A Day at a Child Abuse Prevention Workshop

Yes, I know -- I haven't posted in FOREVER. Anyways, this is just going to be a short piece to share a couple videos I got to see today at a workshop I went to today on Child Abuse Prevention. The workshop started off with one of the speakers showing the first of the videos I'm going to share with you, and then they concluded the entire day with the second video I'm about to show you. Honestly, I don't know that I would have ended the workshop on such a sad note, but they did it in hopes that it would make our day really hit home as to how real child abuse is. Whatever the case, I can tell you that the first video will probably leave you with your guy hurting from laughing, and the second video will leave your heart hurting.

This was a humorous way to start the day by talking about how relationships in our lives are important and that they really do have a big impact on our lives:



Now, this video is the one that they ended the workshop on. I will tell you know, in a room of several hundred attendees, most left crying and just about all the rest of us had least had tears in our eyes:



And for anyone doubting the truth behind this video, I did snopes.com the story JUST to make sure it wasn't something made up to try to pull at people's heart-strings. Unfortunately, it's very true and that's the saddest part...

Social Workers...

...we are not a profession that just "takes away your babies"...

People Come Into Our Lives

I haven't blogged in over a month. I haven't put off blogging because I didn't want or know how to "continue" with the series I was on -- that is not the case at all. Matter of fact, on February 25th, I began writing the next piece to the series I was in the middle of (the continuation to the previous post); however, I found it to not be a good writing night, as the words didn't seem to be flowing out of me as I like them normally to do, so I set the blog aside and decided there's always tomorrow. Little did I know that later that night my mind/body would wig out on me and leave me in state of anxiety, which would keep me from the blogging realm for quite some time.

For nearly a month I haven't felt "right." Stressed I suppose, but it left me feeling in ways I've never felt before, thus I was scared many times and it wasn't till the past week or so that I've been feeling pretty good again. Thankfully, I've gotten to where I'm feeling calm again the majority of the time and I'm able to sleep, breath, smile, joke, and enjoy life almost back to "normal."

So, though I have the "continuation" of the previous blog series started and that is REALLY what blog post should be appearing here, I'd like to briefly comment on something else I'm seeing right now in my life...

I think it's so cool how people seem to have people come into their life when they really need them most. Have you ever noticed that new friends or "important people" in you life seem to show up just when you need them? I think sometimes we don't noticed just how much BOTH of the individuals actually need one another at the time. Sure, maybe one individual might seem more vulnerable or needy at the time, but most of the time, there are needs that are being met for both individuals.

The dynamics of relationships are so fascinating!

I've recently found myself getting close to a new individual in my life. It's been an honor for me to be able to be there for this person, as she is handling at lot in her life at this time; yet, I don't think she knows how much it's meant to me to have her there right now too. How could she not know she's actually being there for me so much right now you might ask?

One of the interesting things about friendships and support is just how sometimes all we need is someone that we can just feel they care. That they are there. It's someone to spend time with, even if you don't really have anything you feel you need to talk to them about. It's someone you enjoy everytime you get to see them. It's someone that you find yourself having reminders of them throughout your day, even if you aren't around the person at the time. You find yourself seeing a car that resembles theirs and it makes you smile and think of them. You find yourself randomly thinking about something they told you two days before it and makes you laugh out loud when no one is around.

...that is how my friend has been there for me, and it's really not something that people find them self being aware that they are actually doing it. Does that make sense? Anyways...

And then when you're with them, you can forget that other things are bothering you because you're focused on your time with them. Sure, sometimes you let yourself get focused and involved with what you want to help and support them with based on what they are dealing with, but sometimes it's even more than that. You welcome the break from worrying or dealing with your own life circumstances simply so you can feel free from your own life for a moment.

As I've gotten to know this individual I've continued to be fascinated by how she works and what makes her "tick." HA! [Note: That's how I am with just about everyone I meet....I try to figure them out and how they interact with others and the world.]

What's been so fascinating and interesting to me recently is how much this individual reminds me of a cross between one of my best friends and myself...HA! Tonight I was sitting and talking with this individual for a couple hours, and over and over again I found myself just sitting there listening to her and just smiling and almost beginning to laugh. Sometimes she'd ask me what I was laughing about and I would say, "you." HA! I'd then proceed to tell her how funny I found it that she and I were so much alike. And if it wasn't that I had her figured out because I knew what she was thinking due to the fact that she was thinking in a way similar to me, I'd have her figured out because she would be thinking in a way so similar to my best friend. HA!

I don't know. I just think it's interesting how people seem to come into our lives when we need them....and THAT is such a blessing!

Making the Most When the Plan Goes Astray

[This is the continuation of the previous blog post]

How easy is it to give up when things don’t go as planned? How easy would it be to call one’s self a failure and hang our head when the results don’t come out the way we had hoped?

Sometimes we plan for what we can’t control and then when reality takes a different path from what we had planned, we are forced to reconsider. Depending on the reality, this reconsideration can seem minute or monumental; still, it’s what we do next that determines if we are willing to let reality get the best of us, or if we’re willing to take it and run with it!

I can remember one of the first times I honestly thought this whole concept out that I’m talking about and how I was determined to not let myself get discouraged when things did not go as I had planned…

I had found myself running for an office position in an organization I was a part of at the time. I was anxiously anticipating the possibilities if I were to be elected by my peers into the position. Oh how I could use the position to reach out to fellow members in the organization! I could get real excited simply thinking about the endless possibilities! Then, when the election had come and gone I was not elected into the position and I knew immediately this would not crush my dreams for reaching out. I will never forget telling myself that same night that I would simply make a pledge to myself to be the best member I believed I could possibly be over that next year. I was determined to reach out to the new joining members in ways I had not in the past. I promised myself that I would make every effort to reach just as many members as I would have had I gotten the office position.

At the end of our next month all together as an organization I was honored as Member of the Month. Too me, this confirmed my promise I had made to myself. I couldn’t have been happier with my willingness to not let reality affect my overall hopes and plans. Do I say this in a boastful manner? No, rather a state of self-evaluation which I believe is crucial for us all to do throughout life. Sure, I had hoped and planned to reach people through the office position, but when that was not the path I was given, I realized that it was still possible for me to do what was my overall plan – that of reaching out to people.

When reality affected how I would reach people some years ago, I was quick to redirect myself and without hesitation or discouragement, willing to storm forward. Unfortunately, we don’t always find ourselves so eager to accept reality and move on. Sometimes we are left in a state of uncertainty when we are faced with the realization that what we had planned isn’t going to be reality. This state of uncertainty can bring about many different feelings within us, not to mention a sense of discouragement. It is then, when we find ourselves discouraged and uncertain that we tend to linger rather than taking off; however, this does not mean that we are not still capable of running with what we’ve now been given.

For me this has happened over the past year. Over a year ago I found myself graduating with my master’s degree in knowing full well in my head what I wanted to do with it. I had it all planned out, and was ready to land that dream job. Sure, that was not going to be the reality in it all, but nonetheless, I continued to look for it. Time passed and I found myself getting discouraged. I remember resenting talking about anything at all related to my job search or even having my degree with one of my best friends because I remember how discouraged I felt when she would ask me each time we’d talk “how’s the search going? My mom has even asked about you and wanted to know if you’d gotten a job in your career yet.” Gosh, not only was my friend pressuring me, but her mom to top it off! Sure, I’ve no doubt that my friend was not trying to make me feel pressured or degraded in any way since months had passed and I still hadn’t gotten a job in my field; yet, I couldn’t help but feel like I was being judged as someone with this second level of education and “still” doing a non-degree oriented occupation. Like I said, heck, even her mother, who I had VERY limited encounters with was wondering when I’d ever get into my field.

I think you can see where I was coming from. I felt discouraged and like my friends (not to mention their families) were rating me based on what I was doing as an occupation. Granted, I realize that is (unfortunately) how our country rates people, but still, it seems more personal when it’s coming from people whose opinion really matters to you.

So months passed, and there was the occasional interview here and there, but still no luck. It seemed if the position wasn’t disqualifying me based on my in ability to speak Spanish, it was because I didn’t have enough years of experience. Then when I’d about given up on looking and was ready to take a break a spot seemed to come to me. I was ecstatic! It was about as close to what I had envisioned and planned myself doing as anything I’d seen yet! Communications between the organization and me seemed to be looking real good. Finally, when it came down to it, and I had crunched and re-crunched the numbers, I had to turn it down because I would not have been able to support myself based on the limited income it was offering. I was crushed! It was as if my last hope had slipped away and I’d remain feeling like I was letting myself down, along with everyone else that continued to ask “why aren’t you using your degree yet?”

Sometimes when we are in the state of taking in the reality and how it has turned out differently than what we had planned, we are just as eager as anything to move on because we don’t like the feelings we find ourselves dealing with while trying to accept the reality. There was no doubt I felt discouraged and uncertain on if my plans of going into my field were any sort of reality for the near future. Because of this, I was lingering as I was trying to deal with the reality of it all. But then the tides would turn, and little did I know, I was about to make another promise to myself…

[To Be Continued]

We Try to Plan it All Out

In life it's so important to learn to take what you get and run with it. I guess it can depend on what you "get," but you might be able to look at it as, "roll with the punches;" if you're given lemons, "make lemonade." Thankfully, it's not always that we are faced with rough times and asked to overcome the obstacles. Sometimes we are just given a line-up other than we had expected (or possibly even hoped for) and then we are left to decide what to do with it.

I've always been a person that likes to plan things out and know what I'm going to do. I remember when I was preparing to call a guy I liked in college to ask him to a social event, I was so nervous I wrote out what to say on the phone--planned out the whole conversation (I say this with no shame, because whether you've done this before or not, I KNOW others have, so it's all good...HA!). Several rehearsal run throughs later (yes, including running through what he would say), and some deep breathes, I had dialed his phone number and waited anxiously for him to answer. He answered. Thus the script would begin...

Three seconds and two lines into the script things were already off course! How could this be!?! What would I do!?!? I mean I can't be mad at him for not following the script seeings how he'd never even seen it, nor had any idea I was holding it and reading it for that matter...HA! Yet, I so desperately wanted to get back on script. How could I make sure I was able to "ask" him to the event in a "cool" manner, so I wouldn't come off sounding like I really liked him!?! How was I going to get to that GREAT segue from simply shooting the breeze to nonchalantly asking him to the event if everything is off mark now?!

Though I was panicking on the inside, apparently I remained calm and undercontrol sounding on the outside...phew. Though it's been years ago and I can't remember exactly what mastery of the art of communication I resorted to in that situation to get the final result of the date for the event, all I DO remember is that my preplanning and script all went right out the window and I realized in the end all it had done for me is possibly gave me enough courage to make the call because I THOUGHT I knew my way through it and that it'd be "okay" because I knew how it was going to go.

Now, I'd like to say I've never again gotten to the point of where I've gone over, line-for-line, how I expected communications between myself and another individual to go, but I'd be lying if I said that. But what I have learned over the years is that more than likely, preplanned conversations, or even encounters, with individuals seldomly ever go as originally thought out. So NOW when I still find myself preplanning a situation, I'm quick to remind myself WHILE I'm planning that it's VERY likely that this is not how it's going to go and to not allow myself to feel as if I'll be devastated or freaked out if things go "off-script."

Thank goodness, I don't grade my life on how often it follows my "scripts," because if I did, not only would I have flunked, but I would have been forced to give up by now.

Sometimes it isn't necessarily a word-for-word script we have designed to depict the future, but rather an outline. It's as if we have envisioned the generalities of what should and hopefully will come about for us, and along with that, normally is a status of time. It's as if we are trying to write our story before it happens--sometimes in what I think is our response to the fear of the unknown of what's to come, but also as a form of motivation for something to work toward.

The most common example of this is the "what are you going to be when you grow up" question. I dare to say there's a single individual in this world that's cognitive enough to comprehend that question that has not been asked it. Thus, we all have had to respond to it. Sure, we might have outwardly said, "I don't know," but inside we have given thought to our lives ahead. Depending on our point in life when asked that question, some of our answers might be more researched and educated and closer to what we truly have interest in "being" than others. Nonetheless, it's something we find on our "outline" at that current time.

The outline is almost expected for those individuals in college. I mean, you can't reach the accolade of graduation without having a major, which is believed to be "what you want to do when you grow up," right? It's almost assumed upon graduation that that individual persue the career within their studies. Even the majority of the individuals graduating with a degree in a specific area will tell you that's the area they want to go into for a career. So at this point it's almost like the outline is no longer a guide, but rather writing in stone. How could you do anything other than what is "written"?! Jump to it! Put your studies into practice immediately!

...or so the outline of life says.

Do you want to know the #1 question asked of any individual that does anything other than working "in" their degree following graduation? "So, when you going to put your degree to use?" From what I hear (tee hee hee), it's about the 99th time you hear it during the first month following your graduation that you begin to get past the bitterness of people asking it. [Sidenote: I hear "the bitterness" starts about the time that the first person follows up the first question with "I mean you spent so much money on it, shouldn't you be using it?"] ;)

So what if you don't go directly into your field of study following graduation? Or what if you do, and it's only a matter of time that you find yourself wondering if that's really what you want to be doing as a career? Is it the end of the world? Have you failed?

It might be deemed that way by some of the previous question askers, but they haven't walked in your shoes; they don't know where your priorities lie and what's most important to you at that time. They have no rights to your outline. YOU are the one that gets to write and revise and decide how the outline goes, including the time status.

Maybe your outline is changing up some. Maybe it's been written for years and unchanged and now is the time. Now you find yourself revising. It could be the time table that's "off" or it could be the specific points. Whatever the revisions, make them and stand tall knowing it's your outline and it isn't always going to go as we have it planned out...

...but that's okay!

[To Be Continued]

I Hate Fighting With Myself

I hate it. I hate when I have all these thoughts going through my mind...

"Say this."

"Just let it all out and hold nothing back. You've got enough in ya right now to just start going and not stop for sometime. Say what you're really feeling in response."

"No, don't say it."

"Get control and just don't speak your mind."

"Just be still and the feeling to get it all out with subside. Be still."

The feelings are jumbled leaving a sense of uncertainty; the mind is trying to decipher it all; and the heart is hurting with each action of discomfort.

Sometimes I get these urges to just go...to just speak my mind...to go off...and it takes everything within me to control it. I just have to still myself for sometime.
That was me. Sitting teeth clinched, staring off into a point of nothingness, and as still as can be. Any chance at movement could be all it took to lose the control. Then just time--still, tedious, time.

But instead of a sense of success when I reach the state of the urge having subsided, I'm left with a heart hurting. The deep pain within your upper chest that leaves you short of breathe. It makes you want to stretch your chest cavity and release the pressure. It sucks and I hate it.

It Can Get The Best Of Me

Over what seems like the past year or so I have found that I have this new thought processing that seems to come over me when I'm hurting. The hurt can include many different kinds of hurting (i.e. anger, stressed, betrayal, lonely based on feelings of being different, depressed, etc.). It has seemed that whenever I find myself hurting in these ways, I can find myself thinking how I need to change something.

Sure, feelings are not going to change if I don't change anything from the way it is, that's a given. Yet, it seems I oftentimes find myself thinking I need to "get new friends."

I don't know why this is and what it means but it's always such a strong feeling. It's a sense of feeling like I need to cut myself off from the style of friend network I currently find myself interacting with at the time and try to get closer to other friends and/or look to make new friends.

It always kind of catches me off guard when I find myself thinking this, but at the same time I can't ignore it or convince myself that it's unnecessary. It can get the best of me.

I hate it, but at the same time I'll find myself feeling determined that I need to start taking steps to make some changes and restructure my friend network.

It scares me, and I'll find myself getting upset emotionally thinking about it, but something in me says it's what I've gotta do. Only a matter of months ago I remember the feeling was so strong that I convinced myself that I needed to find a job in an area of town that was the furthest from my closest friends. It was the only area left in town that I hadn't explored and sent resumes too during my career searching process. The exact reason why I refused to look in those areas was because it would put me too far away from the friends I felt the closest too and spent the most time with. Nonetheless, when the feeling had me convinced that I needed to make some changes, I spent hours printing up cover letters to all the potential employers in those areas.

Today I still have those cover letters. They never got sent out. There's times when I'm grateful that something convinced me not to go through with it; however, it's only till the next time that I find that feeling and desire for change hitting me that I feel it's unfortunate that I didn't take action the time before.

It's funny how we think sometimes...