The Power of Love

It’s an amazing force of nature. It is a feeling that can come from within us, go all around us, go right through us, and tackle us too if we’re not careful. It can be a beautiful thing, but the power it can have can be overcoming at times. So intense that we don’t even realize it. And sometimes, that is the best thing for us! Love, it’s just so powerful.

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we could describe our feelings of love to another? You can’t describe it, so why we try, I’m not sure, it’s entertaining to us in a sense! HA! We usually just find our self ending with, "Well, you can’t understand." And you know what, you’re right. I can’t understand your love. You’ll never understand my love. That’s okay. And honestly, it might be best that way. HA! Love, it’s just so powerful.

I may NEVER see what you see in “him.” You may NEVER see what “he” sees in “her.” What is “seen” in each case is what develops that “love.” Love, it’s just so powerful.

Love is a force. It’s a power that directs. It directs one to make decisions. One might make a decision to help another out of love. One might make a decision to tell someone "no" out of love. One might choose to share their opinion out of love. One might ask another to make a decision in a situation based on one’s love. Love, it’s just so powerful.

There’s the saying “Too much of a good thing can be bad.” How true is this? I don’t know. I don’t know a lot, but I can tell you one thing, too much power can make a king bad. Too much power can make a parent bad. Does it always? Nope. Can it? Sure. Can the power of love go bad? Sure. Does it always? No. So how can we tell when the power of love has gotten "bad?" I mean, love—Love, it’s just so powerful.

The power of love has gotten too powerful when ______________. Sorry, I don’t know the answer. I have no idea! BUT, this is a PERFECT example of what to expect in therapy when you go in with the expectation that the therapist is just going to TELL you what to do. That they are magically going to know all the answers and be able to “fix” your life for you. I don’t know all the answers. And I’m sure you have NO problem accepting that about me…HA! But what I do know is that through my experience, and listening to the stories I have listened to over the past semester in counseling, I can tell you this. Love, it’s just so powerful.

This is quite possibly the worst blog entry I have ever written. Blogs are funny. We as readers hold blogs to “standards” and we as writers hold blogs to “standards.” Tonight I am writing because I am just purging. I am purging thoughts and frustrations in my mind from a rough client session I had today. Nothing I have shared in this blog entry violates confidentiality with my client(s), nor will it as I continue. What it is however, is my drawn conclusions from working with the clients that I have that leads me to purge the thoughts to others to read and consider. In no way is this entry written for someone or someones specific. It is written for EVERYONE, myself included. I just want to end with some thoughts that will be purged in a manner that might not flow, might not seem pretty, might not meet any “standards,” but thoughts none the less that are based on my experiences. Because honestly—Love, it’s just so powerful.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard a client tell me how much she loved him, or how much he loved her, I could cover ALL the medical bills she has for each trip she made to the hospital following one of his beatings of her…

…it would cover the bills WITHOUT needing insurance coverage!

Do you realize how powerful love must be that it could make someone believe someone who beats them—no, not just a hit, but BEATS them—still believe that they love them? Can love have the power to distort how one views a situation? Is that possible? Love, it’s just so powerful.

“I didn’t love myself, but he loved me.” Aww…that’s so sweet. Maybe he will complete you now. Maybe if you get married and endure the beatings long enough, you’ll love yourself too. It’s worth a try, right? Distorted view? Nah. That’s simply how love works. We complete one another, right? If I get married I’ll surely feel better about myself. He’ll love me. I’ll love him. He promised he was going to stop drinking that alcohol anyways. I know when we’re married he’ll do it. He’ll do it for me. I mean we’ll love one another, you know. Love, it’s just so powerful.

OH, so the power of love only turns out “bad” when it is an abusive relationship…PHEW, I thought I had something to worry about. I’m okay then. This doesn’t include me...

...OH HONEY…JUST WAIT! Do you see the commonality throughout this entry? And no, it isn’t that I’m getting REALLY sarcastic the more I go at this…let me give a hint, LOVE, IT’S JUST SO POWERFUL.

In the experiences I have shared thus far, there is a commonality of abusive relationships. This is the type of client population that I’m working with at the current time. And these are the BEST types of situations to SEE the power that love really can take on. These examples show it CLEARLY to anyone NOT in an abusive relationship that the “love” was blinding the individual. It was distorting their thoughts. Distorting their perceptions. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had clients do things they most likely would have never done before had it not been for the “love” they were so involved with. We can lie to our friends. We can lie to the world. We can lie to our self. Oh BOY can we lie to our self. We tell our self we will never settle. We are telling our self we will only marry the guy who will let us remain the Executive Director at our job, even though it means I am making more money than him. And next thing we know, a mere month later we have given our two-weeks notice and plan to have this guys 5 kids and be a stay home mom. Settling? No, we are in LOVE! This guy is WONDERFUL! We love one another. We ARE “the one’s” for one another. Love, it’s just so powerful.

Is this a good place to share about the clients who gave up what they had going for them to be with a guy who was “the one” who didn’t turn out to be that guy after all?

Do you know what the common theme “feeling” I’m running into with clients is? Guilt. It is guilt that one experiences when they allow the power of love to guide all their decisions and then they find out later that it was distorting their views all along the way. Love, it’s just so powerful.

Sometimes we need to stop and make sure we are not having our thoughts and perceptions be distorted. Do you truly believe someone else can “complete you,” if you do not feel “complete” on your own? Do you really think someone else can make you love yourself? Do you really think someone will change how they are because you marry them? "Love" will answer “yes” to all of those because, Love, it’s just so powerful…BUT…

…we must find the power from within US to guide the love.

My supervisor told me this today. We were discussing how does one tell when a feeling is enough. How do you tell if you are “mad enough” for what happened? How do you tell if you have been “sad enough” for what happened? When does a feeling get to a point that it is excessive. My supervisor said this—she said "when you feel that you are no longer driving the feeling, but that the feeling is driving you, THAT is when the feeling has gotten excessive. When the feeling is driving your life."

So when has the power of love gotten TOO powerful? I don’t know, but I can sleep at night knowing that if I feel I am driving my love in my life—the love I express and the love I allow myself to feel—and I don’t feel that it is driving me, I believe I will remain in control of my thoughts and my perceptions. I can rest assured that whether I run into disagreement based on my decisions made out of love or not, I know I made the decision(s), not that the love made it for me. Because you know, it can be scary. Love that is. It’s just so powerful!

A Christian Friend

I’ve had the pleasure of keeping in touch with a widow of a mentor of mine that passed away nearly two years ago. This woman is precious! She and I have become rather close through mailing correspondence, as well as the every-once-in-a-while telephone conversation. In all actuality, I am not even sure she would be able to pick me out of a line-up, though we’ve talk in person briefly on two occasions that I recall: once at my undergraduate graduation, and the second time at the visitation service for her late husband. At those times, neither of us knew the friendship that we would end up developing, nor were we aware of the impact we would have on one another’s lives. There’s no doubt in my mind that this lady has been quite the blessing to me, but apparently from what she writes in her cards to me, I’ve had some impact on her life too. A statement from her most recent card to me says, “Kimberly, I loved talking to you and I think of you so much. The beautiful “Tribute to the Life” [of my late husband] was so amazing and I still love to read it.”

So many times, along with the card she sends me a gift. Each gift I’ve gotten from her sit proudly around my bedroom. This most recent card was no different, in that a gift was included. This time it was a cute frame with a statement inside reading, “Christian Friend. It is such a blessing to have a Christian friend like you. God bless you.” This lady is such a giving precious friend. You can expect I will be picking out a place in my room for this gift too! But before that time comes I can’t help but sit and read the statement within the frame and ask myself, “What makes a ‘Christian Friend?’”

Sure, technically, when going “by the book,” a Christian is one who has been baptized into the family of Christ. So without having taken that action in one’s life, one is not entitled, so to say, to labeling one’s self as a Christian. I can understand that, and I do not debate it. Nor do I claim the title personally, but let’s go beyond the technicalities for a bit.

What makes a “Christian Friend?”

Is it the “Christ-like” behaviors that one might take on? Can one pick out a “Christian Friend” by his/her lifestyle? By one’s behaviors in their everyday life?

Granted any of you who are not reading this weblog for the first time, are probably aware that I’ve never been baptized, so you most likely would not call me a “Christian Friend,” but what about those who do not know this about me.

I can look back on a note I got from a friend a few years back and it says, “I am thankful that I am your sister, not only in Christ but in GATA for life.” Was she referencing me as a “Christian Friend” in slightly different words? Never did I tell her I was a baptized Christian. Was it just simply assumed? Or did my behaviors lead her to thinking I was?

Can a “Christian Friend” be someone who lives their life in a manner that is striving to be just to the point of the Christ-like example?

I’ve got a card from someone else from a few years ago that states, “Your Christian example is so impressive, and so many people have noticed it! God has used you in an incredible way, and I pray that you can always remain as influential as you are now.”

So can a “Christian friend” be someone who is just setting a Christ-like “example?”

Then there’s the email from another individual stating, “I appreciate your loving and Christian attitude in your letter.”

So there has to be more to the “Christian Friend” and “Christian example” and “Christian attitude” than the process of being baptized into Christ.

Should I assume that each of these people’s statements would have been taken back had they known at the time that I was not a baptized Christian? One of the above quotes was actually made by someone who reads this blog. So knowing I am not baptized, would I, or anyone else not baptized not be a “Christian example” or a “Christian Friend” or have a “Christian attitude” any longer for you?

Just some thoughts…

[As I look back on this entry I feel like it comes off with a tone of sounding as if I’m confronting or accusing people of false statements, or that I’m trying to place people in the wrong. Please realize that is NOT my intent at all. I am merely trying to get a better understanding on people’s views of using “Christian” as an adjective. What makes a CHRISTIAN ______? Does that make sense? As I reflect on “Christian” being used as an adjective, I am curious as to what makes it appropriate for usage when describing.]

Fears

A friend of mine recently posted on her blog about her fears. She expressed interest in reading about other’s fears so I thought: "uhhh…okay."

Well, initially I learned a few years ago that divulging one’s fears isn’t always the wisest thing, because then it gives your enemies, or in my case, my rival prankers ammunition to use against you; however, as I have aged over-time and discovered that I am just too old for pranking anymore, I don’t worry to often about that kind of thing nowadays...HA!

So let me start with this, some clarification. Many who know me, know I can be a pretty anxious person. I do not deny this. Matter of fact, as most know, just about ALL psychology/counseling type people go into this career path because they are looking to address their own “issues.” HA! I laugh, and if you’re in a similar field, you’re laughing too, because sometimes, well goodness gracious, the true is just plain funny (and ironic in this case)! Whatever the case, my “issues” for addressing have always been anxiety-oriented.

As for a progress check-up in the area of my “addressing my own issues”, I am proud to say that with a masters degree in the area of “counseling” only a matter of weeks away for me, I can honestly say I have climbed mountains in concurring my anxiety issues and I am easily MUCH less of a nervous and anxious person as I was say some 5, 6, or 7 years ago. Today, I know SO much more about what causes me anxiety, and more importantly, I have learned how to address the anxiety when it comes and how to de-escalate myself and “cope” in the situation!

[Now doesn’t that above paragraph just make ALL you anxious people out there wanna go sign-up for a counseling degree plan right now?!?! HA!]

Now, another thing to note is that a highly anxious person does NOT have to have a lot of fears. One can fear only a few things/occurrences/situations and still be anxious a majority of the time. It simply comes down to how prevalent these couple feared things/occurrences/situations are, because if only one of the feared circumstances is consistently present, the anxiety will remain high.

Going with myself here, I’ll say that would more likely explain me, compared to someone who might have a list of ten or twenty good “fears.” Though I would not consider myself a highly anxious person, or someone that is constantly nervous, I would say that though my quantity of fears is minimal, their occurrences can be more consistently occurring than some common phobias.

Let me just list them and let you analyze for yourself…

The typical fears that I share in…

Rodents…mice, rats, opossums, gerbils…gross!. I swear it is the tail! We used to have a couple hamsters growing up, and they really didn’t bother me. But mice and rats especially scare the crap out of me!

Reptiles…snakes and lizards. They are too sneaky, small, and fast. We have lizard-type animals ALL over at my house and they scare the crap out of me all the time when I come outside and they scurry off up a tree or along the sidewalk. GROSS! Not to mention the time SOMEONE thought it would be funny to put a lizard down my shirt at a GATA officer meeting! I about KILLED that person that night—in between the shivers and twitches I kept experiencing all night thinking it was still on me crawling!

Heights…probably because I’m short and that leaves a long way to fall! But believe it or not, I helped roof a house once. I just stayed away from the edge unless I had a good hold on something!

Blood/Having Blood Taken…luckily I’ve NEVER had to give blood before. Never been real sick and had to, nor have I done it for the heck of it for a full check-up (that might not be good at my age, but I don’t care…HA)! As for blood drives…I steer clear of those things! Just thinking about them can make me start getting sick to my stomach. Seeing blood…it’s weird, but the couples times I’ve come VERY close to fainting were times when I had to watch someone bleeding. Blood in movies or tv…doesn’t bother me, but in real life, it get REALLY weak. I look for the nearest chair and you’ll be able to SEE the perspiration engulf every inch of my body. Strange…I know. HA!

Answering a question in class and being wrong or embarrassed by the response I give…yes, this IS a “typical fear” meaning it IS common. What is NOT common about it is people reporting it as a fear of theirs, because many times, people just don’t think about it, but trust me, MANY have this same fear. Think of all those people in your classes that NEVER spoke up in class. Yup, I would be willing to say at LEAST 75% of them struggle with this fear as well! HA! What fuels this fear, you ask? Pride. Who wants to be wrong PUBLICALLY? Why not just refuse to answer the question and then find out if you’re right or wrong by yourself. Who needs others to know!? HA!

The not-so-common fears…

[These ones are more anxiety-driven situations (situations that just make me nervous) versus the above list, which are more specific fears, which happen to be fairly common fears in the human race.]

Talking on the phone with strangers…this is a strange one for me, in that it is true in many cases, but not in other cases. Like I refuse to answer phones at my job. They know that and I am perfectly fine with refusing to do it…HA! Luckily, I can still keep my job with this refusal. I hate making phone calls to companies to ask questions about something or a product I might have gotten or a service I need to inquire about. If possible, I’ll look it up on the internet instead. I don’t like the case management end of social work because I don’t like to make phone calls. But basically, it comes down to the person on the other end being someone I don’t know I guess, because I have NO problem talking on the phone to my friends for hours. HA!

Not being able to escape without embarrassing one’s self...sounds interesting and ridiculous huh? Would you believe that there is an entire psychological disorder for individuals who struggle with this fear? Agoraphobia—check it out sometime. Do I meet the criteria for this disorder you’re wondering? Thank goodness I can respond with no—or at least, not anymore. Do I believe I could have been labeled with it at one point—most likely (it’s a decision I constantly find myself debating—whether or not I was ever bad enough that I was diagnosable). Still, today, though no where NEAR as bad as this fear once was for me, I find myself behaving in ways that are encouraged by thoughts of this one-time STRONG fear of mine. It’s interesting, in that it is more of an anxious feeling that is not driven by a constant thought of the specific fear its self, but more of an anxiety that is encouraged by mere presence of a situation, since it is not an “object” to focus on. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain…

Hmm….I guess that is my list as of what comes to mind. Feel free to remind me of any that I might have left off. HA!

I want to end with a portion of a comment I left on the blog of my friend that originally posted the list of fears that I modeled this entry after. My comment is as follows…

Though I myself might not be one of many “fears,” I can say I know the state of being anxious as well as most. And what I have rest assured in over time is the fact that anxiety is one of the most treatable feelings. I am quick to remember the words of one of my most favorite graduate school professors, “Mood disorders [which is like depression] and thought disorders [which is like schizophrenia] are best treated with a combination of medications and therapy; however, anxiety disorders are treated best through merely therapy.”

Common or uncommon, your fears are most likely all derived from personal experiences that can be explained through good ol’ classical conditioning. Remember the lovely Pavlovian dog experiment with the dog salivating when the bell rang? Taking ANY Introduction to Psychology course would have covered it! ;) That’s classical conditioning and it explains how most fears/phobias are developed.

I guess I’ll end like this…

Feel free to share your fears (if you’re brave enough)! ;)

Some Thoughts...

Okay, we all know this is NOT something I would write, so instead it is something my friend “Kelly” has written and I thought I’d just post it on here to help “her” out and get some thoughts on the matter… ;)

Here are “her” thoughts and feelings and “she” is just looking for some thoughts and reflections on the matters…

What do you do when you find yourself in a situation when you have a guy that likes you (as more than a friend), and you find yourself thinking to yourself that you really don’t have those same feelings toward him at the current time. When you aren’t with him you think to yourself, he isn’t really “the one” for you in “that” sense, so you need to let him know that, but at the same time, you find yourself thinking, how much you enjoy being with him when you are with him. So in other words, when you’re with him you think, “I do enjoy being with you, maybe it will just take time.”

You wonder, “Will liking him ‘like that’ possibly grow over time?” or is that one of those things that if it isn’t there in the beginning the train probably ain’t comin’?

Then you find yourself looking at the guy (not literally, of course) and thinking to yourself, “that really isn’t anything like the ‘picture’ I had always seen drawn up for me all along. The ‘picture’ of the guy I had always wanted to see myself with.” The things you always thought were what you would find in the man you’d want to be there aren’t really there, but at the same time the things that ARE there aren’t, so to say, “bad”—just not what you expected or had always “planned” on.

Many would say, “Well, maybe the ‘perfect guy’ is something you came up with in your head, but he really doesn’t exist.” “Kelly” doesn’t know, but she told me that the things she had always “planned for” in a guy do exist in a guy she knows, but at the same time, “she” does not see herself ever being with that guy. [“Kelly’s” really strange, but she doesn’t read this, so I can say that and she’ll never know.] “She” even told me that once she asked this guy who seemed to be the kind of guy she had always seen herself with (and is the type of guy she would like to be with), if he thought he was unique and that there really weren’t more guys out there like him. Unfortunately, he said he did see himself as different from most guys. I guess this means momma’s right when she tells her baby just how “special” and “unique” they are! HA! ;)

“Kelly” likes to argue the debate of “settling.”

What is “settling?” Are you “settling” if you go for any guy other than the one you had always thought you’d find yourself with someday? The one you’d always “pictured” yourself with. Isn’t “settling” meaning you are accepting “less” as “fine?” What if the guy you find yourself with isn’t necessarily “less” in your mind, just “different?”—not what you expected, so to say.

I guess it could be the state of the guy not meeting the “pictured” description that had been drawn-up for OH so many years that could be keeping the liking him “like that” from occurring. Possible? Probably, but does that mean overcoming the idea of what the “picture” should look like would mean the deeper interest in the “not pictured” guy will just come about? Or should one even consider “overcoming” the “picture?”

“Kelly” has too many thoughts. I told her that already. She agreed to let me end this passage with the comment that she can and will understand if none of this made sense, because I told her I’d just do my best to express it as I seemed to interpret it from “her.”

What can I say? Difficult clients?? ;)

Why I NEVER Pranked...

See, the following news article I came across today is EXACTLY why I chose to never pull pranks. It is just too risky of a business; you just never know when you might prank the person who might go that extra mile...

[Now in a more honest and less sarcastic tone...]

Are you freakin' kidding me!?!? This lady is obsessive! This article left me thinking, "WOW! You kids just happened to pick the one out of a million people that you could prank that would go to the extent that she did to catch you! Sucks to be you!"

Enjoy...

NORCO, Calif. (AP) -- Teenagers who toilet-papered and damaged a home now face felony vandalism charges because of a mother's extraordinary sleuthing.

Katja Base, mother of six, was unwilling to let the teens get away with it, saying she tracked them down to teach her kids about accountability.

Base awoke one February morning to find her front lawn strewn in white two-ply toilet paper. She and husband Ken also found damaged landscaping and light fixtures as well as ruined finishes on two cars.

Dog food and flour also covered the lawn.

Realizing the sheriff's department has better things to do than track down teen pranksters, Katja Base decided to do some detective work.

"There needs to be accountability," she said. "Mainly, I pursued this as a lesson for my daughters. I don't want them to ever come to me and ask why I didn't do anything about this."

Base persuaded supermarket managers to tally daily toilet-paper buys for the week and a Stater Bros. manager said there was a run on bathroom tissue two days before her home was vandalized.

At 7:30 p.m. Feb. 17, someone bought 144 rolls of toilet paper, cheese, dog food, flour and plastic forks, the same items found on her lawn and house. It was a cash transaction, making it difficult to trace the purchaser, but the store had video surveillance.

The video showed four teenagers making the purchase, one of them wearing a Norco High School letterman's jacket with a name stitched across the back. The store's parking lot surveillance camera showed the truck they were using.

Base then borrowed a Norco High yearbook and used online databases to get the name, phone numbers and addresses of the teens on the store tape.

"Her work was instrumental in helping us to identify the suspects," said Lt. Ross Cooper of the Riverside County Sheriff's Department.

The information was eventually sent to the district attorney's office and prosecutors confirmed that about six youths were now facing vandalism charges. However, they would not release details of the case or names of the defendants because they are juveniles.

The maximum penalty for the adult would be three years in prison; the juveniles could face probation and restitution, district attorney's office spokeswoman Ingrid Wyatt said.

Reference link to the article here.

Some More Helpings for Twentysomethings...

Here are some more entries from the book I'm currently reading--Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties. I like sharing these pieces because I think it is important to share with others things we learn/hear/pick-up-on that maybe others wouldn't have the opportunity or time to find out for themselves. So this is more for my viewing audience who is going through their 20's with me right now...

Getting older is an inescapable process. It is happening now as you read this. If we constantly fear the inevitable, we will never really live (p. 52).

One of the most challenging shifts between childhood and adulthood is the changing relationship with parents. The familial link never disappears, of course—your parents will always be your parents and you will always be their child. But in the days after graduation, a twentysomething slowly comes to realize that the playing field has leveled to a certain extent because there is no longer that “Me Adult, You Kid” separation. Well, not as much of one, anyway. To complicate the relationship even more, now that twentysomethings are out of school, they may work alongside people their parents’ age; they might go drinking with people their parents’ age; they might supervise people their parents’ age; and in some cases, they may even date people their parents’ age. As a result, twentysomethings eventually come to see their parents as—whoa—people. And that can be a weird feeling (p. 55).

The gap between childhood and adulthood grows even stranger when a recent graduate moves back home after college or graduate school. After four or more years of relative independence, moving on back to the old bedroom as an alleged adult is just plain peculiar. Suddenly, “As long as you live under my roof” becomes a factor again. At a time when a twentysomething is already struggling with leaving behind the shelter of college for the responsibilities of adulthood, living at home can spark something of a regression. The days of free pizza are left behind in favor of the days of setting the dinner table (p. 56-57).


Robbins & Wilner. (2001). Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties. New York, NY: Penguin Putnam, Inc.

A Few Things to Remember Before You Cheat on a Woman

Oddly enough, while a friend of mine was doing some research through a journal database, she came across this article. I find it humorous that it came up when searching through a "scholarly journals" database, but I guess we all need some entertainment even in the midst of intense researching!

Enjoy!

Monogamy Rules
A few things to remember before you cheat on a woman

1. When presented with the ideal cheating scenario--that is, if a flying saucer lands in the cornfield where you happen to be standing and a female alien of sinus-clearing hotness slithers down the ramp and declares that she wants to come in peace a minimum of four times in the next hour, and you take her up on it because you know no one will ever find out--no one must ever find out.

2. Someone will always find out.

3. If you get caught, the law is on your wife's side. And you won't lose just half of your stuff. The other half-the golf clubs, the surround sound, the Armani--will be destroyed in a spectacular driveway bonfire as every angry woman you know toasts marshmallows shaped like your testicles.

4. And if you're not married? Your longtime girl is bound by no law.

5. Yes, traveling for business is lonely. Phone home for a bicoastal quickie.

6. Or, to paraphrase Neil Simon, do to yourself what you would otherwise do unto others.

7. If a woman who knows you're spoken for comes on to you, it's flattering. It's tempting. But remember that she's doing it to feed her own ego, not yours. She wants to see how much power she holds over you. And if you take her bait, she then knows she must be superior in every way to your sweetie. Deep down, she has nothing but contempt for both your male weakness and your mate's existence. That should really piss you off.

8. According to the Shari'ah, the laws of ancient Islam, adulterers must be stoned to death. Before you say, "Dude, cool," we mean with rocks. In these parts, that's what will happen to your good name. Friends you made while you were a couple will disappear. Friends you had as a single guy are long gone. That leaves you with the hard drinkers.

9. You're about to be with the kind of woman who wants to be with the kind of man who would cheat on a woman.

10. Channel all temptation toward the girl you left at home. Example: When out for a night with the boys, go to Hooters, not a strip club or roadhouse. Hooters girls are the unsung heroines of relationship therapy-gorgeous, chatty, and so untouchable that you always go home hungry. Your gal has no idea her sex life will improve tenfold when you get there.

11. At the office party, pretend the coworker who's flirting with you has gonorrhea.

12. "I'm famous for all the wrong reasons." --Joey Buttafuoco

13. If your ex calls, enjoy a pleasant 5-minute conversation. Then tell her your wife's on the other line.

14. Treat your temptation as a cage match. Defeating that treacherous organ between your legs is the ultimate triumph of man over nature. It's you versus your penis. He's up for the challenge. Are you?

~~~~~~~~
By Mike Zimmerman

Copyright of Men's Health (Rodale Inc.) is the property of Rodale Inc.. The copyright in an individual article may be maintained by the author in certain cases. Content may not be copied or emailed to multiple sites or posted to a listserv without the copyright holder's express written permission. However, users may print, download, or email articles for individual use.Source: Men's Health (Rodale Inc.), Oct2005, Vol. 20 Issue 8, p175, 1p