We Must Look Past What We See...

There really isn't much of anything that makes my heart happier than to deeply appreciate mankind! It warms my heart to watch shows like The Biggest Loser and to see men and women encourage each other in times of enormous obstacles. To see a stranger lend someone a caring hand in times of need.

These sort of acts remind me how we might all be so different in many ways, but at the inner core, we are made up of the same things!

My recent discovery of the Susan Boyle "clip" has brought me nothing short of that extreme warmth and love for mankind! Her clip on Britain's Got Talent reminded me in many ways of when I first saw the clip of the other Britain's Got Talent extraordinaire Paul Potts (who I loved and downloaded his album) a couple years ago. It's a person that at first glance might be easily judged. Someone that might be shoved assigned in the professional world. Mr. Potts was a cell phone salesman, and Ms. Boyle is unemployed. Someone who might be rejected in the romance department -- Ms. Boyle has never been kissed in her 47 years of taking part in this world.

Many of us in life might not have the Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston looks (sorry, had to put them together, because they are two of the most "perfect" looking individuals in my opinion). We might have a stutter, bushy eyebrows, ache, a lazy eye, or even untamed hair, but does that define our character? Does that mean we are any less of a person than the next?

I know people who get disgusted by watching The Biggest Loser because they don't like seeing the limited clothing state in which the individuals find themselves in when going to the weigh-in and they simply can not understand how people can "let themselves get to that point." It's easy to think we are better than someone else. I think we should all strive for the challenge of believing we are of imperfect as the next person and that we are no better than someone else. We must look past what we see on the outside, whether it is what the media would tell us to be beautiful or not. We must remember that sometimes our strengths are simply hidden beneath the imperfections that might stand out at first.

As in Ms. Boyle's case, don't be afraid to give a person a chance to shine, even if your first thought is shaded by doubt.

You can see Ms. Boyle's clip here if you haven't seen it already: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY
[It gives me chills and warms my heart each and every time I watch it. She is just sooo cute to me!]

Most Likely Something You Didn't Know, Which Could Save Your Life

I was cleaning out some old emails in my inbox and found a friend had sent me the following link. Take 10 mins to watch this 20/20 bit which most likely is something you probably didn't know, but it could save your life. I wasn't aware of it, but you can bet I'll take this tidbit of information with me in the future when purchasing automobile tires!

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=4826897

Now go check your vehicles tires and let's see what years we all happen to have on our cars currently. This might let us know if we are due for some new tires!

As a Person of the Behavioral Sciences...

...I LOVE trying to better understand people by how and what they do in life. Why would someone choose to say one thing? Why would someone chose to act one way?

These have been fascinations of mine for many years -- it is percisely why I chose to go the route I did with my education. It's probably what's drove me to be the total over-thinker that I am in life -- I'm constantly thinking about things (and sometimes it causes me problems...HA!)

When considering the blog realm it's always interested me in what types of topics different people choose to write on on their blogs. Some people use their blogs mostly for sharing their life via photographs to their loved ones. Some people use their blog to give updates on what is going on in their life. Still others use their blog as a forum for topics of discussion. Whatever the case, I think you can learn a lot about a person through his/her blog. What they write about; how they write about it; as well as, how they setup their blog in order to write about it. I mean look at blogs designs -- one can create his/her blog layout that is personal for them. People choose who they want linked on their sidebar on their blog. They can also even choose who they want to be able to respond on their blog. So many ways to personalize one's blog.

For me, I can often find myself taking all of these sorts of things into consideration as I'm yearning to learn more about a person. Why would one choose to link an individual on their blog for a long time, then one day decide to not link them anymore? Is it that that person hasn't blogged in a while, so the person feels the link is a "dead-end" to send his/her readers, as the linked blog is no longer being updated? Or is it that the blog author feels the linked blog is not one they want associated with his/her blog anymore due to a disagreement in views or beliefs? So many possibilities.

What about comment moderation? Why would one choose to moderate who could comment on his/her blog? Does one not want cursing on their blog? Does one feel a need to have ultimate control? Does one fear if he/she does not "approve" each comment first, a comment might arise on his/her blog which one might disagree with? Does one find it hard to even listen to other views other than his/her own? Is one so set in his/her beliefs that anything that might stray from them is ultimately "wrong", thus it has no place among the "right"?

So much is left up to wonder when we look at people's actions in life. It's a sense of excitement for an individual like myself to question and wonder why we do what we do. I truly believe we all have some justification for all our actions, even if we are not consciously aware of it at the time of performance.

As for me...allow me to explain some parts of MY blog.

For instance, I offer a sidebar of links to individuals blogs on my blog. I've taken off different individuals' links to their blogs in the past. My justificiation for this action is that it's someone's blog that has become stagnant -- in that it is frequently, if ever updated. I referred to this earlier as the "dead-end" links.

As for comment moderation on my blog, you'll see I have none. What I've found interesting is that I've never had to use this function as I've always been open to accepting individual's comments on whatever topic I might happen to be addressing that day. Have I been careful to only post on topics I felt would not offer an array of opinions? Of course, not. I'm pretty sure if anyone was to venture out among my many posts on this blog, one would quickly learn that I've openly discussed many topics that bring out the most far right and left opinions on the matter. I've never been one to shy away from peoples' disagreements and differing opinions. Matter of fact, I love that sort of stuff. I enjoy a good debate.

Would I moderate my comments if someone started cussing? I don't believe so. I can't say I've had that, but I don't see how that would bother me, because if anything I would just see that as another opportunity to begin wondering why that person would choose to react in such a way. Why did that person feel the urge to use those words? I've definately had times in my life when I've cussed and I can look back on those times and understand what was going on with me at the time that lead me to use the words I did.

It's all just so intriguing to me.

Homecoming Look-A-Likes

I have been having such a blast in Abilene this weekend celebrating homecoming from my undergraduate alma mater. I love seeing friends who I haven't got to see in quite sometime and recalling memories from our days here together.

Right now I'm just relaxing after what's been a long day of events and hanging with friends. A large part of this included attending the homecoming football game (which we won). While I was there, I happened to notice this lady sitting nearby who immediately made me think I had moved into the future and seen one of my best friends 5 to 7 years down the road with a kid of her own...

What do you think?

Maybe a New Horizon

I've been really depressed lately I guess it is. At first I tried to blame it on something physical. Then decided I was stressed. Then figured I must be depressed. Not really sure why, but I'm pretty positive that's what it is.

I've now ended two sentences with the word "is" and that's not like me when writing. I decided to post this tonight because I remember one of the last time I was really depressed it took admitting and really opening up about it to be able to overcome it. So I thought tonight, though I've been admitting it to people lately that I feel stressed and depressed, I don't think that's been enough. So I'm going to post this, and see if this might be the step it takes to overcome.

I sure hope so. I'm hating this.

BTW...I've kinda used this blog as one of my confirming factors as to accepting I "must" be depressed....I mean look, this is the longest I think I've ever gone without blogging (i.e. at first I couldn't even remember where to go to login in ORDER to post...it's pathetic, I know). Anyways, it's a symptom of depression to show a lack of interest in things you previously enjoyed. Yeah, that's me and my not writing in my blog (not to mention other things in my life...HA!)

The end.

Don't Do It...Call for Help!

Less than two weeks ago I was driving home around 8 PM from my counseling job when I got stuck in traffic. I was taking my regular journey through downtown Dallas; however, at this time of night, traffic issues had never really been a problem before. As we crept along I found myself scanning the horizon ahead looking for the source of our stalling. I couldn't see a wreck. What could it possibly be?

Several minutes into the delay the situation began to pan-out before me. What I saw up-ahead was an exit ramp coming off the interstate I was on, which had been blocked off. It was just beyond that police line that I noticed an interstate bridge towering over that exit ramp which had several police cars with lights flashing up on it and then several police officers standing on the bridge, outside their cars. It was then that I glanced to the right of them and noticed about 20 or 30 feet away a dark looking shadow was on the edge of the bridge. As I continued to roll ever so closer in our crawling traffic situation, the dark shadow was revealed. It was a man who was sitting over the bridge edge and preparing to jump. It was all making sense to me now...that interstate bridge and the interstate exit ramps below had all been cleared to handle the situation of a potential suicide jump.

Thankfully, I didn't witness the individual jump; and I am uncertain about what ended up happening in the situation, as I ended up moving past the scene as traffic continued to crawl along.

Did the man jump? And if so, did he survive? Were the police able to convince the man that suicide was a permanent form of relief for the pain he was obviously suffering at the time; rather than a temporary relief?

I don't know what became of the situation, but I do know we all can find ourselves in situations where we want a sense of relief. It's at those points where we need one another the most. And it's when we do find ourselves in those situations and we commonly feel as if we don't have anyone to turn to, that we need resources like 1(800)SUICIDE.

It's been within the past month that I had a client share with me how they turned to a crisis hotline for someone to talk to when they were having a rough time. These options are life savers -- literally.

Let's help in whatever ways we can...



http://www.hopeline.com/

One year ago today I lost a close friend in a murder-suicide. Her husband shot and killed her, and then killed himself. These sort of things can and need to be prevented. Let's reach out and help one another. Let's give hope!

Energy Saving Light Bulbs

Ted Poe is a representative from the Houston, Texas area who is serving in the U.S. House of Representatives. I've known of him for a good few years because he graduate from my alma mater, ACU, and I actually had a class with his daughter while I was there. Mr. Poe is known for his creative ways to teach criminals lessons, as he spent many years as a judge in the Houston area prior to his time in Congress. From what I gather, he is a pretty witty individual.

Here's you a taste of Mr. Poe. I think you'll agree with me, in that he has very creative ways to get his points across! =)

Craziness

The first thing I do basicaly every morning when I get up (even if I'm waking up late) is check the internet. Email comes first, then I check some other things (i.e. it's fantasy baseball season, so that, and then I might check some social networking pages of mine, or my site that has me subscribed to all my blogs that I read, etc.). But one thing that check almost 100% of the mornings (along with my email) is MSNBC.com. It's my favorite news website. I want to know first thing in the morning if there is something "big" going on, or if someone "big" has passed away during the night (Note: is it just me, or does it seem like we're in the midst of another of those phases where there seems to be a lot of "famous" people passing away all around the same time?!). So this morning when I checked, this was the first big picture that popped up on the homepage and let me just say, I think it's a rather scary picture....

That's it. I just wanted to share that picture because when I saw it a couple minutes ago, I just couldn't get over how disturbing it was for a non-gory picture.

Growing Up...

My favorite Beatles song when growing up was always "Hey Jude"...

...apparently I wasn't the only kid who loved that one...

...ENJOY...

Leona Lewis

Okay, so it has been several weeks back that I was introduced to the new big star, Leona Lewis. For those who aren't familiar with the name or that don't know the story behind young Ms. Lewis, she was the 2006 winner of "The X Factor" (which is the British version of "American Idol"). I was introduced to Leona Lewis when she made her American debut with he friend, Simon Cowell, on none other than the all American show "Oprah" (HA HA!). Anyways, it was then that her single "Bleeding Love" began hitting radio waves in America and since then, well let's just say it's exploded on the American charts and I believe it is currently #1. Whatever the case, I've no doubt you've most likely heard it at some point in time, as it's being played like on every radio channel right now it seems.

So once I heard Ms. Lewis for that first time, I too, like Simon, fell in love with her...her voice is INCREDIBLE. She sounds a lot like Mrs. Cannon (AKA Mariah Carey...HA HA!). I've ALWAYS thought Mariah has had one of the best voices of all times (that doesn't mean I think she's the coolest artist of all times, because she DEFINATELY has some attitude/diva issues I don't think too highly of...HA!). Anyways, from what I hear, the 23-year old new artist is such a sweetheart and quite the humble young lady -- something that's respectful among big-names (let's see if it can last).

After hearing her on Oprah I wanted to get her cd as soon as it was released in America, but it turned out that I didn't purchase it until this past weekend. Nonetheless, it's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, just as I had expected!

This woman has unbelievable vocals, but besides that, the words to her songs are ones that hit you. They make you listen to them and they tell the story; the story of our lives.

As I've been making my way through listening to all the tracks I got caught-up in the lyrics of the 9th track on the disc yesterday when driving to my second job. I found myself having to start it over and turn up the volume and pay close attention to the words...

...wow.

I was immediately reminded of the close friend I lost this past summer. I began playing it over and over. At points I got so wrapped up in the words and reflections on my friend that I found my eyes watering.

"Yesterday" (the 9th track) is one of those PERFECT songs for the background music in a slideshow that is played when someone passes away. [HA HA! I know I sound all morbid, but I've had soo much experience making picture slideshows that are accompanied with music that when I hear a song, I immediately think of how the lyrics are and if they'd go in a slideshow of any sort (i.e. weddings, parties, honors, funerals, etc.).] It's a beautiful song!

I immediately found myself calling one of my coworkers, who was also really close to the friend that we lost last year, and I told her I had to let her hear the song when I got back to work the next day. When I did share it with her today at work, it took a lot for her to hold back from crying, and she was like, "see, I wouldn't be able to listen to that song more than once because I'd just cry everytime." She thought I was kinda weird for saying I've listened to it over and over and over since discovering it on the cd. But I told her the way I look at it is, "yes, it's still sad that we lost our friend, but I like to think of the positive and look at how the song's point is to remember even death can't take away the great memories we have with that person. That I like to smile when I listen to the song and think of my friend because it makes me think of all the great times that of 'yesterday' that we'll always have."

It's a BEAUTIFUL song, and I'd recommend it to people who have lost people close to them. Don't be surprised if you find yourself crying, because it really is a touching song...the lyrics are so real. Here is some video that someone made to the song. This way you can hear the song...and below it I've pasted the lyrics (and actually, I don't know that I'd suggest watching the video clip the first time you listen to the song. I'd say start the clip so the song plays and then just follow along the lyrics so you focus on the words. Then if you want to go back and watch the video part the second time, do that).




I just can't believe your gone
Still waiting for morning to come
When I see if the sun will rise
Even without you by my side
Well we had so much in store
Tell me what is it I'm reaching for
When were through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart

They can take tomorrow
And the plans we made
They can take the music
That we'll never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future
That we'll never know
They can take the places
That we said we would go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

You always used to say
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or at least how the story goes
(but I never believed them 'til now)
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can't take yesterday

Chorus

I thought our days would last forever
(but it wasn't our destiny)
'Cause in my mind we had so much time
But I was so wrong
Now I can believe that I can still find
The strengh in the moments we made
I'm looking back on yesterday

Chorus

All the broken dreams take everything
But they can never have yesterday

Now, that isn't the only song I've fallen in love with from the cd. Like I said, it's an AMAZING cd. So here are some of my other favorites right now...

Of course, #1 "Bleeding Love" but also, #2 "Better in Time", #3 "I Will Be", #11 "Take a Bow", #12 "Footprints in the Sand", and #13 "Here I Am".

"Here I Am" really touched me just tonight. It was actually what pushed me into going ahead and writing this blog entry tonight. I have thought yesterday how I wanted to write it because I was so touched by the song "Yesterday" but I didn't take the time to do it. But then tonight when I found myself stopping and replaying #13 to pay closer attention to the lyrics because I had heard something that was said in them and it made me think of one of my close friends right now. As I replayed and listened to the whole song I was struck with it..."yet again, another amazing song that represents a piece of my life!"

I recommend looking up this song and reading the lyrics and dedicating it to any close friend you have that is going through a tough time and you want them to know you are always there for them.

Sing on, Ms. Lewis!

Celebrating Some Anniversaries...

I just want to shoot out three quick birthday wishes...

First, my cousin, Johnny, and my close friend, Misty, are both celebrating their 25th birthday's today. Both of them were born on Friday the 13th...

...enough said. ;)

Finally, I want to wish Belinda a WONDERFUL 50th anniversary of her birth! I actually don't know Belinda personally (we've never met), but I've been honored to have her reading my blog for quite sometime now (I don't even know how long ago it was that you started reading, Belinda, but I do know it's been a while) and I've greatly appreciated all the comments she's left!

Whether you're celebrating a quarter of a century in life experiences or half, may your day be blessed and filled with many wonderful memories and smiles!

Some Quotes and Points

Okay, so I was cleaning off my desk today and came across some quotes and other points I had jotted down on post-it notes and left on my desk to put into blog entries at some point in time. And honestly, I can say some of them are pretty old...HA! So I'm going to just put them all here and share them now because I refuse to just discard them, because I really wanted to share them at whenever point in time it was that I originally jotted them down...HA!

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First, I saw the following on some Postsecret cards a while back that were in a Postsecret video clip that was posted on YouTube. I really "felt" these sayings...

"Sometimes we put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down."

"I like to stay up late on the computer and look for answers."

"I think God is just a big placebo."

"People don't realize how lucky they are to have friends who genuinely care about their well being. My secret is that I don't have any."

"I don't fear being touched... HUG ME... I fear being let go."

Each of these touched me for different reasons. Some made me think of people I know. Some made me say, "Hmmm..." Others made me feel for the person writing the card.

I love Postsecret!

Speaking of Postsecret. I actually printed off one of the cards (two weeks ago I guess it was) and mailed it with a note to someone. I couldn't help but think of that person IMMEDIATELY when I read the card. I immediately wished it had been sent in to Postsecret by the person I mailed it too, but I couldn't help but feel the hope slip away when I realized that wasn't that person's handwriting that was on the actual card. Nonetheless, I wanted that person to know I thought of them and desperately wished it had been from them.

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A couple of the other post-it notes I have have some stats written on them. They were actually from a gameshow that came out some MANY months ago, and the show was called "The Power of Ten." I'm not sure if it's on air anymore (I'm pretty sure it's not); however, it did seem like a pretty interesting gameshow to me.

Anyways, about the show...

The show had gone out and taken surveys of the general public and had them answer random questions and then the gameshow contestant had to guess and see how close to the correct percentage of people answered the survey questions a particular way. [Note: Okay, maybe I didn't explain that just right, but whatever.]

Below are some of the resulting percentage statistics from the surveys that I found interesting...

A.) 33% of Americans surveyed say they believe that September 11th should be a national holiday.

B.) 81% of the parents surveyed said that if they were asked by their child they would tell them the truth about how old they were when they lost their virginity.

C.) 19% of Americans surveyed said they think the world would be a better place if America ruled it.

I think if you go to the gameshow's website, you can see more questions and statistics from the show.


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Finally, I got this last quote off an Oprah episode I watched several weeks back. And honestly, I can't even remember what the show was about, but I do remember that this quote came from a mother. Her daughter was in jail and the mother was telling about how she had dedicated herself to being encouraging and motivating to her daughter through her sentence. The mother wrote the daughter a postcard everyday. The mother was saying how the daughter had always loved Winnie the Pooh as a child, so on one of the postcards to the daughter all she wrote was the following quote...

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe; stronger than you seem; and smarter than you think." Christopher Robyn to Winnie the Pooh.

What an encouraging quote! I can think of people right now I'd like to share that with based on where they stand in their current state of life.

Much love, my readers!

George W. Bush

Ladies and Gentlemen, our President...

A Day at a Child Abuse Prevention Workshop

Yes, I know -- I haven't posted in FOREVER. Anyways, this is just going to be a short piece to share a couple videos I got to see today at a workshop I went to today on Child Abuse Prevention. The workshop started off with one of the speakers showing the first of the videos I'm going to share with you, and then they concluded the entire day with the second video I'm about to show you. Honestly, I don't know that I would have ended the workshop on such a sad note, but they did it in hopes that it would make our day really hit home as to how real child abuse is. Whatever the case, I can tell you that the first video will probably leave you with your guy hurting from laughing, and the second video will leave your heart hurting.

This was a humorous way to start the day by talking about how relationships in our lives are important and that they really do have a big impact on our lives:



Now, this video is the one that they ended the workshop on. I will tell you know, in a room of several hundred attendees, most left crying and just about all the rest of us had least had tears in our eyes:



And for anyone doubting the truth behind this video, I did snopes.com the story JUST to make sure it wasn't something made up to try to pull at people's heart-strings. Unfortunately, it's very true and that's the saddest part...

Social Workers...

...we are not a profession that just "takes away your babies"...

People Come Into Our Lives

I haven't blogged in over a month. I haven't put off blogging because I didn't want or know how to "continue" with the series I was on -- that is not the case at all. Matter of fact, on February 25th, I began writing the next piece to the series I was in the middle of (the continuation to the previous post); however, I found it to not be a good writing night, as the words didn't seem to be flowing out of me as I like them normally to do, so I set the blog aside and decided there's always tomorrow. Little did I know that later that night my mind/body would wig out on me and leave me in state of anxiety, which would keep me from the blogging realm for quite some time.

For nearly a month I haven't felt "right." Stressed I suppose, but it left me feeling in ways I've never felt before, thus I was scared many times and it wasn't till the past week or so that I've been feeling pretty good again. Thankfully, I've gotten to where I'm feeling calm again the majority of the time and I'm able to sleep, breath, smile, joke, and enjoy life almost back to "normal."

So, though I have the "continuation" of the previous blog series started and that is REALLY what blog post should be appearing here, I'd like to briefly comment on something else I'm seeing right now in my life...

I think it's so cool how people seem to have people come into their life when they really need them most. Have you ever noticed that new friends or "important people" in you life seem to show up just when you need them? I think sometimes we don't noticed just how much BOTH of the individuals actually need one another at the time. Sure, maybe one individual might seem more vulnerable or needy at the time, but most of the time, there are needs that are being met for both individuals.

The dynamics of relationships are so fascinating!

I've recently found myself getting close to a new individual in my life. It's been an honor for me to be able to be there for this person, as she is handling at lot in her life at this time; yet, I don't think she knows how much it's meant to me to have her there right now too. How could she not know she's actually being there for me so much right now you might ask?

One of the interesting things about friendships and support is just how sometimes all we need is someone that we can just feel they care. That they are there. It's someone to spend time with, even if you don't really have anything you feel you need to talk to them about. It's someone you enjoy everytime you get to see them. It's someone that you find yourself having reminders of them throughout your day, even if you aren't around the person at the time. You find yourself seeing a car that resembles theirs and it makes you smile and think of them. You find yourself randomly thinking about something they told you two days before it and makes you laugh out loud when no one is around.

...that is how my friend has been there for me, and it's really not something that people find them self being aware that they are actually doing it. Does that make sense? Anyways...

And then when you're with them, you can forget that other things are bothering you because you're focused on your time with them. Sure, sometimes you let yourself get focused and involved with what you want to help and support them with based on what they are dealing with, but sometimes it's even more than that. You welcome the break from worrying or dealing with your own life circumstances simply so you can feel free from your own life for a moment.

As I've gotten to know this individual I've continued to be fascinated by how she works and what makes her "tick." HA! [Note: That's how I am with just about everyone I meet....I try to figure them out and how they interact with others and the world.]

What's been so fascinating and interesting to me recently is how much this individual reminds me of a cross between one of my best friends and myself...HA! Tonight I was sitting and talking with this individual for a couple hours, and over and over again I found myself just sitting there listening to her and just smiling and almost beginning to laugh. Sometimes she'd ask me what I was laughing about and I would say, "you." HA! I'd then proceed to tell her how funny I found it that she and I were so much alike. And if it wasn't that I had her figured out because I knew what she was thinking due to the fact that she was thinking in a way similar to me, I'd have her figured out because she would be thinking in a way so similar to my best friend. HA!

I don't know. I just think it's interesting how people seem to come into our lives when we need them....and THAT is such a blessing!

Making the Most When the Plan Goes Astray

[This is the continuation of the previous blog post]

How easy is it to give up when things don’t go as planned? How easy would it be to call one’s self a failure and hang our head when the results don’t come out the way we had hoped?

Sometimes we plan for what we can’t control and then when reality takes a different path from what we had planned, we are forced to reconsider. Depending on the reality, this reconsideration can seem minute or monumental; still, it’s what we do next that determines if we are willing to let reality get the best of us, or if we’re willing to take it and run with it!

I can remember one of the first times I honestly thought this whole concept out that I’m talking about and how I was determined to not let myself get discouraged when things did not go as I had planned…

I had found myself running for an office position in an organization I was a part of at the time. I was anxiously anticipating the possibilities if I were to be elected by my peers into the position. Oh how I could use the position to reach out to fellow members in the organization! I could get real excited simply thinking about the endless possibilities! Then, when the election had come and gone I was not elected into the position and I knew immediately this would not crush my dreams for reaching out. I will never forget telling myself that same night that I would simply make a pledge to myself to be the best member I believed I could possibly be over that next year. I was determined to reach out to the new joining members in ways I had not in the past. I promised myself that I would make every effort to reach just as many members as I would have had I gotten the office position.

At the end of our next month all together as an organization I was honored as Member of the Month. Too me, this confirmed my promise I had made to myself. I couldn’t have been happier with my willingness to not let reality affect my overall hopes and plans. Do I say this in a boastful manner? No, rather a state of self-evaluation which I believe is crucial for us all to do throughout life. Sure, I had hoped and planned to reach people through the office position, but when that was not the path I was given, I realized that it was still possible for me to do what was my overall plan – that of reaching out to people.

When reality affected how I would reach people some years ago, I was quick to redirect myself and without hesitation or discouragement, willing to storm forward. Unfortunately, we don’t always find ourselves so eager to accept reality and move on. Sometimes we are left in a state of uncertainty when we are faced with the realization that what we had planned isn’t going to be reality. This state of uncertainty can bring about many different feelings within us, not to mention a sense of discouragement. It is then, when we find ourselves discouraged and uncertain that we tend to linger rather than taking off; however, this does not mean that we are not still capable of running with what we’ve now been given.

For me this has happened over the past year. Over a year ago I found myself graduating with my master’s degree in knowing full well in my head what I wanted to do with it. I had it all planned out, and was ready to land that dream job. Sure, that was not going to be the reality in it all, but nonetheless, I continued to look for it. Time passed and I found myself getting discouraged. I remember resenting talking about anything at all related to my job search or even having my degree with one of my best friends because I remember how discouraged I felt when she would ask me each time we’d talk “how’s the search going? My mom has even asked about you and wanted to know if you’d gotten a job in your career yet.” Gosh, not only was my friend pressuring me, but her mom to top it off! Sure, I’ve no doubt that my friend was not trying to make me feel pressured or degraded in any way since months had passed and I still hadn’t gotten a job in my field; yet, I couldn’t help but feel like I was being judged as someone with this second level of education and “still” doing a non-degree oriented occupation. Like I said, heck, even her mother, who I had VERY limited encounters with was wondering when I’d ever get into my field.

I think you can see where I was coming from. I felt discouraged and like my friends (not to mention their families) were rating me based on what I was doing as an occupation. Granted, I realize that is (unfortunately) how our country rates people, but still, it seems more personal when it’s coming from people whose opinion really matters to you.

So months passed, and there was the occasional interview here and there, but still no luck. It seemed if the position wasn’t disqualifying me based on my in ability to speak Spanish, it was because I didn’t have enough years of experience. Then when I’d about given up on looking and was ready to take a break a spot seemed to come to me. I was ecstatic! It was about as close to what I had envisioned and planned myself doing as anything I’d seen yet! Communications between the organization and me seemed to be looking real good. Finally, when it came down to it, and I had crunched and re-crunched the numbers, I had to turn it down because I would not have been able to support myself based on the limited income it was offering. I was crushed! It was as if my last hope had slipped away and I’d remain feeling like I was letting myself down, along with everyone else that continued to ask “why aren’t you using your degree yet?”

Sometimes when we are in the state of taking in the reality and how it has turned out differently than what we had planned, we are just as eager as anything to move on because we don’t like the feelings we find ourselves dealing with while trying to accept the reality. There was no doubt I felt discouraged and uncertain on if my plans of going into my field were any sort of reality for the near future. Because of this, I was lingering as I was trying to deal with the reality of it all. But then the tides would turn, and little did I know, I was about to make another promise to myself…

[To Be Continued]

We Try to Plan it All Out

In life it's so important to learn to take what you get and run with it. I guess it can depend on what you "get," but you might be able to look at it as, "roll with the punches;" if you're given lemons, "make lemonade." Thankfully, it's not always that we are faced with rough times and asked to overcome the obstacles. Sometimes we are just given a line-up other than we had expected (or possibly even hoped for) and then we are left to decide what to do with it.

I've always been a person that likes to plan things out and know what I'm going to do. I remember when I was preparing to call a guy I liked in college to ask him to a social event, I was so nervous I wrote out what to say on the phone--planned out the whole conversation (I say this with no shame, because whether you've done this before or not, I KNOW others have, so it's all good...HA!). Several rehearsal run throughs later (yes, including running through what he would say), and some deep breathes, I had dialed his phone number and waited anxiously for him to answer. He answered. Thus the script would begin...

Three seconds and two lines into the script things were already off course! How could this be!?! What would I do!?!? I mean I can't be mad at him for not following the script seeings how he'd never even seen it, nor had any idea I was holding it and reading it for that matter...HA! Yet, I so desperately wanted to get back on script. How could I make sure I was able to "ask" him to the event in a "cool" manner, so I wouldn't come off sounding like I really liked him!?! How was I going to get to that GREAT segue from simply shooting the breeze to nonchalantly asking him to the event if everything is off mark now?!

Though I was panicking on the inside, apparently I remained calm and undercontrol sounding on the outside...phew. Though it's been years ago and I can't remember exactly what mastery of the art of communication I resorted to in that situation to get the final result of the date for the event, all I DO remember is that my preplanning and script all went right out the window and I realized in the end all it had done for me is possibly gave me enough courage to make the call because I THOUGHT I knew my way through it and that it'd be "okay" because I knew how it was going to go.

Now, I'd like to say I've never again gotten to the point of where I've gone over, line-for-line, how I expected communications between myself and another individual to go, but I'd be lying if I said that. But what I have learned over the years is that more than likely, preplanned conversations, or even encounters, with individuals seldomly ever go as originally thought out. So NOW when I still find myself preplanning a situation, I'm quick to remind myself WHILE I'm planning that it's VERY likely that this is not how it's going to go and to not allow myself to feel as if I'll be devastated or freaked out if things go "off-script."

Thank goodness, I don't grade my life on how often it follows my "scripts," because if I did, not only would I have flunked, but I would have been forced to give up by now.

Sometimes it isn't necessarily a word-for-word script we have designed to depict the future, but rather an outline. It's as if we have envisioned the generalities of what should and hopefully will come about for us, and along with that, normally is a status of time. It's as if we are trying to write our story before it happens--sometimes in what I think is our response to the fear of the unknown of what's to come, but also as a form of motivation for something to work toward.

The most common example of this is the "what are you going to be when you grow up" question. I dare to say there's a single individual in this world that's cognitive enough to comprehend that question that has not been asked it. Thus, we all have had to respond to it. Sure, we might have outwardly said, "I don't know," but inside we have given thought to our lives ahead. Depending on our point in life when asked that question, some of our answers might be more researched and educated and closer to what we truly have interest in "being" than others. Nonetheless, it's something we find on our "outline" at that current time.

The outline is almost expected for those individuals in college. I mean, you can't reach the accolade of graduation without having a major, which is believed to be "what you want to do when you grow up," right? It's almost assumed upon graduation that that individual persue the career within their studies. Even the majority of the individuals graduating with a degree in a specific area will tell you that's the area they want to go into for a career. So at this point it's almost like the outline is no longer a guide, but rather writing in stone. How could you do anything other than what is "written"?! Jump to it! Put your studies into practice immediately!

...or so the outline of life says.

Do you want to know the #1 question asked of any individual that does anything other than working "in" their degree following graduation? "So, when you going to put your degree to use?" From what I hear (tee hee hee), it's about the 99th time you hear it during the first month following your graduation that you begin to get past the bitterness of people asking it. [Sidenote: I hear "the bitterness" starts about the time that the first person follows up the first question with "I mean you spent so much money on it, shouldn't you be using it?"] ;)

So what if you don't go directly into your field of study following graduation? Or what if you do, and it's only a matter of time that you find yourself wondering if that's really what you want to be doing as a career? Is it the end of the world? Have you failed?

It might be deemed that way by some of the previous question askers, but they haven't walked in your shoes; they don't know where your priorities lie and what's most important to you at that time. They have no rights to your outline. YOU are the one that gets to write and revise and decide how the outline goes, including the time status.

Maybe your outline is changing up some. Maybe it's been written for years and unchanged and now is the time. Now you find yourself revising. It could be the time table that's "off" or it could be the specific points. Whatever the revisions, make them and stand tall knowing it's your outline and it isn't always going to go as we have it planned out...

...but that's okay!

[To Be Continued]

I Hate Fighting With Myself

I hate it. I hate when I have all these thoughts going through my mind...

"Say this."

"Just let it all out and hold nothing back. You've got enough in ya right now to just start going and not stop for sometime. Say what you're really feeling in response."

"No, don't say it."

"Get control and just don't speak your mind."

"Just be still and the feeling to get it all out with subside. Be still."

The feelings are jumbled leaving a sense of uncertainty; the mind is trying to decipher it all; and the heart is hurting with each action of discomfort.

Sometimes I get these urges to just go...to just speak my mind...to go off...and it takes everything within me to control it. I just have to still myself for sometime.
That was me. Sitting teeth clinched, staring off into a point of nothingness, and as still as can be. Any chance at movement could be all it took to lose the control. Then just time--still, tedious, time.

But instead of a sense of success when I reach the state of the urge having subsided, I'm left with a heart hurting. The deep pain within your upper chest that leaves you short of breathe. It makes you want to stretch your chest cavity and release the pressure. It sucks and I hate it.

It Can Get The Best Of Me

Over what seems like the past year or so I have found that I have this new thought processing that seems to come over me when I'm hurting. The hurt can include many different kinds of hurting (i.e. anger, stressed, betrayal, lonely based on feelings of being different, depressed, etc.). It has seemed that whenever I find myself hurting in these ways, I can find myself thinking how I need to change something.

Sure, feelings are not going to change if I don't change anything from the way it is, that's a given. Yet, it seems I oftentimes find myself thinking I need to "get new friends."

I don't know why this is and what it means but it's always such a strong feeling. It's a sense of feeling like I need to cut myself off from the style of friend network I currently find myself interacting with at the time and try to get closer to other friends and/or look to make new friends.

It always kind of catches me off guard when I find myself thinking this, but at the same time I can't ignore it or convince myself that it's unnecessary. It can get the best of me.

I hate it, but at the same time I'll find myself feeling determined that I need to start taking steps to make some changes and restructure my friend network.

It scares me, and I'll find myself getting upset emotionally thinking about it, but something in me says it's what I've gotta do. Only a matter of months ago I remember the feeling was so strong that I convinced myself that I needed to find a job in an area of town that was the furthest from my closest friends. It was the only area left in town that I hadn't explored and sent resumes too during my career searching process. The exact reason why I refused to look in those areas was because it would put me too far away from the friends I felt the closest too and spent the most time with. Nonetheless, when the feeling had me convinced that I needed to make some changes, I spent hours printing up cover letters to all the potential employers in those areas.

Today I still have those cover letters. They never got sent out. There's times when I'm grateful that something convinced me not to go through with it; however, it's only till the next time that I find that feeling and desire for change hitting me that I feel it's unfortunate that I didn't take action the time before.

It's funny how we think sometimes...