Life As I Know It...

Dear D,
I was going to write you last night, but something came up.

Things have been good lately. As you know, L and I were just saying the other day how both of us had been doing really good except we each had had one random point of really missing you. L was saying how she heard a song and it reminded her of you and she said she just lost it. HA! For me, I hadn't cried since that first week either until just the other day and I was talking with Dr. K over at your desk. I had actually came back to the desk and caught him just admiring your kids art work that's still hung on your desk. He was just kinda smiling and looking at it. We started talking about stuff and I was commenting to him about the power of our senses in recalling the memories. I was telling him about how one of your daughters had given me one of your stuffed animal dogs from your bedroom and how when I smell it it still smells like you. As I was saying that too him I started to get choked up, so I quickly changed subjects. HA! That was the first time I found myself almost crying.

As you know, things are moving forward at work, but you're never far from anyone's minds. I know it's making you smile to see how much you've brought us all together and what an AMAZING job everyone is doing in trying to raise money for your babies! Man, I can just see you now--crying! HA! Happy tears of course now, but still. I know you're so proud of everyone at work. It makes me cry thinking about it.

I just finished reading what everyone wrote in the cards I put out this week for us to mail to your kiddos. It had me crying. I can only hope those kids realize how much you loved them, as those of us close to you from work know so well.

You know what I've been thinking about a LOT since that day? Remember that one time when we were at the mall for lunch and we were down in the food court area? We had gone into that department store that was going out of business and I just kept watching you having SOO much fun picking out outfits to get for your girls. You always LOVED to get them stuff! Anyways, I'll never forget....outta no where I was like, "Do you ever regret, well not regret, but wish you hadn't had your kids so young? Like not regret having kids, but if you could have had it differently and had the same kids and all, but later on in life, would you have?" You said you wouldn't have changed it for anything. That's always stuck with me. Sure, had some rough times because you were so young and all when you had the kids, but you made things work out. You were an amazing mom through the hardships.

Earlier today at work I found myself really missing you. As you know, there was no one around this afternoon. You know, those kinda empty Friday afternoons in the office. And with no other administration but myself there today, it made for a really quiet time back in the back. It was right after I had gone and bought from the bake sale the physical therapy department had done for your kiddos (and they raised over $375!!!) and I was sitting at your desk just eating the absolutely AMAZING brownie cupcake (oh my gosh you would have LOVED it! Not to mention you would have LOVED this sub-sandwich I had for lunch that L had went and picked up for us for lunch. Oh my gosh, D! And I know how you loved your food! HA!). As I was eating the cupcake and opening mail I just kept feeling you presence. I guess because it was so quiet back there and being in your area and all. It was making me missing those times of just chilling and talking with you back there when no one else was around.

Oh and you know, the docs aren't as scary as I thought they were! HA! And I know you're SOO proud of me for even answering the phones now! HA! HA! HA! OH...and how about those time-sheets!? HA! You weren't kidding when you said they take all day! But oh well, someone's gotta do them. At least it gives me an excuse to get to sit down for a while. I'm beginning to think your back problem might have been related to the fact that you NEVER get to sit down in your position. HA! I'm seriously like running around that office all the time! It's no wonder I'm beat by time I get home! HA!

Alright, it's Friday night, so I should probably go find something worthwhile to do I guess.
Much Love, my friend!
me

P.S. you KNOW you know where that 4th card we had laid out for people to sign ended up. You know, the one we had madeout for your mom and brother. It's gotta be SOMEWHERE around that office. Would you please stop playing games and let it "show up" on my desk when I get back next week. Because I really don't want to send out these three to the kiddos without that one for your mom and brother with it. Thanks, I'd appreciate it! ;)