As I approach my two-year blog anniversary (and yes, though you might be looking at my archive right now and saying, "uh, no, no two-year coming up. You must take into consideration my "old blog" which you can find on my links on the sidebar), I have some thoughts crossing my mind and I need some input.
Over the past two years I have shared a lot of my "thoughts," including some personal cases, but probably more just "thoughts." Whatever the case, I'm curious what has come from this...
I'm asking for your comments as in what you have learned about me from my blogging. Granted, many of you have not been with me from the beginning, but whether you started reading last week or more than a year ago, you most likely have learned something "new" about me from one or more of my entries. So...
What have you learned about me?
It can be something as straight-forward as something I came out and said about myself in an entry that maybe you didn't know, or it can be something more in-depth that you have come to realize about me based on your "observations" from my entries.
Also, for some of you who might have known me fairly well, prior to reading my blog, maybe this has just reinforced something you thought you were pretty sure you knew about me. In that case, you can respond with that too.
Don't be shy, and don't think your comments have to be "positive," as I am just as curious for criticisms as well.
Tell me something(s).
This has potential for leading me to something else...
[NOTE: Please keep in mind what you have "learned" about me, should be geared toward what you have learned through my blog entries. If you have learned something about me over the past two years in reference to other means of knowing me (i.e. from hanging out together, or IMing together, or talking on the phone), do not take that into consideration. Merely from having read some of my blog entries.]
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
Blue Like Monday Mornings
Blue Like Jazz Chapter 19 – Love: How to Really Love Yourself
Over the past two weeks with this blog series you have seen the importance I think loving others is, as with chapter 18 (Love: How to Really Love Other People) I had to spend two weeks on because I thought there were so many GREAT points to be shared. Well, while this chapter I will only cover in one week, I do not want its importance to be undertook. This chapter is JUST as important, and actually, more important in my eyes, as I firmly believe you can not truly love others unless you can first love yourself.
More often then not, issues of over-eating, smoking, excessive drinking, depression, etc. can be tied back to a lack of self-love. Yes, stress is involved, but that stress very well could be deeply related to one’s own view of their self—one’s lack of love for their self.
I don’t necessarily like the term “self-hatred” because that is difficult to come to grips with a person. Many people like to say, “Well I don’t ‘hate’ myself, I just don’t love myself.” Apathetic I suppose? HA! Well whatever you want to keep telling yourself… ;)
Basically, I just want to make sure the importance of loving one’s self is understood.
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And that is what I love about Reed College because even though there are so many students having sex and tripping on drugs and whatever, there is also this foundational understanding that other people exist and they are important, and to me Reed is like heaven in that sense. I wish everybody could spend four years in a place like that, being taught the truth, that they matter regardless of their faults, regardless of their insecurities.
We all have our faults; even those of us that will go to extreme measures to try to keep them hidden. Faults are to be human. Faults and all, we matter as a person. Yes, we can be insecure about our faults and hope that people don’t see them, and to hope that they won’t be pointed out to others, and to long to forget them, but still we are human and we deserve to be loved and accepted through our faults—whether they are widely known or not.
--------------------------------------------
My friend Julie from Seattle says the key to everything rests in the ability to receive love, and what she says is right because my personal experience tells me so. I used to not be able to receive love at all, and to this day I have some problems, but it isn’t like it used to be.
You know, I’d have to agree with Julie on this one. Here is my figuring…
I believe in life we are all about gaining acceptance; acceptance from our loved ones, from our peers, from our co-workers, from our community, etc. Acceptance, to me, is a form of love, and if you are unable to receive love, even a small form of love, such as acceptance by a co-worker or an acquaintance in your community (someone whom you are not all that close too), if you can’t accept that piece of love, you can not accept greater levels of acceptance and love.
And though many do not like to be faced with this idea, being unable to accept and receive love boils back down to the idea of a lack of self-love for yourself—believing you are unworthy of someone else’s love. Believing you are unlovable. It is a tough struggle, but it is a struggle SO many face.
--------------------------------------------
There was always, within me, this demand for affection, this needy, clingy monkey on my back. I wouldn’t be satisfied unless the girl wanted to get married right away, unless she was panicky about it, and even then I would imagine non-existent scenario in which she finds another man or breaks up with me because the way I look. I would find myself getting depressed about conversations that never even took place.
I want to leave that point at that and just ask this one question…
Do you ever find yourself getting depressed about things that haven’t even happened?
--------------------------------------------
“You seem so normal, Don. You have a company and are a writer and all.” Diane looked at me, bewildered.
“Yeah. But there is something wrong with me, isn’t there?”
I was half hoping she would say no. I was hoping she would explain that everybody is nuts when they get into a relationship, but then it turns euphoric shortly after marriage and sex. But she didn’t.
“Well, Don, there is. There is something wrong with you.”
“Oh, man,” I said. “I just knew it. I just knew I was a wacko.”
I thought about the movie “A Beautiful Mind” and wondered whether any of my housemates existed or whether those guys who kept following me were in the FBI.
My sole purpose for sharing this portion is because I LOVE the last part. If you have ever seen the movie “A Beautiful Mind,” you HAVE to tell me you’ve had that thought cross your mind before! HA! I love it!
[Clarification: “I love it” that we all have that thought cross our mind, not that I wonder if I’m schizophrenic…HA!]
We all have probably had stressful times when we have wondered if we were really going crazy! HA!
--------------------------------------------
She broke it off. She sent me a letter saying that I didn’t love myself and could not receive love from her.
It’s unfortunate sometimes that people have to be confronted and shown in such a blunt manner issues like that, but sometimes that is just what it comes down to. It is something that, depending on the style of the therapist, you could get it that blunt in therapy as well.
Whatever the case, however the person ends up being “fed” the news, it is once they get it, and I mean when they truly SEE it, that they are able to have the moment that is referred to in therapy as the “ah ha” moment. Once they have the “ah ha,” it is then that healing and self-love can begin.
--------------------------------------------
The sentiment was simple: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
I would never talk to my neighbor the way I talked to myself, and that somehow I had come to believe it was wrong to kick other people around but it was okay to do it to myself.
While this sounds so ironic, it is often so true. So often, those who have no self-love are ones that are trying their best to love everyone else with the best of their ability, even if it isn’t all that much to start with.
It typically comes down to a comparing thing, where an individual views their self as not worthy of love, because they could be comparing their self to others who they deem as “worthy.” And since they see these “others” as worthy, they are of course “worthy” of love, so the person does their best to love the “others.”
Did you follow me on that one?
Basically, since I believe I can’t love myself, I will love others.
I understand this is not ALWAYS the case, but it is in many.
For some people it comes down to the belief that none of us are “worthy” of being loved, especially one’s own self. And for those I love this point…
--------------------------------------------
If it is wrong for me to receive love, then it is also wrong for me to give it because by giving it I am causing somebody else to receive it, which I had presupposed was the wrong thing to do.
Now there’s a throw-it-in-your-face statement. HA! I love it, but it is true, if one is going to believe that “it is wrong for [them] to receive love.”
--------------------------------------------
And so I have come to understand that strength, inner strength, comes from receiving love as much as it comes from giving it.
That’s right. And with that being the case, how you learn to “Really Love Other People” is through loving yourself first!
[Note: All the above text in smaller italic print has been quoted directly from Donald Miller’s “Blue Like Jazz”]
Over the past two weeks with this blog series you have seen the importance I think loving others is, as with chapter 18 (Love: How to Really Love Other People) I had to spend two weeks on because I thought there were so many GREAT points to be shared. Well, while this chapter I will only cover in one week, I do not want its importance to be undertook. This chapter is JUST as important, and actually, more important in my eyes, as I firmly believe you can not truly love others unless you can first love yourself.
More often then not, issues of over-eating, smoking, excessive drinking, depression, etc. can be tied back to a lack of self-love. Yes, stress is involved, but that stress very well could be deeply related to one’s own view of their self—one’s lack of love for their self.
I don’t necessarily like the term “self-hatred” because that is difficult to come to grips with a person. Many people like to say, “Well I don’t ‘hate’ myself, I just don’t love myself.” Apathetic I suppose? HA! Well whatever you want to keep telling yourself… ;)
Basically, I just want to make sure the importance of loving one’s self is understood.
--------------------------------------------
And that is what I love about Reed College because even though there are so many students having sex and tripping on drugs and whatever, there is also this foundational understanding that other people exist and they are important, and to me Reed is like heaven in that sense. I wish everybody could spend four years in a place like that, being taught the truth, that they matter regardless of their faults, regardless of their insecurities.
We all have our faults; even those of us that will go to extreme measures to try to keep them hidden. Faults are to be human. Faults and all, we matter as a person. Yes, we can be insecure about our faults and hope that people don’t see them, and to hope that they won’t be pointed out to others, and to long to forget them, but still we are human and we deserve to be loved and accepted through our faults—whether they are widely known or not.
--------------------------------------------
My friend Julie from Seattle says the key to everything rests in the ability to receive love, and what she says is right because my personal experience tells me so. I used to not be able to receive love at all, and to this day I have some problems, but it isn’t like it used to be.
You know, I’d have to agree with Julie on this one. Here is my figuring…
I believe in life we are all about gaining acceptance; acceptance from our loved ones, from our peers, from our co-workers, from our community, etc. Acceptance, to me, is a form of love, and if you are unable to receive love, even a small form of love, such as acceptance by a co-worker or an acquaintance in your community (someone whom you are not all that close too), if you can’t accept that piece of love, you can not accept greater levels of acceptance and love.
And though many do not like to be faced with this idea, being unable to accept and receive love boils back down to the idea of a lack of self-love for yourself—believing you are unworthy of someone else’s love. Believing you are unlovable. It is a tough struggle, but it is a struggle SO many face.
--------------------------------------------
There was always, within me, this demand for affection, this needy, clingy monkey on my back. I wouldn’t be satisfied unless the girl wanted to get married right away, unless she was panicky about it, and even then I would imagine non-existent scenario in which she finds another man or breaks up with me because the way I look. I would find myself getting depressed about conversations that never even took place.
I want to leave that point at that and just ask this one question…
Do you ever find yourself getting depressed about things that haven’t even happened?
--------------------------------------------
“You seem so normal, Don. You have a company and are a writer and all.” Diane looked at me, bewildered.
“Yeah. But there is something wrong with me, isn’t there?”
I was half hoping she would say no. I was hoping she would explain that everybody is nuts when they get into a relationship, but then it turns euphoric shortly after marriage and sex. But she didn’t.
“Well, Don, there is. There is something wrong with you.”
“Oh, man,” I said. “I just knew it. I just knew I was a wacko.”
I thought about the movie “A Beautiful Mind” and wondered whether any of my housemates existed or whether those guys who kept following me were in the FBI.
My sole purpose for sharing this portion is because I LOVE the last part. If you have ever seen the movie “A Beautiful Mind,” you HAVE to tell me you’ve had that thought cross your mind before! HA! I love it!
[Clarification: “I love it” that we all have that thought cross our mind, not that I wonder if I’m schizophrenic…HA!]
We all have probably had stressful times when we have wondered if we were really going crazy! HA!
--------------------------------------------
She broke it off. She sent me a letter saying that I didn’t love myself and could not receive love from her.
It’s unfortunate sometimes that people have to be confronted and shown in such a blunt manner issues like that, but sometimes that is just what it comes down to. It is something that, depending on the style of the therapist, you could get it that blunt in therapy as well.
Whatever the case, however the person ends up being “fed” the news, it is once they get it, and I mean when they truly SEE it, that they are able to have the moment that is referred to in therapy as the “ah ha” moment. Once they have the “ah ha,” it is then that healing and self-love can begin.
--------------------------------------------
The sentiment was simple: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
I would never talk to my neighbor the way I talked to myself, and that somehow I had come to believe it was wrong to kick other people around but it was okay to do it to myself.
While this sounds so ironic, it is often so true. So often, those who have no self-love are ones that are trying their best to love everyone else with the best of their ability, even if it isn’t all that much to start with.
It typically comes down to a comparing thing, where an individual views their self as not worthy of love, because they could be comparing their self to others who they deem as “worthy.” And since they see these “others” as worthy, they are of course “worthy” of love, so the person does their best to love the “others.”
Did you follow me on that one?
Basically, since I believe I can’t love myself, I will love others.
I understand this is not ALWAYS the case, but it is in many.
For some people it comes down to the belief that none of us are “worthy” of being loved, especially one’s own self. And for those I love this point…
--------------------------------------------
If it is wrong for me to receive love, then it is also wrong for me to give it because by giving it I am causing somebody else to receive it, which I had presupposed was the wrong thing to do.
Now there’s a throw-it-in-your-face statement. HA! I love it, but it is true, if one is going to believe that “it is wrong for [them] to receive love.”
--------------------------------------------
And so I have come to understand that strength, inner strength, comes from receiving love as much as it comes from giving it.
That’s right. And with that being the case, how you learn to “Really Love Other People” is through loving yourself first!
[Note: All the above text in smaller italic print has been quoted directly from Donald Miller’s “Blue Like Jazz”]
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Evil
In my prior post I was posed a question for which I can’t recall having given much thought to the matter in the past. With this being the case, I marveled in the idea of spending sometime thinking about it and deciding what it was that I did think of the matter. So I give you the question asked of me…
What is My Take on Evil?
Hmm…
I first want to turn to my good and faithful “word” source: http://www.dictionary.com/.
e·vil
adj.
1. Morally bad or wrong; wicked: an evil tyrant.
2. Causing ruin, injury, or pain; harmful: the evil effects of a poor diet.
3. Characterized by or indicating future misfortune; ominous: evil omens.
4. Bad or blameworthy by report; infamous: an evil reputation.
5. Characterized by anger or spite; malicious: an evil temper.
n.
1. The quality of being morally bad or wrong; wickedness.
2. That which causes harm, misfortune, or destruction: a leader's power to do both good and evil.
3. An evil force, power, or personification.
4. Something that is a cause or source of suffering, injury, or destruction: the social evils of poverty and injustice.
Going by the term used as an adjective, I would say, I agree that genocide and beheading and murder and etc. are “evil” acts. These are topics I have discussed in recent blog entries and while I wonder if these acts are inhumane, that does not discredit them as “evil” acts.
As for the second definition—one of a noun status, I think that is getting more into what was being questioned with the posed question to me. Do I believe “evil” is a noun as in a state of being its self? Do I believe in an evil “force, power, or personification?”
You know, I don’t believe I do…
I find when most people believe in an evil state of being, they tend to reference this to a Satan character. Something of the devil or the Antichrist—whatever terminology is of your preference.
I suppose for me, as I doubt an all-powerful beings existence, by belief in an “evil” supplier—Satan, the devil, etc.—it is just as doubtful.
I question that there is a “force” over man that causes, or even influences, him to perform “evil” acts. I don’t know that I believe we are guided in any sense by a force other than our own humanity.
And as for believing that there is a strand of mankind that is in its self an “evil force,” I would say no. Yes, I believe man can have great influence over another man, thus influencing him to behave in an evil manner as well, but I do not believe people are destined for “evil acts” based on any “evil personification” that man can be born into.
So with this sort of a stance, one could question my idea of “evil” acts, while holding onto my disbelief in an “evil force.”
I do believe there are acts/behaviors man performs that are “evil.” I do not like to use the words “right” and “wrong” or “good” and “bad” much, but I can see “evil” in a different light.
Many would say murder, killing, etc. are definitely “wrong” and “bad;” maybe so, but I find it hard to denote someone’s actions merely as “wrong” and “bad” because I believe behaviors are acted out because of purposes. They have a drive behind them. That murder was performed for a purpose serving the murderer, as hard as that might be to swallow for an outsider looking in. Yes, I would agree that maybe the murderers “purpose” could have been met through different means, or that the overall purpose was not worthy, as the life was, but still a purpose was being met in the eyes of the murderer.
We all behave differently…
…and that is what I love so much about the study of the human race!
So whether the act was “right” or “wrong,” I can’t say, but I can contribute some behaviors to a descriptor of “evil.” And let me explain my reasoning behind how I can view an act as “evil” while not crediting it to being “wrong” or “bad.”
I see evil in a sense of acts made against mankind, because there is truly an issue when man will behave in unjust manners toward his own kind. This is like committing an act with negative consequences upon one’s self, in my opinion. When one will cause such painful consequences to another human being for his own purposes, I describe those acts as being “evil.” And do note I am referencing the “acts” as “evil,” therefore keeping to my belief of “evil” as an adjective.
When man behaves in these “evil” manners, I believe it is he who is choosing his actions, and not some over-powering “evil force.” As for why I believe he would “choose” “evil acts,” that is for a blog entry all in its self, which would be filled with the theories I support in reference to human behavior.
So in summary…
Evil acts are unfortunate; however, mankind brings them upon himself, in my opinion. This being that I believe there is no ultimate Evil force (“Evil” with a capital “E”).
[Note: Please understand my usage of the terms “man” and “he” in reference to performing “evil acts” is referring to both males and females (mankind in general), as I do believe both are capable of “evil acts.”]
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Where Do You Even Start…
I think I would have thrown-up…
I sit here in a state of wanting to cry, but no tears will come…
It really did happen. The pictures make it real for me. Then the narrative Elie Wiesel can provide on the whole Holocaust experience just puts you in awe.
I just finished watching my recorded Oprah episode from Wednesday, and it brings about the above statements…
I want to take a quick second to explain the importance I see behind the Oprah show. I have been heckled for my faithful taping and watching of the Oprah show, but I see it no worse than those who will skip out on friend gatherings to get home in time to see Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, Lost, or The Office. I don’t mind the heckling one bit, because what I remind myself is the awareness I have gained over my coming up on two years worth of dedication to this show. The light Oprah’s show sheds on life experiences that either we many times have no idea is going on in the world around us, sometimes even in our own backyards, or the situations in life that we many times are unaware that we are not alone in experiencing in life—these are the episodes which can change a person from that day on. Because as Oprah many times has said, “Once you’ve seen it, you can’t say you don’t know it is going on.”
Please understand, it is not Oprah herself that draws me to her shows. Matter of fact, I often give her very minimal credit for her show, as I think it is her writers and producers and other such people, who are BRILLIANT! The types of shows she has on day-after-day are 85-90% of the time very eye-opening. It is seldom that I will find myself fast-forwarding through an episode, and those typically only for the occasional diet episode, or guest clothes designer who is on having a modeling shoot on stage, or the sometimes celebrities that she might have on that I have no interest in. But most of the times she deals with topics that are so real and in your face that you leave the episode under a new sense of awareness that you hadn’t had some 45 to 60 minutes earlier. This was Wednesday’s episode’s case…
I knew it was coming. I saw it on the Oprah website. I was anticipating this episode. I informed a buddy of mine of its coming. It was a special episode. Sponsored specifically by AT&T wireless to bring an episode with minimal commercials simply because of the magnitude of the episode…
…it was a walk into the life of a Holocaust survivor’s story. Elie Wiesel’s story. A Nobel Peace Prize winning story. The current Oprah’s Book Club book choice: “Night” by Elie Wiesel himself. And though I haven’t read the book, I can direct you here for some insight into it, but I can also tell you this, that from the quotes from it that were used in this episode, it must be a powerful book (as if the awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize it achieved does not say enough). The episode its self was with Oprah walking arm-in-arm with Elie Wiesel on the grounds of the very concentration camp, Auschwitz camp, where he lived the hellish life of a 15 year old Jewish boy some 60 years ago brought to the camp to die as so many millions of other Jews were taken.
I watched this episode at first in a sense of, “yes this happened, and yes it is sad” to later finding myself in a state of “my gosh, what could that even have been like?”
When I finished watching it, I went to the shower. I thought I could think about it. Cry if needed. Think some more. Ponder the thoughts I collected while watching it.
I couldn’t cry. I don’t know why, but I get like this many times. But what I did notice was the titles of three songs that played on my iPod as I showered. I found their titles right on for the situation…
“I Can Only Imagine” (by Mercy Me), followed by “On Fire” (by Switchfoot), and then “Unbelievable” (by Kaci Brown).
That sums up a lot of the episode.
As one watching you “can only imagine.” Not only were there people “on fire” in the harsh death factories dying by cremation, but there were people “on fire” for Hitler. People “on fire” for a cause—started by Hitler. It’s just “unbelievable”…
…to the point that we “don’t want to believe it,” as Wiesel said. For his own state of being, while in the camp, he would not allow himself to “believe it.” You just couldn’t do that…
…or you’d go insane.
This episode had so many pictures. It was the pictures that really made it all real for me. Seeing the young children. Babies. Mere infants. In their mother’s arms as they waiting in lines for “showers.” Those being showers of gas, in one of the several gas chambers.
Wiesel said many times they didn’t know. They were told they were in line for a shower. But sometimes they knew. That’s what hits me. When you know…
…dear gracious. I think I would have thrown-up with the initial thought. When you know your death is impending and inevitable, where do your thoughts even begin? Where do you even start?
Since I am under the impression that many of my readers are not Oprah watchers, I’ll try a Grey’s Anatomy reference from one of the couple episodes I’ve basically been “forced” to watch (this is because I believe most everyone but myself and one other I recently discovered, is obsessed with this show). I believe it was the train wreak episode. And a younger lady and an older gentleman had been brought into the hospital following the wreak, as they were stuck together with a long pole of some sort that was from the wreckage that had been lodged through the two of them, more specifically through their stomach areas, making them “attached.” Both individuals were conscious and apparently not in states of pain due to the specific injury, but both knew the situation was serious.
The doctors were aware that the likelihood of saving both individuals was minimal and due to the injury, the chances were better for the gentleman. As they explained the situation to the two individuals involved they began to realize the outlook of the state. The lady became aware of her fate. And as most good ole television shows do, the character handled it quite well. Acting as if she understood and she wanted the best for the gentleman and so on and so forth. But I watched it and thought, “Dear God, what goes through your mind at that moment?!?!”
It brings tears to my eyes right now thinking back on it. When you are faced with death—your OWN death and you are in a state of cognitive awareness, what can you possibly think about?!?!
How do you look at pictures of thousands and thousands of women and children and elderly lined up for “showers” and not think, “My gosh?!!?” It’s the mothers cradling their babies in their arms that hits you in your heart.
It all takes me back to my recent post on how Can One Be Human and do something like this to another human being?! This thought reoccurred in my mind over and over as I watched the Oprah episode and as Elie Wiesel frequently visited that thought too. The idea of humans killing other humans in such mass numbers; it just seems so inhuman.
I suppose deep down I have theories. I can come up with theories as to how some humans are capable of such behaviors, but those of course are just that—theories. They are my thoughts. But it is the pictures and the memoirs though, that make the deaths of the Holocaust more than just “thoughts” for people like you and me. It really did happen…
…and I am in awe.
I Use Therapy
Times are pretty full right now for me. If it isn’t time to get up and get to work, then it is time to come home from the evening internship training/orientation just in time to sneak a quick snack, hit the shower and get off to bed. Needless to say, I haven’t had my night times to write any thought-provoking blogs, or blogs period. And while this one is not going to be all that thought-provoking, I wanted to share a few thoughts I’ve had recently just in association with my current situation of training to start my new internship in providing therapy.
You know, when you are passionate about something, it becomes a part of you. I don’t know, I suppose that could be the chicken or the egg ordeal in that maybe it was a big part of you first and it developed into a passion; whatever the case, when we are passionate about something it is a part of us.
I have been accused of “playing therapist” with my friends. Not necessarily to the point of taking it upon myself to talk them through their struggles, unless they have asked me to, but more to the point of being accused of analyzing them or their situations. Many times, when I am accused it does catch me off guard because I honestly was not cognitively aware that I was “analyzing” them for the purpose of assessment, but rather I was just asking questions of them and then thinking about them because that is how I tend to work. If that makes sense to you.
Psychological thinking is a passion of mine. It is definitely a part of who I am. I enjoy the thought processes involved and the critical thinking it can entail. And while I have not always been this way in my manner, I find with the more education I gain in this area, the more I am able to think in such a way without even noticing it.
Analytical thinking has become a part of me, but that is not only that aspect of my educational training that is within me. As my passion is for therapy, and I truly do believe in it, I find myself often times using therapeutic techniques with myself. I mean if I believe in the ability for success from therapy for others, I should believe I am no better.
Sometimes it is infrequent technique use for me, such as the occasional relaxation technique. I can remember times of walking from my apartment during my undergraduate education, heading to class in order to take an exam that I might not have felt completely ready for, and I would find myself doing deep diaphragm breathing. The diaphragm breathing has always been a quick relaxation technique that has been beneficial for me. Often times we all breathe so shallowly, that this truly does give you a different feeling within which is very relaxing.
Then just the other day I found myself feeling weird inside. Honestly, I’m not sure what the feeling was, but it was a heightened feeling that kept my attention and I needed to be relieved of the state, as I had other activities to attend too. So I did a couple deep muscle relaxation with a few muscles in my body and it did its thing and I was good to go. I typically am not one to take the time to do much deep muscle relaxation, nor do I typically feel a need to, but when I have used it, it has been beneficial. Usually, if I find myself in a state of needing to quickly relax, I just do the couple deep breathes.
But relaxation techniques are not the only times I turn the therapy on myself. Most of the other times I do not even think twice about it as a therapeutic technique, but rather as a way of behaving that I know has benefits, as I have learned them through my educational training.
One thing I often consider is my unconscious processes. I believe it is important to be aware of what we are “feeding” our selves on a daily basis, because you can not be fully sure how your unconscious might be processing our experiences.
Just the other day at my internship training session one of my supervisors said this, “We all have a case of the blues from time to time.” You know, she is exactly right. You do not suffer from depression simply because you are feeling down or blue…
I wouldn’t have agreed with that original statement made by my supervisor some two years ago. Or if I did, I would have said I was the exception to the rule.
Believe it or not, I can honestly say throughout my time all the way up through my undergraduate degree, I could not relate with depressive states. I don’t know why this was, but I was always in a positive mindset and never found myself getting “down” about anything. Yes, I know it sounds strange, but honestly, it wasn’t until my time after graduating with my undergrad that I ever truly felt a depressive state of mind. And honestly, I would bet any of my close friends can attest to this, as they probably can’t recall me having depressive states prior to my leaving Abilene, and those who are still close to me can probably note how I have changed since then, as I have been vocal to about my states of the “blues” when they have come about.
With this being the case, I recently found myself in “a case of the blues.” And though I was not sure why I was feeling that way, I wanted to do whatever I could to lift my mood again. So, since I was not sure why I felt that way, I decided I needed to evaluate my situation and do whatever I felt could possibly help my situation. With this being the case, I made some changes, because like the saying goes, “You can’t keep doing what you’re doing and expect different results.”
One of the things I did which will probably sound rather interesting to y’all, was I took a song out of my life. At the time I had been obsessed with the song “Bad Day” by Daniel Powter. I LOVED that song! It was by FAR the most played song on my iPod. But the more I thought about it, that song’s lyrics were not all that positively oriented.
What kind of positive self-talk is saying over and over to yourself, “I had a bad day. The cameras don’t lie…” I mean when you are sitting in “the blues” while I suppose it might be accurate to say, “I had a bad day,” it isn’t necessarily something that you should be reminding yourself of over and over and over as you sing a song.
And yes, I know a lot of you are thinking right now, “Uh, it’s just a song, and they are just lyrics, what does that matter?” But honestly, like I mentioned earlier, I believe the unconscious has more power than we sometimes think.
So I said, “no more.” If I want to have a GOOD day, I can’t keep saying, or singing, “I had a bad day.” So I made a change!
I took it off my playlists on my iPod. I changed the channel or turned the radio off whenever it came on. I said I can’t listen to it anymore. So, as I check my iTunes right now, it says the last time it was listened to on my iPod was April 14, 2006.
Now I will confess. On Tuesday night’s American Idol this week I did have to listen to the song, because Daniel Powter was on live performing it, and I wanted to watch that part of the show as it was a memorial to the whole season, and though I thought about muting the tv, I still listened to it because it was a different version of the song, so I decided it wasn’t the same reinforcing song from the past. Plus I wasn’t singing along.
So, I can say I got out of that “case of the blues.” But was it because I stopped listening to that song? I doubt it, but I still feel strongly about my reasoning for stopping to listen to that song, though I still think it is musically a very appealing song to listen to and to sing along too.
But music means a lot to me. I think music can be very therapeutic. During the fall semester with my first internship I would have to drive really early in the mornings across town, so I would start the morning off each and EVERY morning in my car to one song. It HAD to be the first song I played everyday when I went to my internship. It was “It Feels Like Today” by Rascal Flatts. Though it was pretty early in the mornings (still dark outside sometimes), I would sing, usually pretty loudly, that song, especially the first few lines…
“I woke up this morning, with this feeling inside me that I can't explain. Like a weight that I've carried has been carried away, away. But I know something is coming. I don't know what it is but I know it's amazing, To save me, my time is coming.”
I mean it was appropriate, of course, since I basically has just “woke up,” but it gave me a sense of feeling; a sense of purpose and feeling for my day. I had a reason to go through the day feeling free, as if a weight had been lifted off me. Like even if yesterday had been bad, today was going to be a new day and “I woke up this morning, with this feeling inside me that I can’t explain. Like a weight that I’ve carried has been carried away.” It gave me a feeling to have for the day, just as saying “I had a bad day,” could give me a feeling for the day.
I don’t know. I believe in our powers to impact our daily life. And with this being the case, I strive to work in my own life just as I might guide a client to work in his/her own life. I, of course, can’t do the acting in a client’s life, but they can, and if they believe in what I suggest to them, they can possibly benefit from it, just as I have in my own life with my own judgments on how to affect my daily living. Whether that is in choosing to listen to one song everyday, or choosing to not listen to another song everyday…
…we can have affect on our own life!
You know, when you are passionate about something, it becomes a part of you. I don’t know, I suppose that could be the chicken or the egg ordeal in that maybe it was a big part of you first and it developed into a passion; whatever the case, when we are passionate about something it is a part of us.
I have been accused of “playing therapist” with my friends. Not necessarily to the point of taking it upon myself to talk them through their struggles, unless they have asked me to, but more to the point of being accused of analyzing them or their situations. Many times, when I am accused it does catch me off guard because I honestly was not cognitively aware that I was “analyzing” them for the purpose of assessment, but rather I was just asking questions of them and then thinking about them because that is how I tend to work. If that makes sense to you.
Psychological thinking is a passion of mine. It is definitely a part of who I am. I enjoy the thought processes involved and the critical thinking it can entail. And while I have not always been this way in my manner, I find with the more education I gain in this area, the more I am able to think in such a way without even noticing it.
Analytical thinking has become a part of me, but that is not only that aspect of my educational training that is within me. As my passion is for therapy, and I truly do believe in it, I find myself often times using therapeutic techniques with myself. I mean if I believe in the ability for success from therapy for others, I should believe I am no better.
Sometimes it is infrequent technique use for me, such as the occasional relaxation technique. I can remember times of walking from my apartment during my undergraduate education, heading to class in order to take an exam that I might not have felt completely ready for, and I would find myself doing deep diaphragm breathing. The diaphragm breathing has always been a quick relaxation technique that has been beneficial for me. Often times we all breathe so shallowly, that this truly does give you a different feeling within which is very relaxing.
Then just the other day I found myself feeling weird inside. Honestly, I’m not sure what the feeling was, but it was a heightened feeling that kept my attention and I needed to be relieved of the state, as I had other activities to attend too. So I did a couple deep muscle relaxation with a few muscles in my body and it did its thing and I was good to go. I typically am not one to take the time to do much deep muscle relaxation, nor do I typically feel a need to, but when I have used it, it has been beneficial. Usually, if I find myself in a state of needing to quickly relax, I just do the couple deep breathes.
But relaxation techniques are not the only times I turn the therapy on myself. Most of the other times I do not even think twice about it as a therapeutic technique, but rather as a way of behaving that I know has benefits, as I have learned them through my educational training.
One thing I often consider is my unconscious processes. I believe it is important to be aware of what we are “feeding” our selves on a daily basis, because you can not be fully sure how your unconscious might be processing our experiences.
Just the other day at my internship training session one of my supervisors said this, “We all have a case of the blues from time to time.” You know, she is exactly right. You do not suffer from depression simply because you are feeling down or blue…
I wouldn’t have agreed with that original statement made by my supervisor some two years ago. Or if I did, I would have said I was the exception to the rule.
Believe it or not, I can honestly say throughout my time all the way up through my undergraduate degree, I could not relate with depressive states. I don’t know why this was, but I was always in a positive mindset and never found myself getting “down” about anything. Yes, I know it sounds strange, but honestly, it wasn’t until my time after graduating with my undergrad that I ever truly felt a depressive state of mind. And honestly, I would bet any of my close friends can attest to this, as they probably can’t recall me having depressive states prior to my leaving Abilene, and those who are still close to me can probably note how I have changed since then, as I have been vocal to about my states of the “blues” when they have come about.
With this being the case, I recently found myself in “a case of the blues.” And though I was not sure why I was feeling that way, I wanted to do whatever I could to lift my mood again. So, since I was not sure why I felt that way, I decided I needed to evaluate my situation and do whatever I felt could possibly help my situation. With this being the case, I made some changes, because like the saying goes, “You can’t keep doing what you’re doing and expect different results.”
One of the things I did which will probably sound rather interesting to y’all, was I took a song out of my life. At the time I had been obsessed with the song “Bad Day” by Daniel Powter. I LOVED that song! It was by FAR the most played song on my iPod. But the more I thought about it, that song’s lyrics were not all that positively oriented.
What kind of positive self-talk is saying over and over to yourself, “I had a bad day. The cameras don’t lie…” I mean when you are sitting in “the blues” while I suppose it might be accurate to say, “I had a bad day,” it isn’t necessarily something that you should be reminding yourself of over and over and over as you sing a song.
And yes, I know a lot of you are thinking right now, “Uh, it’s just a song, and they are just lyrics, what does that matter?” But honestly, like I mentioned earlier, I believe the unconscious has more power than we sometimes think.
So I said, “no more.” If I want to have a GOOD day, I can’t keep saying, or singing, “I had a bad day.” So I made a change!
I took it off my playlists on my iPod. I changed the channel or turned the radio off whenever it came on. I said I can’t listen to it anymore. So, as I check my iTunes right now, it says the last time it was listened to on my iPod was April 14, 2006.
Now I will confess. On Tuesday night’s American Idol this week I did have to listen to the song, because Daniel Powter was on live performing it, and I wanted to watch that part of the show as it was a memorial to the whole season, and though I thought about muting the tv, I still listened to it because it was a different version of the song, so I decided it wasn’t the same reinforcing song from the past. Plus I wasn’t singing along.
So, I can say I got out of that “case of the blues.” But was it because I stopped listening to that song? I doubt it, but I still feel strongly about my reasoning for stopping to listen to that song, though I still think it is musically a very appealing song to listen to and to sing along too.
But music means a lot to me. I think music can be very therapeutic. During the fall semester with my first internship I would have to drive really early in the mornings across town, so I would start the morning off each and EVERY morning in my car to one song. It HAD to be the first song I played everyday when I went to my internship. It was “It Feels Like Today” by Rascal Flatts. Though it was pretty early in the mornings (still dark outside sometimes), I would sing, usually pretty loudly, that song, especially the first few lines…
“I woke up this morning, with this feeling inside me that I can't explain. Like a weight that I've carried has been carried away, away. But I know something is coming. I don't know what it is but I know it's amazing, To save me, my time is coming.”
I mean it was appropriate, of course, since I basically has just “woke up,” but it gave me a sense of feeling; a sense of purpose and feeling for my day. I had a reason to go through the day feeling free, as if a weight had been lifted off me. Like even if yesterday had been bad, today was going to be a new day and “I woke up this morning, with this feeling inside me that I can’t explain. Like a weight that I’ve carried has been carried away.” It gave me a feeling to have for the day, just as saying “I had a bad day,” could give me a feeling for the day.
I don’t know. I believe in our powers to impact our daily life. And with this being the case, I strive to work in my own life just as I might guide a client to work in his/her own life. I, of course, can’t do the acting in a client’s life, but they can, and if they believe in what I suggest to them, they can possibly benefit from it, just as I have in my own life with my own judgments on how to affect my daily living. Whether that is in choosing to listen to one song everyday, or choosing to not listen to another song everyday…
…we can have affect on our own life!
Monday, May 22, 2006
Blue Like Monday Mornings
Blue Like Jazz Chapter 18 – Love: How to Really Love Other People
In continuing with chapter 18 from last week, I want to add the points from the last part of this chapter that really stand out to me. Like last week, since I believe his points are so perfectly made in this chapter, I will not be doing them any justice in leaving remarks to them, so you’ll find, I only note on a couple of them, and then I just leave the rest of the space to Mr. Miller to shine through his brilliant points on the topic of loving one another…
--------------------------------------------------
It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll.
I absolutely love that!
--------------------------------------------------
…while attending an alumni social for Westmont College…Greg Spencer, a communications professor, was to speak…The lecture was about the power of metaphor. Spencer opened by asking us what metaphors we think of when we consider the topic of cancer. We gave him our answers, all pretty much the same, we battle cancer, we fight cancer, we are rebuilding our white blood cells, things like that. Spencer pointed out that the overwhelming majority of metaphors we listed were war metaphors. They dealt with battle. He then proceeded to talk about cancer patients and how, because of war metaphor, many people who suffer with cancer feel more burdened than, in fact, they should. Most of them are frightened beyond their need to be frightened, and this affects their health. Some, feeling that they have been thrust into a deadly war, simply give up. If there were another metaphor, a metaphor more accurate, perhaps cancer would not prove so deadly.
Science has shown that the way people think about cancer affects their ability to deal with the disease, thus affecting their overall health. Professor Spencer said that if he were to sit down with his family and tell them he had cancer they would be shocked, concerned, perhaps even in tears, and yet cancer is nothing near the most deadly of diseases. Because of war metaphor, the professor said, we are more likely to fear cancer when, actually, most people survive the disease.
Very interesting to think about…
--------------------------------------------------
Mr. Spencer then asked us about another area in which he felt metaphors cause trouble. He asked us to consider relationships. What metaphors do we use when we think of relationships? We value people, I shouted out. Yes, he said, and wrote it on his little white board. We invest in people, another person added. And soon enough we had listed an entire white board of economic metaphor. Relationships could be bankrupt, we said. People are priceless, we said. All economic metaphor. I was taken aback.
And that’s when it hit me like so much epiphany getting dislodged from my arteries. The problem with Christian culture is we think of love as a commodity. We use it like money. Professor Spencer was right, and not only was he right, I felt as though he had cured me, as though he had let me out of my cage. I could see it very clearly. If somebody is doing something for us, offering us something, be it gifts, time, popularity, or what have you, we feel they have value, we feel they are worth something to us, and, perhaps, we feel they are priceless. I could see it so clearly, and I could feel it in the pages of my life. This was the thing that had smelled so rotten all these years. I used love like money. The church used love like money. With love, we withheld affirmation from the people who did not agree with us, but we lavishly financed the ones who did.
Once again, VERY interesting to think about…
--------------------------------------------------
I don’t enjoy not liking people, but sometimes these things feel as though you are not in control of them. I never chose not to like the guy. It felt more like the dislike of him chose me.
--------------------------------------------------
Here is something very simple about relationships that Spencer helped me discover: Nobody will listen to you unless they sense that you like them.
If a person sense that you do not like them, that you do not approve of their existence, then your religion and your political ideas will all seem wrong to them. If they sense that you like them, then they are open to what you have to say.
I think that has a lot of truth to it.
--------------------------------------------------
After I decided to let go of judging him, I discovered he was very funny. I mean, really hilarious. I kept telling him how funny he was. And he was smart. Quite brilliant, really. I couldn’t believe that I had never seen it before.
I truly believe that when you love people, you are more open to really seeing more of who they really are as a person. You’ll find out more about them that you respect and “love” from being willing to love them in the first place.
--------------------------------------------------
I loved the fact that it wasn’t my responsibility to change somebody, that it was God’s, that my part was just to communicate love and approval.
--------------------------------------------------
When I am talking to somebody there are always two conversations going on. The first is on the surface; it is about politics or music or whatever it is our mouths are saying. The other is beneath the surface, on the level of the heart, and my heart is either communicating that I like the person I am talking to or I don’t. God wants both conversations to be true. That is, we are supposed to speak truth in love.
I ask God to make it so both conversations, the one from the mouth and the one from the heart are true.
I absolutely love that! It is so true that there is “second” conversation going on that is saying either I like you or I don’t. So true! And unfortunately or fortunately, that “second” conversation will typically control the first conversation, so it is important that it is given the appropriate consideration.
[Note: All the above text in smaller italic print has been quoted directly from Donald Miller’s “Blue Like Jazz”]
In continuing with chapter 18 from last week, I want to add the points from the last part of this chapter that really stand out to me. Like last week, since I believe his points are so perfectly made in this chapter, I will not be doing them any justice in leaving remarks to them, so you’ll find, I only note on a couple of them, and then I just leave the rest of the space to Mr. Miller to shine through his brilliant points on the topic of loving one another…
--------------------------------------------------
It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll.
I absolutely love that!
--------------------------------------------------
…while attending an alumni social for Westmont College…Greg Spencer, a communications professor, was to speak…The lecture was about the power of metaphor. Spencer opened by asking us what metaphors we think of when we consider the topic of cancer. We gave him our answers, all pretty much the same, we battle cancer, we fight cancer, we are rebuilding our white blood cells, things like that. Spencer pointed out that the overwhelming majority of metaphors we listed were war metaphors. They dealt with battle. He then proceeded to talk about cancer patients and how, because of war metaphor, many people who suffer with cancer feel more burdened than, in fact, they should. Most of them are frightened beyond their need to be frightened, and this affects their health. Some, feeling that they have been thrust into a deadly war, simply give up. If there were another metaphor, a metaphor more accurate, perhaps cancer would not prove so deadly.
Science has shown that the way people think about cancer affects their ability to deal with the disease, thus affecting their overall health. Professor Spencer said that if he were to sit down with his family and tell them he had cancer they would be shocked, concerned, perhaps even in tears, and yet cancer is nothing near the most deadly of diseases. Because of war metaphor, the professor said, we are more likely to fear cancer when, actually, most people survive the disease.
Very interesting to think about…
--------------------------------------------------
Mr. Spencer then asked us about another area in which he felt metaphors cause trouble. He asked us to consider relationships. What metaphors do we use when we think of relationships? We value people, I shouted out. Yes, he said, and wrote it on his little white board. We invest in people, another person added. And soon enough we had listed an entire white board of economic metaphor. Relationships could be bankrupt, we said. People are priceless, we said. All economic metaphor. I was taken aback.
And that’s when it hit me like so much epiphany getting dislodged from my arteries. The problem with Christian culture is we think of love as a commodity. We use it like money. Professor Spencer was right, and not only was he right, I felt as though he had cured me, as though he had let me out of my cage. I could see it very clearly. If somebody is doing something for us, offering us something, be it gifts, time, popularity, or what have you, we feel they have value, we feel they are worth something to us, and, perhaps, we feel they are priceless. I could see it so clearly, and I could feel it in the pages of my life. This was the thing that had smelled so rotten all these years. I used love like money. The church used love like money. With love, we withheld affirmation from the people who did not agree with us, but we lavishly financed the ones who did.
Once again, VERY interesting to think about…
--------------------------------------------------
I don’t enjoy not liking people, but sometimes these things feel as though you are not in control of them. I never chose not to like the guy. It felt more like the dislike of him chose me.
--------------------------------------------------
Here is something very simple about relationships that Spencer helped me discover: Nobody will listen to you unless they sense that you like them.
If a person sense that you do not like them, that you do not approve of their existence, then your religion and your political ideas will all seem wrong to them. If they sense that you like them, then they are open to what you have to say.
I think that has a lot of truth to it.
--------------------------------------------------
After I decided to let go of judging him, I discovered he was very funny. I mean, really hilarious. I kept telling him how funny he was. And he was smart. Quite brilliant, really. I couldn’t believe that I had never seen it before.
I truly believe that when you love people, you are more open to really seeing more of who they really are as a person. You’ll find out more about them that you respect and “love” from being willing to love them in the first place.
--------------------------------------------------
I loved the fact that it wasn’t my responsibility to change somebody, that it was God’s, that my part was just to communicate love and approval.
--------------------------------------------------
When I am talking to somebody there are always two conversations going on. The first is on the surface; it is about politics or music or whatever it is our mouths are saying. The other is beneath the surface, on the level of the heart, and my heart is either communicating that I like the person I am talking to or I don’t. God wants both conversations to be true. That is, we are supposed to speak truth in love.
I ask God to make it so both conversations, the one from the mouth and the one from the heart are true.
I absolutely love that! It is so true that there is “second” conversation going on that is saying either I like you or I don’t. So true! And unfortunately or fortunately, that “second” conversation will typically control the first conversation, so it is important that it is given the appropriate consideration.
[Note: All the above text in smaller italic print has been quoted directly from Donald Miller’s “Blue Like Jazz”]
Thursday, May 18, 2006
It's Me...
This is not my normal entry, while at the same time it is…
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I will not have to deal with any homework this summer, as I will not be taking any classes, yet at the same time I’m paying for 4 credit hours. These hours are for the first half of my second, and final, field practicum, which I start on Saturday. I’m excited, nervous, and ready for it to be all over already.
Saturday will begin my week’s worth of orientation and training. I suppose they will be familiarizing us with their assessment process and their preferred method of therapy. Whatever the case, I get to start off it all off on a weekend from 9-3 PM and then Monday through Thursday from 6-8 PM. In a way, it is like saying, “welcome to a second job’s hours.” I always wondered how people could do those…
In practicality, I am sitting on all the knowledge my degree expects me to have. I have two more courses that it requires me to take, besides this practicum, but as for the world of academia in the classroom, I have taken all the expected knowledge classes. This fall I will finish my practicum and take two more courses. Those being one, an elective class of my course—meaning it is not “expected” knowledge that every licensed masters social worker must have, since it is an elective of my choice—and then I have to take the integrative seminar, which basically is not a class either, because all we do in there is meet as a class four times and individually write our final paper of our degree. This paper is the substitute for a thesis; a little shorter too.
So here I am, with the academic knowledge expected of a master’s social worker. Do I feel smarter? Yes. Does that bother me sometimes? Yes.
--------------------------------------
I will not have to deal with any homework this summer, as I will not be taking any classes, yet at the same time I’m paying for 4 credit hours. These hours are for the first half of my second, and final, field practicum, which I start on Saturday. I’m excited, nervous, and ready for it to be all over already.
Saturday will begin my week’s worth of orientation and training. I suppose they will be familiarizing us with their assessment process and their preferred method of therapy. Whatever the case, I get to start off it all off on a weekend from 9-3 PM and then Monday through Thursday from 6-8 PM. In a way, it is like saying, “welcome to a second job’s hours.” I always wondered how people could do those…
In practicality, I am sitting on all the knowledge my degree expects me to have. I have two more courses that it requires me to take, besides this practicum, but as for the world of academia in the classroom, I have taken all the expected knowledge classes. This fall I will finish my practicum and take two more courses. Those being one, an elective class of my course—meaning it is not “expected” knowledge that every licensed masters social worker must have, since it is an elective of my choice—and then I have to take the integrative seminar, which basically is not a class either, because all we do in there is meet as a class four times and individually write our final paper of our degree. This paper is the substitute for a thesis; a little shorter too.
So here I am, with the academic knowledge expected of a master’s social worker. Do I feel smarter? Yes. Does that bother me sometimes? Yes.
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