Tuesday, August 09, 2005

When Did 1 + 1 Become 3…

…with “I do.”

[Note: Though I normally save these disclaimers/notes for the end of a post, I feel it is important to point out at the beginning that this post that it is in no way geared toward any of my readers. If it has even been inspired by anything in particular, I suppose it would have to be my most recent trip to St. Louis. However, I view it as a whole idea rather than pointing fingers, because that is not the intent at all.]

Remember growing up and making the invitations to send out to your birthday party? Remember having the limited number of guests you could invite? Remember the pain-staking task of deciding who would get invited and who wouldn’t?

If you answered “no” to all these questions, try these more specific situations…

Remember getting to take one friend with you to go to the movies or another outing and though you wanted to invite your best friend, you knew that if you asked her, “so-and-so” would find out about it and they would want to come too, or even worse, they would be hurt that you hadn’t asked them instead.

Or maybe it was trying to decide who to invite to the birthday party, but you knew if you invited Jane, her twin sister-Jessica, who you actually weren’t that close too, had to come too. Or if you asked Molly, her best buddy who did everything with her-Carla, would “have” to come too.

In college, it was the roommate dilemma. You’re friends with Sammy and Katie, but their third roommate Beth you really don’t hangout with as much. But if you invited Sammy and Katie, don’t you “have” to invite Beth to the party too?

Sometimes I feel that is the situation one encounters when one of their best buddies ends up married. It isn’t that their new spouse is someone you don’t like, though they might be, it’s just that it isn’t just that friend anymore. It gets to the point where you feel if you invite your best friend, you are required to invite the spouse along too.

Yeah, everyone always says, “no, that isn’t the case,” but let’s be honest with ourselves; that’s normally how it is. How often do newly-wed wives that you know go hangout alone with their buddies? Or a girls' night out? It seems once marriage life hits, an additional person has been brought into all the pictures.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying there is anything wrong with hanging out with your friends when their spouses are with them now too. That’s fun and cool too, especially if you like the spouse…HA! But it almost seems as if sometimes you can’t keep the same friendship you might have originally had with a friend before the significant other became united.

I don’t know…maybe this is just something I’ve noticed…

While it used to be one and one made two, it is now that the outing becomes one plus one makes three…

3 comments:

ACU35 said...

I agree. You do feel obligated to invite the spouse, especially if you know your friend is head over heels for that person. It's almost like you feel that she could not be happy without bringing him along. I would like to hear from newly married folks on this one to see how they feel about this. If you are newly wed do you leave your spouse all alone on a Friday night if you have plans and he doesn't? I would feel bad doing that. Do you expect your friends to invite him as well since it is no longer just "you" anymore? Should single people feel obligated to invite him/her as well? Let your SINGLE friends know!

Katey said...

Another thing is when they are no longer an "I" but a "We" all the time. Sometimes you would just like to be able to have them as one person instead of the fused two. I understand the "two people becoming one" but do they have to be all the time?

Ellison said...

The majority of my married friends know that when I ask the girl out (who is usually my close friend), I'm only asking the girl. I rarely ask for the guy to come along too. I generally don't know him as well, so why should I make the dinner awkward with conversation trying to avoid inside jokes and including him in the conversation? The part I find funny, or interesting, is the reply I generally get when I ask the married girl to go out. "That sounds like fun...let me make sure it's ok with Bob." or "Yeah, let me make sure Bob and I don't have something." or "Sure, let me check with Bob." Seriously, does he keep your schedule for you?

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a huge believer in communication between husbands and wives, doing things with your spouse and spending time with eachother. But, we all need one-on-one time with our friends...even Bob!