Anyways, about the show...

The show had gone out and taken surveys of the general public and had them answer random questions and then the gameshow contestant had to guess and see how close to the correct percentage of people answered the survey questions a particular way. [Note: Okay, maybe I didn't explain that just right, but whatever.]

Below are some of the resulting percentage statistics from the surveys that I found interesting...

A.) 33% of Americans surveyed say they believe that September 11th should be a national holiday.

B.) 81% of the parents surveyed said that if they were asked by their child they would tell them the truth about how old they were when they lost their virginity.

C.) 19% of Americans surveyed said they think the world would be a better place if America ruled it.

I think if you go to the gameshow's website, you can see more questions and statistics from the show.

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Finally, I got this last quote off an Oprah episode I watched several weeks back. And honestly, I can't even remember what the show was about, but I do remember that this quote came from a mother. Her daughter was in jail and the mother was telling about how she had dedicated herself to being encouraging and motivating to her daughter through her sentence. The mother wrote the daughter a postcard everyday. The mother was saying how the daughter had always loved Winnie the Pooh as a child, so on one of the postcards to the daughter all she wrote was the following quote...

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe; stronger than you seem; and smarter than you think." Christopher Robyn to Winnie the Pooh.

What an encouraging quote! I can think of people right now I'd like to share that with based on where they stand in their current state of life.

Much love, my readers!

George W. Bush

2008-05-04T15:59:00.001-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, our President...

A Day at a Child Abuse Prevention Workshop

2008-04-23T22:06:00.001-05:00

Yes, I know -- I haven't posted in FOREVER. Anyways, this is just going to be a short piece to share a couple videos I got to see today at a workshop I went to today on Child Abuse Prevention. The workshop started off with one of the speakers showing the first of the videos I'm going to share with you, and then they concluded the entire day with the second video I'm about to show you. Honestly, I don't know that I would have ended the workshop on such a sad note, but they did it in hopes that it would make our day really hit home as to how real child abuse is. Whatever the case, I can tell you that the first video will probably leave you with your guy hurting from laughing, and the second video will leave your heart hurting.

This was a humorous way to start the day by talking about how relationships in our lives are important and that they really do have a big impact on our lives:

Now, this video is the one that they ended the workshop on. I will tell you know, in a room of several hundred attendees, most left crying and just about all the rest of us had least had tears in our eyes:

And for anyone doubting the truth behind this video, I did snopes.com the story JUST to make sure it wasn't something made up to try to pull at people's heart-strings. Unfortunately, it's very true and that's the saddest part...

Social Workers...

2008-03-30T10:29:00.001-05:00

...we are not a profession that just "takes away your babies"...

People Come Into Our Lives

2008-03-22T23:13:00.002-05:00

I haven't blogged in over a month. I haven't put off blogging because I didn't want or know how to "continue" with the series I was on -- that is not the case at all. Matter of fact, on February 25th, I began writing the next piece to the series I was in the middle of (the continuation to the previous post); however, I found it to not be a good writing night, as the words didn't seem to be flowing out of me as I like them normally to do, so I set the blog aside and decided there's always tomorrow. Little did I know that later that night my mind/body would wig out on me and leave me in state of anxiety, which would keep me from the blogging realm for quite some time.

For nearly a month I haven't felt "right." Stressed I suppose, but it left me feeling in ways I've never felt before, thus I was scared many times and it wasn't till the past week or so that I've been feeling pretty good again. Thankfully, I've gotten to where I'm feeling calm again the majority of the time and I'm able to sleep, breath, smile, joke, and enjoy life almost back to "normal."

So, though I have the "continuation" of the previous blog series started and that is REALLY what blog post should be appearing here, I'd like to briefly comment on something else I'm seeing right now in my life...

I think it's so cool how people seem to have people come into their life when they really need them most. Have you ever noticed that new friends or "important people" in you life seem to show up just when you need them? I think sometimes we don't noticed just how much BOTH of the individuals actually need one another at the time. Sure, maybe one individual might seem more vulnerable or needy at the time, but most of the time, there are needs that are being met for both individuals.

The dynamics of relationships are so fascinating!

I've recently found myself getting close to a new individual in my life. It's been an honor for me to be able to be there for this person, as she is handling at lot in her life at this time; yet, I don't think she knows how much it's meant to me to have her there right now too. How could she not know she's actually being there for me so much right now you might ask?

One of the interesting things about friendships and support is just how sometimes all we need is someone that we can just feel they care. That they are there. It's someone to spend time with, even if you don't really have anything you feel you need to talk to them about. It's someone you enjoy everytime you get to see them. It's someone that you find yourself having reminders of them throughout your day, even if you aren't around the person at the time. You find yourself seeing a car that resembles theirs and it makes you smile and think of them. You find yourself randomly thinking about something they told you two days before it and makes you laugh out loud when no one is around.

...that is how my friend has been there for me, and it's really not something that people find them self being aware that they are actually doing it. Does that make sense? Anyways...

And then when you're with them, you can forget that other things are bothering you because you're focused on your time with them. Sure, sometimes you let yourself get focused and involved with what you want to help and support them with based on what they are dealing with, but sometimes it's even more than that. You welcome the break from worrying or dealing with your own life circumstances simply so you can feel free from your own life for a moment.

As I've gotten to know this individual I've continued to be fascinated by how she works and what makes her "tick." HA! [Note: That's how I am with just about everyone I meet....I try to figure them out and how they interact with others and the world.]

What's been so fascinating and interesting to me recently is how much this individual reminds me of a cross between one of my best friends and myself...HA! Tonight I was sitting and talking with this individual for a couple hours, and over and over again I found myself just sitting there listening to her and just smiling and almost beginning to laugh. Sometimes she'd ask me what I was laughing about and I would say, "you." HA! I'd then proceed to tell her how funny I found it that she and I were so much alike. And if it wasn't that I had her figured out because I knew what she was thinking due to the fact that she was thinking in a way similar to me, I'd have her figured out because she would be thinking in a way so similar to my best friend. HA!

I don't know. I just think it's interesting how people seem to come into our lives when we need them....and THAT is such a blessing!

Making the Most When the Plan Goes Astray

2008-02-21T22:52:00.001-06:00

[This is the continuation of the previous blog post]

How easy is it to give up when things don’t go as planned? How easy would it be to call one’s self a failure and hang our head when the results don’t come out the way we had hoped?

Sometimes we plan for what we can’t control and then when reality takes a different path from what we had planned, we are forced to reconsider. Depending on the reality, this reconsideration can seem minute or monumental; still, it’s what we do next that determines if we are willing to let reality get the best of us, or if we’re willing to take it and run with it!

I can remember one of the first times I honestly thought this whole concept out that I’m talking about and how I was determined to not let myself get discouraged when things did not go as I had planned…

I had found myself running for an office position in an organization I was a part of at the time. I was anxiously anticipating the possibilities if I were to be elected by my peers into the position. Oh how I could use the position to reach out to fellow members in the organization! I could get real excited simply thinking about the endless possibilities! Then, when the election had come and gone I was not elected into the position and I knew immediately this would not crush my dreams for reaching out. I will never forget telling myself that same night that I would simply make a pledge to myself to be the best member I believed I could possibly be over that next year. I was determined to reach out to the new joining members in ways I had not in the past. I promised myself that I would make every effort to reach just as many members as I would have had I gotten the office position.

At the end of our next month all together as an organization I was honored as Member of the Month. Too me, this confirmed my promise I had made to myself. I couldn’t have been happier with my willingness to not let reality affect my overall hopes and plans. Do I say this in a boastful manner? No, rather a state of self-evaluation which I believe is crucial for us all to do throughout life. Sure, I had hoped and planned to reach people through the office position, but when that was not the path I was given, I realized that it was still possible for me to do what was my overall plan – that of reaching out to people.

When reality affected how I would reach people some years ago, I was quick to redirect myself and without hesitation or discouragement, willing to storm forward. Unfortunately, we don’t always find ourselves so eager to accept reality and move on. Sometimes we are left in a state of uncertainty when we are faced with the realization that what we had planned isn’t going to be reality. This state of uncertainty can bring about many different feelings within us, not to mention a sense of discouragement. It is then, when we find ourselves discouraged and uncertain that we tend to linger rather than taking off; however, this does not mean that we are not still capable of running with what we’ve now been given.

For me this has happened over the past year. Over a year ago I found myself graduating with my master’s degree in knowing full well in my head what I wanted to do with it. I had it all planned out, and was ready to land that dream job. Sure, that was not going to be the reality in it all, but nonetheless, I continued to look for it. Time passed and I found myself getting discouraged. I remember resenting talking about anything at all related to my job search or even having my degree with one of my best friends because I remember how discouraged I felt when she would ask me each time we’d talk “how’s the search going? My mom has even asked about you and wanted to know if you’d gotten a job in your career yet.” Gosh, not only was my friend pressuring me, but her mom to top it off! Sure, I’ve no doubt that my friend was not trying to make me feel pressured or degraded in any way since months had passed and I still hadn’t gotten a job in my field; yet, I couldn’t help but feel like I was being judged as someone with this second level of education and “still” doing a non-degree oriented occupation. Like I said, heck, even her mother, who I had VERY limited encounters with was wondering when I’d ever get into my field.

I think you can see where I was coming from. I felt discouraged and like my friends (not to mention their families) were rating me based on what I was doing as an occupation. Granted, I realize that is (unfortunately) how our country rates people, but still, it seems more personal when it’s coming from people whose opinion really matters to you.

So months passed, and there was the occasional interview here and there, but still no luck. It seemed if the position wasn’t disqualifying me based on my in ability to speak Spanish, it was because I didn’t have enough years of experience. Then when I’d about given up on looking and was ready to take a break a spot seemed to come to me. I was ecstatic! It was about as close to what I had envisioned and planned myself doing as anything I’d seen yet! Communications between the organization and me seemed to be looking real good. Finally, when it came down to it, and I had crunched and re-crunched the numbers, I had to turn it down because I would not have been able to support myself based on the limited income it was offering. I was crushed! It was as if my last hope had slipped away and I’d remain feeling like I was letting myself down, along with everyone else that continued to ask “why aren’t you using your degree yet?”

Sometimes when we are in the state of taking in the reality and how it has turned out differently than what we had planned, we are just as eager as anything to move on because we don’t like the feelings we find ourselves dealing with while trying to accept the reality. There was no doubt I felt discouraged and uncertain on if my plans of going into my field were any sort of reality for the near future. Because of this, I was lingering as I was trying to deal with the reality of it all. But then the tides would turn, and little did I know, I was about to make another promise to myself…

[To Be Continued]

We Try to Plan it All Out

2008-02-18T22:42:00.002-06:00

In life it's so important to learn to take what you get and run with it. I guess it can depend on what you "get," but you might be able to look at it as, "roll with the punches;" if you're given lemons, "make lemonade." Thankfully, it's not always that we are faced with rough times and asked to overcome the obstacles. Sometimes we are just given a line-up other than we had expected (or possibly even hoped for) and then we are left to decide what to do with it.

I've always been a person that likes to plan things out and know what I'm going to do. I remember when I was preparing to call a guy I liked in college to ask him to a social event, I was so nervous I wrote out what to say on the phone--planned out the whole conversation (I say this with no shame, because whether you've done this before or not, I KNOW others have, so it's all good...HA!). Several rehearsal run throughs later (yes, including running through what he would say), and some deep breathes, I had dialed his phone number and waited anxiously for him to answer. He answered. Thus the script would begin...

Three seconds and two lines into the script things were already off course! How could this be!?! What would I do!?!? I mean I can't be mad at him for not following the script seeings how he'd never even seen it, nor had any idea I was holding it and reading it for that matter...HA! Yet, I so desperately wanted to get back on script. How could I make sure I was able to "ask" him to the event in a "cool" manner, so I wouldn't come off sounding like I really liked him!?! How was I going to get to that GREAT segue from simply shooting the breeze to nonchalantly asking him to the event if everything is off mark now?!

Though I was panicking on the inside, apparently I remained calm and undercontrol sounding on the outside...phew. Though it's been years ago and I can't remember exactly what mastery of the art of communication I resorted to in that situation to get the final result of the date for the event, all I DO remember is that my preplanning and script all went right out the window and I realized in the end all it had done for me is possibly gave me enough courage to make the call because I THOUGHT I knew my way through it and that it'd be "okay" because I knew how it was going to go.

Now, I'd like to say I've never again gotten to the point of where I've gone over, line-for-line, how I expected communications between myself and another individual to go, but I'd be lying if I said that. But what I have learned over the years is that more than likely, preplanned conversations, or even encounters, with individuals seldomly ever go as originally thought out. So NOW when I still find myself preplanning a situation, I'm quick to remind myself WHILE I'm planning that it's VERY likely that this is not how it's going to go and to not allow myself to feel as if I'll be devastated or freaked out if things go "off-script."

Thank goodness, I don't grade my life on how often it follows my "scripts," because if I did, not only would I have flunked, but I would have been forced to give up by now.

Sometimes it isn't necessarily a word-for-word script we have designed to depict the future, but rather an outline. It's as if we have envisioned the generalities of what should and hopefully will come about for us, and along with that, normally is a status of time. It's as if we are trying to write our story before it happens--sometimes in what I think is our response to the fear of the unknown of what's to come, but also as a form of motivation for something to work toward.

The most common example of this is the "what are you going to be when you grow up" question. I dare to say there's a single individual in this world that's cognitive enough to comprehend that question that has not been asked it. Thus, we all have had to respond to it. Sure, we might have outwardly said, "I don't know," but inside we have given thought to our lives ahead. Depending on our point in life when asked that question, some of our answers might be more researched and educated and closer to what we truly have interest in "being" than others. Nonetheless, it's something we find on our "outline" at that current time.

The outline is almost expected for those individuals in college. I mean, you can't reach the accolade of graduation without having a major, which is believed to be "what you want to do when you grow up," right? It's almost assumed upon graduation that that individual persue the career within their studies. Even the majority of the individuals graduating with a degree in a specific area will tell you that's the area they want to go into for a career. So at this point it's almost like the outline is no longer a guide, but rather writing in stone. How could you do anything other than what is "written"?! Jump to it! Put your studies into practice immediately!

...or so the outline of life says.

Do you want to know the #1 question asked of any individual that does anything other than working "in" their degree following graduation? "So, when you going to put your degree to use?" From what I hear (tee hee hee), it's about the 99th time you hear it during the first month following your graduation that you begin to get past the bitterness of people asking it. [Sidenote: I hear "the bitterness" starts about the time that the first person follows up the first question with "I mean you spent so much money on it, shouldn't you be using it?"] ;)

So what if you don't go directly into your field of study following graduation? Or what if you do, and it's only a matter of time that you find yourself wondering if that's really what you want to be doing as a career? Is it the end of the world? Have you failed?

It might be deemed that way by some of the previous question askers, but they haven't walked in your shoes; they don't know where your priorities lie and what's most important to you at that time. They have no rights to your outline. YOU are the one that gets to write and revise and decide how the outline goes, including the time status.

Maybe your outline is changing up some. Maybe it's been written for years and unchanged and now is the time. Now you find yourself revising. It could be the time table that's "off" or it could be the specific points. Whatever the revisions, make them and stand tall knowing it's your outline and it isn't always going to go as we have it planned out...

...but that's okay!

[To Be Continued]

I Hate Fighting With Myself

2008-02-10T01:04:00.000-06:00

I hate it. I hate when I have all these thoughts going through my mind...

"Say this."

"Just let it all out and hold nothing back. You've got enough in ya right now to just start going and not stop for sometime. Say what you're really feeling in response."

"No, don't say it."

"Get control and just don't speak your mind."

"Just be still and the feeling to get it all out with subside. Be still."

The feelings are jumbled leaving a sense of uncertainty; the mind is trying to decipher it all; and the heart is hurting with each action of discomfort.

Sometimes I get these urges to just go...to just speak my mind...to go off...and it takes everything within me to control it. I just have to still myself for sometime.
That was me. Sitting teeth clinched, staring off into a point of nothingness, and as still as can be. Any chance at movement could be all it took to lose the control. Then just time--still, tedious, time.

But instead of a sense of success when I reach the state of the urge having subsided, I'm left with a heart hurting. The deep pain within your upper chest that leaves you short of breathe. It makes you want to stretch your chest cavity and release the pressure. It sucks and I hate it.

It Can Get The Best Of Me

2008-02-09T01:58:00.000-06:00

Over what seems like the past year or so I have found that I have this new thought processing that seems to come over me when I'm hurting. The hurt can include many different kinds of hurting (i.e. anger, stressed, betrayal, lonely based on feelings of being different, depressed, etc.). It has seemed that whenever I find myself hurting in these ways, I can find myself thinking how I need to change something.

Sure, feelings are not going to change if I don't change anything from the way it is, that's a given. Yet, it seems I oftentimes find myself thinking I need to "get new friends."

I don't know why this is and what it means but it's always such a strong feeling. It's a sense of feeling like I need to cut myself off from the style of friend network I currently find myself interacting with at the time and try to get closer to other friends and/or look to make new friends.

It always kind of catches me off guard when I find myself thinking this, but at the same time I can't ignore it or convince myself that it's unnecessary. It can get the best of me.

I hate it, but at the same time I'll find myself feeling determined that I need to start taking steps to make some changes and restructure my friend network.

It scares me, and I'll find myself getting upset emotionally thinking about it, but something in me says it's what I've gotta do. Only a matter of months ago I remember the feeling was so strong that I convinced myself that I needed to find a job in an area of town that was the furthest from my closest friends. It was the only area left in town that I hadn't explored and sent resumes too during my career searching process. The exact reason why I refused to look in those areas was because it would put me too far away from the friends I felt the closest too and spent the most time with. Nonetheless, when the feeling had me convinced that I needed to make some changes, I spent hours printing up cover letters to all the potential employers in those areas.

Today I still have those cover letters. They never got sent out. There's times when I'm grateful that something convinced me not to go through with it; however, it's only till the next time that I find that feeling and desire for change hitting me that I feel it's unfortunate that I didn't take action the time before.

It's funny how we think sometimes...

Why Jay Leno Needs a Bodyguard

2008-02-06T23:06:00.000-06:00

After you see this you'll understand why Jay Leno needs a bodyguard. Let's just say he is not afraid to ask the heated questions in an important interview with some of the biggest names...

Enjoy! This cracked me up! HA!

why jay leno needs bodyguards

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Good Ol' Throw Back Tunes...

2008-02-05T22:22:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I love me some good ol' "Old School" songs! I've been hooked on one for about a month now. It is a song that one of my good friends had put as the first tune on a random mixed cd she burnt me. And when I heard it I was like, "OH...GOOD SONG! I haven't heard this in forever!" And ever since then, I've been jammin' out to it MANY times and often VERY loud in my car. Typically it is cranked in my car and I'm singing at the top of my lungs...just LOVE IT!

It's song #1 in the list below and the rest are just some other old school songs from the good ol' 1980s and early 90s! Give them a sample listening on iTunes and I bet when you hear them again you'll be like, "OH...GOOD SONG! I'd forgotten about this one..."

[in no particular order]

"To Be With You" by Mr. Big (1991)
"Don't Stop Believing" by Journey (1981)
"When I See You Smile" by Bad English (1988)
"I Wanna Be Rich" by Calloway (1990)
"Let's Go Crazy" by Prince (1984)
"Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch (1991)
"Head to Toe" by Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam (1987)
"Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina & the Waves (1985)
"Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" by Wham! (1984)
"I Love Your Smile" by Shanice (1991)

Super Tuesday Eve

2008-02-04T23:30:00.000-06:00

On the eve of what is apparently going to be as close of a battle at the polls as Sunday's Super Bowl game turned out to be, I thought I'd give some words of wisdom on a subject I love...

...politics.

[PLEASE dig deep and find the sarcasm in that statement! Nonetheless...some words...]

I've become quite fond of the quote I found on the myspace page of an elementary school crush that I'm now stalking (HA!): "If you're not a liberal when you're 20, you have no heart; if you're not a conservative when you're 40, you have no brain!" The part I find most interesting about that quote has NOTHING to do with the political ramifications of "liberals vs. conservatives" but how true I think it is that the age/maturation/values of a person is very likely to influence their views as to "liberal vs. conservative". Yes, there I go pulling the psychology out of a subject meant to be focused on something totally different.
Following along with the above quote, this whole Obama vs. Clinton thing interests me only to the point that I feel I need to know who I will click in on my voting pad whenever that time comes; yet, word on the street is that Texas doesn't vote for like another month anyways, but still, I like to feel like I'm mainstream and that I need to know who I want to vote for BEFORE I hear the results of Super Tuesday. Yes, I think this is TOTALLY like how you are supposed to set your limits before going into a bar/casino/strip-club. Uh, I don't know where that last one came from...HA!
I have seen a lot of my friends are supporting Barak on their facebook accounts. Since I'm pretty lazy and actually don't really care a lot about politicians and what they "say" is how they stand on issues, I like to look at which of my friends are voting for who, and then I weigh who they are voting for on how smart I view that friend to be. Using that method I'm able to follow a point system and give each candidate a point total and decide who I should vote for. Makes total sense, huh? What a brilliant way to decide who to vote for. [Actually, I just made all that "process" up just now, but it sounds like it might be an idea to take into consideration for future elections...HA!]
Someone recently told me that Hillary just really seems to come off as a bitch. Hmm...I've never really looked at her that way. But the more I think about it, I really haven't taken much time to look at her either. Hmmm...
Barak comes off as an intelligent individual. I like intelligent people.
Part of me feels like I'm dising (how do you spell that word?!) my gender though if I don't support the lone female in the crowd. I feel like I need to vote for Hillary just because I feel a woman in such a high level of power could really make some change and turn around some messed up trends we have in this country. You know, big things like... Umm, the things that are coming to mind are obesity, and internet porn, and child molesters, and gas prices. Oh yes, gas prices....ridiculous!
I wish there was a way to do an experiment to know if Oprah endorsing Barak has totally influenced a LARGE number of women voting for him. I SOOOO want to know! What a weapon! His biggest competition is a woman....what better way to steal her highest potential of voters (women) from her than by getting possibly the #1 most influential icon for women to endorse him. Okay, so maybe he didn't have to try REAL hard to get Oprah, seeings how she absolutely LOVES the man, since he IS the senator for the state she films her show in, AND he is on her show freakin' all the time since she loves him. But whatever...
Then there's that race that's sexist going on that has all males in it. I can say I've followed it so closely that if you put a picture of Romney and one of Huckabee (that is their names, right?) in front of me and I wouldn't be able to tell you who is who...HA! I don't even know enough about these candidates or the republican race to even make a joke here...

Now I am beginning to feel like I'm just writing crap to be writing it. HA! Now that you are definately much more on track for which candidate would be the best use of your vote in the election, please DO go out and vote! I'm ALL about encouraging voting; I just could careless about most the stuff we have to vote about.

Wait, now that just came off in a manner of: I think you should vote just to vote and not make conscious choices when voting.

What I mean is...

Voting is something I believe in because I think it's important for individuals to have a say in their life and how it will be affected. Because of this, voting is your chance to give your opinion. What I don't really care about is all the crap that is involved in most all electoral issues/political leaders and their campaigns.

The Books Around Me

2008-02-02T00:12:00.000-06:00

So I was tagged in this internet meme by Dr. Beck, but the problem lies in the books that are around me...HA! Uhh...so the first one I grabbed which is among a stack is "Kokology: The Game of Self-Discovery" which is a fun book/game in itself; however, its pages are made up of rather short snippets, so when I turned to page 123, there was only 7 sentences total ON the page. I decided to move on...

The other things in the stack included stuff like a VHS tape of "Search for Bobby Fischer" (an EXCELLENT movie by the way) and a diary of my friends. Neither of which met the "page 123" criteria.

Turning to my other side in the room is a another stack (believe it or not, my room is actually rather clean and organized--my friends can attest to this, as they like to joke that I'm the one of the three of our close group that they can show up at my house at anytime and not worry about me being embarressed that my room is a mess....HA) which is many movies I have stacked up to hopefully watch at some point in time, and then at the bottom of the stack is four books I used to like to call my "books I'm reading", but being completely honest with myself, they are all books I've started at one point over the past year and haven't picked any of them up in months...HA! From this "stack" I'll use "The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients" by Irvin D. Yalom, M.D. for this meme (even though this one too happens to have a short number of sentences on page 123--it's the end of a chapter, but I'll just proceed into the next chapter to complete the meme).

The meme plays as...

Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more.
Find Page 123.
Find the first 5 sentences.
Post the next 3 sentences.
Tag 5 people.

Sooo...

It bursts loose in every nightmare. When we were children we were preoccupied with death and one of our major developmental tasks has been to cope with the fear of obliteration. Death is a visitor in every course of therapy.

~The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients by Irvin D. Yalom, M.D.

Obviously anyone is free to play along with this meme, but for "tagging" purposes, I suppose Kim, Jennifer, Brooke, Katey, & Holly.

Just Some Stuff...

2008-01-27T22:04:00.000-06:00

Today I finished reading a book I started a couple weeks ago. This sounds like a dumb thing to mention, but this is honestly like a big feat for me. I hardly EVER finish books I start reading. The book actually wasn't all that amazing of a book, but I chose it from my many of books on my small bookcase next to my computer desk (which sits there as a constant tease for me, because I sit at the computer and find myself looking over at the books on it and thinking, "Gosh, I really wanna read that book" but I'm fully aware of the likelihood of me actually reading...or if I start it actually finishing it). The book I read was Maria Shrivers "Ten Things I Wish I'd Known - Before I Went Out into the Real World". Don't get me wrong, it was a decent book, but I mainly chose it because it was one I had wanted to read and mostly because it is a small book and I wanted to remind myself that I could be dedicated enough and read a complete book. Today, I read the remaining 8 of the 125 pages and I feel good knowing I can start and finish a book!
Something interesting about that book is how I think back on it now that I've read it all and it was the chapter on marriage that I recall enjoying the most and thinking how true so many points of it seemed to be...HA! Funny, since I'm not (and never have been) married. But maybe it seemed interesting because I was reading it during a time I was dating a guy, and working on a relationship by compromising brings about similar situations whether you're dating or married. The chapter is called "Marriage Is a Hell of a Lot of Work" and here is the opening paragraph to that chapter...

Oh my God, is that true. And I had no inkling of this when I left college. Otherwise, I wouldn't have spent my twenties worrying that I wasn't married. In fact, if any of you is worried that you haven't run into anyone named Right, male or female, don't be in such a hurry. Chill, relax, and enjoy your freedom, because once you're married you don't have that kind of freedom anymore. After being in such a rush to meet their soul mates, so many people complain about being married to them. It's nuts.

Instead of starting another book now, I think I'm going to give this audio book stuff a try, as I got a book on CD I've been interested in reading for sometime now for only $10 a couple weeks back. It's a book a good friend of mine read a while back and recommended it to me saying she thought I'd enjoy it. It's called "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. I've gotten about halfway through the first CD today and it seems interesting. It's strange to listen to someone reading a book to me over my iPod, but we'll see. I hear this audio book stuff is cool. I will say though, as a non-fiction reader, I like to "read" stuff that makes me think, thus I find myself wanting to read slowly and understand everything and let stuff set in before moving on, and this might cause me issues with an audio book. There's been a couple points where I've paused my iPod so far to let a sentence he read set in...HA!
Tonight, one of my best friends added a new entry to her blog that she hadn't written in for over 3 years. This makes me smile.
I'm in LOVE with this new website one of my friends introduced me to via her blog. It is called GoodSearch and it's a search engine that gives money to charities everytime you surf it! How GREAT is that! Sure, it only gives like a penny with each search, but do you know what sort of potential this has!?!? I SOOOO recommend you become a GoodSearch-er and recommend it to your friends. I downloaded the GoodSearch toolbar because I used to always use my Google search toolbar, and then I changed my internet explorer homepage at work from Google.com to GoodSearch.com because I'm often having to look up stuff on the internet at work and I like to give back to GREAT causes when I'm doing my work! Go check the site out and pick a charity you like to donate too. I've chosen the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Oh, and if you're worried that it might not be a "good" search engine and that you think nothing compares to your Google, understand that GoodSearch is powered by Yahoo, thus it is a "good" search engine and will give you good results! =)
Finally, I was recently introduced to this GREAT "waste of time internet game" that you and your friends can fall in love with too! HA! It's one of those games that is extremely simple (in a complexity sort of way, not in an easy-to-win sorta way) and highly addictive. The email forward that I got the website from claims that this "game" is actually a test used by the US Air Force. They say that those training to fly in the Air Force have to obtain a score of 2 minutes on this test, but I don't know if that's a bunch of bologna or not...HA! Anyways, the email also states that if you can go more than 18 seconds on it you're "phenomenal"...uhhh, my current high is 25.016 seconds and I've scored in the 20 seconds several times, so uh, I guess I'm "phenomenal"...but I'm not going to go writing home about that one. Or at least not until I am good enough to be an Air Force pilot! HA! ;) The website is this. There are instructions on how to play it at the bottom.

Today's Ten Shuffled Songs

2008-01-16T22:52:00.000-06:00

I LOVE music! I'm literally obsessed with music! I'm pretty good at knowing songs, artists, etc. I'm good at coming up with good songs for specific moments--you know, like coming up with a song to go with a wedding moment, or a montage of pictures, etc. This might be because I listen to so many different kinds of music and songs. I'm not sure.

Recently I was talking with a friend of mine and he was saying how he loves movies. He owns more than 900 movies on VHS and DVD. He mentioned how movies impact him because he can often times find himself watching a movie and he can see himself in the movie, or as aspect of his life, or just relate in one way or another with the film. I told him I could understand that, but for me it wasn't movies, rather it was music that did that for me. I love how songs can really get to me in ways that either drive me to want to do something, or to want to sing them at the top of my lungs, or to want to cry, etc. I like to take songs and pick out how they can seem to be talking about parts of my life even though the song was written about something totally else [i.e. a song about a romantic relationship (which I’m most likely NOT in at the time) and relating it to something else in my life]. Though the artist might be singing about the power of his/her love for someone they long to marry, I can sing the songs and think of how they relate to someTHING I love in life, or someone I love in life (even though they are someone I love in a way other than a romantic type of love), or even just about how I can love life in general.

Music is just a powerful force in my life. It's funny because one of the most natural highs I get in life comes from singing at the top of my lungs. I love just getting into some good music and belting it out! HA! Something I've really noticed in my life over the past year is how much I miss my 20-25 minute drives commuting to school. It was during those times that I got some good "music time." Time would I could crank my music as loud as I wanted in my car and sing as loud as I felt like that day. Living in a house with so many people limits my chances for being alone and feeling comfortable in just belting out some songs.

My life currently consists of a travel time of less than 1 minute (well, depending on how I hit the one stop-light) to get to work; therefore, my daily commutes are restricted for singing time. With this being the case, I've found that about the only GOOD thing about my best friend living over 30 miles from me is that I do get my alone-time in the car once again (especially when I am traveling in rush hour traffic to get to her house, so it takes me about an hour to get there). I mean how do you beat the high one feels from getting to sing at the top of their lungs AND knowing they are going to be hanging out with their best friend real soon. =)

The amazing gadget of the iPod has helped bring all my music in my life together into one portable place. [Thank you, Steve Jobs]. Anyways, that little gadget goes basically EVERYwhere with me. In the car (especially on any trip longer than my trip to work), to work, to friends houses, and even to the shower with me. It's almost always playing when I'm in my room if I'm not watching television. If I'm reading I have it on classical music playing in the background. If I'm working on the computer I usually have it playing in the background. Back when I was in school I used it for studying or writing papers, because I love classical music playing when I'm doing that sort of stuff. Back when I was working out regularly I used it then. It helped me through my studying for my licensing exam (which I studied 95% of the time while walking on a treadmill and listening to my iPod all at once...and yes, I passed it the first time...HA!). At work I have it playing constantly at my desk (even when I'm having to walk away from my desk to go do something in another part of the building for our staff), so who knows what it could have playing when people come to my desk looking for me and I'm not there (this is yet another reason why I like clean edited versions of music...HA!). All this to say, my iPod gets a LOT of use. The top Most Played Song on it has been played 472 times!

Besides when I'm at work, the only other time I will for sure ALWAYS have it on daily is when I take my nightly showers. I LOVE listening to music while I shower. Heck, without much driving time nowadays, this is about my only other time to get in some halfway private singing time. [Note: I call it "halfway private" not because I let people in the bathroom while I'm showering, but rather that there is an office connected to my bathroom by a single door and MANY times when I'm my shower in the evenings there is someone in the office only a door away and so if I were to sing very loud at all it would no longer be just me hearing myself...HA!]

Anyways, by the time shower-time comes in the evenings, I'm typically tired of my current iPod playlists from listening to them usually during the day at work, so I'm wanting something different. With this being the case, I'll often times just put it on "shuffle play" to see which of my 1697 songs on my iPod will pop up and play for me...HA! Since I do have SUCH an array of music on it, I typically try to find something up-beat and shower-worthy for when I'm wanting to just "sing-out" in the shower. So what I'll normally do when I put it on shuffle is I'll skip forward until I find one that grabs my fancy as a "good shower song" and I'll take the risk from there and hope the next two or three that are going to play through while I'm in the shower end up being "good" ones.

So tonight this blog entry has been inspired by my shower "playlist" that randomly occurred tonight while I listened to my iPod on shuffle as I showered. I skipped through to find what I wanted to start with and ended up starting it with "Glory Days." When that song popped up in the shuffle choices I realized I was just feeling it and thought it would be a great one for in the shower and so it began. Below I'm going to share with you ten songs that ran through my random shuffled list starting with The Boss. I was really pleased with this list. Just some random fun stuff. I'm even considering doing this sort of a blog entry every now-and-then because I think it's fun and interesting to see the types of music on people's iPods. Feel free to share a list of ten songs in a row that come up on your iPod when it's put on shuffle. I think you can learn about a person by seeing their music tastes. Plus I just love hearing about songs I don't know.

Here is my list from tonight. The number in parentheses after the song artist is how many times that particular song has been played on my iPod. In order to not bring about incorrect assumptions by the numbers, if a song is rather new to being added to my iPod, it's number will be displayed in red.

"Glory Days" by Bruce Springsteen [15]
"Music of the Night" by Paul Potts [7]
"Be Still" by Kelly Clarkson [9]
"Like a Prayer" by Madonna [22]
"When the Sun Goes Down" by Kenny Chesney [37]
"Break Away" by Rascal Flatts [38]
"This is Me" by Dream [16]
"The Ballad of John and Yoko" by The Beatles [22]
"Everlasting Love" by Gloria Estefan [23]
"Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morissette [20]

Who To Vote For For President...

2008-01-11T18:58:00.000-06:00

I'm not good at keeping up and following candidates to know what they do and don't support on "big" issues. I'm interested enough to know I care if they are for or against supporting topics concerning my educational background, but even that doesn't mean I could tell you off the top of my head which candidates do and don't support that. HA!

Basically I am NOT much for politics (they really rub me the wrong way most the time...it's too fake and let's try to say what you want to hear, to me anyways), but since it isn't like I'm going to be able to wave a magic wand and POOF be gone with politics, I figure I at least should TRY to know who my vote would best be used supporting.

This being said, I've always been someone that loves to find one of those tables/charts that you can find around election times that compares where all the different candidates stand on the "big" issues. Because a quick glance at something like that and I'll be like, "Okay, I'm voting for _____." Yes, I know, it is a highly thought-out and intelligent way of voting, but at least I DO vote, right?

ANYWAYS....

So today I found this website to this short 12-question quiz that asks you where you stand on the "big" issues and then it tells you which candidate is closest to your views. I really enjoyed this and I thought I'd share that link with y'all and since I honestly don't care, I'll share my results with you too...HA!

The quiz is at this website.

And this is the ranking of the candidates on how closely they believe what I believe on the "big" issues...

1. John Edwards
2. Barack Obama
3. Bill Richardson
4. Hillary Clinton
5. Mike Huckabee
6. Mitt Romney
7. Dennis Kucinich
8. John McCain
9. Ron Paul
10. Rudy Giuliani

Wow, good thing I took this, because I had been thinking..."Hmm....if I decide to vote republican I'm going to vote for Giuliani. He just seems like such a great guy and he was so cute and good at handling the 9/11 thing it seemed." Phew...that was a close one! HA! ;)

Happier Without It

2008-01-06T23:02:00.000-06:00

I think sometimes it takes getting what you thought you wanted to realize you were happy without it.

That might be the only half-way profound thing to come out of this entry. That came to me earlier in the day today, and ever since I spit it out, I have had a hard time not thinking about it and realizing just how true I think it is.

It’s funny how happiness can be disguised; disguised in a manner that keeps us from completely identifying it. Sure, maybe we don’t feel unhappy, but we don’t find our self thinking to our self how happy we might actually be in our situation. I think it might be just as much that we have become too accustom to the state of feeling satisfied and happy that we begin to not even recognize it when it’s lurking.

One might say we begin to take the feeling of being happy for granted. While I believe that could be possible at some points in time, I feel that the feeling I am depicting here is different. I believe it is less that we are forgetting how happy we were, but more that we don’t realize we are as happy as we are. It’s almost like we don’t realize that what we have is satisfying us to the point of happiness.

I feel that it happens too often in a materialistic world that we find ourselves wanting when really what we think we want isn’t much more than something we have been deceived into believing we need. We convince our self that since it brought “happiness” to someone else that it can (and will) do the same for us. We seem to be on an endless journey to obtain a never-ending state of happiness—a figment of our imagination. We become mislead by thinking that this state can only be achieved through gaining that “next thing” we have convinced our self that we “need.” The irony falls in that in the grand scheme, it is quite possible that we are happy during the time we are striving for the next best thing and that we are simply reluctant to notice it.

What is unfortunate is how often times when we do gain whatever it was that we desired, in the end we end up going without recognizing the minimal change in happiness that it brought us. What typically happens is we simply move on toward wanting whatever it is we now feel will bring us closer to that desired state of happiness without seeing the state of happiness we are already in.

I think what can bring about such a bittersweet discovery is when we have obtained that in which we were desiring and we are capable of realizing that it did not bring us the happiness we had envisioned it bringing us. I believe it is at this point when we can truly see that we were just as happy without it as we were with it that we get the closest to realizing just how happy we actually are in life.

Hard Lessons to Learn About One's Self

2007-12-30T01:26:00.000-06:00

I haven’t written in a while. A lots been going on in my head lately, but I’m trying to make sense of a lot of it, and then with this time of year (which is not one I’m all that fond of) keeping people (myself included) busy and stressed, it’s all sort of hindered my writing. But I’m going to write now because I have sort of missed it and I also know I have some loyal readers that continue to “check-in” even when I’ve gone this long without writing (which is possibly one of the longest times for me). I don’t know that this will be much worth reading, but it’s what’s been on my mind lately.

If there’s one thing I’m learning more and more about myself nowadays it’s that I care a lot more about what people think of me than I like to admit (or than I give off the impression of being). I want people to like me, and I dwell on how I can better any relationship that I become aware of that include someone having an “issue” with me, or that they “don’t like me” or that I “bother them.” I’ve been known on several occasions to confront people that I know have these sorts of concerns about me. I don’t confront in a rude or “well take this then!” sort of manner, but rather a confrontation in that I know (or have heard) that I bother you and I want to do whatever I can to work on this issue because I don’t want you to not like me if there’s anything I can do about it. Sure, most the times the person is apparently pretty content on not having any sort of a friendship/relationship with me, so they make no effort to discuss with me the topic of concern, but I try nonetheless.

The above is just an example of something I can dwell on. When I find out about someone that I care about (even if it’s just in the manner of caring for them as an acquaintance) having “issues” with me, that’s something I will never forget unless I’m able to get it resolved. Unfortunately, I’ll always have that concern of theirs tagged to them whenever I think about them and it’s not in a mean sense, but in a sense of my genuinely wishing I could do something to “fix it” (assuming that’s even possible). What’s even worse is when it’s a person that I greatly admire/respect and I wish with all my power that I could “fix” their views/thoughts of me.

Okay, honestly, I have no idea how and why I just started going off on all that. That sounds like something that needs to be discussed out with a counselor of some sort…HA! Oh well, it’s me and I don’t mind sharing it, so I’m not going to delete it. Maybe it will either help people to understand me better or to possible be able to relate or maybe even better understand their self. It has been something I’ve recently been learning more and more about myself, but it’s not really what’s been on my mind most lately.

My most recent self-discoveries have been rather discouraging to admit to myself and so I’ve been dealing a lot with trying to rebut them or come up with a better understanding (AKA something I’d rather hear about myself).

I’ve never been a consistent date-er, but as with most every other part of my life, when I do date, I’m quick to think everything through and try to make the best understanding of it all. Is this bad? Probably, but it’s me and why would my dating life be any different? So, as with any area of my life, I’ve taken an interest in trying to understand why I feel and act the way I do in different dating relationships. There’s actually a technical psychological study for this, but its way to late for me to get technical (or to even act like I remember what it’s called), so I’ll leave that out. Anyways, I try to understand why is it that I’m nervous around this guy, or not nervous around this other guy. Why is it that I feel comfortable telling this guy flat out that I’m not a drinker and I like to wear a ball cap when I’m just being lazy, but this other guy I worry about what he’s going to think? Why is it that when this guy does this particular thing it really bothers me, when it’s what most girls would love in a dating situation? [Then I compare. Yes, I know, God-forbid I compare one dating experience with another one, but let’s face it, it’s “human.”] Why is it that with this guy and that guy I find myself feeling bothered in the same way, even though they are similar in ways, but yet not really?

It’s that last one that has really hit home. In a way it shouted the classic “breaking-up phrase” of “it’s not you, it’s me.” For heaven’s sake, how could I admit that it’s my fault I feel this way? I mean, I didn’t feel this way until he came into the picture! Isn’t it his fault?!

Well, I believed that in the early rounds, but it’s becoming old now and it’s hard to continue blaming others when I’m always ending up as the common denominator…

As someone that’s not a “consistent date-er” I’ve learned to thrive and appreciate what comes with the single-life. I’ve learned to love the benefits of independence and freedom. I’ve become quick to choose things that please me in life and to not feel compromised by what others might want to do. If I want to do nothing because that’s how I’m feeling, then I choose to do nothing and I feel no guilt in doing it. It’s selfish in many ways, yet harmless in being single. I’ve learned to live my life in what feels as a balance for me between social interactions and self-time. Sure, my social time is probably higher than some people’s, but it’s what the balance is for me. Yet, even with a high level of socializing desired, I still rely on some self-time. Whether that’s to be lazy or to try to think everything out that’s going on in my life and during my social times, then so be it—whatever the case, its needed time for myself.

So one thing I’m noticing about myself when dating is I find myself struggling with rebalancing. A new person has come into the picture and I have to get the balance correct or it bothers me. I have a HUGE pet-peeve for “girls that ditch their friendships for boys” so I refuse to do that, so between fitting another person into the puzzle and keeping conscious of my friendships, I can often find myself struggling in the beginning to reestablish a satisfying balance. Sure, I realize if it’s going to work I will have to find a new balance (because obviously with a new character in the game the numbers will be different), but I have a hard time accepting less of one thing I enjoy and have been happy with and am familiar with, in order to include something that is unfamiliar. I’ve got to learn to cut the pie differently because while I still have the same size of a pie, I’ve got more areas I need to share it between.

Now if this rebalancing was all I had to deal with, I think I could have adjusted to this and worked through it without much fretting; however, I’m learning much more about myself…

I think it comes down to a combination of 1.) my love for freedom and doing what I want to do and 2.) my interest in caring about what people think of me. Sure, I want to talk to people when I feel like talking to them, or I want to hangout whenever I want to hangout, and if I don’t want to hangout or talk to someone, I don’t want them to be offended by it either, because many times it is NOT something personal concerning that individual; it’s probably more of my interest in self-time or that I am trying to balance time with other people as well.

This is a BIG issue for me. As someone that’s been content and accustom to a single life, it’s easy for me to feel smothered by someone new coming into my life and having interest in trying to get a major portion of my time. Sure, it can be selfish in some ways, but it’s also considerate in other ways, as I want to do my best to balance all my friendships that mean so much to me. Sure, I might really enjoy the time I spend with someone new that has come into my life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy my time with my other friends, especially my best friends any less. I’m still going to greatly look forward to time with these friends, and if I want to spend time with these friends (without feeling the pressure to invite along the new person, or to have to worry about feeling guilty for not inviting them), that’s what I want to do.

I guess the toughest thing to swallow with all these recent self-revelations is that it seems to say rather loudly that without being willing/able to sacrifice some of my freedom and selfish ways, I will never be able to dedicate myself to a relationship to the level of marriage. I’m informed enough to know that marriages only work with a willingness to compromise and work together. One can be no more selfish than another in order for it to workout.

Man, it can be so hard sometimes…

Talk To 'Em

2007-12-04T18:21:00.000-06:00

I recently filled out one of those "surveys" that people do on emails or myspace and then let everyone else read their answers (BTW, I love doing those...HA!)

Anyways, this one was totally unique...I really enjoyed it. It had some fun and thought-provoking questions. It was kinda one of those "list" surveys where you have to list so many things under each "question." Well I've been really intrigued by the first question on it and as I enjoyed completing that one on the survey, as well as reading how my friends answered it, I wanted to put it out here for y'all. The best thing is it's kinda secret in a way...you'll understand in a minute.

So the "question" says...

TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:

It was fun because you could pick ANY 10 people you know and think of things maybe that you wish you could say to them, or things that you've always WANTED to say to them (but haven't), or something maybe you HAVE said to them, but you want to reiterate it. And what's neat is really it's just you that has to know who you're saying it too, but it's cool to get it out (so-to-say). Sure, if you're real specific in what you say to the person then people might know exactly who you're "talking" to, but either way, it's fun.

Feel free to dig deep and share with your ten people what you would say if you could say anything to any ten people right now. Mine are posted in my comment section.

Going CrAzY!!!

2007-11-26T21:14:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I'm pretty sure my last post had many people thinking, "What the heck!?!" And I can confidently say it DID have a purpose; however, (don't kill me) I am not going to end up using the information from it afterall (well, at least not this year...HA!).

Now, I'm fully aware that this makes NO sense to any of you, BUT I might explain the reasoning behind why I was needing to know what the most commonly thought of seasonings were, but right now I can't. What I do need now is some more of your help...

Envision yourself going crazy! What do you look like? Or if it's not you, imagine you're looking at someone else and they've gone crazy.

IMPORTANT: "crazy" can be any interpretation of the word. Someone can be severely mentally ill and they are often thought of as "crazy". Or an individual's children might drive him/her "crazy." We might be highly stressed out and busy and we feel we're going "crazy."

Taking ALL/ANY of these situations into consideration, what would that "crazy" person look like? Let's say you had to partray yourself as "crazy"--how would you "dress-up?"

Examples:
(1) put on a straight jacket

(2) have your hair all messed up and be pulling out your hair

(3) have multiple alcohol bottles within arms reach

(4) ????

[Be creative people...I know you are!]

Seasonings

2007-11-18T10:55:00.000-06:00

Okay, this is going to seem like the oddest request, BUT I need your help!

If I asked you to name the first seasoning that comes to your mind, what would it be? You know, like a seasoning you'd cook with.

I basically just need to know what the two most popular seasonings are...HA!

Odd? Yes, I know. HA!

That's What Friends Are For

2007-11-16T23:00:00.000-06:00

This video just makes me smile! I love this song!

Thursday's Thought Trigger-er

2007-11-15T00:29:00.000-06:00

What a fun truck stop to make on Halloween eve...

Article

Tee hee hee!

Thursday Thought Trigger-er

2007-11-08T00:17:00.000-06:00

I found the article that is attached in the following link to be an interesting situation. Feel free to read it and let me know what you think.

Article

Seriously?!?!

2007-11-06T22:51:00.000-06:00

I just HAD to post this. I mean really?!?!

SIUE Students Accused of Battery with Freshly Baked Cookies

It makes me want to use it as a "Say No to Drugs" campaign...

...Look kids, if you do drugs you'll do crazy things like violence against people by burning them with cookies!

Seriously?!?!

[I'm waiting for someone to PLEASE tell me there is SOMETHING I'm missing in this story--that I'm misinterpreting it. I honestly read it and reread it to make sure I was understanding it correctly]

Phew...it's not just me...

2007-11-05T19:57:00.000-06:00

I was beginning to worry that my eyes were playing tricks on me!

Allow me to explain...

So in the post before this I posted the following picture:

I did this because when I first saw a picture of this individual in a magazine the other day, I immediately had to take a second look because I thought it was one celebrity, but then when I noticed that the page that the picture was on was advertising television shows, I immediately thought, "He's a movie star, not sitcom star," so at second glance I realized it was NOT Matt Damon.

[Glad to know others think he--or at least the bottom half of his head--resembles Matt Damon]

This is actually the picture of this individual from the magazine that from a quick glance not this close up made me think it was Matt Damon:

Yes, I agree that he [Jesse Plemons from the NBC show Friday Night Lights] does not have the BEAUTIFUL eyes that Damon has, and the more pale skin-tone that accompanies the bright red hair are fairly off from Damon as well, but it's that smile/teeth/jawline that made me see Damon! See for yourself...
Or how about these ones...

Seriously...look at their facelines below the eyes and down...

So yes, Melody, you were correct in that it is "the red-headed kid off Friday Night Lights". And once again, I admit, he is NOT as hot as Matt!

Now, since I'm talking about celebrity look alikes, I have to mention two other sets of people that have at least one of the pair that is frequenting the media lately and everytime I see them flash onto the screen, or plastered on a magazine page, I can't help but think how much they look like someone else.

First, there is this one, but unless you're into professional football you might not know these individuals, but I can't help but think how much alike they look everytime I see them on the sidelines:

For those who do not know these men, the gentleman in the blue is Tony Dungy, who is the head coach of the Indianapolis Colts, and the gentleman in the red is Herman Edwards, who is the head coach for the Kansas City Chiefs. Rumor has it that they are actually really good friends (but I think that's just a rumor because they have got to be twins!) ;)

Finally, there is this next pair of individuals. Now I'm sorry, but everytime I see this first gentleman in the news (which is frequent now) I can't help but envision Jesse and Joey coming outta no where to give him a big hug...

Come on, you can't tell me that Stephen Colbert doesn't look exactly like good ol' Bob Saget! HA! Should he win Presidency I can so see John Stamos going into politics to be his VP! ;)

Who Is It?

2007-11-04T21:38:00.000-06:00

Can you name that smile...

It's a celebrity.

Hard to Swallow

2007-11-04T00:39:00.000-05:00

I think one of the hardest feelings for me to deal with is when I go from where I used to feel I had someone I could talk to at anytime about anything and felt secure in that, to going to where I feel there isn't anyone I feel that way about.

That's hard to swallow.

While I still feel like I have someone I could go to and tell them anything, I don't feel that sense of convenience with that person. The feeling of you can always get a hold of that person whenever you might need them and that you don't feel like a burden by calling them. Instead you worry about inconveniencing the person. Sure if you can happen upon a time when the person initiates communication with you, you feel secure in opening up and talking with that person, but otherwise, you get bogged down in the thought of not wanting to bother the person.

It's almost like a sense of loneliness without the absence of people.

It kinda makes one want to start a diary...

Thursday Thought Trigger-er

2007-11-01T21:31:00.000-05:00

Apparently there's been an email-forward circulating about this picture. So as with any potential-rumor-starting-email, I've learned my lesson and I'm always quick to navigate over to my buddies at Snopes.com and check into the authenticity of the "story" being told. So with this forward, I'd like to make the Snopes explanation on this picture the Thought Trigger-er for today. Snopes finds the "story" that is circulating with this picture to be true and so now I just put it up for your thoughts and opinions.

Bringing Life (and just one of its aspects) Into Perspective

2007-10-29T22:43:00.000-05:00

Back when I first started blogging, I had MANY friends who were regular bloggers. Blogging was the fad of the time and many were dedicated to the challenge that the up-keep of a blog presented. Over the past year or so, many of those with whom's blogs I followed originally have deserting their blogs, or discontinued them all together. Still, some have continued, as well as some new bloggers have come along. For me, I have gone through spells. I still find myself often in thought during the day and thinking what a great blog entry I could make out of the thoughts in my head, but nowadays, more often then not, those thoughts never reach the keyboard. I've had times when I've thought about giving my blog up. I've had times when I've gone through posting droughts, but to this day I have continued to keep my blog going, even when I feel it is nothing like what I originally started it out being and some of the blogs I felt so happy with from "back in the day."

But something that keeps my blog going today is the connection I feel through it. It's funny because there really isn't any of my closest friends that read this blog, but what I do know is that there ARE people that read it. And honestly, if it weren't for my sitemeter that keeps track of how many people visit my blog, many of my readers I would probably never know about because most of my readers do not leave comments.

Now, while comments are great and all, I too know about the process of being a regular reader of a blog site, but never leaving comments. Sometimes we choose to not leave comments because we don't want others to know we are reading their blog and other times we are simply not inclined to leave any thoughts on the topic at hand; whatever the case, both are legitimate reasons in my opinion. But, on the author's end of things, I can say there's something special about just knowing people regularly stop into your blog. Now whether they actually read it or not, who knows....HA! But knowing that they make the effort to check for updates, gives a blog life. Not only that, but there's nothing quite like the feeling of seeing someone link your blog up to their own--that in itself is like getting the A+ grade hung up on the refridgerator! Not to mention when some of the people linking your blog on theirs are people you don't even know personally! HA! What a good feeling!

So why do I bring this all up today? Am I soliciting for comments? No. Am I soliciting for readers to make their selves known? No. Am I wanting my blog to be linked to more people's blogs? No.

I bring this up today, because of a connection I believe my blog has brought to me. It is a connection that has impacted my life for some time, but more heavily over the past week, and especially the past three days.

One of my readers happens to be someone that I went to undergraduate school with. This young lady (who actually is older than me, but we are both still young ladies) was a couple years ahead of me in school, but we got to know one another through our social club. I think it's fair to say that we never really got very close while in school together, even through our many social club activities together, and even though she was the mentoring officer over my pledge class the year I joined. After she graduated (and then I eventually did a couple years later), we really didn't see one another or keep in contact as time moved on.

Then sometime back (and honestly, I'm not sure when it was), I came to find out she had come across my blogsite from someone elses--or something like that, as we all know how we stumble across acquaintances websites accidently--and she had begun following my blog. At somepoint she ended up leaving a comment, which led me to knowing she was a reader, and I was able to get to her blogsite from there and since that time I think we've both been rather regular readers of one another's sites.

Now what always seems to amaze me about blogs is how though someone might not know someone personally (or even if you have met that author before, but maybe never really had been very close to the individual), you can seem to find a closeness to someone through his/her writings. There is a bond that can form when someone writes personal accounts or shares his/her thought processes with another via a written prose. It really does just make me smile thinking about it! It amuses me too because more often than not, I find myself thinking to myself, "why didn't I enrich my life with this individual before now?!" People are just so amazing and worth investing our time with!

So there I was, forming what seemed to be a new bond with this social club sister of mine. Via her blogsite, I seemed to follow her job processes; she talked about her dog; I learned about her recent marriage and her joy with her husband. It was as if I knew more about her now, without having even seen her or heard her voice, than I did those many months we had spent in the same rooms together in college.

So when her mother fell ill about a month ago and she began sharing with her blog readers about this stage of her life, I continued to read...

As the blog posts kept coming, her mother's status got more and more unpredictable. It started as she was going into the hospital on Oct. 15th with what was believed to be a complicated case of pneumonia (as she had been struggling with it for several weeks at that point). Rather quickly, in efforts to find out the placement of the fluid in her lungs in order to drain them, the doctors discovered she did not have fluid in the lungs after all (1). So then the docs decided it must have been that she had been exposed to some toxins for some period of time, so they needed to do a biopsy of a piece of the lung to try to figure out the toxicology status (2). Then a matter of a week later her mother gets diagnosed with "free air" in her abdomen, which resulted in having to have a portion of her colon removed (3), still no diagnosis for the lung situation at this time...

The morning of Saturday, Oct. 27th, a matter of 12 days after being admitted to the hospital with what was believed to be pneumonia, my friend's mother was given a diagnosis of pulmonary fibrosis and told she wouldn't have much longer to live. As the hours began to pass, her mother continued to go downhill, and by the evening hours of that same day the family was told she was not expected to make it through the night. Later that night she passed away (4).

Despite the length of this blog, I am ultimately speechless concerning this situation. I'm dumbfounded to think what it must be like to be in my friend's situation. There hasn't been a day pass since I got news of her situation Saturday morning that I haven't had the thought of my friend and the situation cross my mind several times throughout the day. It all just seems too unbelievable to me....

How does one go into the hospital with what is believed to be pneumonia and then pass away less than two weeks later from something else?! Sure, pneumonia can be deadly, but that's typically in elderly individuals who are not getting medical treatment for it [or maybe this is just my ignorant understandings of pneumonia]. So with this thought processing of mine, it just seems to "routine" in a way to think of someone going into the hospital with a pneumonia diagnosis. In no way would I have expected such a turn of events.

It's just so hard to think of what it must be like to be the family in a situation like this. My heart just aches for my friend and her husband, her brother, and her father. Of course, I can't imagine what all they are going through and dealing with based on this situation--as none of us can.

I guess this has really put this whole life thing into perspective. It truly is a state of being that can be taken from any of us in the most unexpectant of ways at anytime.

With a lack of words for what to say next, or even how to try to begin to bring comfort, I want to simply leave you with my friend's blogsite, and ask that you keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

Thursday's Thought Trigger-er

2007-10-25T00:02:00.000-05:00

When considering this link I couldn't help but wonder if people at the World Series game last night were having highly educational conversations throughout the game.

Then when I took an even closer glance at what that link had to offer, I began to think that maybe baseball is just a highly intelligent sport, because unless you happen to live in Cleveland, you aren't alloted a professional baseball team in your whole STATE unless you are in the top 33 states based on an educational standpoint! HA!

When We Are Grieving

2007-10-24T18:51:00.000-05:00

I got this off a friend's facebook note...

HOW YOU CAN HELP ME - author unknown

Please talk about my loved one, even though he is gone. It is more comforting to cry than to pretend that he never existed. I need to talk about him, and I need to do it over and over.

Be patient with my agitation. Nothing feels secure in my world. Get comfortable with my crying. Sadness hits me in waves, and I never know when my tears may flow. Just sit with me in silence and hold my hand.

Don't abandon me with the excuse that you don't want to upset me. You can't catch my grief. My world is painful, and when you are too afraid to call me or visit or say anything, you isolate me at a time when I most need to be cared about. If you don't know what to say, just come over, give me a hug or touch my arm, and gently say, "I'm sorry." You can even say, "I just don't know what to say, but I care, and want you to know that."

Just because I look good does not mean that I feel good. Ask me how I feel only if you really have time to find out.

I am not strong. I'm just numb. When you tell me I am strong, I feel that you don't see me.

I will not recover. This is not a cold or the flu. I'm not sick. I'm grieving and that's different. My grieving may only begin 6 months after my loved one's death. Don't think that I will be over it in a year. For I am not only grieving his death, but also the person I was when I was with him, the life that we shared, the plans we had for watching our children and grandchildren grow, the places we will never get to go together, and the hopes and dreams that will never come true. My whole world has crumbled and I will never be the same.

I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget my loved one and rather than recover, I want to incorporate his life and love into the rest of my life. He is a part of me and always will be, and sometimes I will remember him with joy and other times with a tear. Both are okay.

I don't have to accept the death. Yes, I have to understand that it has happened and it is real, but there are some things in life that are just not acceptable.

When you tell me what I should be doing, then I feel even more lost and alone. I feel badly enough that my loved one is dead, so please don't make it worse by telling me I'm not doing this right.

Please don't tell me I can find someone else or that I need to start dating again. I'm not ready. And maybe I don't want to. And besides, what makes you think people are replaceable? They aren't. Whoever comes after will always be someone different.

I don't even understand what you mean when you say, "You've got to get on with your life." My life is going on, I've been forced to take on many new responsibilities and roles. It may not look the way you think it should. This will take time and I will never be my old self again. So please, just love me as I am today, and know that with your love and support, the joy will slowly return to my life. But I will never forget and there will always be times that I cry.

I need to know that you care about me. I need to feel your touch, your hugs. I need you just to be with me, and I need to be with you. I need to know you believe in me and in my ability to get through my grief in my own way, and in my own time.

Please don't say, "Call me if you need anything." I'll never call you because I have no idea what I need. Trying to figure out what you could do for me takes more energy than I have. So, in advance, let me give you some ideas:
(a) Bring food or a movie over to watch together.
(b) Send me a card on special holidays, his birthday, and the anniversary of his death, and be sure to mention his name. You can't make me cry. The tears are here and I will love you for giving me the opportunity to shed them because someone cared enough about me to reach out on this difficult day.
(c) Ask me more than once to join you at a movie or lunch or dinner. I may so no at first or even for a while, but please don't give up on me because somewhere down the line, I may be ready, and if you've given up then I really will be alone.
(d) Understand how difficult it is for me to be surrounded by couples, to walk into events alone, to go home alone, to feel out of place in the same situations where I used to feel so comfortable.

Please don't judge me now - or think that I'm behaving strangely. Remember I'm grieving. I may even be in shock. I am afraid. I may feel deep rage. I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt. I'm experiencing a pain unlike any I've ever felt before and one that can't be imagined by anyone who has not walked in my shoes.

Don't worry if you think I'm getting better and then suddenly I seem to slip backward. Grief makes me behave this way at times. And please don't tell me you know how I feel, or that it's time for me to get on with my life. What I need now is time to grieve.

Most of all thank you for being my friend. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for caring. Thank you for helping, for understanding. Thank you for praying for me.

And remember in the days or years ahead, after your loss - when you need me as I have needed you - I will understand. And then I will come and be with you.

Attraction to People

2007-10-22T22:59:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder what attracts me to people. And while the possiblities seem so numerous, so are the differences in attraction.

MeJustWriting

2007-10-16T18:11:00.000-05:00

Here is what I've decided today. You know how they say the peak sexual years for women is in her later 20s. Well I think that's what they say, and we're are going to go with that based on it supporting my theory right now. Anyways, I think because of that, women's hormone levels are higher then. That would make sense, right? Right. So because of this, I think PMS is worse for women around those years. That makes sense, right? Right. Glad you're seeing you don't have much say in the matter on this one! ;) Not only that, but I bet you can already tell where this post is steaming from...

Anyways, since I'm really not one to shy away from talking about much anything (you should catch a "balcony talk" with me sometime if you're interested in all SORTS of fun talks), I want to talk about PMS for a minute. Women, you know what I'm talking about. Men, you know too from living through it, just not necessarily with it.

I swear I never used to experience PMS. You'd never be able to tell when I was about to start, nor could I for that matter, but I swear, over the past year or so, something has kicked in and it seems like I turn into this emotional person right before the time. This is not typical me. And I KNOW it's strange because out of NO WHERE I'll find myself thinking, "man, I just feel like crying" yet at the same time, I'm not sure why...HA! Now, I'm fully aware that is also a symptom of depression, but I've learned the difference in myself from when I'm depressed and when I'm PMSing...HA! With one of them you get a sudden sign telling you which category you fall into....HA!

Come on, ladies. You know you know what I'm talking about. I've had this same discussion with another of my girl-friends recently and she knew EXACTLY what I was talking about. You know, like you realize you're acting like a bitch, and getting pissed off over the stupidest things, or you're crying at things that normally wouldn't bother you, or of all things you're crying for absolutely no reason. And then that day comes when it hits you, "OH, right, right." It's good to know you really AREN'T just turning into a bitch...HA HA HA!

I just want to end with this. Let me give you two examples of emotional PMSing. Both examples can be learned from watching one video.

1.) When I watched this, I found myself getting all emotional thinking about it and thinking how sweet it was that she would get this worked up over two young girls being upset. I mean to go to this extent on a nationally broadcast show truly shows one's caring state of being.

2.) She must be highly emotional to get to that point on a nationally broadcast show.

Watch This Video Clip

****IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE CLIP DO NOT READ ON:

Now that you saw that I was referring to in the lessons because you've seen the clip you'll see that in lesson...

1.) I was OBVIOUSLY PMSing because if I wasn't I would have probably watched that clip and thought, my gosh, get control of yourself Ellen. I'm sure something can be worked out with the puppy rescue folks. Let's not go into, as your biggest competitor Oprah would say, "the snot-cry" on national television!

2.) Scratch PMSing for her...it's probably menopause.

P.S....I'm not proofreading this post because honestly, I don't care....HA!

As Nike Would Say...

2007-10-13T11:16:00.001-05:00

Just Do It!

Thursday's Thought Trigger-er

2007-10-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

I was thinking that I would see how dedicated I can be to keeping a blog series going...

This series, which I'm entitling "Thursday's Thought Trigger-er" (and I'm pretty sure "trigger-er" is NOT a word...HA!), will consist of me posting a link to something I found to be interesting. It might be an article to read or a video to watch or even a picture to look at. Whatever the case, I posted the item because when I saw it it triggered some thoughts within me and I thought it might be something interesting for you to checkout too and see if it brings out thoughts in you as well. Feel free to share your thoughts on the subject if you'd like, but this series will not be fueled by the number of comments the posts gather.

Anyways, I came up with the idea for this series based on an email I received today. The email included the following link, which when I went to it and read the bit, I couldn't help but give this one some thought...

The Thought Trigger-er

Sharing Your Joy and Happiness

2007-09-26T22:58:00.000-05:00

Do you let people around you know what makes you happy? Do people know how much you appreciate different aspects in your life?

Today at work I took some time to make a call to a friend of my coworker who passed away nearly three months ago. This friend of her's had unfortunately just found out about her passing this week because he had limited contact with my coworker. Anyways, after I had broke the news to him and several of her other friends in Houston who hadn't heard the news, this friend in particular asked for me to call him, so I did today.

As I talked to him he shared with me about how my friend/coworker had always told him how much she greatly LOVED her job with us. She would tell him how she just LOVED the people she worked with and how she was so happy working with us. [Note: Apparently she had told this to more than just him, as another of her friends from Houston had told me the same thing...how she spoke so highly of our place of employment and our staff].

So as we were talking, I discovered that it had been him who was one of the many calls I have taken over the past few months of people calling our office and asking to speak with our now gone friend/coworker. Typically when I receive these calls I say, "_______ is no longer with us." It is typically taken as "she no longer works here," which is true, but it also has a stronger meaning. Anyways...

This friend of her's that I was on the phone with mentioned how he had called once trying to reach her and I had told him that and he of course said, "Oh okay." and hung up. Well today on the phone he was telling me how that day when he hung-up he immediately knew something wasn't right about that. He explained it as, he just KNEW that couldn't be everything because she loved her job so dearly that she would never leave and had she had been fired, he just knew she would have contacted him and told him. He continually expressed to me how it was just so weird for him, as he just KNEW something wasn't right when he got that response as he called our office that day.

I don't know. I just thought that was really interesting. I really don't have a witty way to conclude this post (as I originally thought I would have when I decided to write it...HA), but I can say I wonder how many of our friends would know the things we love so dearly and we would know that something just wasn't quite right if we heard our friend was no longer a part of something he/she loved.

I can tell you this, there's really not much of a salary price you can place on a work environment that you get to share with people you love to be around and people you find yourself looking forward to seeing each day. Loving the people you work with is what makes a job GREAT. Apparently my dear coworker let others know how much she loved the workplace she was a part of and the people she got to labor alongside.

2007-09-24T22:54:00.000-05:00

UPDATE: I'm not hurting in the same sense I was when I originally posted this post. I've since decided it's ridiculous to allow myself to hurt each day and having to just wait for other parties involved. I'm moving on with my life and being happy for now. When the time comes that those involved decide they want to talk to me, I'll talk to them. I'll most likely make my point about how I feel the level of anger towards me for my behaviors I feel is outweighing my actions; I feel this has been ridiculous--THAT is why I'm choosing to move on rather than allow myself to be miserable and just having to wait... [9-26-07]

Not again...

...it hurts when all you want to do is talk to the person, but you know they don't want to hear from you right now...

Thoughts

2007-09-23T19:19:00.000-05:00

The friends I'm the closest too do not read my blog.

That point alone gives me a lot to think about at times. It's interesting. What makes it even more interesting is when I think about the regular reading audience I DO know I have--those that I am aware of as regulars. When I think about that group it always makes me smile and makes me think thoughts like, "people are very interesting. I can really appreciate how internally we may have greater levels of appreciation and respect for people than we sometimes outwardly show."

Just some thoughts.

Stuff

2007-09-21T12:03:00.000-05:00

I have NEVER jumped so quickly online to hit iTunes and download a song as I did following this song for the first time. I'm not sure what it was besides my thinking it was just such a BEAUTIFUL sounding song! "The Only Promise That Remains" by Reba McEntire and Justin Timberlake. It was on the Oprah episode from Wed. that I just finished watching. What can I say? Oprah can truly sell authors' books and Oprah can really sell artists' songs! HA!
When I was a little girl I used to think Reba McEntire was the prettiest of all ladies. HA! Which is funny looking back on it now because of that hair...HA! No really though, she just has AMAZING eyes! It was always her eyes that I thought were beautiful (well, and probably that fun southern sounding accent...maybe that's why I'm in the south now! HA!). But nowadays, my opinion of her goes beyond her looks and well, uh, I had heard she isn't easy to get along with...she's one of those big-headed big-shots, if you know what I mean. And well, when I watched her being interviewed on Oprah...I kinda got that feel to her (but she still has pretty eyes!) ;)
What the crap happened to the St. Louis Cardinals these past few weeks!?! Dangit boys!
I love chatting fantasy football with all the boys at work! HA!
I want to see the new movie that's coming out at the beginning of October which is directed by Sean Penn. It's based on a true story. It's called "Into the Wild." It's apparently based on the book with the same title. It looks really good. I saw previews of it featured on Thursday's Oprah episode! HA! Sean Penn is cool. He is Oprah's favorite actor (well, possibly tied with Sir Anthony Hopkins). She showed clips of her favorite parts of some of Penn's films and it made me remember how much I love "I Am Sam." What a great movie!
I have a new "daily-record" show. Oprah's not alone anymore. My VCR (yes, I still use one of those) is now set to record from 3 PM till 5 PM. I just has to switch from NBC to ABC as the 4 o'clock hour. That's because it now records the Ellen show! After I had MULTIPLE people...that are NOT friends with one another (so they were not conspiring on this)...tell me that Ellen and I are a lot alike, I decided I had to check her out (well, not in that way! HA!). So after deciding to tune-in to her season opener this season, I've been hooked! This woman has a GREAT sense of humor and is so optimistic! I once came up with my own description of what TRUE humor is and it centered around humor that is not made at anyone else's expense. Ellen is GOOD at "true humor" in my opinion. She isn't about cutting others down to be funny. Now, I openly admit that I do not literally "laugh out loud" at TOO many people's humor....just typically at my own jokes...HA!...but Ellen literally has me smiling the whole show through and laughing on many occasions! She's good folks!

PersonalDNA

2007-09-14T17:39:00.000-05:00

I took this really cool personality test online today. I found the test itself to be interesting and it really allows for you to make your answers personally unique, instead of having to try to fit into a cookie-cutter response. So that's cool. And then the results seem like they are very well put together because they seemed pretty accurate to me.

I was an Animated Leader. You can read more about my results here. You can also go take the test for yourself here. Enjoy!

Random Thoughts

2007-09-10T22:10:00.000-05:00

Just some random thoughts I had today...

I think bluetooths are corny. And I do not like how people walk around talking on them and you can't see the ear-piece and you're first reaction is that they are talking to you. Or like you see someone approaching and they are just rambling along and you're thinking, "Hmm...there's no one around for them to be talking too. Who the heck are they talking too..." THEN you get a glance of the annoying blue blinking light. Yes, the one you see on people that leave them attached to their ears in settings such as church or wedding venues. YES, I sure did see a lady wearing her's through a wedding ceremony this past weekend. Come on now folks!
If there should come a worthwhile use for bluetooths it should be the idea I came up with today. People with auditory hallucinations who choose to respond back to the voices verbally (i.e. that's basically my nice way of saying most severely schizophrenic individuals) should wear them when they are out in public. This would at least give them what appears to be a legitimate reason to be talking-out-loud when there is no one else around them. ;)

On a deeper and more serious note...

When was it that watching someone shoot and kill someone became entertainment? Seriously? I was thinking about this today. Think of how just about all "R"-rated movies nowadays involves some sort of violence, many times being someone getting killed. Why do we find it entertaining to watch people shooting people? Sure, maybe guns are a hobby for some--such as hunting, but I don't know many that take up the hobby of shooting mankind? Yes, I'm just as guilty as most to watch a violent movie, but at the same time, I can't help but think right now, "why is it that in today's society violent movies do so well in the entertainment business, when you would have NEVER seen a 'shoot'em up and kill'em' type movie in the theatres 50 years ago." Hmmm...

Dilemma -- Job Interview Question

2007-09-02T09:57:00.000-05:00

Here is a dilemma for your consideration:

You are driving along on a wild stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or woman) you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

So, imagine you're at the job interview and posed with this question. Record your response in the comment section. Be sure to arrive at your response BEFORE going to the comment section and reading what others have posted.

I will come back later and post the response given my the individual who got the job position over the other 200 applicants.

I'm High...

2007-08-27T22:54:00.000-05:00

I'm so high on life right now! I don't thinkg I've been so happy and in love with life as this since my undergraduate days!

It's 10 minutes till 11 PM right now on a Monday. I didn't get back to my house till after 9 PM tonight and I'm just in a GREAT mood!

I just got done chatting with two of my best friends online and I was just in such good spirits during our talks, I KNOW they could both tell...HA! It's one of those feelings that overcomes you in so many ways that people can't help but notice your demeanor, even if they are only engaging with you via online chat...HA!

It's funny because recently I've found myself noting someone's away messages talking about how they are just so in love with their life situation right now and how life couldn't be any better, and every time I would read these messages I would think to myself, "I used to be like that...some 3 years ago." But tonight, I'm in that state of being! And I love it!

I hope it can last through the night...

...assuming I'm ever able to fall asleep! It's not easy when you're on a high...HA! ;)

Psychology Humor

2007-08-26T12:16:00.000-05:00

A little humor for the psychology-side in all of us. Come on now, who doesn't know about the Pavlov experiment?! ;)

This is his dog saying, "take a taste of your own medicine, crazy old man!" HA!

Autopsy Details

2007-08-21T22:42:00.000-05:00

Did you know that medical examiner's records are apparently "open records"? Well that was what I recently learned of, so if you're interested in the details of that gruesome murder you heard about on the news, feel free to request a copy of the autopsy from the office of the medical examiner that performed it (for a small fee of $5).

So last week I requested the autopsy results on my friend and her husband who killed her and then killed himself. I anxiously rummaged through the mail as soon as it arrived today HOPING to find my reports. BINGO! They had come in!

My first interest was to immediately flip to the last page of her husbands to where I was told the results of the toxicology report were. And the verdict:

Clean. The man was completely free of alcohol and drugs when he killed his wife!

Now, as a man with a history of social usage of cocaine, 99.9% of the people that knew my friend and knew her husband and his "social ways" were SURE he had to have been "coked up" at the time of the killings, but we now have the report proving our assumptions wrong.

So this led to our new theory...

We think he accidently killed her. We even have considered that thought that he didn't even mean to pull the trigger...

As we have recalled some of the witness testimony, we have been able to put together a possible story suggesting that the murder was a complete accident and when he later learned of the results of his actions (or mistake, whatever it ended up being), he couldn't live with the thought of what he'd done and that's when he chose to take his own life.

We do know that he lived for several hours after her passing. And we know he got word of his wife's passing and that that was when he said, "without my wife I don't want to live." So, with that chain of events, I am led to believe that HAD he had this whole day planned...had he planned on killing his wife and then taking his own life, he wouldn't have waited around to hear his wife's status before taking his own life. I have reason to believe that he would have taken his life in a rather short period of time after shooting her. Not to mention, if he had planned on shooting her to kill, I believe he would have shot her in a different place on her body (as he shot her in the lower back area just above the waist) and that he would have shot more than once.

My friend's reported "Manner of Death: homicide." The report states that the bullet entered the right side of her lower back and perforated fifth lumbar vertebra, the right common iliac vain, the right common iliac artery, the mesentery of the small intestine and then exited out the left side of abdoninal wall.

Due to the bullet hitting the iliac artery and vein, there was no hope for my friend. After speaking with a medical professional I was told that it wouldn't take but a matter of minutes for an individual to die after damaging the iliac artery OR the iliac vein. Seeings how she had both "hit" there was no way she could have been helped, even had medical attention been provided almost immediately.

It's crazy to hear these stories about people being shot 8 or 9 times, or being stabbed repeatedly and living through the experience. But then to think of someone being hit once with a bullet in the lower back of ALL places and it killing them almost immediately, with minimal blood exiting the external wounds. It's bizarre, but at the same time, it is a reminder of how fragile we all can be.

One lesson learned...

Don't jack around the guns, they truly can be deadly, whether meant to be or not. Accidents CAN happen and the guilt left from them can be just as deadly.

Hurting for the Sisterhood

2007-08-20T23:09:00.000-05:00

It's special how no matter how people might grow apart over time and with relocation leaving long distances separating one another, the unity that a sisterhood can bring stil has the power to leave many hurting when one of their own is hit with devastating news.

Yesterday, I heard the news of one of my GATA sister's losing her husband of two years as yet another casualty in Iraq...

Friday, Lt. John Edds was killed in Iraq. Here and here are two stories reporting the situation.

Many thoughts and prayers are going out for those loved ones he left behind, especially his wife, Laura [Russell] Edds, and his parents and two brothers.

Though I haven't kept good communication with Laura since our college days, I still felt a sickening hurt, as well as a yearning to comfort feeling as soon as I got the news.

What a sad situation...

Just Incase I Die...

2007-08-15T00:35:00.001-05:00

Just incase I happen to drown this weekend on our float trip (seeings how I don't know how to swim)...do you think someone could book this guy to sing at my funeral?

You can probably look him up under crack-head or pot-smoker...

You're Never Alone

2007-08-13T21:52:00.000-05:00

Loneliness is a tough feeling. It's a feeling no one wants to live with and a feeling that can seem to linger sometimes. It might be a passing feeling for some and a constant state for others. Whatever the cause, it is typically unwanted by those who are experiencing it.

Feeling alone can take place when one feels there is no one to talk to; it can come when one feels there is no one to hold them; it can also come when one has multiple people around them to interact with. It is a feeling, not a physical state of existence. Simply having people around does not always cease the feeling.

There's not much worse than feeling you're alone and you don't know what to do, or who is there for you. Stressful times can leave us feeling alone and like no one else would understand even if we felt there WAS someone to talk too.

I very recently found myself feeling depressed. I think I was still dealing with the lose of my friend and I remember at some of the low points I felt so alone and as if I had lost all my friends. Not physically, to death or anything, but as if I had lost touch with the majority of my friends...

I've always been one of those people that smiles in the thought of keeping in touch with many friends. I GREATLY appreciate quality friendships, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I enjoy having a good quantity of friendships as well. I've always been that type of person. Someone that loves being friends with everyone and makes an effort in keeping multiple friendships.

...so when I was feeling down I found myself thinking how I was losing all my friendships. I felt I had lost contact with everyone but my couple closest friendships I have here in town. I felt like I was in a state of my friendships revolved around my two best friends here and not that I don't greatly appreciate and love them dearly, but I always try to keep myself grounded in the fact that I can't allow my social contact and support to come solely from one or two individuals. Even before my friend's recent passing, I've had this belief, because I know good in well that relying so heavily on one person to get my needs met (social needs in this case) is not healthy. [Note: this is VERY important to remember in a marriage, this is why it is healthy to be sure you keep close friendships outside a marriage as well].

So in a depressive state the feeling of loneliness was sinking in. I mean I was obviously missing my passed friend, and it was leading to other thoughts. Depressive thoughts can be distorted and that they were. I had begun to feel as if I had no other friends but my two close ones. I remember thinking to myself, who else is left, even in the Metroplex? I was able to think of one or two people and I remember thinking, I haven't talked to them in what seems like forever. How strange would that be to try to call and rekindle our friendship now?

But luckily these thoughts passed and I was able to schedule a get together with none other but one of those friends I had thought about. I actually had that get together this evening and had a BLAST getting to catch-up!

It was on my way to this get together that I heard a song in the radio while listening to Delilah (yes, I proudly admit I LOVE the Delilah radio show and I have listened to it since I was a youngster growing up, as my best friend and I in high school would listen to it together over the phone and just talk about the stories and songs together). The song I heard this evening I had never heard before, but it was a dedication made by a mother for her daugther. Her daughter was about to start her FIRST full-time job as a teacher. It would be her first year teaching. The daughter was real close to her mother, but they were in separate towns and the daughter was nervous to start her career, so the mom dedicated this song to her. The song was called "Never Alone" by Jim Brickman / Lady Antebellum. I am not family with Brickman or Lady Antebellum, and for all I know they are popular...HA! But I remember really enjoying the song as I drove and I just thought it would make such a wonderful song to listen to in times of feeling lonely.

As I listened to the song I began to think of how relevant it was to my recent feeling of feeling alone, but even more than that, I began thinking of people I would dedicate the song too...

I thought of a friend of mine who will leave this week for her first year of college. She's very nervous as she's moving away from home for the first time and to a school she's never been too with no one she knows going to attend there.

I thought of a friend of mine who was remembering the death of her father on the anniversary today.

I thought of a friend of mine who was losing an unborn child today.

I thought of others...

There's nothing easy about feeling alone, but there's nothing quite like the moment of realizing we are "never alone."

Whether that "moment" comes for you by means of getting out of a state of depression, or by catching up with an old friend, or by getting a hug from a family member, or by feeling the presence of your God; whatever brings the feeling of not being alone for you, that is what is important. Remember you are NOT alone and that there are others out there. Others willing to listen, to share, to simply BE THERE.

I end with the video of the song that I dedicate to anyone who is or has gone through feeling alone...

Never Alone - Music Video

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Postsecret in Motion

2007-08-12T12:33:00.000-05:00

Only one of the best websites available online...

POSTSECRET!

You can check out the new PostSecret mini-movie here (or on the PostSecret site). What a well crafted piece of work!

Watch the movie and then join the millions of other weekly PostSecret website checkers.

Are you a PostSecret checker?

My Taste

2007-08-11T00:44:00.000-05:00

I always claim myself to be the type of person that isn't much into movies. I've seen a good number of movies in my time, but still, probably no where near as many as most people my age.

Still, not much into movies, I do have a goal I'm working on to see all the films that have won the prized "Best Picture" Oscar award. I've currently seen 38 out of the 79 "Best Picture" films, but that goal is basically due to my interest in having the knowledge tagged to having seen all the "Best Picture" films. You KNOW it would help me through a round of Trival Pursuit! ;)

I think there's two good reasons to why I'm not much of a movie type person. 1.) I typically don't have the attention span to sit throw an entire movie if it doesn't really grasp my interest. And 2.) I just don't find too many movies that "really grasp my interest." In other words, I have real picky movie taste.

For one thing, most "comedy" films just aren't funny to me. I find most of the modern day comedies as corny humor, or vulger humor, or just plain stupid humor and I just don't find it funny most the time. I guess this would make me picky in the department of humor too, huh? HA!

As for action films, eh, I just don't get all excited about hunt-him-down-and-kill-him films. Some aren't bad, but most just kinda bore me, even though they are meant to keep-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat.

Most the movies I like leave me feeling inspired. They get me thinking about life as I'm following along with the characters. They get me thinking about my life, or my friend's lifes, or someone else's life that I can relate too. They leave me feeling like I want to do something, or change something, or they just leave me thinking about them in general.

Many times the movies I really like are dramas. And as most dramas tend to go, someone typically dies and the death plays a major part in the film. I like those for some reason. The ones where the death isn't one of MANY (like in the action films) and it leaves the audience to think about it's reference to life in reality. Mortality and how it affects people in real life.

Strangely, two of my ALL time favorite films are two that are classified as fairly depressing films...HA! Million Dollar Baby and Life as a House are easily in my top 5 favorite movies of all time. I love the storylines of love, outside the setting of romantic love. I love the inspiring nature the stories bring about in the viewing audience to strive to do more and exceed the limitations life might try to put on us. I like to look past the depressing side of death and see the love the person brought about.

Here is a listing of more of my favorite movies: Patch Adams, Crash, The Village, The Green Mile, Remember the Titans, A Beautiful Mind, The Shawshank Redemption, Silence of the Lambs, Backdraft, Phenomenon, Rudy, The Client, Signs, Glory, John Q, Finding Nemo, and Rent.

Out of that list, many others include death and inspiring storylines filled with aspiring characters. After watching any of those, I have a good feeling within me. There's something about a movie that can "do it" for ya. It makes you feel like you are there and can feel it.

Tonight I have the pleasure of seeing another film that my first impression has left me thinking, "why is it that I really like these depressing dramas?!?" HA! But once again, I watched this film and felt a sense of relating to life and understanding the characters roles.

House of Sand and Fog was a great movie to me. It was one I wasn't able to predict and it was one that had me feeling for the characters. I wanted to keep watching and wonder what other hardships could these characters face and how would it be handled this time. There was a part where I cringed and literally said "ouch" out loud. There was a part I wanted to help the characters. And there was a part I found myself feeling the emotional hurt the characters were feeling.

It's a movie that left me not only feeling inspired, but thinking to myself, "you know, that's exactly how life is--it's hard sometimes and it just sucks sometimes, but there will be times among the hardships that good-hearted people will overlook their differences and allow love to direct their actions."

I like those kind of happy endings to a thought that begins as generally unattractive.

(more) Random Thoughts...

2007-08-09T22:45:00.000-05:00

I think I might start just doing these "random thought" bullet blogs...they are easier to write. Though not as interesting I know. HA!
I got to go to the Cowboys Preseason Opener tonight versus the reigning Superbowl champion Colts. We had seats on the 19th row up from the field at the 50-yard line. NICE seats! PLUS...we were on the Colts side and it was SOOO cool to be that close to Manning!!
The lesson I learned today...mental health insurance coverage really IS a bitch! I've always heard people saying that...and of course being in that field I've always just agreed and said yeah...there needs to be some more respect...but uhhh...yeah. What the crap!?!
I learned a new trick to use with myself and I recommend it to others: accountability buddies really works. For instance...if you have something that you keep putting off. Maybe something that is a private matter of yours...something you know you should and need to do, but you always come up with an excuse as to why you couldn't or didn't do it today...and then yet another day passes by that you put it off. Try this...pick one of your closest friends. Someone that you wouldn't want mad at you, or that you wouldn't want to disappoint, etc. Tell that person you want them to hold you accountable tomorrow, and to accept NO excuses from you (no matter HOW good the excuse may sound). You don't even have to tell them what it involves...just give them enough of something to ask you the next day to see if you did what you needed to do. My example: Last night I told myself enough is enough and that I needed to make myself do something. So I texted a best friend and said, "listen, tomorrow I need you to hold me accountable. I need you to ask me tomorrow if I made the call. Accept NO excuses from me." In other words I was saying, I give you permission to not talk to me or be mad at me if I haven't done what I'm saying I need to do. That in itself was the motivation it took for me to do what I had put off for months! I made the call I needed to make and proudly texted back my friend that next day and said, "call made." I refused to let myself get myself in "bad terms" with a best friend...and it motivated me to do what I hadn't been able to bring myself to do for QUITE sometime.
That last long bullet I just thought I'd share. It was long though and probably could have made it's own blog...HA!
Oh my gosh, can I just say that there are some people in work settings that whine and bitch and complain about things that are RIDICULOUS!!!!! PLEASE people....just do your job and get outta other people's business. It doesn't concern you, so shut up! HA!

Random Thoughts

2007-08-08T19:11:00.000-05:00

I really like the "tabs" feature on the new version of Internet Explorer.
I still find it interesting to think about the reasons people would choose the option on their AIM preferences to not "allow users to see how long you have been idle." I know one person once said, "I don't want people to know that I'm ALWAYS at my computer," but to me, showing your screenname as NEVER going idle seems like it kinda defeats the purpose... I know there's other reasons, but they always interest me to think about them. HA!
How about that AIM option of "allow users to see I am typing a response." I use that feature. And I'll be the first to admit that it gets me in trouble sometimes. HA! I love it, but I hate it sometimes...HA! HOWEVER, on the receiving end of it, I LOVE it when the people I'm chatting with have it. When you're on the sending end, it can get you in trouble in those deep serious talks. You find yourself starting to answer a serious/deep question and then you stop and you look at it...or you decide you want to change your response and oh yeah, the receiver is FULLY aware of your hesitation...HA! My best friend and I actually joke about that feature a lot when we are in those deep conversations...one of us will be like, "Come on now...I KNOW you were going to say something because you started to type something...so just say it!" HA! HA!
I know of two people who today were going to take the first step in setting up appointments to see counselors; neither of them did it. Of course, as I know a little about the counseling field, I know all to well that they could teach an entire class on the reasons why people choose not to take that first step to go to counseling. HOWEVER, I still found myself really thinking both of these individuals were going to do it and for some reason I let myself feel surprised that they ended up having "excuses" for why they couldn't do it today.
Does the term "electrocuted" imply death? Like can you be electrocuted and still live, or if that's the case were you just "shocked?" HA! Like I think someone once said to me that it's possible for you to drown and still live, but I don't know that I believe that one...HA! If you drown you died in my book.
I've been thinking that going into private practice in a situation with business hours in the evening times, even up till like late...like taking a last client at like 9 or 10 PM would be more beneficial for treating the mildly depressed. Why? Because the mildly depressed are typically dealing with their depressive symptoms at night time. During the daytime they are typically in a better mood and busy and not feeling as depressed or depressed at all and they think they are "all better" and then the cycle begins again that evening. I guess it's kinda like how many severely mentally ill individuals get on their medications and the medicine starts to help them, and their symptoms go away and then they get off the medication because "they are better" and then it just gets bad again. Hmmm...
Barry cheats. I'm sure Hank was thinking it in his head while he "congratulated" Barry too.
My 7-year streak of attending ACU Homecomings will be coming to an end. The Sing Song streak ended this year too.
Today at work I got SOOOO aggrevated, but I made myself walk away without saying something because I'm supposed to be the peacemaker now in this new position. But I sure did find myself back at my desk fuming thinking to myself: SERIOUSLY PEOPLE I PROMISE THIS WOULD BE THE BETTER WAY TO DO IT!!!! And the thing was that more people agreed with the way I was saying to do it (that it made more sense and that more people would participate that way), but when someone played it off as "it'll be more work" (which is crap, because it wouldn't be much more work at all) they just said let's do it the easier way. Yeah, easier by saving yourself 3 seconds and one pen-stroke, but I guarantee they'll raise less money this way. GRRRRRRRRRRrrrrr....
Do you have those friends that you forget how much you love them and how much fun you have when you're around them until you find yourself spending time with them again? Yes, you do have those friends. I think we all do. I even actually end up telling those friends of mine that when I realize they are one of "those friends" for me. HA! Hey, it really is a compliment! Anyways, I just LOVE those moments of realization. Like you're talking with one of them again after an extended period of time without any interactions and you just find yourself thinking how much you've missed interacting with them! But then of course you realize that and then you most likely go another long extended period of time without interacting again...thus not learning your lesson. HA!

I miss the smile.

2007-08-07T22:29:00.000-05:00

I really miss her tonight. Tomorrow she would have turned 31. Man, she had a beautiful smile.

The week before she died I remember walking down the hallway...the first time I saw her that morning and she was approaching me...she looked tired and not happy (I mean it WAS early and all) and me being the type of person that can be chipper just about anytime (early morning or late at night), smiled real big at her as she approached. I did one of those smiles where they say to you, "where's your smile?!?! I'm looking for a smile, it can be a good day, friend!" and she forced herself to smile back. =)

I miss the smile.

Common Senses

2007-08-06T22:43:00.000-05:00

In elementary school when we do the units on the 5 senses they seem so cool. It’s THE FIVE SENSES!!! We go through a phase where much emphasis is placed on each sense and on noting the experiences brought about by each sense. Each sense is viewed as so important and such a crucial aspect of experiencing life’s events.

Our teacher quizzes us over which sense we use to identify different objects. Did you note the smell? Was it the sound you heard? What flavor did it taste like? Did you run your finger across its surface?

There’s no doubt the senses are amazing and essential to our everyday lives, but how close attention to do give them as we get older? Do we begin to take them for granted? What if one of our senses was suddenly taken from us? Would we once again experience the appreciation for that sense? Would it be a feeling of sudden loss?

I think as we grow accustom to our senses, we begin to take them for granted. We begin to experience the senses as just commonalities. We get to a point where they are just our common senses, rather than THE FIVE SENSES!!!

As life moves along we forget to note the details. We ignore the pleasantries that the senses can provide us. The saying “stop and smell the roses” is just one example of how we get to a point of missing out on what the senses can add to life.

Though we may not consciously note the experiences our senses provide us with on a daily basis, they play a larger role in our life than we give them credit for most the time…

If you’ve ever lost a loved one that you had regular interactions with, it’s in the days following the loss that your senses remind you of their presence. For example…

Pictures of that loved one become MUCH more present following their death than before. People find themselves surrounding themselves with photographs of the individual. We miss seeing the person and photos are the last visual we have for our sense of sight.

People long to touch their loved one again. They miss the casual touches, the embraces, the romantic touches. Many long for that last opportunity to place a hand on the body at the funeral. Sure, we realize they will not feel the same then—that touch will be different—but we long for the sense of touch again. We want to hold that shirt he/she always wore. We want to hug the stuff animal he/she loved.

The sound of one’s voice takes on a new meaning. We long to hear the loved one’s voice again. We’ll call voicemail machines, just to hang-up at the sound of the beep merely to get to hear their voice one last time. We save voicemail messages left from them on our phones. We refuse to erase the recorded messages knowing that they can never be recreated.

The loss of a romantic partner can leave an individual missing a taste. One wanting to revisit the taste of a romantic kiss. Missing the taste left behind after a goodbye kiss.

Smells are often taken for granted in life, but they are some of the most noted reminders after a loved one passes. His/her perfume or cologne. The smell of one’s shampoo lingering from their freshly cleansed hair. The mere smell of one’s body scent. We each have a unique body scent that is often only noted after spending much time in one’s presence, particularly in one’s home. We smell every shirt of his/hers. We can smell them on their belongings. We want to smell their clothes that smell like them or the pillow they once laid their head on. The child’s blanket or stuff animal they slept with still carries their body scent. It’s those smells that we find ourselves taking in deeply when we get a chance to re-experience them after losing the being that they are associated with.

The revisiting of the senses following a loss can come quickly and last for different periods of time. Some will find it hard to past the visual reminders. Some will continually fix their sights on photos. Some will never erase the voice recordings. Others will use no other cologne to engulf their surroundings. Maybe its one sense connecting a person with their loved one, or maybe it’s four or five senses; whatever the case, the senses leave their common state and become alive again.

It’s amazing how THE FIVE SENSES affect our daily interactions with one another! Truly take in every sight, every smell, every taste, every sound, and every touch, because you don’t know when it might be gone for good.

Random Thoughts

2007-08-05T19:28:00.000-05:00

Just some random stuff...

Best Thing to Say If You Get Caught Sleeping at Your Desk: " ... in Jesus' name, Amen."

I have nothing left lingering behind in Missouri any longer... When my parents came down this trip they brought the rest of my belongings that had been boxed up there for YEARS. This is mostly stuff I had TOTALLY forgotten about. Granted there were a few things I remembered and was excited to look through the boxes to find when they arrived: my sports cards collection, school memorabilia (i.e. the few yearbooks I didn't already have with me, my basketball stuff, etc.), and my pogs collection. I haven't gotten through ALL the boxes yet (there's probably about 10 medium/smaller sized boxes), but all I have left to find is the pogs collection, and I am REALLY looking forward to that...HA (seriously)!

As I was going through some of this older stuff here is some conclusions I'm coming too: 1.) I saved a LOT of stuff I forgot I had saved, such as notes from high school (like notes you'd pass between friends during classes...HA). I reached in the bag of notes and pulled one out to look at it and see what one of them used to look like....uh, yeah, I have NO idea who that person was that it was from...HA! 2.) I've finally made it to "older" as I found old newspaper clippings I had saved thinking they would be cool to look back on "when I got older"...well, yeah, I guess I've made it to "older" because it was cool to see newspapers from when Agassi was winning championships with his LONG hair, and the newpapers of Princess Diana's funeral. The newspaper of the movie Titanic sweeping the Oscars and past Superbowl winners. 3.) I made some REALLY cool art projects in high school! HA! I found some of my COOL ceramic projects and airbrush projects and photography projects! 4.) I was REAL good at not paying attention in classes in high school and still getting good grades...HA! I found a binder I had put together after graduating that contained funny notes I took in class of what the teachers were saying, as well as practical joke type things I had made/did in classes. HA!

Finally having my sports card collection back in my hands was SOOO exciting for me! HA! I LOVED collecting sports cards as a kid. What happened to that hobby? Oh right, video games. =( Anyways, I'm saddened that I can't find Beckett sports card pricing guides at libraries anymore. I guess it's because kids don't collect cards anymore. I remember as a kid growing up I'd look forward to every once in a while taking my "good" cards up to the library and sitting for hours looking them up in the Beckett price guides to see which ones were going up and down in price. When I got the collection out and was going through it the other day I kept smiling as I'd find the ones I had labeled as worth so much. I went to the library here this weekend hoping to be able to check out some Beckett guides, so I could look the cards up and see if they are worth much today, but they don't have them at the library. Sad day.

Speaking of things that remind me of my childhood days... I went to a HalfPrice books store this weekend that was having a blowout sale on their VHS tapes (I still don't mind watching a movie on a VHS) where they had HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of VHS tapes all on sale for $1 each. So yeah, I ended up buying 18....HA! Anyways, a few of them I got and they reminded me of my childhood: "Short Circuit," "The Brave Little Toaster," "Glory" (we had to watch it in our 8th grade history class...I LOVE that movie), and "Little Giants." Yes, a couple of them are Disney kids movies, but hey, I said they were movies that took me back to growing up times...HA!

Yesterday I went and played tennis with my little brother who is in town with my parents. It was GOOD to get to play some sport again. I miss having people around to play a pick-up game of something or another with. I hadn't got to play me some tennis in over I year I think was the last time. Back when my siblings and I were all together in July of LAST year we all played for several hours. So I was a little outta practice with the game (not to mention I'm outta shape). And then there was my little brother who decided to welcome me to the courts with his comment of "I've been getting to play tennis either everyday or every other day this summer"...oh boy. HA! Well it didn't end up being TOO bad. He did win though with the final scores being 6-4 and 6-2. Oh well. We are going to go play again tonight I think, so maybe I'll be a little less tired and be able to beat him this time around. HA!

I enjoyed the Postsecret cards posted for this week. In the approximate 1.5 years that I've been following the Postsecret phenomenon I have never seen any cards similar to the two "confessions" I made in the two cards I have ever sent in. This week was the FIRST time there was one even HALFWAY close to one of my cards. That was interesting to see. HA! Besides that one, there were several other cards this week that I enjoyed.

I think I'll end with this card taken from the Postsecret site this week. It is a card that made me laugh out loud when I read it and it reminded me of an inside joke one of my cousins I live with has with me. The joke is about how he once came into my room and noticed that I have a box of Fruit Loops on my bathroom counter. When he saw it, he was like, "What the heck? You eat in the bathroom?" HA! I was like, "Yeah, when I'm getting ready in the mornings. I don't have much time." HA! So from then on we always joke about Fruit Loops (or cereal in general) in the bathroom. HA! NOTE: However, I want to state for the record that I do NOT eat while I'm GOING to the bathroom...HA!

Rallying Against Domestic Violence

2007-08-04T21:02:00.000-05:00

Here is the story Fox 4 News ran from our office on the loss of our employee, Dawn. When they posted it on their website, it made the top story! After you watch the video clip, you can then click on the "related link" link which will take you to benefit fund and fundraiser our office is also doing to raise money for the children. [Note: if the first time you click on the "related link" it doesn't take you immediately to the story, then click on the link again and it will take you there the second time you click on it...kinda strange I know...HA!]

Not Only Does America Have Talent, But More Specifically Dallas...

2007-07-28T20:58:00.000-05:00

This made me smile when I watched it on television tonight...

Incase you haven't had enough, here's a little more...

I dedicate this one to my 825 Alive roommies (and Etta James, since she's been sick and in the hospital)...

2007-07-27T17:58:00.000-05:00

Dear D,
I was going to write you last night, but something came up.

Things have been good lately. As you know, L and I were just saying the other day how both of us had been doing really good except we each had had one random point of really missing you. L was saying how she heard a song and it reminded her of you and she said she just lost it. HA! For me, I hadn't cried since that first week either until just the other day and I was talking with Dr. K over at your desk. I had actually came back to the desk and caught him just admiring your kids art work that's still hung on your desk. He was just kinda smiling and looking at it. We started talking about stuff and I was commenting to him about the power of our senses in recalling the memories. I was telling him about how one of your daughters had given me one of your stuffed animal dogs from your bedroom and how when I smell it it still smells like you. As I was saying that too him I started to get choked up, so I quickly changed subjects. HA! That was the first time I found myself almost crying.

As you know, things are moving forward at work, but you're never far from anyone's minds. I know it's making you smile to see how much you've brought us all together and what an AMAZING job everyone is doing in trying to raise money for your babies! Man, I can just see you now--crying! HA! Happy tears of course now, but still. I know you're so proud of everyone at work. It makes me cry thinking about it.

I just finished reading what everyone wrote in the cards I put out this week for us to mail to your kiddos. It had me crying. I can only hope those kids realize how much you loved them, as those of us close to you from work know so well.

You know what I've been thinking about a LOT since that day? Remember that one time when we were at the mall for lunch and we were down in the food court area? We had gone into that department store that was going out of business and I just kept watching you having SOO much fun picking out outfits to get for your girls. You always LOVED to get them stuff! Anyways, I'll never forget....outta no where I was like, "Do you ever regret, well not regret, but wish you hadn't had your kids so young? Like not regret having kids, but if you could have had it differently and had the same kids and all, but later on in life, would you have?" You said you wouldn't have changed it for anything. That's always stuck with me. Sure, had some rough times because you were so young and all when you had the kids, but you made things work out. You were an amazing mom through the hardships.

Earlier today at work I found myself really missing you. As you know, there was no one around this afternoon. You know, those kinda empty Friday afternoons in the office. And with no other administration but myself there today, it made for a really quiet time back in the back. It was right after I had gone and bought from the bake sale the physical therapy department had done for your kiddos (and they raised over $375!!!) and I was sitting at your desk just eating the absolutely AMAZING brownie cupcake (oh my gosh you would have LOVED it! Not to mention you would have LOVED this sub-sandwich I had for lunch that L had went and picked up for us for lunch. Oh my gosh, D! And I know how you loved your food! HA!). As I was eating the cupcake and opening mail I just kept feeling you presence. I guess because it was so quiet back there and being in your area and all. It was making me missing those times of just chilling and talking with you back there when no one else was around.

Oh and you know, the docs aren't as scary as I thought they were! HA! And I know you're SOO proud of me for even answering the phones now! HA! HA! HA! OH...and how about those time-sheets!? HA! You weren't kidding when you said they take all day! But oh well, someone's gotta do them. At least it gives me an excuse to get to sit down for a while. I'm beginning to think your back problem might have been related to the fact that you NEVER get to sit down in your position. HA! I'm seriously like running around that office all the time! It's no wonder I'm beat by time I get home! HA!

Alright, it's Friday night, so I should probably go find something worthwhile to do I guess.
Much Love, my friend!
me

P.S. you KNOW you know where that 4th card we had laid out for people to sign ended up. You know, the one we had madeout for your mom and brother. It's gotta be SOMEWHERE around that office. Would you please stop playing games and let it "show up" on my desk when I get back next week. Because I really don't want to send out these three to the kiddos without that one for your mom and brother with it. Thanks, I'd appreciate it! ;)

The Storm and The Sunshine

2007-07-15T23:18:00.000-05:00

The eye of the storm hit on June 29th, but the rains had been falling long before. The storm had even been predicted as time is allowing us to see…

I have to let go before he ends up killing me…

Over the past couple of weeks I find myself intrigued by the thoughts of “did she have an idea of what was about to happen?” I can’t help but continually put parts together that make me think that that was a possibility.

If she’d known, why did she go? That’s the question so many are asking. If she herself had admitted to the possibility of him killing her, why did she continue to see him, even after the fervent pleas from loving co-workers to “stay away!”?

It’s something many can’t understand. It’s something that many refuse to understand. But it’s something that happens over and over in the lives of many…

What it boils down to is what those of us on the outside don’t know. There’s always more than what you know. And this storm has blown off the roof of a situation exposing sooo much that was never seen before.

Since the events of June 29th I’ve seen and heard more than most connected to this event have:

…I’ve been in an ER “family room” and had the news “broke” of a loved one’s passing.
…I’ve broke the news to two young innocent children that their parents were dead.
…I’ve seen the eyes of the middle child burn into my own through both of our tears as she was to be saying to me through that stare, “tell me it isn’t true.” All I could do was look back as if to say, “I wish more than anything that I could.”
…I’ve seen how resilient children can be during trying times.
…I got in the car of my friend only a matter of hours after her death to find her driver’s side visor pulled down with the mirror left open and the light on the mirror still on. To just think that she had made sure she looked well for what ended up being her last minutes on earth.
…I walked the charred remains of the hotel room in which the murderer took my friend’s life and later his own.
…I saw the dried blood left behind from the killer himself.
…I spoke with the man who made a heroic effort to save my friend; the stranger who risked his own life to save her. The man who was with her during her last breathes.
…I’ve heard the detailed story of a defenseless woman’s struggle for her own life, while at the hands of her abuser who claimed he loved her.
…I’ve walked the steps where she struggled down and then fell down and clasped at the bottom.
…I helped two mother-less girls pack their belongings into trash-bags and baskets as they said goodbye to a house in which they knew as their “home” only a day before.
…I hugged the distraught mother and brother of my friend only two days after the event as I delivered her two youngest grandchildren to her, so they could reunite with their older brother and begin accepting a new life-style with their new guardian in life.
…I’ve heard many ask “why?”
…I’ve seen many cry without having an interest in stopping.
…I’ve seen those individuals who are seldom short-on-words speechless.
…I’ve seen the bruising still showing through on my friend’s face, even after the make-up artist at the funeral home had applied the dark-colored foundation.
…I’ve seen the chipped manicured finger nails of a woman who obviously went through a struggle in her last moments of life.
…I’ve seen the face of a person left to lie to rest with an expression of fear, rather than one of peace, shown across her face.

In a matter of days the movies came alive for me. In a matter of minutes I went from knowing my friend was missing to knowing she was dead. In a matter of seconds one of my biggest fears of losing a close friend came to haunt me.

In a time period of eight months I worked one-on-one with victims of domestic violence situations. I heard the stories. I understood how real they were. I knew it could happen to anyone, but on June 29th, it hit home.

Even after the eye of the storm hit, the rains continued for days…

Things were different.

For me, the immediate days to follow were laced with strength from a desire to be strong for those less fortunate as me. Sure, I had lost a dear friend, but I still had a mom and dad. I was still going to be able to sleep in the bed I had slept in the night before. I wasn’t going to be moving to a different city without forewarning and leaving behind the friends I knew. Even in the darkness of the situation, I reminded myself that I was gratefully blessed.

Things were moving fast those first few days. So much to be done and taken care of—there really wasn’t much time to think about taking care for one’s self. Eating and sleeping were put on the back burner—for MANY people.

Reminiscent thoughts would pop into mind depending on what was going on at the time: thoughts of fun memories with my friend, thoughts of my friend with her children, thoughts of situations from work, and so many more. It was thoughts that were unavoidable, but thoughts that were also necessary for coping.

Many commented on how my training must have been so beneficial for such a time. How it must have been helpful in breaking the news of the deaths to the children. How it must have equipped me for helping grieving friends and co-workers.

Honestly, when it’s a personal situation, one can’t be expected to provide for others until he/she has provided for his/her self first. It isn’t a selfish matter. It’s a matter of one being just as human as the next.

I’ll tell you one advantage I believe my training has allotted me through this all…

I understand the importance of grieving and allowing it to happen and not being afraid of how it might have to occur.

I knew I wasn’t eating like my body needed and sleeping like I needed that first week following the storm’s devastation. But I knew that was not out of the norm for the circumstances. I wasn’t afraid to admit to it and accept that that was a phase and it would pass if I allowed it to happen.

I carefully monitored my behaviors and symptoms that first week. I noted how I was following the typical patterns of grievance. I recalled specifics in my responses to the situation that were obvious denial, anger, depression, etc.

I remember “trying” to go to sleep (and then eventually succeeding after many hours of trying) on that second night following the death. That day, I had had my eyes opened to SOOO much of what I had NOT known about in my friend’s life and I had found myself very angry. I was upset! I was obviously angry with her husband’s behaviors, but I was also upset with my friend…

How could she not have told me some of that which had been going on?! With as MUCH as she had always shared with me concerning her and his relationship, how could she have chosen to not share this information?! Had she had shared this with myself or ANY of the others of us who she confided in often about her situation, who knows, the events of the 29th could have possibly been avoided…

I was MAD that night!

It wasn’t until the next morning that I awoke from my slumber in which I truly believe my friend had granted me the reminders of my trainings and shed the light on the “why”. I was no longer mad at my friend for not having told me, because I believed I now understood why she felt she couldn’t tell me (or anyone else). In a way I felt like it was a “DUH” moment for me. I was like, “OF COURSE! It all makes sense now! I can’t be upset with her for not saying anything to me.”

So from “anger” I quickly moved into true grievance depression. I realized it and knew how important it was to let it run its course and not be ashamed of it.

It wasn’t until the Tuesday night memorial service our work-family hosted, following the events of that past Friday, that I first felt a breathe of relief. It was during that service that I found myself as one of the six who were willing to get up in front of the more than 150 attendees and share a handful of my memories of my friend. A matter of hours after my friend’s passing I knew I would want and need to share some remarks concerning my friend. It’s something I would want to do for any of my friend’s, so I knew this would be no different.

Following that service I felt more at peace. I remember driving from the church to the restaurant afterwards (to meet up with several of the others from the service to have yet another memory filled time of eating and reminiscing about our friend) and hearing on the radio the song “The Prayer” by Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli. I had heard it before, but I think maybe only once and a LONG time prior to this night. I remember as I listened to it as I drove, I found myself thinking how beautiful it was and how it seemed like a perfect song for the time. I went home that night and downloaded it and have already listened to it some nearly 100 times on my iPod.

That week following the event was the remaining rains left behind by the storm. I was “wet” for several days, but slowly and surely the sun came back out.

The week closed with the final goodbyes on Saturday in Houston at the funeral where approximately 15 or 20 of our staff and their family members had our opportunity to view the body, take in the funeral service, and attend the burial service at the cemetery. The body did not resemble our friend that we had hopped to receive closure by viewing. It was a unanimous decision that the “picture” we saw there was not that of our “happy” co-worker and friend. It was hard seeing her in the state we saw. Bruised, roughed up, and looking fearful. It wasn’t a picture of how we wanted or planned to remember her. But at the same time, it gave us a chance to end the chapter of the week before and begin acceptance.

It can sound disrespectful to say we have to accept such a situation and move on, but it is a part of completing the grieving process.

Today, I can say I have accepted that my friend has passed. Sure, I will always miss her, but I realize that hating and remaining depressed will not bring her back. I understand that now what has to be done is getting the message out about such a situation in hopes of avoiding a similar event. I know that now the focus has to be on those three young children. I know that’s what my friend would want the focus on.

The sunshine is coming out…

I can honestly say that without the amazing support I personally have received during this difficult time, as well as the support the rest of my friend’s close friends have received, the darkness following the tragic event would still be lingering.

I have been blessed with AMAZING friends who have been SOOOO supportive during this time for me. I have gotten SOOO many messages from friends saying how they were praying for me and my friend’s family. So many encouraging notes and outlets for if I needed to talk.

I have seen our work-place come together as only a “family” can. People have been so supportive of one another. I’ve seen so many wonderful things being done in response to the events that took place.

1.) There was the memorial service we put on locally for those unable to attend the funeral service in Houston.
2.) The “in memory of” pictures hung throughout our office, reminding us of the beautiful smile and joy our friend brought to our work spaces.
3.) The flowers and pictures honoring our friend’s life that now rest in our waiting room area at work.
4.) The trust fund that one of our doctors worked IMMEDIATELY on getting opened following the event to start raising money for the three young children.
5.) The money that has already been collected in the fund by co-workers, doctors, friends, our patients at the clinic, etc.
6.) The co-workers who are setting up a monthly contribution of their own to go into the trust fund.
7.) The tree we had planted in our friend’s name outside our office. The dedication time we shared in as an office family of dedicating the tree one afternoon. Our encircling the tree and holding hands as tears flowed and people prayed and we thought of our friend as we each tossed in some soil on the tree.
8.) The co-workers that are purchasing domestic violence bracelets to wear in honor of our friend.
9.) The annual garage sale we are planning to start having every September to raise money for the children’s trust fund.
10.) The co-workers who are calling businesses to get donations for the childrens’ school supplies and school clothes for the up-coming school year.
11.) The co-workers who are contacting businesses to get donations, such as gift-cards, for us to raffle off at the garage sale to raise more money for the childrens’ fund.

And this is just what I can think of right now. I know there’s more that has gone on.

Sure, we all still miss seeing our friend bee-bopping around the office. We miss her jokes, her laugh, her pranks, but we know we can now take this time to try to pay her back for the happiness she shared with us, by doing what we know would make her happy in this situation—taking care of her three children that she loved SOOOOO dearly!

Things are different, there’s no doubt.

The storm came and left its mark that will always be here; but the sun has come back out and we are able to smile in the thought that we can use the rains from the storm to bring flowers and new life.

Still Around...

2007-07-10T23:14:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to quickly say thank you to all my friends who have been so supportive during this emotion-filled time for me. So many of you have continually encouraged me and been praying for myself and my friends family and for ALL of that I'm so grateful and wanted to say thank you!

I considered the thought of discontinuing my blog following the event of my close friends death, similar to how my last blog-site I discontinued after the sudden passing of another close friend, but I don't think I will end up doing that. I've given it a lot of thought and I'm leaning toward continuing here, so only time will tell, but I plan to be back very soon.

For now, I just wanted to say thanks and let everyone know I'm doing well. It's been about a week and a half now and I think I have made it through the stages of grieving (I can't lie and say I wasn't continually monitoring myself...HA! But honestly, I think knowing about the stages and being aware of them has helped me to move through this process at the pace that I was able too).

It is definitely unfortunate that what happened happened, but I've accepted that there is nothing I can do to change it, so accepting it as what has happened and deciding how I want to live differently and in rememberance because of these events is where I'm at now. I'm able to be my joking self again at work. I'm eating well again and sleeping fine. No more showering to cry, and I can look at my friends picture again and smile and be happy for my times I had with her, rather than look at it and feel sad and have my heart hurt.

I hope to blog soon more in detail of the past week and a half, but we'll see when I can get around too that. Right now I'm keeping exceptionally busy at work, as I've taken on my friend's responsibilities (as she was our office's administrative assistant), as well as am continuing to carry my own responsibilities there. Because of this I'm working longer hours and staying VERY busy, leaving me to get home pretty tired, but we'll see when I can find the time!

Thanks again to everyone who has shared support during this time. It continually brought tears to my eyes to see the comments, IM messages, emails, texts, etc. from y'all showing that y'all cared and were thinking and praying for me!

R.I.P. my friend...

2007-06-30T02:11:00.000-05:00

I've always sorta had this thing about me where I like having a best friend where ever I go. Growing up I had my best friend at school and my best friend for at church. Got me some more best friends in college and had some along for the ride through graduate school too. When going through graduate school I was blessed enough to work part-time for my uncle's doctor's clinic. So being another place, I quickly picked up another close friendship to have there as well.

This is actually the first time I've posted an identifiable picture of myself on my blog. I decided this was the best one for this occassion because it reminds me of how much fun we had together...

This was my closest friend at work. She and I did ALL sorts of things together (at work, outside of work, etc.) She was crazy as hell, which I think was why we got along so well! She was 5 years older than me, but many times would act 5 years younger than me. HA! She was seriously as nuts (if not more) than me. I liked this picture (though it's from nearly 3 years ago) of us because it shows how crazy fun we could be.

Today my friend was murdered in a murder-suicide by her husband she was going through a divorce with...

Things were going just like normal at work. I had made a BIG batch the night before of my homemade chicken salad that this friend of mine absolutely LOVED (she would pass up eating out if I'd make this stuff...HA!) So there it was lunchtime at work and several of us were making chicken salad sandwiches. As we were finishing up making them my friend asked if she could make her husband one (he also loved my chicken salad...i had made it for their family several times before) and I said, sure. She wanted to make him one too because she was going to meet him and get him to sign some paperwork for insurance purposes. Then she left...

That was the last time I saw my friend...

About an hour and a half later we were in route to the county hospital where she had been taken because of the trauma of a gun-shot. We were unaware of her status at that time, we just knew her husband had shot her and he was in a stand-off with the police at the hotel he was living out of at the time.

My friend didn't have any family in town (just a mother and brother in houston) so myself and two of my fellow co-workers who were very close to her went to the hospital...it was there at the doctor informed us of her passing. I was the only one to remain calm. I proceeded to talk with the chaplin and the nurses about giving information and sorts. The big concern at this point became my friends three young children...

Her oldest had been staying in Houston for the week with his grandmother, so they were contacted, but the two youngest children were at a daycare center and all we could think about was those poor children. We didn't want those two young girls to be stuck in CPS custody and placed with a foster family the night they found out about their parents deaths, so we worked with the "next-of'-kin" the grandmother in Houston and got it arranged so my aunt and I could take "custody" of the girls till we could get them to Houston. This bought about the following situation...

No one had told the girls what had happened yet....

My aunt (who is also very close to my friend) and I knew we wanted to do it rather than a CPS worker or a cop, but I looked at her and said, I don't know how to do it. I don't know what to say.

Sure, they all looked at me with my training and all, but trained or not, personal cases are in a whole different ballpark.

I had been one of the very few out of our whole office to be calm through this whole ordeal (which had been going on for some nearly 6 hours by this point), but I knew telling a 10 year old (turning 11 next week) and a 7 year old that their parents were dead was not in my line-up for the day.

How do you tell two young girls, two young girls that invite you to all their birthday parties, two young girls that look up to you and call you "Ms. Kimberly" that their mom that they loved so much and that loved them SOOOO much was dead?!?!

Well we did it. There was a lot of crying and hugging and sorta stuff. And then I was off back up to work to go through my friends personal belongings to find contact information and any other important papers I knew where she kept up there. I went through emails and got a contact number for her pastor from church and contacted him and told him the situation and he rushed over to speak with the girls.

When I got home the girls were off with my uncle and his two daughters (almost the exact same ages as my friends girls) to pick up our dog from the groomers and they stopped at Best Buy and got the girls iPod nanos and several cds to load on them.

So the rest of the night the girls and myself and my uncle occupied our minds by focusing on music and loading iPods. I think it was good for all of us.

But that didn't mean it was all easy...

I couldn't help but to start crying as I was going through my pictures on my computer of me and my friend to add the pictures to their ipods. And then they saw the necklace of her's that I had taken from her desk drawer at work (which I had stuck in my desk drawer) and one of the girls started crying and we put it on her...and yeah well we just had another crying, hug-fest.

So i don't know. It's nearly 2 AM and I'm not tired. I haven't eaten anything but a banana since my chicken salad sandwich at noon, but I don't feel like eating really.

I have one of the girls asleep in my bed (she's the one that likes me the most and was all excited about her birthday party that was going to be tomorrow and that I was coming too). And a little bit ago before she fell asleep she was like, "Ms. Kimberly, do you think my dad is in Heaven?"

Well, I tackled that one and also the one earlier from the other daughter of "Do you think my dad would have gone to jail if he hadn't shot himself too?"

Okay, I guess I should get to sleep now. It's been a long day...

Those With Whom We Make An Effort To Correspond

2007-06-28T23:39:00.000-05:00

Do you have someone you make it a point to talk with him/her basically every day?

By this, I am not including convenience people--such as people you come in contact with on a daily basis due to working or living situations. I'm referring to people that you take the time to reach out and contact them and correspond on what is typically a daily basis, where if it weren't for making an effort, contact would be limited.

This is the type of person that completes your day! The one that you realize something is just missing in your day if you haven't talked with him/her yet. The person that you find yourself looking forward to talking with even when you talked to them less than 24-hours before.

Maybe it's a family member. Maybe it's a best friend. Whoever it is, they have grown into a special part of your life--someone that gives you your emotional nutrients for the day!

I look forward to my daily correspondence with my best friend, because I know that no matter what my day has been like thus far, I will get to smile due to our exchanges, whether they are in person, via the telephone or over an instant messenger window. Whatever the avenue, I look forward to our talks because I know that the bond we share through socializing helps greatly to re-energizes my joy for life!

Thoughts and Feelings

2007-06-26T17:21:00.000-05:00

Just some thoughts...

Have you ever revisited a scary feeling or thought from the past and realized how just thinking about it again makes your palms sweat and your heart skip a beat?
What about the feeling of finally knowing that things are going to be okay after you had worried so much that they weren't?
Or, what about the feeling of being able to breathe again after you did what you knew you needed to do, though you were leery about being able to go through with it in the first place?

It's amazing the feelings we can experience!

You know what's another funny feeling type situation? That one where you're talking to someone who knows you real well. A best friend or a close family member and maybe you're joking around about something and then that person calls you on your behavior before you even do it! Like, if it had been anyone else, you'd be like, "whatever, I won't do that" or "don't act like you know me." But since it isn't just anyone all you can do is let the smile emerge and accept the fact that they know you better than anyone else! Don't even try to get frustrated that they called you on it either, because you know they could do it again if they wanted...HA! [Note: It really is funny how well some of our closest friends can get to know us and how we react in situations]
What about those moments when you find yourself hesitating about being completely honest with a close friend about something that has bothered you concerning him/her? So after much agonizing contemplation and you decide to go forth with sharing your concerns there's those two moments in which one can hardly explain the feelings. First, there's that moment of when you've just finished sharing your concern and for a matter of maybe only a second you find yourself feeling in complete utter anticipation of the unknown--how will they respond? Was this is a mistake in the first place to be so completely honest? Should you have just left it at having felt bothered and that was it? Then when you get the response (that only a loving close friend can seem to give), and you find that they have accepted your willingness to be completely honest and open in the friendship, above and beyond their desires to become upset, you feel at that moment that you undoubtedly did the right thing. It's then that you realize what your friendship is truly made of!

Okay, just some thoughts and feelings that have crossed my mind due to recent occurences in my life. Let me just say that there is nothing quite like the feeling of having mended two important close friendships in one night! It's like feeling like you're a new woman! HA!

The Curse of "Falling in Love"...

2007-06-25T18:35:00.000-05:00

Let's face it, we all probably know someone that "falls" hard and fast for people. Who knows, that someone might even be you! ;) Whatever the case, is that experience actually love? Is "falling in love" truly "love" at all?

In the book I'm currently reading--The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck, M.D.--(which I've been "currently reading" for months now. Yep that's how I "read" books. Don't expect me to finish it. I don't like to set TOO high of goals for myself...HA!) I recently read a passage that I found REALLY interesting. It's in Section II of the book, and this section covers love (I just love talking about love...HA)! Anyways, there is a part in this section entitled "Falling in Love" that I found very interesting. Honestly, I'd never really given much thought to the actual experience of "falling in love" but I think Dr. Peck makes some very interesting points that I thought were worth sharing.

I guess you can say that after I read this passage I had a stronger belief in my philosophy that the dating/courting/engagement period should be a longer process than a few months before two individuals unite in marriage. I think you'll see what I mean when you read the following paragraphs I took from this text, but if not, simply consider the thought of going from a state of feeling lonely on a consistent basis to the sudden state of loneliness being lifted. That transition alone has such a powerful influence on the psyche that it can disillusion the mind for a matter of months alone! I would hate to look back on my marriage and think about how it all began as I was in a state of disillusionment! For example, consider the following thought process: "Gosh, I was so lonely before I met Sam, but now I always have someone to talk to! What an amazing feeling!" Why yes, yes it is a great feeling to go from being lonely to not anymore; however, simply having someone to always talk to is not reason enough to marry them, nor does the consistent conversation mean that the two individuals truly love one another.

I guess I just feel if you don't let the state of having fallen in love subside before the marriage takes place, there could be a rude awakening to happen once the "honeymoon phase" subsides...

[The following passages have been taken from pages 84-90 of M. Scott Peck's text "The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth"]

Of all the misconceptions about love the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that “falling in love” is love or at least one of the manifestations of love. It is a potent misconception, because falling in the love is subjectively experienced in a very powerful fashion as an experience of love. When a person falls in love what he or she certainly feels is “I love him” or “I love her.” But two problems are immediately apparent. The first is that the experience of falling in love is specifically a sex-linked erotic experience. We do not fall in love with our children even though we may love them very deeply. We do not fall in love with our friends of the same sex—unless we are homosexually oriented—even though we may care for them greatly. We fall in love only when we are consciously or unconsciously sexually motivated. The second problem is that the experience of falling in love is invariably temporary. No matter whom we fall in love with, we sooner or later fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough. This is not to say that we invariably cease loving the person with whom we fall in love. But it is to say that the feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling love always passes. The honeymoon always ends. The bloom of romance always fades.

Some people…feel their boundaries to be protecting and comforting and find a sense of safety in their loneliness. But most of us feel our loneliness to be painful and yearn to escape from behind the walls of our individual identities to a condition in which we can be more unified with the world outside of ourselves. The experience of falling in love allows us this escape—temporarily. The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual’s ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The sudden release of oneself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundaries is experienced by most of us as ecstatic. We and our beloved are one! Loneliness is no more!

Assuming the reality of the definition of love with which we started, the experience of “falling in love” is not real love for the several reasons that follow.

Falling in love is not an act of will. It is not a conscious choice. No matter how open to or eager for it we may be, the experience may still elude us. Contrarily, the experience may capture us at times when we are definitely not seeking it, when it is inconvenient or undesirable.

Falling in love is not an extension of one’s limits or boundaries; it is a partial and temporary collapse of them. The extension of one’s limits requires effort; falling in love is effortless. Lazy and undisciplined individuals are as likely to fall in love as energetic and dedicated ones. Once the precious moment of falling in love has passed and the boundaries have snapped back into place, the individual may be disillusioned, but is usually none the larger for the experience. When limits are extended or stretched, however, they tend to stay stretched. Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling in love is not.

Falling in love has little to do with purposively nurturing one’s spiritual development. If we have any purpose in mind when we fall in love it is to terminate our own loneliness and perhaps insure this result through marriage. Certainly we are not thinking of spiritual development. Indeed, after we have fallen in love and before we have fallen out of love again we fell that we have arrived, that the heights have been attained, that there is both no need and no possibility of going higher. We do not feel ourselves to be in any need of development; we are totally content to be where we are. Our spirit is at peace. Nor do we perceive our beloved as being in need of spiritual development. To the contrary, we perceive him or her as perfect, as having been perfected. If we see any faults in our beloved, we perceive them as insignificant—little quirks or darling eccentricities that only add color and charm.

If falling in love is not love, then what is it other than a temporary and partial collapse of ego boundaries? I do not know. But the sexual specificity of the phenomenon leads me to suspect that it is a genetically determined instinctual component of mating behavior. In other words, the temporary collapse of ego boundaries that constitutes falling in love is a stereotypic response of human beings to a configuration of internal sexual drives and external sexual stimuli, which serves to increase the probability of sexual pairing and bonding so as to enhance the survival of the species. Or to put it in another, rather crass way, falling in love is a trick that our genes pull on our otherwise perceptive mind to hoodwink or trap us into marriage…On the other hand, without this trick, this illusory and inevitably temporary (it would not be practical were it not temporary) regression to infantile merging and omnipotence, many of us who are happily or unhappily married today would have retreated in whole-hearted terror from the realism of the marriage vows.

Did They Truly Do "all they could"?

2007-06-23T11:38:00.000-05:00

Uhhh...I just HAVE to share this.

I guess I'm confused...

"Hager's parents said they did all they could to keep the couple apart after noticing a deeper-than-usual friendship between them."

...but...

"The Hagers said they reluctantly signed a consent form allowing their daughter to marry her coach."

I guess they truly did do "all they could", huh?

Uhh...maybe 16-year olds are just getting a little more threatening nowadays than I'm aware of?! I'm just glad the adults were the adults in this matter....RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

OH, and I admit I am NOT a law-follower. Not in the sense that I break laws, but rather that I don't follow what is and isn't a law too closely. With this being the case, I guess I'm just left thinking about the often used joke when a 20-something is dating a 16 year old and everyone snaps back with the comment of "illegal!" Does whatever "law" that is not apply if she's dating a 40-something??!!?

I'm also very curious about Mr. Wuchae's attraction to such young women.

Am I to believe that their relationship leading up to the marriage was strictly "hands-off"? Because if not, at what point is it considered a sex crime? Would Miss Hager (at the time of the incident) had had to have been a non-complying participant for the "sex crime" title? What if she just wasn't cognitively capable of making a decision of compliance or not at such a young age? I mean for goodness sakes she IS only 16!

Emotional

2007-06-21T22:34:00.000-05:00

I had just sat and typed a long blog post and then as I was winding it up something just kinda hit me and I decided I didn't want to post and share it. I think it was some emotional feelings still attached to it, so I just saved it and closed the document.

But maybe I'm just in an emotional mood. Because then I ventured over to Brooke's blog and I saw this post and watch the two videos and both made me tear-up for different reasons.

I just HAD to share them here for y'all to see too.

[I honestly am just emotional tonight I think...HA!]

I really do just LOVE people! We are ALL so unique and great in our own ways! Watch this:

and this one is my favorite:

Postsecret Research

2007-06-19T18:44:00.000-05:00

I wanted to pass this information along to my readers because I know several of you are followers of Postsecret, as I am. This is some research being conducted by a research team that is being headed up by a past professor of mine. I love research and am a big fan of collecting data for it, so please, if you are familiar with Postsecret, check this out. The data collected is COMPLETELY anonymous, so please do not hesitate to participate:

A research project being conducted by the PostSecret Research Group affiliated with Abilene Christian University is attempting to study the psychological impact of PostSecret among its participants (those who mail in secrets) and its fans (those who read the secrets). If you would like to share your PostSecret experience we would love to hear about it. The survey is very short and completely anonymous.

If you have mailed in a secret to PostSecret your survey is here.

If you love PostSecret but have never mailed in a secret your survey is here.

Looking forward to hearing from you!
The PostSecret Research Group
(for more information contact Dr. Richard Beck at beckr@acu.edu)

Installing Love

2007-06-18T20:42:00.000-05:00

Technical Support: Yes, how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge Your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you.

**NOTE: the above was a forwarded email I received. The author of this text is unknown.**

2007-06-17T00:02:00.000-05:00

Amidst the deadlines. Amidst the hard times. Amidst the stresses. Amidst the uncertainity. Some where, at some point, we can get a moment of bliss. The point in which love evokes a smile upon one's face. A rushing of thoughts of love for life. A sense of shear inspiration to live on. A desire to give forth. A yearning to share the feeling with others...

Man, these are the moments! These are the points when, no matter how short-lived the moment may be, you feel like life is just soo good!

I guess it's a unique experience for each of us. We each would find different thoughts crossing our mind when in the moment. But still, it's a feeling for most that's more powerful than any other. The feeling of love and inspiration based on the satisfaction of life.

For me people cross my mind. Not people in general, but people by name. People who I feel I owe some of that moment too. People who I feel impressed upon me a feeling of inspiration. People who I feel no about those types of moments and I feel they too know how to live through the inspirations.

By no means do I feel I know how to completely direct such a power, such a force, but still I'm learning with each experience the importance of taking a part of it with me and trying to carry it through.

Another deadline will come. The hard times rarely subside upon request. The stressors continue by means of different forms. And still upon discovered clarities, more uncertainities arise. BUT...

...but if we can overcome the fears of judgements. If we can move past our thoughts concerning approval, we can live more freely in the moments and take part more in the inspirations for which they supply.

What a sense of courage it can take to hug the person you fear hugging the most. What a sense of graditude it can take to bring one's self to say "I love you." What a sense of the love for life it can take to live life outside our fears.

Be inspired. Forget judgements. Be grateful. Deny fears. And share the love.

Cormac McCarthy

2007-06-05T20:53:00.000-05:00

Today on the Oprah show was the prized interview with the famous American author, Mr. Cormac McCarthy. For those unaware, he is said to be one of the greatest living American authors. One of his most famous works is "All the Pretty Horses," but his most recent honors came from his text entitled "The Road." This fiction piece was the most recent Oprah Book Club selection, and after being added to the club, it was later awarded the 2007 Pulitzer Prize for fiction.

I haven't brought myself to read the novel covering the journey of a father and son along a post-apocalyptic road (mainly because I have the most difficult time bringing myself to read ANY fiction book), but once I heard the announcement of this book and read a bit about the author on the internet, I was anticipating today's interview. Here is why...

Mr. McCarthy is a HIGHLY private individual. With his 40+ years in the writing business, he is said to have only give a handful of interviews, which were ALL in writing. Today, marked his first (and said by him to be his last) television interview.

That in its self led me to be intrigued by the gentleman. I wanted to see him. I wanted to hear him. I wanted to try to get inside him to understand his yearning for privacy.

It was the first matter touched on by Ms. Winfrey--his private nature and continual decisions to decline interviews.

Oprah: Thank you for doing this today.
McCarthy: This is a first for me.
Oprah: I hear that it's a first. Why have you never done it before?
McCarthy: Well, I don't think it's good for your head. I mean if you spend a lot of time thinking about how to write a book, you probably shouldn't be talking about it, you should be feeling it.

I love that line: "I don't think it's good for your head." Sometimes I think we are all a little guilty of so to say, head-trauma. Myself OFTENTIMES included!

I think what I liked the most about the interview with Mr. McCarthy was his informal nature of being throughout the whole interview. I mean if you saw it, you most likely noted that the man was so chilled out and relaxed in the leather armchair with his head resting on his hand for most likely 85% of the interview! HA! I loved it! Here he is, sitting across from who many would call one of the greatest media interviewers of today, and he was just answering her questions in a manner so close to covering his mouth that it was almost rude, but at the same time, it was so not. It was just strange.

The man had a gentleness about his 73 year old self. One that only an older father of an 8-year old could, I suppose.

He had such a wise nature about himself. As most seasoned individuals do, he seemed so elegantly posed and aware. I guess it's the experiences of life that have brought him and so many others to their points of wisdom.

I liked this segment from the interview...

Oprah: In all of your books...there is not a lot of engagement with women, and so people call you a "man's man's writer." Is there a reason why women are not a big part of the plots?
McCarthy: Women are tough; they're tough. [laughter] I don't pretend to know much about women. I think men don't know much about women; they find them very mysterious.

Like I said...a wise man! ;)

I guess my favorite part of the interview came at the end. It was when Oprah was asking Mr. McCarthy what he hoped the readers of "The Road" would take from the novel. It was to this inquiry that these words were spoken...

McCarthy: Well, just to simply care about things and people. And be more appreciative. Life is pretty damn good; even when it looks bad. And we should appreciate it more. We should be grateful. I don't know who to be grateful too, but you should be thankful for what you have.
Oprah: You haven't worked out the God thing, or not, yet?
McCarthy: [laughter] Well, it would depend upon what day you ask me. [laughter] But, sometimes it's good to pray. I don't think you have to have a clear idea of who or what God is in order to pray. You could even be quite doubtful about the whole business.

I really like those comments of his. I really do.

The Bridge -- Documentary

2007-06-04T18:59:00.000-05:00

Last October I posted about a documentary film that was being debuted in only a couple cities in the nation. This film was entitled "The Bridge" and it was directed by Eric Steel. You can get a more detailed synopsis of the film at my linked post above, but in short, it is a film focusing on the topic of suicide. It contains footage of individuals committing suicide by jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, California. Steel also has footage of interviews he did with the family members of many of the individuals who committed suicide from the bridge.

I've been anticipating seeing this film ever since I first heard about it, but since it wasn't making a nation-wide release, I was losing hope that I'd be able to see it since I wasn't making any trips to California or New York anytime soon. HOWEVER, it looks like I'm going to get my chance afterall. Today, I noticed that it is coming to DVD and is being released on June 12th. Here is where I found that information.

-------------------------------------------

Not to sound like a dreary type of person, I'll end here with some lyrics to a new India Aire song that I heard today and I liked. The song is called "There's Hope."

[Verse 1:]
Back when I had a little
I thought that I needed a lot
A little was over rated,
but a lot was a little too complicated
You see-Zero didn't satisfy me
A million didn't make me happy
That's when I learned a lesson
That it's all about your perception
Hey-are you a pauper or a superstar
So you act, so you feel, so you are
It ain't about the size of your car
It's about the size of the faith in your heart

[Chorus:]
There's hope
It doesn't cost a thing to smile
You don't have to pay to laugh
You better thank God for that
[repeat]

There's hope

[Verse 2:]
Off in the back country of Brazil
A met a young brother that made me feel
That I could accomplish anything.
You see just like me he wanted to sing
He had no windows and no doors
He lived a simple life and was extremely poor
On top of all of that he had no eye sight,
but that didn't keep him from seein' the light
He said, what's it like in the USA,
and all I did was complain
He said-livin' here is paradise
He taught me paradise is in your mind
You know that

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
Every time I turn on the T.V. (There's Hope)
Somebody's acting crazy (There's Hope)
If you let it, it will drive you crazy (There's Hope)
but I'm takin' back my power today (There's Hope)
Gas prices they just keep on rising (There's Hope)
The government they keep on lying
but we gotta keep on surviving
Keep living our truth and do the best we can do

[Chorus]

Stand up for your rights [echo]
Keep shining your light [echo]
And show the world your smile [echo]

[Chorus]

Thank you!

2007-05-31T00:01:00.000-05:00

A week ago today I started something that turned into quite an interesting “experiment” of sorts. I prefer not to use the term “experiment” since it was not begun for exploration purposes and I feel such terminology belittles the true purpose behind it; however, the responses I received in return did intrigue me and left me hypothesizing possible conclusions. Allow me to explain what happened…

Thursday evening I found myself reading some more of the book I’m currently reading: The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck, M.D. It’s a slightly older text (copyright 1978), but it is still a well-known and highly read “self-help” type book. One of my supervisors from the past had mentioned how she read the book during her graduate studies and it has forever changed her life. I’ll admit, it is a good book and it was the first line of the whole book that drew me in, “Life is difficult.” Short, simple, and yet so true. So on Thursday evening as I was reading another section of the text I found myself thinking about a close friend of mine and it got me to thinking about how important she was to me and how grateful I was for her friendship. I was moved to let her know that at that very moment, so I jumped up from my chair, went to the computer and simple emailed her with “thank you!” Nothing more, nothing less. No explanation, merely a sign of appreciation. Sure, at the moment I was thankful for something that the book was talking about that led me to thinking about her, but in the matter of time it took me to get to the computer, bring up my email, type that short big of text in the email and put her email address in, my mind had thought of many, many more reasons for which I was thankful for her in my life—things she had done for me, the type of person/friend she was for me, etc. So I felt that writing out “thank you for _______” would limit my thanks, so instead I left it open-ended.

I sent that first email at 8 PM. It was around 9:30 PM that I found myself thinking about the email, and reading more into the book that I thought, “I have so many other people I’m grateful for, why not email a couple more people.” As I got to my to my email to begin thanking some more people I found a response email from my original “thank you” email. My friend had responded back with “HA. I don’t know what for, but your welcome.” Just reading it was intriguing to me. I found it interesting to see how someone would respond to a “thank you” that they were uncertain for what the appreciation was being expressed for.

As I became fascinated by the thoughts of how people might respond to a “thank you” that they felt uncertain for it’s merit, I realized why stop at thanking 5 or 10 close friends? Why not thank as many as I can this evening? I mean I am thankful for basically each and every person listed in my email address book for one reason or another, so why not thank them.

I think it is important to note that during these thoughts I was fully aware of the fact that this was an idea with a basis and meaningful foundation of gratitude. Sure, I was looking forward to seeing how one might respond to a seemingly random “thank you” but I made sure to not lose my focus during all the emailing.

So, at 9:30 PM I began going person by person through my email address book and sending personal emails to almost everyone in my address book. The body of the email included a two-word phrase: “thank you!” BUT the thoughts behind the thanks were specific. For each person I inputted into an email, I would take the time to thing of what I was thanking them personally for.

I found myself emailing people I talk to on a daily basis and others that I haven’t talked to in months, if not years. For some people, my purpose behind the thanks came to mind immediately, for others who I might have had limited contact with recently, I might have had to take the time it took to type out the “thank you” before my purpose of appreciation came to mind, but I did not allow myself to hit “send” without having a thankful thought in mind. With some people, I had so many thoughts of “thanks” that I had accidentally hit “send” before the computer even got the “thank you!” pasted into the body…HA! With those people, they accidentally got two emails from me: 1) the first being blank in the body, and 2) the second having the “thank you”. Luckily I only did this twice…I got better at making sure the text had completely pasted into the body before I hit “send”…HA!

So within a matter of time I had gone through my email address book and had sent off 111 personal “thank you” emails. It was a good feeling knowing I’d shared my appreciation with some of the people who had/have impacted my life.

It didn’t take long for the curiosity of mankind to begin emailing me back. Matter of fact, some of the first responses came in while I was still emailing others. Below I have included the responses I have gotten to this point. I have left off names of individuals, but I have placed a “F” or “M” before each response in order to identify the individual’s gender. [Note: I always feel demographics, such as gender, are interesting to consider when looking at information and making hypotheses]. I’ve divided the responses up by the days I received them, so you can see how quickly people might have found themselves curious about the thanks and wanted to address it.

Thursday
(f) HA. I don't know what for, but your welcome.
(f) huh?
(m) For what?
(f) no, thank you!
(f) For What?
(m) you're welcome!!
(m) You're welcome...but for what? :)
(f) For what?
(f) your welcome!! (but I don't know what for) =) So thank YOU!!

Friday
(f) thank you for what? oh, and hi missouri! :-) Remember that one time that you were amazing and picked me up from the airport and then (wonders to be told) dropped me off at the Greyhound station. hee hee i love you!
(f) For what?
(f) For what?
(f) huh? what for?
(f) you are welcome....but ummm what did I do?
(f) Not real sure why you are thanking me.. lol.. but whatever it was for .. ok
(m) i'm confused, for what sug?
(f) Hey Girl! How are you?? I'm about to leave for Florida, but I hope you're doing well. Just wondering about the thank you email. Not sure what I did but, you're welcome :)
(f) You're welcome! What did I do???? :)
(f) huh????
(f) -----------
(m) What did I do that warrents a thank you?
(f) um, you're welcome. but what am i being thanked for?
(f) what was this thank you for?
(f) Hi Kim! How are you doing? Great to hear from you. not sure the merit of "thank you" just wondering. God Bless
(f) For what?
(f) why did you send me an e-mail saying "thank you?"

Saturday
(f) For what???!?!?!

Sunday
(f) Sure! Did I do something?

I find it interesting to look at the comments and think about how so many people responded with “for what” or “huh.” Could this mean that person feels as if they did nothing to warrant a sense of appreciation? Or could that person be an individual that likes details and specifics and merely accepting the thanks is enough for them, because they feel they need to know the act/behavior that is worthy of the thanks—in efforts to reinforce such an act/behavior.

What about those the “you’re welcome” responses? Is that a sign of confidence? Could it be someone trying to add humor to a situation that they feel could be too sentimental? Or where they merely taught as a child to always follow “thank you” with “you’re welcome” in order to have proper manners?

Then there's the people that responded back by thanking me. Could it be that these people had a sense of understanding in what I was doing and they wanted to thank me as well for something? Could it be that these people felt it "necessary" to thank me (since I'd just thanked them) out of a sense of reciprocity? Could it be that these people feel as if they can't accept a thanks, so they return it instead (i.e. like those who feel they can't accept love for their selves, but rather they will give it toward others)?

Of course, we really can’t draw any conclusions about specific people based on the responses, but it is interesting to see how when a large number of people are all faced with identical situations, such as a “random” email saying nothing more than “thank you” they tend to respond in similar manners.

I purposely left one response comment out from above in the listed comments. It is where the “(f) -----------" is placed. That comment was one that cracked me up! I literally was laughing out loud when I read it. This friend knows me ALL too well apparently (and the funny part is that I haven’t seen this person in about 6 years, and only recently re-established communication with her). Here is her response to my “thank you”:

(f) Well, I see you finally got the million dollar check I sent you for Christmas! So, is this another one of your 'experments"? See how people respond and then psychoanalyze them??? You know, as I was driving to work today I was thinking about our freshman year (doesn't that seem like FOREVER ago) and just had to laugh at all the fun we had. Remember our "dance" party that we taped in secret??? That was fun stuff................anyways--THANK YOU! Sometime soon I am going to sit down and type you an email because we need to stay in touch. Love you girl!

HA HA HA HA! Funny how she knows me so well!

I would like to conclude with two things…

1) For the many of you who responded with “for what” or “huh” or any other questioning nature of a response, I do not mind telling you (or anyone else that I emailed and thanked, for that matter) what my thoughts of thanks for you were when I was emailing you originally. If you want to hear them, feel free to contact me from this point on and ask and I’ll let you know.

2) Finally, I have already had one person contact me and tell me that they wanted to do the same thing, and email people in their life that they are thankful for. I said, “go for it!” I’m all about it. I would like to encourage anyone else that would like to do a similar sort of thing to “go for it!” But I would also like to encourage each and everyone of you to tell at least one person you’re thankful for merely that, “thank you!” You don’t have to explain it to them, or go into detail if you don’t want to (unless they hound you about it—as some do…HA!), but just pass along some thanks. Sure, maybe you’re like my one friend that I talked to about this, and she said, “but that’s you’re kind of thing. I don’t do stuff like that.” Well, hey, maybe it’s your time to try it! I promise that it doesn’t hurt and people won’t make fun of you for thanking them! =)

I’ll end with this…

THANK YOU FOR READING!

Bug(s)...

2007-05-30T21:34:00.000-05:00

...it's more than a movie...

...they are real...

Oh...and did I mention I went camping this weekend?!?!

Teacher Appreciation -- For the Love of the Job!

2007-05-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

You can pay people to teach, but you can’t pay them to care.
~Marva Collins

It's the teachers who love what they do that will get the most from the experience! It's the teachers that have a passion for their job that the students find themselves being drawn too. The students are drawn to the individual in the sense of wanting to take in what the teacher shares with them; they want to learn from that teacher.

It doesn't take a genius to pick out which teachers are passionate about their role. The kids can pick up on it, just as individuals who do not sit in the classroom on a daily basis can see it. A passionate teacher is visible outside the classroom. A passionate teacher radiates his/her love for their profession where-ever he/she goes. Sure, this is true for professionals in different areas as well, but teachers can hold a special joy for the role they have taken on.

Can you think of the teachers/professors that go above and beyond what's written into their contract as part of their job description? Sure, many of us do not see those contracts, but I can bet you it doesn't require the teacher to attend school sporting events to cheer their students on. I bet it doesn't require the teacher to email/call home about students who are excelling in their classes. I bet it doesn't require the teacher to become an adult volunteer/mentor for the school community service club. I think you get the point. And if that isn't enough, you could go into just about any classroom and take a look around and I would bet that 100% of the things/supplies you see in that classroom were not covered financially by the school district.
Many teachers are not hesitant to open their own checkbooks to do what they can to better help their students grasp the concepts they are trying to relay on to them.

It's the teachers who go above and beyond their call-for-duty that have the passion and love for their job. These teachers love the presence of their students. They love to see them succeed. They love to see them when they are not afraid to get back up and try again after they have failed. It's the teacher that sees the student who struggles academically and/or behaviorally and views the situation as a challenge to overcome rather than a burden to embrace--it's THAT teacher that understands the love necessary for teaching. It is the challenges in a teaching situation which determines which instructors are in it whole-heartedly, rather than those who are half-heartedly going through the motions anxiously awaiting the summer "break."

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It's a matter of having the heart for the profession. A heart for wanting to see students succeed! It's the heart of the best teachers that produces a love that is possibly as close to a mother's love toward a child as any non-parental figure can have toward the specific student. The best teachers want to see their students succeed more than anything. The best teachers will go to the extremes necessary to aid their students in learning. But the passion and love goes beyond academic standards. The best teachers care about their students well-being...

It's the best teachers whose actions toward their students speak greater than their words or lectures. Recently, I found myself in complete amazement of how caring teachers are of their students...

I had found myself checking out the new postcards posted on the Postsecret site. My best friend and I typically check them out the first day they are posted and discuss them over instant messenger. We'll talk about the ones we like, or ask if this one or that one belongs to the other of us...HA! Well, this particular day there had been a couple of cards referencing teaching. The first picture in this post was one of them, and the other one was this...

I liked the postcard. Of course, my immediate thought was "favorites." As "unbiased" as we all claim to be sometimes, we do still play "favorites." I mean we all have our favorite teachers/professors, so it'd be absurd to think teachers don't have their "favorite" students.

Well my friend brought up this card in our conversation and said, "the thing about the list of kids during a disaster is so true...hahaha...we had a tornado drill not too long ago, and I found myself 'shielding' certain kids."

I, of course, laughed and in my typical manner responded with a smart-alec remark and said, "way to play favorites ;-) "

It was then my friends responding comment that left me speechless. It was her remark that made me realize that the best teachers really are more than just someone teaching your kids. Her comment not only gave me a new found respect for her as a person (and of course as a teacher), but it also reminded me that there ARE still good people in this world that aren't just looking out for "number one." My friend responded to my "favorites" comment with this...

"nah, it's not even that they were favorites, but that i knew if they got hurt, no one would be there for them, but that if some of my other kids got hurt, their parents/families would take care of them."

I literally sat there and just stared at the response and thought how selfish I was for not being able to even fathom such an idea. I honestly, would never have thought of something so sacrifical as that. Sure, it's one thing to be willing to protect your students as a teacher, but to think beyond the point of protection and realizing you can't help them all, thinking of who would need it the most, NOT simply who you'd want to help the most.

THAT, my friends, is the thought that will remain with me for years to come on when considering how passionate and loving teachers can be. They literally can be the educators and protectors of our children!

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I hope ALL the teachers/professors out there have had a GREAT Teacher Appreciation Week! Blessings upon each and every one of you as you continue along with such a challenging, yet rewarding career path! Continue to inspire and be inspired. And don't hesitate to share your findings with the rest of us! You are given such an amazing opportunity to reachout to our youth in more ways than many of us are able too! Take advantage of it for good! Best wishes!

Teacher Appreciation -- My Mentors and Inspirations

2007-05-10T00:01:00.000-05:00

As I've already mentioned more than once in this series, my life has been touched in many ways by those who are fulfilling the teaching role in life. We all have our "favorites"--or at least that is what I've always thought...HA! My blog that will be ending this series tomorrow will bring up the point of "favorites" through a quote that I think sums up the HEART a passionate teacher possesses! Tomorrow's blog I think will pull together the encompassment of who a GREAT teacher really is through and through, so I hope you'll check back tomorrow for that final installment.

Today, I want to piece together a few cartoons that I found fun, some more quotes that I found so true pertaining to the educational setting and teaching, and finally, mix in some tributes to some of MY favorite teachers and professors who have influenced and inspired me.

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains.
The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.
~William Arthur Ward

I use the words "teacher" and "professor" pertaining to the level of education in which the individual is working from. For instance, I believe a role fulfilled in the kindergarten through senior high school grades is a role for a teacher, because it is this individual that truly is "teaching" their students. It is in K-12 that we are "taught" the foundations and building blocks for knowledge. We are taught that 3+5=8. We are taught that "he" and "she" are pronouns. We are taught that water can take on three forms: solid, liquid, and gas. By the time we advance into the higher education system (i.e. college coursework) we have hopefully learned the basics. We have a firm foundation of knowledge and now it is time to see what that knowledge can look like in different forms. It is almost like we are not taught at this point, but rather shown a different understanding of what we might already know. At this point, I feel the individual in front of the classroom is professing to use, rather than teaching us much new information. They are professing that when you take some of the things you were taught in grade school and look at them in this way, you can see this: _________. They profess that what we know can be looked at in so many more ways!

For me, considering teachers I have had, one name sticks out above the rest. This was a freshman high school teacher for me. She was one that I could not STAND when it came to homework time, but today--reflecting back--I am so greatful for the tasks she put before with our writings. I credit her today with much of my writing abilities. Mrs. Gorsuch had a way with students. She's an itty-bitty thing. Basically one of me. But she could sure put the fear of death in ya! HA! She loved her students and let us all know it! I would "visit" her often throughout the remainder of my high school career. Even came back to see her when I'd be back "home" from college. Today, I still have the pleasure of keeping in touch via email with her. Sure, we talk a LOT less frequently today than in our past, but I will still always owe so much to her for the support she showed "her girls" as she always put it!

Don’t tell them how to do it,

show them how to do it and don’t say a word.
If you tell them, they’ll watch your lips move.
If you show them, they’ll want to do it themselves.
~Maria Montessori

When it comes to professors, a few come to mind...

At the beginning of the week when I gave a plug for this blog series via my AIM away message, a friend of mine instant messaged me to ask "who is your favorite teacher of all time, considering from kindergarten to your masters education." I was quick to know that I could not narrow it down to one individual. I explained that I feel each of my "favorites" have played different roles in my life, adding their own contributions that I needed, especially at that particular time, which have left me feeling so grateful to this day for my encountering them. This is a good explaination of how you'll see that my "favorite" professors from my college career differ based on what I felt I learned from them and how they touched my life.

A master can tell you what he expects of you.
A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations.
~Patricia Neal

First, there's Mr. Tate. The love I had for this man as a professor truly came from his style of presentation. This man knew how to reach people through a "classroom lecture." He made it more than a "lecture." His classes were complete interactions! He knew the facets of keeping an audience wanting more; how to make people feel what you're telling them! The singing, the out-pouring of love for one-another in the class, the visual demonstrations. He understood the importance of the human spirit and how to embrace it through song, hugs, and the laughter! What an amazing man! It was no wonder he's been such a successful public speaker!

Teach your students to use what talents they have;
the woods would be silent

if no bird sang except those that sing best.
~Anonymous

Second, I have to bring it home to a professor from my discipline, Dr. Beck. Brilliant man. Might even be too brilliant for his own good, he would probably be willing to joke! HA! A great sense of human mixed with a mind willing to absorb more and more of what it loves--the study of human behavior (now what's more exciting/fascinating/fun than a combination of those two!?!?! Okay, maybe I'm alone on this one...HA)! If you're willing to doubt my categorization of "brillance", feel free to take a moment of your time to check out his amazing blog, which will most likely leave you lost and confused like me about 80% of the time because he uses too big of words for me! HA! Besides my love for humor, intelligence, and a passion for human behavior--this man as a professor kept me interested in class because I saw him as more "one of us" rather than "one of them." Allow me to explain: Dr. Beck isn't as "old" as the typical "college professor" is invisioned to be. Plus #1 for being more like "us." But beyond that, he was "cool." He was into things we were as students. He would joke with the class about things that weren't your typical joking material with other professors. Going back to what I mentioned in yesterday's blog entry, the way in which he influenced me based on the stage of development I was in was how I was able to see him as "different" and "out-of-the-box" in an university setting that was known for being structured with rules and expectations. Honestly, I can recall how one of my best friend and I would sit in his classes and comment on things like how "I can't believe Dr. Beck just said 'crap' in his lecture!" HA! I mean come on now, a professor "can't" say things like that in class. Or can he? He was himself. Yes, he's a Christian man, but he is human--and he was never afraid to be himself in class and not try to fit into the "mold" that the university invisioned all of their professors to be in. Like I said, check out his blog. You'll see he's willingness to discuss topics that would be considered "taboo" but he opening writes the words--I love it!

The secret of education is respecting the pupil.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finally, I guess you could say I saved the best for last. And any of you who know me, know what's coming here, but I have to pay my respects to a man that touched my life in many ways. Mr. Trevathan taught me the importance of a person! This man knew how to love people! He knew that behind a name was a human being that was worthy of being addressed by his/her name. He knew that we all have potential and he believed in anyone who was willing to believe in his/herself. He loved no matter the ethnicity of the person, the race of the person, the gender of the person, the socio-economic status of the person, or the way they preferred their chicken cooked. He influenced me because he SHOWED me that he believed in me. He would reference me as "doctor" and when I would laugh he'd say, "well you are going get a doctorate one day, aren't you?" HA! It was funny because I can't even ever really remember if I'd ever mentioned that to him before or not, but he just knew his students. He was great with names! You could mention a past student of his and he would say, "Oh yes. And she sat right over there in my Ethics class." Something I loved about Mr. Trevathan was how his importance of knowing people's names and addressing them by their name carried over into his emails. I noticed rather quickly that all of his email correspondences to me always started with "Kim:" Because of my love for that and my belief that addressing someone by name, I have continued that practice of addressing probably 98% of my emails to people in such a manner. Still, beyond this, Mr. Trevathan knew what was important in life--he was wise enough to see past what the world might tell us is important...

Probably my foundest memories of Mr. Trevathan came from my times spent with him talking in his office rather than in the classroom. Granted, I'll admit, I LOVED his classes (took all four that he taught) and I always openly admit that he was the only professor I felt I could stand taking a 3-hour night course from and not worry about finding myself dreading having to go to class! HA! But my visits to his office were special to me because he always took the time to meet with students, because he knew that was important, especially to them. I was never a student to go visit professors for one-on-one visit time. That sort of thing always made me nervous! HA! And I'll admit, it did with Mr. Trevathan too, but I knew I would rather go in and be nervous and get to spend some time joking with him and learning from him, than not. But the visit I'll remember the most was the time when I went to the front desk worker and said I was wondering if Mr. Trevathan was in. She said she knew he had stacks of tests to grade and that he had closed his door asking to not be disturbed, but she said, hold on, and she proceeded to call him and tell him I was there. I had already planned to leave and said, "oh don't worry about it," but to my surprise he said, "Oh, send her right in." I went in and was barely able to find him behind the mounds of tests and papers he had stacked on his desk to grade, but he popped out from behind them and shifted them over and propped his feet up and proceeded to ask about my day!

They're all stories I've shared many times before about Mr. Trevathan, but they still influence me to this day. The power of the actions of an individual in our life can last for many years. Unfortunately, Mr. Trevathan passed away about 2.5 years ago, but since then I've been blessed to keep in touch with his lovely widow. They both understood the importance of loving people and making that a priority!

A teacher
Takes a hand
Opens a mind
Touches a heart
Shapes the future.
~unknown

This weekend starts the college graduations for the first semester of college classes that I have not been a part of for the past 6+ years. I do not have the pleasure of sitting in a classroom and being influenced by the one at the "head-of-the-class" nowadays, but luckily, my classroom stories have not ceased! I always welcome stories of laughter, love, hardships, frustrations, and uncertainties pertaining to the school setting! Fortunate for me, I have some amazing friendships with educators! I am blessed to have two best friends that are young teachers and many, many more friends who find themselves in a classroom on a daily basis.

I want to thank those who are willing to let me share in their stories from the classroom! To Ms. Singleton, Ms. Osborn, and Ms. Willcox--I love to hear about it, so don't hesitate to share your experiences with me (the good, the bad, and the ugly...HA)! Still, I love knowing so many other friends are experiencing the true opportunity of helping others through giving them the gift of knowledge! As Oprah says, and I agree, an education is what can set us free!

My blessings and respect to my friends in the educating profession:

K. Bailey

K. Flynn
B. Hall

H. Inwood

J. Kripner

M. Mitchell

R. Osborn

E. Sedwick

J. Singleton

L. Singleton

J. Takala

J. Wideman

M. Willcox

S. Williams

A. Witcher

[The above pictured comics were taken from “Chicken Soup for the Teacher’s Soul: Stories to Open the Hearts and Rekindle the Spirit of Educators” by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen]

Teacher Appreciation -- The Power of the Teacher

2007-05-09T00:01:00.000-05:00

One of the most important things a teacher can do

is to send the pupil home in the afternoon liking himself

just a little better than when he came in the morning.
~Ernest Melby

The words of someone you respect hold special meaning for anyone, but when it comes to a young mind, they can be some of the most impacting words when encouragement comes for an admired adult!

The role a teacher can play in a child's life is enormous...

A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.
~Henry Adams

I love that quote. There is so much truth in it, but at the same time, I feel that quote often leaves the reader to focus on the academic lessons a teacher teaches a student. Sure, the student is taught to read and that skill will continue to aid the student for his/her rest of his/her life. Sure, once the student learns that 2 + 2 = 4, he/she can count money and balance a checkbook in hopes of living a financially stable remainder of his/her life. But what about the none academic affects teachers have on students?

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best.

~Bob Talbert

How about the student that learns to accept and love his racially-different peers because he sees his teacher doing it, even though is mother and father do not share that love? What about the student that decides to further her education beyond a high school diploma because her English teacher believed she could be that doctor she wrote about wanting to be when she grew up, even though neither one of her parents attended schooling beyond the 8th grade? Or, what about the student that wants to give up on school and drop out because he can't seem to grasp the concepts in his algebra class, and his parents at home are too drunk to drive him to class in the first place?

Teachers encouragements can be golden! But, beyond that, their actions can speak louder than words. How about the teacher who takes the money from her own purse to pay for Junior's lunch because she hears his stomach growling and she knows the lunch period has already passed? What about the teacher who gives up going home after school to stay for the basketball game to cheer on her student who sits in her 6th period social studies class, even though he may sit the bench all but 2 minutes of the game? Then there's the teacher who gives up her conference period to work one-on-one with Samantha to make sure she grasps what an irrational number is before next week's TAKS tests.

A master can tell you what he expects of you.

A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations.

~Patricia Neal

In each situation, the teacher didn't have to say a word for the student to know that he/she was loved and respected by that mentor. That feeling goes a long way with anyone, but especially with a young child who is still absorbing so much of life.

I think as I reflect on a combination of the educational field and the field of behavioral sciences, I feel that based on the different stages a child/adolescent goes through as he/she progresses through development, there are types of influences that are most important at different times depending on the child's age. Allow me to give some examples...

Elementary School -- Students are in need of academic confidence. School is new to these kids, even up through the 4th or 5th grade. These kids need to be reminded that they CAN learn this stuff. They CAN learn to read. They CAN get past the "easy-readers." They CAN memorize the multiplication tables. Up to this point in their lives, they weren't required to take on such involved tasks. Homework is like a job a kid has never had. These kids need confidence in their academic abilities. They need to believe that they CAN do it and that their teacher believes that he/she WILL get it, even if he/she is struggling.

Middle School -- Students have developed academic skills. They understand the concept of the educational setting. They have grasped the challenges placed forth on working their mind, but now they are being challenged by the body. Things are changing in their bodies and hormores are kicking in. These changes are not always easy to accept. These kids are looking for acceptance. They may be having a hard time accepting the changes, so they need to see that others are willing to accept them through the changes. It's important to remember that you can accept a person without accepting their behaviors.

High School -- These students are in need of confidence. They need to believe in their selves and feel that others believe in them. They need to believe that through their failures (because they will have them), that they can still carry on. They need to believe that they can reach their goals. They need motivation to strive for their fullest potential. They need to feel that their mentors have confidence in them--a confidence that believes they can do what they set their mind too. Acceptance is once again important at this stage of life. Students begin to group up based on levels of acceptance, and when acceptance is not seen in areas where a student hopes to find it, disappointment can set in. These students need to feel like they are accepted for who they are, not where they fit in.

College -- These students are discovering who they are. They need to believe that who they are becoming is someone with purpose. They need to believe that they can achieve the purpose they place before their selves. They need to understand that change is okay, just as much as it is necessary. They need to realize that the life lessons they are learning (which will be many, and the lessons might be thrown at them rather quickly) are happening to others around them as well, and that they are not alone. They need to feel as if their short-comings are just another opportunity to have another try to do better next time. They need to believe that when having been faced with a short-coming, the adjustments they make will be viewed as a courageous effort rather than a mere reactionary response.

It is the teachers/mentors that can grasp what a student needs during each stage of his/her life and then can place the appropriate words and actions into the situations surrounding those times that will inspire and leave a lasting impression on a student! I know I have had the teachers and professors who were able to do just that, and for those I have been grateful, as they have had lasting influences on my life.

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark.
~Ancient Chinese Proverb

Maybe the mark a teacher leaves will last through the end of the day. Maybe the mark will last through the next testing period. But maybe the mark will last till the student gets a chance to share it with another individual in his/her life who can benefit from it just as he/she did.

Teachers inspire youth everyday. Most teachers today were inspired to go into their field by a teacher they had growing up. Whatever the case, the power and influence a teacher has is immeasurable!

[The above pictured comics were taken from “Chicken Soup for the Teacher’s Soul: Stories to Open the Hearts and Rekindle the Spirit of Educators” by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen]

Teacher Appreciation -- The Power of the Student

2007-05-08T00:01:00.000-05:00

Much have I learned from my teachers,

more from my colleagues, but most from my students.
~Talmud

Most teachers will give their students the credit for making their job as joyful as it is for them. Don't get me wrong, EVERY teacher will tell you he/she has the days where his/her students drive them nuts (i.e. does the day before a holiday, the day after a holiday, or the day after TAKS ring a bell!? HA!) I'm told there are the days where you question your sanity in taking on SOOO many kids when you might have two or three of your own waiting to be fed at home. But still, it is those moments of joy that they bring to you, whether it's on a daily occurence or every-other-day, which pays off!

Sure, the students might be the younger and less experienced in the teacher-student relationship, but it's hard to find a teacher who doesn't claim that they learn just as much from their students as their students learn from them. This doesn't matter the age of the students, as we all have something we can learn from one another. If you disagree, consider the best selling book "All I Really Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten" by Robert Fulghum. See, if a child as young as 5 or 6 can teach us some of lifes biggest lessons, I've no doubt the lessons available to observe and learn only continues as the students grow up.

A few months back I made the mistake of telling one of my best friends (who happens to be a teacher) that since I was attending graduate school and she was now pursuing her career in educating others, that I was the one still in the "learning" role, while she was in the "teaching" role. She was QUICK to correct me and let me know that she is learning more now AS a teacher than she ever did in the classroom listening to the teachers. And you know, as I thought about it, there is only so much a text or a person can tell you, it's the experience that keeps "learning" going. And with a group of students before you each day, the experiences only keep coming!

Sure, students are HILARIOUS! And many times it's their humor which can teach us a lesson! The importance of not taking a situation too seriously is a child-like response in life. But yet another, and maybe one of the most important lessons a student can provide is the lesson of looking at a situation through a different lense. Children and adolescents often times see things totally different than adults. Sure, maybe it is a sense of immaturity, which is why it's important to have an adult to help children make appropriate decisions, but at the same time, kids have the ability to not take a situation for face-value. They are willing to question what adults sometimes are not. It is these opportunities that students provide teachers with that can make the light-bulb moment for the teacher, rather than the student.

Students have more power and influence in a classroom than others might give them credit. The impact they can have on their teachers is AMAZING! Often times I hear about teachers motivated to be better people, or better teachers because of a situation concerning a student. Sure, teachers have an unbelievable level of influence on students' lives, but the impact goes both ways...

I've been blessed to hear many teacher stories. I've heard about teachers becoming heart-broken due to student situations. When a student's words or thoughts of being unhappy with his/her teacher get back to that teacher, it can leave the teacher discouraged. A student's feelings toward a teacher do impact that teacher's feelings. A teacher doesn't want to hear that he/she is not liked by one of his/her students. Maybe that student is a difficult student, but teachers care about being accepted by people (i.e. students) just as much as the rest of us care about being accepted by others.

But the influence on the teacher's emotions isn't always negative. One of my favorite stories that was shared with me came over a phone call. I had answered my phone from one of my friends who teaches and I could tell she'd been crying. She proceeded to explain that she felt she was being a baby for crying about the situation, but she couldn't help herself. She went on to tell me how she had attended a swim meet for one of her students because the student had asked her if she'd come. My friend almost didn't go because she had other things she needed to take care of, but she decided to go and make a quick appearance--and boy was she glad she did.

The student ended up swimming her best race ever! She immediately came up to my friend after the race and asked if she saw it (to which my friend said of course and congratulated her). As the student went back over to the team, the student's parent and coach came up to my friend and proclaimed that that was the best she had EVER swam and they expressed their greatest appreciation for my friend (the teacher) to take the time to show up, because they knew it meant so much to the student!

My friend was elated that her presence meant so much to the young student! It was a friend's experience of feeling over-joyed that reminded me again of how a student can have so much power over his/her teachers!

[The above pictured comics were taken from “Chicken Soup for the Teacher’s Soul: Stories to Open the Hearts and Rekindle the Spirit of Educators” by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen]

Teacher Appreciation Week!

2007-05-07T00:01:00.000-05:00

This week I plan to post a blog each day to show appreciation for the teachers and educators which so humbly provide for the betterment of mankind on a day-in and day-out schedule. Sure, they may get summers "off" as people say, but many times there is much preparations going on during that summer to make sure everything is ready for the up-coming school session. Many workshops are attended during this time. Many new textbooks and curriculum are being familiarized. Some teachers get involved with summer-school teaching. Whatever the case, teachers are hard-working individuals (and I haven't even BEGUN to credit them with the work they put in in working directly with the students)!

Unfortunately, teachers are not among the highest paying professionals. Matter of fact, they are probably near the bottom of the pay-scale among working professionals. Because of this, I feel it is even MORE important to acknowledge the respect and honor that such individuals deserve. Maybe they will not be compensated in a monetary fashion, but they will always receive one of my highest levels of respect!

This week is a typical week for "Teacher Appreciation Week" at many school districts. Because of this, I wanted to do this blog series this week to show my appreciation for the many teachers who have influenced my life. I can recall many great memories of learning from teachers and professors in the classroom setting during my past. I've been blessed with a good number of teachers/professors who have had quite an impact on my life. I still keep in touch with educators from my high school as well as college experiences. I have been influenced in more ways than I can count from such individuals. However, my respect for specific teachers goes beyond classrooms I've sat in. I have been honored to be close friends with many young teachers beginning their teaching careers. I have two best friends who are middle school educators (my UTMOST respect to someone willing to take on that challenging age...HA)! Each of my friends that have accepted the challenge of educating the youth of our nation are troopers in my opinion, especially with the turns society has taken over the year (i.e. concerning the educational system, the behaviors of the youth, the parental support, etc.)

So I challenge each of you to thank a teacher (of any sort) this week! Someone that has had some influence on your life through their teaching. Maybe it was someone you sat in a class and listened to lecture, or maybe it's a mentor outside of the classroom setting, or maybe it's a peer/friend who has shown you how to love others through their teaching ways.

Maybe we can't get them "more pay," but maybe we can let them know that they are appreciated through other venues this week!

[The above pictured comics were taken from “Chicken Soup for the Teacher’s Soul: Stories to Open the Hearts and Rekindle the Spirit of Educators” by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen]

Closeness in Friendships...

2007-05-03T23:06:00.001-05:00

I think we get closer to people during times of need.

I know that sounds so obvious, but I think we don't realize it when it happens a lot of the time. And if we do, it's usually after-the-fact.

Have you ever experienced how at times you seem to "randomly" get a lot closer to one friend than you'd been in the past? This can be with best friends or just other friends, maybe that you're already close with or not.

I've been thinking about this. I think the "random" closeness comes from a typically unconscious yearning to meet some need. We really do need one another and as we get closer (i.e. "closer" concerning many different venues), we are being there for one another--meeting those needs.

Sometimes the closeness seems to last for an extended period of time, sometimes it slowly dissolves as the need can go away, or be replaced.

I can think back on a sort of sudden closeness I formed with a friend a while back and I remember at the time thinking how it seemed strange that I out of no where I was feeling like this person was suddenly becoming a "best friend" of mine because we were getting so close, but at the same time I was finding myself thinking how odd that was, as this person was fairly different from any "best friend" I'd ever had before, but also that the friendship was forming in a way I had never found myself gaining a "best friend" in the past. I just remember it all seemed strange, but at the same time, I had no problems with us being close...

That closeness faded with time, not because of anything "bad" happening, but I truly feel we just didn't need the closeness anymore, so now we are just fine being regular (for lack of a better word) friends again. I can sit here and think of what need she was getting from me, but I have a difficult time recalling what was going on in my life at that time, as to why I needed the closeness, but I have a feeling there was something going on if I could remember when exactly it was that this took place.

Friendships are just such an intriguing thing to me. I love considering their different aspects.

I just rattled off this post in a matter of a couple quick minutes. It's just my current wondering thoughts. I might touch more on this subject again later on (just depending on my writing mood)...

Life Lessons

2007-04-27T10:45:00.000-05:00

I found myself reconnecting with a friend from the past last night. Thank goodness for avenues such as facebook, myspace, classmates.com, and the good ol' internet search engines! The internet is QUITE an amazing tool.

So as the friend and I were reminiscing about our past times together we began mentioning how our lives have taken shape since we had grown apart. It was then that my friend spoke of some of the life lessons she had recently learned.

I think we are both in a crucial time in our life for "life lessons." Isn't that what your 20s is about?!

So as I was responding back to her comment concerning life lessons, I quickly rattled off a short paragraph with the lessons that have flooded me over the past few years. Here is how I described my most recent life lessons:

As for the "life lessons"...you aren't kidding! I've learned so many things about life and myself over the past couple years. One of the greatest has been how I've learned how amazing best friends can be. I have to admit I made some of the best friendships while at ACU, and I'm so blessed to have so many of those friendships in my life still. But besides that, I've learned so much about the responsibilites of being an adult and how crappy being an adult can be at times. HA! I've gone through the lows and the highs. I've learned that my shit DOES stink, no matter how many times I might have thought otherwise in the past. I've learned everyone gets depressed from time to time, and that having someone you can talk to and trust is more valuable than gold during those times. Gosh, I've learned so much.

What a 3-year Old is Going to Do to Julie Since She Doesn't Blog Anymore...

2007-04-25T21:24:00.000-05:00

Okay, first, I must give credit where credit is due...

I first saw this clip from a link on my buddy Julie's profile; HOWEVER, since SOMEONE refuses to blog anymore, I figured I'd have to make efforts of getting this out to the world via blogger... [glad I could help you out Julie...HA!]

I then got it emailed to me from an extented relative of mine today.

So all this to say: this clip is making it's rounds. None the less, I wanted to share it here because it cracks me up! HA!

Now, I must admit, I do not encourage teaching 3-year old children to say "dirty words", but if they do happen to pick them up, it can be funny as all get out...HA!

Plus, the kid is really cute, even at the end when it seems her eyes get a little...uhhh...off (maybe SHE is the monster...HA!)

P.S. does it drive anyone else nuts when you watch the clip and see that surprise is not spelled correctly?!?! HA!

Idol Gives Back

2007-04-22T20:50:00.000-05:00

Do you ever find yourself thinking how you’d REALLY like to give money to a special organization or a particular cause, but at the same time you’re thinking, “what money!?!”

Do you ever daydream about the times when “one day” you’ll have more money to “spare” and how when that day comes, you can foresee yourself giving to charitable causes?

Or, what about finding yourself thinking about the “rich and famous” and thinking, how you wish they would give some of their money to this cause, or that organization?

The realities of all of these thoughts COULD be coming sooner than you think…

Ever since the beginning of March when American Idol announced that they would be “giving back” I have been excited about the events that will take place this week on the shows (April 24th and 25th)! What an amazing opportunity this show could be presenting each and every one of us with! Here is a chance to do just what we might often find ourselves dreaming about—giving money to help (even when we don’t have it to give)!!

That’s EXACTLY what the Idol Gives Back challenge will do! It is a chance for those of us without money to “spare” to take some from the BIG corporations in our country and put it toward a GREAT cause! The Idol Gives Back event starts on Tuesday night’s show, which takes place on Fox at 8/7 PM central. That night following the show, for every vote cast for each of the remaining 6 contestants which will sing on the show, the American Idol main sponsors, Coca-Cola and AT&T will donate money toward the cause American Idol has chosen. Also, ever since the original announcement of the challenge back more than a month ago, many more corporations have jumped on the bandwagon and are making large donations their selves. This event is being said to be making pop-culture history!

The cause the money-raised will be going toward is a great one in my opinion. It aligns with much of the GREAT work the One Campaign and Bono are doing in Africa to fight poverty and aids. A portion of the money raised through this Idol challenge will go towards poverty relief in Africa, and yet, still another part of the money raised will stay here in our country and aid poverty-stricken areas here; more particularly, areas along the gulf coast where Hurricane Katrina hit. You can watch a video clip of children who were visited by Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell in Africa who will be aiding from the donations made during this two day event. The video also gives a detailed over-view of the Idol Gives Back event. There is also another video on the MySpace page that has been started by the people at MySpace and it is a place for myspacers to get involved with the cause and add “Idol Gives Back” as one of their friends on MySpace.

On Wednesday night, the results show of American Idol will be lengthened to a two hour show and it will feature not only the results from the voting from night before, but it will also feature many guest appearances by celebrities such as: Rascal Flatts, Gwen Stefani, Bono, Kelly Clarkson, Josh Groban, Il Divo, Quincy Jones, Pink, Borat, Annie Lennox, Michael Buble, Teri Hatcher, Keira Knightley, Hugh Grant, Helena Bonham Carter, Forest Whitaker, Mr. Bean - Rowan Atkinson, Daniel Radcliffe from “Harry Potter, and many more! I love to see individuals from the pop-culture spotlight putting forth efforts to “give” and show their support for good causes!

So, whether you are a regular watcher of American Idol or not, I think you will be able to find some good television watching these two nights. Tuesday night you’ll see the Top 6 Finalists performing. Luckily, we were able to spare you from having to sit dreadfully through a Sanjaya performance, because he got booted off last week’s show (thank goodness)! The remaining six contestants will be performing inspirational songs, which will be the theme for this week. A theme to inspire each and every one of us to give back in our lives for what we’ve been blessed with, and even though we might not see many financial blessings in our life, we are most likely blessed in many other ways. I think inspirational songs will be a great night of music, because I feel musical sounds and lyrics are great methods for inspiration! Then on Wednesday night we can all tune in to see how our efforts of voting paid off and enjoy the entertainment provided by many more of Americans idolized celebrities!

I encourage each of you reading this to take part in this extraordinary effort! It won’t cost you a dime to make a phone call (or two, or three, or more…depending on how many times you’re willing to call in and vote, remembering that each vote is equal to dollars)! If you can’t be home to watch the show, record it, and then get the numbers for the contestants off the taped show and call in once you get home. The phone lines will be open for at LEAST 2-hours following the conclusion of the show. I’ve done that before, and actually, calling in and voting more than an hour after the show ended is the BEST time I’ve found because the lines aren’t as busy then!

Let’s all give toward this great cause and make history! Take advantage of a chance to support your fellow mankind, even if you don’t necessarily care for the show American Idol.

Would You Rather...

2007-04-18T00:01:00.000-05:00

…be Chief Wendell Flinchum…

or…

…President Charles W. Steger?

This week’s question is not one looking for your answer. Honestly, I’d rather be neither. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in either of their shoes right now, much less over the past 48 hours.

As I laid in bed today dealing with illnesses both of a physical nature (due to viral symptoms), as well as a mental status (due to the tragic events which have hit our nation), I found myself tuned into the live coverage of the Virginia Tech convocation.

It was a nice service; however, only a few moments left me teary-eyed. The first of those moments, and the one that I can still envision, was when President Charles W. Steger was invited to the podium. As the community within that arena rose to their feet and gave him a warm standing ovation, I knew others shared my mindset…

I don’t know that the way university president or chief of police handled the events that took place Monday morning was the “best” manner. I don’t know that had they done something differently, had more lives been spared. I don’t know. But I do know that nothing going on now will bring back the 32 lives that were taken at the hand of the now-passed gunman.

I know that firing a university president and a chief of police will not give those 32 individuals another breath of life. I know that taking the guns out of the hands of every individual walking the soils of our wonderful nation will not bring them back as well.

Amidst of time of confusion and tragedy we are all experiencing feelings. Angry is a typical response; wanting to point the finger. I haven’t heard it yet, but I expect people will start to point the finger at Mr. Cho Seung-Hui’s parents. Why? Who knows. All sorts of “good reasons” could surface. But how is blaming going to help a suffering community?

Maybe President Steger or Chief Flinchum made mistakes. They are as human as you and me. Mistakes take lives DAILY. Mistakes are meant to be learning opportunities, and I foresee a lot of learning coming from this dark situation.

I do not want to be seen as defending anyone’s actions. Maybe they should be fired. That’s not my judgment to make. But I can’t help but think that they are as human as I and the reassurance of their job status is probably the farthest thing from their minds right now.

People died. Let’s grieve that as a community, rather than slowly killing others through our words and blame.

My love and thoughts go out to the Virginia Tech. community! May love and continual blessings be bestowed upon you all.

Support.

Best Friends

2007-04-15T11:44:00.001-05:00

For a single woman in her twenties, a best friend is more valuable than gold! It’s true.

Sure, best friends are important to anyone, but if you’re single, that best friend represents a big part of meeting one’s social needs. Granted, it doesn’t take a “best” friend for a person to be able to socialize; however, to fully be able to satisfy these needs, we need to be able to share all in which we are willing to share. We need to be able to socialize to an extent of feeling we can entrust what we are sharing with the person whom we are sharing it with. This level of socializing requires a unique bond between two people—a relationship built around closeness—a relationship found between best friends.

Best friends are treasured individuals! So what happens when these friendships dwindle for one reason or another?

It’s interesting to me to note how best friends can fall apart in a matter of months or a matter of hours. I can sit here right now and think of two individuals from my past that have held the title of “best friend” from me, but times have changed and we’ve changed along the way. One I have no more contact with and the other our contact is just less frequent; however, we have had a recent exchange, and through it we both seemed to come to the realization that we miss our friendship from the past. Here is a segment from our recent correspondence:

friend: are we still best friends?
me: i don't know
me: does the terminology really matter though?
friend: no, its just hearing it admitting it
friend: i guess
me: sometimes we all just need a dose of a friend...someone we can trust to talk to....
friend: yeah, i miss it
me: whether you call them a best friend or not...who cares

Sometimes it just hurts realizing friendships aren’t what they used to be. Sure, maybe you still talk, but it can still be so different.

Maybe it was a trust issue and things changed from there on out. Maybe it was a moment of truth, where someone’s true self shined through and it wasn’t what you expected. Maybe it was just a gradual decline in communication and things grew apart…

Whatever the case, the feeling of losing a best friend can hurt. I know that hurt all too well. I can sit here and think of one of my best friends that knows that hurt very similarly to my experience. Still, another close friend of mine just sent me a note this week which included “It’s tough to lose a best friend, but, oddly, this whole thing has strengthened certain friendships, including ours. I am so grateful for a friend like you!” I couldn’t agree with that more! It sure is hard, but at the same time, it can strengthen other relationships. I guess maybe when one door closes another does open up.

So who’s to blame? Could the falling apart have been avoided? Possibly, but at the same time, what’s the likelihood that there is only one half of the friendships to be blamed?

I can reflect back on my own situations with individuals who were once referred to as “best friends” by me (but no longer are), and I can see how I could have acted differently. I can acknowledge that I am partly to blame for our friendships decline.

With my two friends that I know who have gone through similar loses of best friends, I know enough about their accounts to feel as if we all could note where their behaviors had a negative effect on their friendships as well.

I believe in mistakes. We’ve all made them before, and sometimes they will affect relationships we are in. But more importantly, I believe in forgiveness and the possibility of looking past our mistakes with a willingness to learn from them and go forth with a stance of bettering ourselves.

I believe if friends are willing to endure the hard times, friendships can be re-gathered through the toughest of times with forgiveness and willingness by both parties to learn and accept changes when necessary.

It’s the appreciation for such a treasured friendship that can bring about our greatest efforts!

If You Disappeared...

2007-04-12T21:25:00.001-05:00

I started watching Grey's Anatomy tonight at 8:47 PM (meaning I only watched the last 13 minutes of it, and about 5 of those were a commercial break). And in that time I was inspired to write this blog...

If you were to disappear for a week, who would notice?

I mean think about it. No phone. No internet connection. You just didn't contact anyone.

Do you have people that would come looking for you? Would anyone even notice you were gone?

Sure if you're married your spouse would probably notice, but would anyone outside that relationship notice? What about for single people. Would your family know you were "gone?" Do you keep in contact with some of your family on at least a weekly basis? Maybe a best friend?

I can honestly say a few of the people I consider to be best friends wouldn't know I was gone; however, I can say some of my other best friends would notice.

I think those that would notice you were gone over a week's amount of time are obviously important people in your life.

Sure, a boss would probably look for you if you were supposed to be at work, but that's not the kind of "coming to look for you" that I'm referring too. That bosses reasoning for wanting to know where you are is different from why a loved one might come looking.

So do you have people who literally "look after you?" People who are "checking up on you?" People who would know if you had "disappeared?"

I do. And I'm so thankful for that!

Would You Rather...

2007-04-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

Today happens to be my best friend's birthday! In honor of her birthday, I have planned a surprise weekend trip for her in a couple weekends. This subject matter is what has inspired my "Would You Rather..." post today...

Would You Rather...

...know what your friends have planned for you if they are telling you they have a surprise in store for you?

Or...

...be surprised and find out when it all happens?

Some of us can't handle not knowing! It would either drive us nuts because of the suspense, or worry us to death because of anxiety of the unknown! HA! Still others, LOVE the aspect of the unknown--the adventure of daydreaming about all the possibilities!

Here is a second thought...

Do you think you COULD keep a BIG weekend trip that you're excited about secret from your best friend? What if you talk to that best friend on a daily basis? You've planned the SURPRISE weekend more than three weeks in advance and you have to keep it all secret from your friend. Sure, she knows that there is a fun and exciting weekend planned, but she is clueless on what's going on that weekend. Could you keep your excitement and details to yourself to the point of not giving away the surprise for THREE weeks, when you talk everyone of those days?!?!

It's been hard for me, ain't gonna lie...HA! But I'm making it and only about a week and a half to go!

Would You Rather...

2007-04-04T00:01:00.000-05:00

The other night I was talking with a best friend about some stuff and I kinda ran into a "would you rather" question. I love these, especially when getting the opinions of people I have much respect for, like best friends.

So here was what we were talking about: death. We had lingered onto the specifics of death by terminal illness. Untreatable cancer was the example we were using, so it will work here too.

So, the situation--you have terminal cancer. Would you rather...

...find out you have the terminal cancer?

Or...

...not find out about it since there is nothing they can do for it and you're going to die either way?

Then we took the situation further and were discussing:

Would you rather (assuming you knew you have the terminal cancer)...

...tell people you have the disease and are dying?

Or...

...prefer not to tell people as long as you can (meaning as long as you can go without people finding out about it)?

I can honestly say on this last "would you rather" my friend and I differed. I hadn't even considered the not telling people part, but that's probably because I find myself to be a big talker and one that shares just about everything about myself, especially with people that are close to me.

For me, the dilemma has always been, "If I were to find myself in this situation, HOW would I tell the people I'm closest too?" Face-to-face. A phone call. Could I email some people? And how do you just "throw" that into conversation? "Hey, I needed to call you and I have some bad news." One of those sorta things. Hmmm...

Anyways, that's my "Would you rather's..." for today.

Before We Know It...

2007-04-01T13:09:00.001-05:00

...my generation will be dealing with aging parents. Right now it might be our grandparents, but time flies as we go through adulthood, so it's only a matter of time.

So remember this.