Still Around...

I just wanted to quickly say thank you to all my friends who have been so supportive during this emotion-filled time for me. So many of you have continually encouraged me and been praying for myself and my friends family and for ALL of that I'm so grateful and wanted to say thank you!

I considered the thought of discontinuing my blog following the event of my close friends death, similar to how my last blog-site I discontinued after the sudden passing of another close friend, but I don't think I will end up doing that. I've given it a lot of thought and I'm leaning toward continuing here, so only time will tell, but I plan to be back very soon.

For now, I just wanted to say thanks and let everyone know I'm doing well. It's been about a week and a half now and I think I have made it through the stages of grieving (I can't lie and say I wasn't continually monitoring myself...HA! But honestly, I think knowing about the stages and being aware of them has helped me to move through this process at the pace that I was able too).

It is definitely unfortunate that what happened happened, but I've accepted that there is nothing I can do to change it, so accepting it as what has happened and deciding how I want to live differently and in rememberance because of these events is where I'm at now. I'm able to be my joking self again at work. I'm eating well again and sleeping fine. No more showering to cry, and I can look at my friends picture again and smile and be happy for my times I had with her, rather than look at it and feel sad and have my heart hurt.

I hope to blog soon more in detail of the past week and a half, but we'll see when I can get around too that. Right now I'm keeping exceptionally busy at work, as I've taken on my friend's responsibilities (as she was our office's administrative assistant), as well as am continuing to carry my own responsibilities there. Because of this I'm working longer hours and staying VERY busy, leaving me to get home pretty tired, but we'll see when I can find the time!

Thanks again to everyone who has shared support during this time. It continually brought tears to my eyes to see the comments, IM messages, emails, texts, etc. from y'all showing that y'all cared and were thinking and praying for me!

R.I.P. my friend...

I've always sorta had this thing about me where I like having a best friend where ever I go. Growing up I had my best friend at school and my best friend for at church. Got me some more best friends in college and had some along for the ride through graduate school too. When going through graduate school I was blessed enough to work part-time for my uncle's doctor's clinic. So being another place, I quickly picked up another close friendship to have there as well.

This is actually the first time I've posted an identifiable picture of myself on my blog. I decided this was the best one for this occassion because it reminds me of how much fun we had together...

This was my closest friend at work. She and I did ALL sorts of things together (at work, outside of work, etc.) She was crazy as hell, which I think was why we got along so well! She was 5 years older than me, but many times would act 5 years younger than me. HA! She was seriously as nuts (if not more) than me. I liked this picture (though it's from nearly 3 years ago) of us because it shows how crazy fun we could be.

Today my friend was murdered in a murder-suicide by her husband she was going through a divorce with...

Things were going just like normal at work. I had made a BIG batch the night before of my homemade chicken salad that this friend of mine absolutely LOVED (she would pass up eating out if I'd make this stuff...HA!) So there it was lunchtime at work and several of us were making chicken salad sandwiches. As we were finishing up making them my friend asked if she could make her husband one (he also loved my chicken salad...i had made it for their family several times before) and I said, sure. She wanted to make him one too because she was going to meet him and get him to sign some paperwork for insurance purposes. Then she left...

That was the last time I saw my friend...

About an hour and a half later we were in route to the county hospital where she had been taken because of the trauma of a gun-shot. We were unaware of her status at that time, we just knew her husband had shot her and he was in a stand-off with the police at the hotel he was living out of at the time.

My friend didn't have any family in town (just a mother and brother in houston) so myself and two of my fellow co-workers who were very close to her went to the hospital...it was there at the doctor informed us of her passing. I was the only one to remain calm. I proceeded to talk with the chaplin and the nurses about giving information and sorts. The big concern at this point became my friends three young children...

Her oldest had been staying in Houston for the week with his grandmother, so they were contacted, but the two youngest children were at a daycare center and all we could think about was those poor children. We didn't want those two young girls to be stuck in CPS custody and placed with a foster family the night they found out about their parents deaths, so we worked with the "next-of'-kin" the grandmother in Houston and got it arranged so my aunt and I could take "custody" of the girls till we could get them to Houston. This bought about the following situation...

No one had told the girls what had happened yet....

My aunt (who is also very close to my friend) and I knew we wanted to do it rather than a CPS worker or a cop, but I looked at her and said, I don't know how to do it. I don't know what to say.

Sure, they all looked at me with my training and all, but trained or not, personal cases are in a whole different ballpark.

I had been one of the very few out of our whole office to be calm through this whole ordeal (which had been going on for some nearly 6 hours by this point), but I knew telling a 10 year old (turning 11 next week) and a 7 year old that their parents were dead was not in my line-up for the day.

How do you tell two young girls, two young girls that invite you to all their birthday parties, two young girls that look up to you and call you "Ms. Kimberly" that their mom that they loved so much and that loved them SOOOO much was dead?!?!

Well we did it. There was a lot of crying and hugging and sorta stuff. And then I was off back up to work to go through my friends personal belongings to find contact information and any other important papers I knew where she kept up there. I went through emails and got a contact number for her pastor from church and contacted him and told him the situation and he rushed over to speak with the girls.

When I got home the girls were off with my uncle and his two daughters (almost the exact same ages as my friends girls) to pick up our dog from the groomers and they stopped at Best Buy and got the girls iPod nanos and several cds to load on them.

So the rest of the night the girls and myself and my uncle occupied our minds by focusing on music and loading iPods. I think it was good for all of us.

But that didn't mean it was all easy...

I couldn't help but to start crying as I was going through my pictures on my computer of me and my friend to add the pictures to their ipods. And then they saw the necklace of her's that I had taken from her desk drawer at work (which I had stuck in my desk drawer) and one of the girls started crying and we put it on her...and yeah well we just had another crying, hug-fest.

So i don't know. It's nearly 2 AM and I'm not tired. I haven't eaten anything but a banana since my chicken salad sandwich at noon, but I don't feel like eating really.

I have one of the girls asleep in my bed (she's the one that likes me the most and was all excited about her birthday party that was going to be tomorrow and that I was coming too). And a little bit ago before she fell asleep she was like, "Ms. Kimberly, do you think my dad is in Heaven?"

Well, I tackled that one and also the one earlier from the other daughter of "Do you think my dad would have gone to jail if he hadn't shot himself too?"

Okay, I guess I should get to sleep now. It's been a long day...

Those With Whom We Make An Effort To Correspond

Do you have someone you make it a point to talk with him/her basically every day?

By this, I am not including convenience people--such as people you come in contact with on a daily basis due to working or living situations. I'm referring to people that you take the time to reach out and contact them and correspond on what is typically a daily basis, where if it weren't for making an effort, contact would be limited.

This is the type of person that completes your day! The one that you realize something is just missing in your day if you haven't talked with him/her yet. The person that you find yourself looking forward to talking with even when you talked to them less than 24-hours before.

Maybe it's a family member. Maybe it's a best friend. Whoever it is, they have grown into a special part of your life--someone that gives you your emotional nutrients for the day!

I look forward to my daily correspondence with my best friend, because I know that no matter what my day has been like thus far, I will get to smile due to our exchanges, whether they are in person, via the telephone or over an instant messenger window. Whatever the avenue, I look forward to our talks because I know that the bond we share through socializing helps greatly to re-energizes my joy for life!

Thoughts and Feelings

Just some thoughts...

• Have you ever revisited a scary feeling or thought from the past and realized how just thinking about it again makes your palms sweat and your heart skip a beat?
• What about the feeling of finally knowing that things are going to be okay after you had worried so much that they weren't?
• Or, what about the feeling of being able to breathe again after you did what you knew you needed to do, though you were leery about being able to go through with it in the first place?

It's amazing the feelings we can experience!

• You know what's another funny feeling type situation? That one where you're talking to someone who knows you real well. A best friend or a close family member and maybe you're joking around about something and then that person calls you on your behavior before you even do it! Like, if it had been anyone else, you'd be like, "whatever, I won't do that" or "don't act like you know me." But since it isn't just anyone all you can do is let the smile emerge and accept the fact that they know you better than anyone else! Don't even try to get frustrated that they called you on it either, because you know they could do it again if they wanted...HA! [Note: It really is funny how well some of our closest friends can get to know us and how we react in situations]
• What about those moments when you find yourself hesitating about being completely honest with a close friend about something that has bothered you concerning him/her? So after much agonizing contemplation and you decide to go forth with sharing your concerns there's those two moments in which one can hardly explain the feelings. First, there's that moment of when you've just finished sharing your concern and for a matter of maybe only a second you find yourself feeling in complete utter anticipation of the unknown--how will they respond? Was this is a mistake in the first place to be so completely honest? Should you have just left it at having felt bothered and that was it? Then when you get the response (that only a loving close friend can seem to give), and you find that they have accepted your willingness to be completely honest and open in the friendship, above and beyond their desires to become upset, you feel at that moment that you undoubtedly did the right thing. It's then that you realize what your friendship is truly made of!

Okay, just some thoughts and feelings that have crossed my mind due to recent occurences in my life. Let me just say that there is nothing quite like the feeling of having mended two important close friendships in one night! It's like feeling like you're a new woman! HA!

The Curse of "Falling in Love"...

Let's face it, we all probably know someone that "falls" hard and fast for people. Who knows, that someone might even be you! ;) Whatever the case, is that experience actually love? Is "falling in love" truly "love" at all?

In the book I'm currently reading--The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck, M.D.--(which I've been "currently reading" for months now. Yep that's how I "read" books. Don't expect me to finish it. I don't like to set TOO high of goals for myself...HA!) I recently read a passage that I found REALLY interesting. It's in Section II of the book, and this section covers love (I just love talking about love...HA)! Anyways, there is a part in this section entitled "Falling in Love" that I found very interesting. Honestly, I'd never really given much thought to the actual experience of "falling in love" but I think Dr. Peck makes some very interesting points that I thought were worth sharing.

I guess you can say that after I read this passage I had a stronger belief in my philosophy that the dating/courting/engagement period should be a longer process than a few months before two individuals unite in marriage. I think you'll see what I mean when you read the following paragraphs I took from this text, but if not, simply consider the thought of going from a state of feeling lonely on a consistent basis to the sudden state of loneliness being lifted. That transition alone has such a powerful influence on the psyche that it can disillusion the mind for a matter of months alone! I would hate to look back on my marriage and think about how it all began as I was in a state of disillusionment! For example, consider the following thought process: "Gosh, I was so lonely before I met Sam, but now I always have someone to talk to! What an amazing feeling!" Why yes, yes it is a great feeling to go from being lonely to not anymore; however, simply having someone to always talk to is not reason enough to marry them, nor does the consistent conversation mean that the two individuals truly love one another.

I guess I just feel if you don't let the state of having fallen in love subside before the marriage takes place, there could be a rude awakening to happen once the "honeymoon phase" subsides...

[The following passages have been taken from pages 84-90 of M. Scott Peck's text "The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth"]

Of all the misconceptions about love the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that “falling in love” is love or at least one of the manifestations of love. It is a potent misconception, because falling in the love is subjectively experienced in a very powerful fashion as an experience of love. When a person falls in love what he or she certainly feels is “I love him” or “I love her.” But two problems are immediately apparent. The first is that the experience of falling in love is specifically a sex-linked erotic experience. We do not fall in love with our children even though we may love them very deeply. We do not fall in love with our friends of the same sex—unless we are homosexually oriented—even though we may care for them greatly. We fall in love only when we are consciously or unconsciously sexually motivated. The second problem is that the experience of falling in love is invariably temporary. No matter whom we fall in love with, we sooner or later fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough. This is not to say that we invariably cease loving the person with whom we fall in love. But it is to say that the feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling love always passes. The honeymoon always ends. The bloom of romance always fades.

Some people…feel their boundaries to be protecting and comforting and find a sense of safety in their loneliness. But most of us feel our loneliness to be painful and yearn to escape from behind the walls of our individual identities to a condition in which we can be more unified with the world outside of ourselves. The experience of falling in love allows us this escape—temporarily. The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual’s ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The sudden release of oneself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundaries is experienced by most of us as ecstatic. We and our beloved are one! Loneliness is no more!

Assuming the reality of the definition of love with which we started, the experience of “falling in love” is not real love for the several reasons that follow.

Falling in love is not an act of will. It is not a conscious choice. No matter how open to or eager for it we may be, the experience may still elude us. Contrarily, the experience may capture us at times when we are definitely not seeking it, when it is inconvenient or undesirable.

Falling in love is not an extension of one’s limits or boundaries; it is a partial and temporary collapse of them. The extension of one’s limits requires effort; falling in love is effortless. Lazy and undisciplined individuals are as likely to fall in love as energetic and dedicated ones. Once the precious moment of falling in love has passed and the boundaries have snapped back into place, the individual may be disillusioned, but is usually none the larger for the experience. When limits are extended or stretched, however, they tend to stay stretched. Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling in love is not.

Falling in love has little to do with purposively nurturing one’s spiritual development. If we have any purpose in mind when we fall in love it is to terminate our own loneliness and perhaps insure this result through marriage. Certainly we are not thinking of spiritual development. Indeed, after we have fallen in love and before we have fallen out of love again we fell that we have arrived, that the heights have been attained, that there is both no need and no possibility of going higher. We do not feel ourselves to be in any need of development; we are totally content to be where we are. Our spirit is at peace. Nor do we perceive our beloved as being in need of spiritual development. To the contrary, we perceive him or her as perfect, as having been perfected. If we see any faults in our beloved, we perceive them as insignificant—little quirks or darling eccentricities that only add color and charm.

If falling in love is not love, then what is it other than a temporary and partial collapse of ego boundaries? I do not know. But the sexual specificity of the phenomenon leads me to suspect that it is a genetically determined instinctual component of mating behavior. In other words, the temporary collapse of ego boundaries that constitutes falling in love is a stereotypic response of human beings to a configuration of internal sexual drives and external sexual stimuli, which serves to increase the probability of sexual pairing and bonding so as to enhance the survival of the species. Or to put it in another, rather crass way, falling in love is a trick that our genes pull on our otherwise perceptive mind to hoodwink or trap us into marriage…On the other hand, without this trick, this illusory and inevitably temporary (it would not be practical were it not temporary) regression to infantile merging and omnipotence, many of us who are happily or unhappily married today would have retreated in whole-hearted terror from the realism of the marriage vows.

Did They Truly Do "all they could"?

Uhhh...I just HAVE to share this.

I guess I'm confused...

"Hager's parents said they did all they could to keep the couple apart after noticing a deeper-than-usual friendship between them."

...but...

"The Hagers said they reluctantly signed a consent form allowing their daughter to marry her coach."

I guess they truly did do "all they could", huh?

Uhh...maybe 16-year olds are just getting a little more threatening nowadays than I'm aware of?! I'm just glad the adults were the adults in this matter....RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

OH, and I admit I am NOT a law-follower. Not in the sense that I break laws, but rather that I don't follow what is and isn't a law too closely. With this being the case, I guess I'm just left thinking about the often used joke when a 20-something is dating a 16 year old and everyone snaps back with the comment of "illegal!" Does whatever "law" that is not apply if she's dating a 40-something??!!?

I'm also very curious about Mr. Wuchae's attraction to such young women.

Am I to believe that their relationship leading up to the marriage was strictly "hands-off"? Because if not, at what point is it considered a sex crime? Would Miss Hager (at the time of the incident) had had to have been a non-complying participant for the "sex crime" title? What if she just wasn't cognitively capable of making a decision of compliance or not at such a young age? I mean for goodness sakes she IS only 16!

Emotional

I had just sat and typed a long blog post and then as I was winding it up something just kinda hit me and I decided I didn't want to post and share it. I think it was some emotional feelings still attached to it, so I just saved it and closed the document.

But maybe I'm just in an emotional mood. Because then I ventured over to Brooke's blog and I saw this post and watch the two videos and both made me tear-up for different reasons.

I just HAD to share them here for y'all to see too.

[I honestly am just emotional tonight I think...HA!]

I really do just LOVE people! We are ALL so unique and great in our own ways! Watch this:



and this one is my favorite: