Friday, July 29, 2005
And I totally recommend it to all your "religion goo-roos" out there! ;)
However, I don't want to hear one BIT from any of you about how long my comments were on it! ;) Or when I get back from this weekend y'all will HATE going to read my blogs because they will be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long! ;)
I'm curious...how out-of-control-popular ARE these recently new ideas?!?!
- Do you have a blog/xanga? If so, which one?
- Are you a member of www.facebook.com?
- Do you have one of the magnetic ribbons on your vehicle (ie, "Support our troops", "Prevent Child Abuse", etc.)? If so, what's on it?
- Do you wear one of the colored rubber bracelets (ie, "Live Strong", "ONE", etc.)? If so, what's on it?
I'm wondering if they will end up like the "oh-so-popular" hits of the past: pogs (did you have those? I had a whole freakin' shoe box full and a ton of slammers as well...HA! Still got them somewhere back in STL); slap bracelets; WWJD bracelets; etc. I mean how often do you still see these things? Yes, we do happen to have a slap bracelet or two actually here at the house and I have seen a few WWJD bracelets still out there, but pogs...uhhh...no. But I kinda miss them! I might try to see if I can find mine when I'm back in STL! HA!
Let me know your answers to the 4 questions, please.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
So…apathy…well she said, “people do not care… about anything…Just get an opinion! If you are for something, be for it! And if you’re against something, be against it!” I’m not completely sure if this is what apathy means, but my interpretation of what she says is that people who are apathetic are people who don’t pick a side in issues, such as people who don’t claim to be against abortion or for abortion, people who don’t claim to be for guns or against them either. I suppose people who claim the middle ground, they don’t pick a side.
I could be wrong, and maybe that isn’t what apathy is but if it isn’t, then I’m not going to be talking about apathy in this blog anymore…I’m going to be talking about the middle ground syndrome…HA!
I’m a middle ground person a lot of the times. And I suppose I think it is this “apathy” business that she was talking about because many times I find myself when confronted with these topics saying to myself, “I don’t care….just whatever.” I suppose a lot of times I just figure if it doesn’t directly relate to me, then why get in others ways. Like for example…with gay marriage. I’m not gay, so it doesn’t directly affect me. So why should I get in the way of gay people and say I think they shouldn’t be able to get married if I don’t have an overall problem with the whole idea?
I don’t really pick sides in a lot of those “big controversial issues.” Gay marriage. Guns. Politics. Probably most of the other ones that I just can’t think of right now.
The one that I can tell you I do take a side in is abortion and that is just because I have a passion for life and so I’ve always been pro-life.
I think the idea that I’m a not so passionate, over-the-top, type of person who is normally laid-back keeps me from being so “into” issues.
About the only times where I’ve gotten frustrated with the idea that I’m a middle ground kind of person is when I’m faced with papers I have to write for school when I have to pick a side…HA! Even with those…I just argue one side and appear to claim it, whether I do or not in real life…HA!
I was thinking earlier while in the shower and I came to the idea that I’m not really the kind of person to go around saying something is “right” or “wrong.” I mean who am I to say what is right or wrong? Yes, there might be activities or behaviors that I would choose not to do, or that I don’t agree with, but even then, that doesn’t make it “wrong.”
In a sense I suppose to me, I view taking a side when looking at an issue is almost like saying the other side is “wrong.” And normally, that is what many of the passionate protestors for issues say, “It’s wrong to believe _____,” when they are referring to the other side.
Whatever the case, in addressing this individual’s earlier blog comments and her response to apathy…I think it all boils down to the idea that middle ground people just drive strongly passionate people insane…HA! As can be seen from her words, “Just get an opinion,” it is apparent that one not choosing a side is frustrating. Those who are totally passionate about something don’t understand how someone can not be so passionate about such an issue. In a sense it is kind of like trying to get a person who is a firm believer in God to try to view life as if there wasn’t a God, it’s hard for them to do and to understand how someone could not believe in a God or how someone could live a happy and hopeful life without God.
So, is apathy, or I suppose the real question is, is being in the middle on issues all that bad? Is that what one of the biggest problems in the world is?
1. I really like that song "You'll Be There" by George Strait.
2. I'm listening to it right now and my favorite part is where it says, "Well you don't bring nothing with you here and you can't take nothing back. I ain't never seen a hearse with a luggage rack."
3. My senior year of high school our high school football team won the 4A State Championship (4A was the category for the largest schools in MO during that time, however I think they have 5A now).
4. I did not play on our school football team.
5. I love the card game "Pit".
6. I own that game.
7. In my bedroom in my apartment during my junior and senior year of college I had over 350 pictures covering all four walls.
8. I own two computers.
9. I didn't buy either of them.
10. One my first best friend from ACU gave me as a gift during Welcome Week my junior year there.
11. My laptop was my Christmas gift from my uncle and aunt that I currently live with.
12. I only wear Nike tennis shoes.
13. I don't mind getting shots.
14. However I've never swallowed a pill in my life...HA!
15. I've never given blood before because I'm scared.
16. I'm going to two weddings on back to back weekends in St. Louis.
17. They are this weekend and the following weekend.
18. However I'm coming back here in between the two weddings because I have to go to my Monday night class.
19. I don't think anyone in my family has ever had cancer.
20. I love this song "Skin" by Rascal Flatts, though it makes me want to cry every time I listen to it!
21. I'm listening to it right now.
22. However, if you have never heard it, I can tell you you will NOT get the same feeling just reading the lyrics, you have to hear how the song goes and how they sing it.
23. For some reason I'm totally attracted to Hugh Laurie's character on the television show "House."
24. I think it is because I love how his character is so intelligent and I actually love his somewhat rude-sarcasm. I think it is because I find it so witty and smart!
25. However I want to point out that I think it is his personality that I'm so attracted too, not his looks.
26. I like to keep a lot of textbooks from college to have for reference material.
27. I'm currently reading a book called "How to Get Published -- Guaranteed".
28. I started reading it yesterday morning when I didn't feel like getting ready for work, though I knew I should have. I read the first 5 pages then. Then last night I read about 45 more pages.
29. I'm getting a little more serious about trying to get a book published, though I think I'm going to have to wait till after I finish school and start my career so I'll have a few thousand dollars to dedicate to publishing a book.
30. I'm a cheap-skate.
31. I don't like spending money on a lot of things.
32. I love ACU!
33. I wear a ACU bracelet everyday (you know, those kinds like the popular "Live Strong" ones...though this one is purple).
34. At work we have to wear lanyards that have our "key" to get around throughout the building on it. My lanyard is an ACU one.
35. I'm thinking VERY seriously about going out to ACU for the 100th Opening Chapel Ceremony.
36. I'd have to leave shortly have it was over though so I could get back here for my night class that night! HA!
37. I start my internship the week of August 22 (though I think I'm not going to be doing it on Mondays, so I could still go to the opening ceremony).
38. I'm honestly not looking forward to this internship simply because it is going to be in Fort Worth and I'm going to have to be there by 8 AM, which means I'll have to leave probably around 7 AM if not before.
39. I am not a morning person.
40. I'm a night owl and find I can write the best late at night and I do a LOT of thinking late at night.
41. I did my last paper for school on this topic of me not being disciplined in going to bed at night.
42. While the paper was to set up an intervention and try to help the individual (though in this case it was myself) with their issue, my paper ended up not showing a success in results from the intervention I did on myself to get myself to go to bed earlier...HA!
43. However the professor said the grade of the paper was not based on the success of the intervention. Good thing for me! HA!
44. I ended up writing that paper the weekend before it was due. It ended up 34 pages when including the appendix.
45. The class average on the paper was an 80%. I was the only person that got a 100% on the paper and the professor asked if she could make a copy of my paper to use as an example paper to show in the future (I allowed her! HA!)
46. I suppose the grade on the paper allows me to continue to have an undisciplined bedtime! HA! ;)
47. I keep my AIM display for showing people as idle at10 minutes instead of the default of 20 minutes because I figure if a person has been idle for 10 minutes they are basically away from the computer, so that way you know soon than 20 minutes if they are there incase you IM them and are waiting for a reply! ;)
48. I got a COOL gift in the mail this week from Phyllis Trevathan.
49. She sent it to me because I had mailed her a copy of the paper I wrote about her husband for one of my classes during the past fall semester. She said in the card, "To read what you sent me is one of the most beautiful loving days ever for me...Charles would have been so proud of you caring for him, for me, and our children."
50. I've read that card from her daily since I got it.
51. I love cards! The words people write can be so powerful and I read things my friends write to me in emails, cards, etc. most the times over and over!
52. I can't wait for the hybrid Camry to come out!
53. I think it comes out in 2007 my buddy Holly said. If so I think I want to look into getting one of them maybe a year after it comes out (so I can get it used!)
54. I don't see the point behind buying a new car since it loses half it's value as soon as you drive it off the lot...talk about the only way to build up debt faster than going to ACU! ;)
55. I have a TON of loan debt from ACU.
56. However I wouldn't trade those years for anything! WELL worth the debt!
57. I'm still mad that my ACU diploma doesn't say my major on it. Just my degree. Yeah, I'm proud of my Bachelors in Science, but I'm even more proud of it being in Psychology.
58. I miss writting the "Canned Meat."
59. I STILL have to two post-it notes on my for the blog I want to write about "How to Live a Happy and Satisfying Life Without Religion" that I mentioned in one or two blogs seriously MONTHS ago that I'd like to write soon. HOPEFULLY I'll get it written soon.
60. I should graduate with my masters in what's less than 500 days now! I'm SOOO excited!
61. My sophomore year I had gone jogging around campus with Jennifer Thigpen and I told her I'd like to run for GATA President for my senior year.
62. I ran for GATA President the end of my junior year, but dropped out of the race during my speech; however I wanted to make the speech anyways to make a few points that I thought need to be said.
63. I ended up getting secretary. Getting is the key word there. Since the only other people running for secretary ended up getting President it left me unopposed.
64. To this day I still wish someone would have run for that position against me. You can never know if you were "wanted" for a position when you are left running unopposed.
65. But I loved being secretary! Let's face it...I love to write and that's the main part of that office...writting the newsletter (granted they would end up longer than people wanted...but heck, they had to read them if they wanted to know stuff...HA!)
66. I had run for secretary the year before and didn't get it.
67. However I think that ended up being my FAVORITE pledge seasons that fall that I wasn't an officer! I made it an appoint to get to know that pledge class to the best of my ability! I LOVED that fall!
68. I almost didn't run for any offices for my senior year because one of my best friends in club who knew I wasn't a Christian was leary about me leading club. However, after me giving it a lot of thought and almost backing out, and her coming back to me after giving it a lot of thought herself, she told me she still wanted me to run because she thought I had other qualities of a leader that would be good for an officer of our club to have.
69. I'm so glad I was an officer, though I still think had I not have been an officer I wouldn't have disliked Sing Song my senior year so much! HA! It was because I couldn't be myself and have fun at practices because after practices not going so well in the beginning I was basically under the impression the rest of the practice season that I had to "be an example" and not goof around during practice. Gosh I hated that practice season so much!
70. The only time while I was an officer that I was so scared when I spoke up in front of the club was the night when we were discussing whether to take the Spring Pledge Class or not and we had been in about a 45 minutes club discussion over it. I remember I had sat at the bottom of the club room the entire discussion and just listened and was actually getting really passionate about my beliefs on the issue by the end (which I believe was the ONLY reason why I spoke up) so i raised my hand, shaking and all, and quivered out some of my thoughts on the matter through a stuttering and scared voice. HA! I can remember it to this day...however, I'm pretty sure the shaking was due to being scared, but also because I was so passionate about the situation and getting so worked up about it.
71. I think my being a part of GATA during my college years MADE my college career!
72. Some people are social club people and some people aren't. I'm DEFINITELY a social club person!
73. I truly believe many of my friendships from my social club will last throughout my lifetime.
74. However, I'm still honored to have great friends who were not from my social club.
75. I lived with 3 women (Erin, Jackie Beth, and Sarah) my junior and senior year in college that were all from a different social club than me.
76. However their social club was always my favorite, behind GATA of course!
77. Before we moved in together, I only knew one of the gals! And even then, her and I weren't really close.
78. Those women have ended up being some of my favorite people in the world!
79. My mom still to this day keeps in touch with her roommate she had while at ACU (though she only went there for 2 years). I believe I'll keep in touch with my roommates most my life too!
80. I'm slowly wearing my baseball cap less and less.
81. I think this is due to the fact that I'm always at work nowadays though and I can't wear it there. However, I have found that many times once I get home from work I still don't put it on though, like right now I still haven't put it on today! HA!
82. I dealt with bad anxiety my senior year of high school.
83. I thought I was agoraphobic for a while during my freshman year of college, but I've sense realized it wasn't that. Just anxiety.
84. I've gotten most my anxiety under control nowadays though! Gotta love educating one's self and helping one's self! ;)
85. I'm interested in working with clients who deal with depression and anxiety when I'm finally a therapist.
86. Though I think I'm more interested in depression.
87. I think anxiety and depression are two of the most common issues SOOO many people deal with.
88. And I think it's unfortunate that we normally view them as so bad and try to cover them up and not admit to them when they can be helped.
89. I don't mind doing things by myself.
90. I went to my favorite Chinese buffet restaurant just last weekend by myself.
91. If I couldn't find my friends to sit with during Chapel my 4 years at ACU I would just sit by myself, it didn't bother me. I usually found I got more out of chapel when sitting by myself anyways.
92. I get hot easily. It is because I almost always where shoes and socks and a hat. It's true that you lose a lot of your body heat through your head and feet and with me always keeping them both covered up, I keep a LOT of my body heat locked in, therefore keeping me hot. If you don't believe me, if you find you're getting cold a lot, see if you normally keep your feet covered, or if you're a person that always wears flip-flops or sandels! ;) If you're cold, cover your feet and I'll bet you'll warm up a lot quicker! ;)
93. I've never cared much for history. I remember telling my social studies teacher once when growing up that I thought history was so pointless! I told her, "It's all in the past...why does it matter to us today?!?!" HA!
94. In 7th grade my teacher English teacher had to write a not home to my mom saying I talked too much during classtime. (Note: that was talking when I wasn't supposed to be, like talking to my friends around me and stuff...NOT that I would raise my hand and ask questions and make comments about the class too much...HA!)
95. I've NEVER been one of those people who speaks up in class!
96. I'd say 85% of my collegiate classes in the past I never spoke up once in class in...HA!
97. I'd also say 70% of my collegiate classes in the past I never read a word out of the textbook for that class either! HA! (not something to be proud of, though I'm being honest!)
98. Contrary to popular belief, I don't like to be the center of attention. I don't like it when everyone's attention is focus on me. I love to make comments that come out of no where that are intended for the group to hear, but those are unexpected on behave of the "audience." In those situations everyone isn't looking at me anticipating anything. I don't like when everyone is focused on me and I'm expected to say or do something (this explains numbers 70 and 95 that were mentioned previously to this one)
99. I listen to music almost EVERYTIME I take a shower!
100. I keep most all the emails I get from friends. I have them saved on my computer and on disks and I reread them.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
I’ve recently had a change of heart about older folks. I have to be honest, I’ve never really had an interest in old folks. I think it’s because I was basing it on a sad stereotype. The idea that old people are sickly, non-functional, etc. As sad as this is, I kinda had this view of them as “gross.” I think it goes back to when I would go visit my great-grandma in the nursing home when I was a little kiddo. I’m talking like uhh….hmm….i suck at remembering things (you’d think I was old…HA!), but I’d say I was probably like 2nd or 3rd grade, maybe. Crap…I don’t know…but I was young.
So anyways…I didn’t like going up there because the older people scared me. I always stayed close to my mom or grandma (whoever would take me up there) because there was this one little old lady that lived on my great-grandma’s wing that would sit out in the hallway in her wheelchair…normally near my great-grandma’s room and she was mean (or at least she acted that way to me when I was a kid…HA!). But honestly, she would always threaten to spank me! HA! Seriously…she would be like… “Come here little girl! I’m going to spank you!” Oh my gosh I was so scared of that lady! HA!
But honestly, seeing older people in nursing homes, where they are all laid up in a bed and drooling and stuff (though I know they can’t help it)…it’s hard for me to see and it kinda grosses me out. Sorry…just being honest.
Plus, let’s face it, society has given a negative connotation to the term “old” and being “old.” I’ve just always thought “I don’t like old people.” Nothing about any of them specifically…just as a whole.
But recently I’ve realized differently. Though it is almost like a complete change of heart it sounds like, I can’t tell you how much it brings a smile to my face to see an older individual out in the community just getting along. No joke. There is this little older lady at the grocery store down the street from me…she works as a bagger (no lie!) and she is seriously probably like 70’s if not older (though I’m pretty sure she was or is a smoker, so that might have aged her…I’m not sure), but she always makes me smile when she sacks my stuff.
A lot of older folks are so sweet! I love how they will strike up conversation with folks when they are out and about; sadly, that’s getting more rare with folks everyday. Just the other day I was in line at the post office with an older lady in line in front of me, and an older fella in line behind me and they both started talking to me! I love it!
But I think one of the things that draws me to older folks the most is their wisdom! I love intelligence and wisdom is one of it’s best aspects! Those who have been around for longer have so much more to offer those of us that are youngin’s! The great thing about wisdom is it doesn’t necessarily mean brilliance or even genius. One can become wise through just many life experiences and reflecting and learning from what life has offered him/her in the past. Though I’m a huge sucker for genius’, I also dig some good hardy wisdom! There’s nothing better than a good “here’s how life is…” lesson!
In the past when contemplating what area of therapy I’d like to specialize in, I’ve never thought twice about geriatrics, because “I didn’t like old people,” but I’ll admit, with all the craze about how geriatrics will be the area to be in for my generation of therapists, with all the baby boomers getting to that age, I’ve given it some thought. While I can’t say I’m sold on the idea, I would like to work with old people some. They have so much to share with us younger folks! Granted if I did decide to go into geriatrics as a licensed social worker I would most likely end up in a nursing home setting and that is NOT what I’m talking about here. HA!
But overall, those still pretty self-functional older folks brighten my day! They are honestly so cute when I see them out and about doing their shopping, or up at work for a doctor’s appointment, or even out working themselves! I can only hope I can be like that some day myself!
Monday, July 25, 2005
[Give this picture it's best caption! Either come up with a unique/fun caption for this picture or tell what you think is going on in the picture! Tomorrow I'll pick the best response! LEAVE A COMMENT (anyone can leave a comment, you don't have to have a blog)! I don't care if you're someone I don't know, someone I do know, or someone I'm not suppose to know that reads my blog all the time (secretly of course...HA!) Have fun!]
Sunday, July 24, 2005
- First, I've added some more random "links", so you can check those out while you're probably sitting bored at work...HA!
- Second, the "Recommend" links to my friends blogs. I've removed some folks (Sorry, if you were one of them...let me know and I can put you back! HA!). Also, I want to bring attention to two of my friends links. First, Lindsay. She has just started up her blog again under a new address, so if you had her linked to your blog in the past, you might need to update that address. This is her new blog! Welcome back, Lindsay! Also, Becca. Yes, Becca, you are still on my links, but that means you best keep up this blogging business (Whoa....was that a threat?!?! HA! HA!) Anyways, I want to point y'all in the direction of my buddy Becca's blog because she has become my SECOND of my most recent education major friends to obtain a teaching job for this fall! CONGRATS! (Laura was first!) Go read Becca's blog and hear about her job and congratulate her!
- Third, while I'm talking about my links to my friends blogs on the sidebar. I have had several people in the past ask me how to add those, and while it isn't the easiest task, especailly is you aren't what we might call all that computer literate. However, I've successfully been able to navigate 3 people over AIM in the past through it, so it is possible. But tonight I was asked over the phone about it, so I typed up the instuctions for how to do it in a Word document to email this person, so if you'd like those instructions, let me know and I'll gladly get those to you.
- Fourth, LOOK...I almost have entered the 400's for days left till I graduate with my masters! WOOO HOOO! Wait till I hit the one-year marker! ;)
- Finally, I recommend jazzing up your sidebars. I've found recently as I've browsed random people's blogs looking for fun blogs to read and looking for more good surveys to use on my blog, that I've taken a liking to looking at people's sidebars. I think the way you decorate your sidebar and what kind of links, icons, etc. you put on there says a lot about yourself. Kinda like how you decorate your room. It's a great way to up your visitors to your blog as well. Believe it or not, a lot of people will find your blog off people putting your blog link on their blog, and if you put them first, they are more likely to add you too. Plus, I'll be completely honest, I can never remember my own blogs web address, so when I'm away from my desktop or laptop, where I have my webpage bookmarked, I always go to my buddy JWalk's blog to get to mine because I can always remember her address! HA! My address I always get confused with it and my....oh wait...nevermind...I don't want to put that here! ;)
- P.S....I want to give a shout-out and thanks to my top three referral friends. These are the people's blogs who I get my most referral visitors from (and I can tell this from my blog counters at the bottom of my blog...i totally recommend those too!). In third place is Sarah's blog! My second place referral buddy is Katey's blog! And the blog I get my most referrals from is JWalk's blog (granted probably half of those are her coming to my blog from her blog...but you know! HA!) Thanks, y'all for contributing to my reading audience!
- P.S.S....can i just say Mike Cope's blog is literally linked to a MILLION people's blogs!!! I swear I will be going through random blogs and come across people who have him linked on their sidebar and I'm like...who the heck are you?!?!? And you're not even from Abilene or an ACUer...HA! Way to go, Mike!
What kind of car do you drive? If you could make an even trade for any other car, what would you want to drive?
Who did you address the last check your wrote out too, and was it for an amount over $100?
When were you last outside, and what were you doing?
What is your favorite restaurant, and what do you usually order there?
Name 3 things in which you occasionally indulge.
The Laura I’m referring to I went to church with growing up. It’s actually kinda cool because she grew up at my home church in St. Louis (STL), but the year my family started going there was the year right after her and her family had moved from STL to none other than Dallas, Texas (the Plano area to be exact). I think it was about ten years after we started going to the church that Laura and her family ended up moving back to STL and were back at our church.
Laura is actually a little less than two years younger than me. She was two grades behind me in school (there was one grade between us…does that make sense). When exactly we became friends is actually a mystery to both of us…HA! That was always something we would joke about; we were never quite sure when and why we became friends, but we were, and we became incredibly close! We didn’t even attend the same school, matter of fact, we attended the rival high schools in our school district…which in a sense, probably brought us closer because we always gave each other “trouble” about one another’s school! HA! It was always a competition! We loved it!
So it was sometime in high school that we became friends…I’d guess maybe my sophomore year and her 8th grade year possibly, but it might have been the summer after those school years…I’m just not exactly sure. Whatever the case, I know we were pretty good friends my junior year.
Now let me give you an idea of how close we were. Well first there is the obvious in that we would always sit together at church and church functions and would normally get told we were going to be separated when we would sit together in Bible class because we would make jokes and talk during class and get everyone laughing and get in trouble (we had small classes since it was a small church…maybe like 8-10 people in our class)…HA! But we were got the closest though our talks with one another. Though we might only see one another three times a week (twice on Sundays and once on Wed. nights), we would literally talk on the phone almost EVERY since day, and if it wasn’t on the phone, it would be on the internet, though back then I wasn’t on the internet as much as I am nowadays, so we would normally talk via the phone. We could talk for hours! A short conversation would be 45 minutes! She is actually the friend I’ve talked the longest on the phone with and that was one day we were on the phone for 6 hours as we talked and watched the NBA playoff games on television together over the phone (we watched two games)! HA!
When you talk with a person as much as I did with Laura, you are bound to get very close, and that we were! She was the best friend I had! We looked out for one another and people knew it! HA! It happened that there was a guy at our church her age who she had always liked growing up. He apparently like her too, but they never really “got together” till later on in high school. Well, I’d never been a big fan of him growing up. I always thought him to be very immature (which was to be expected I suppose since he was two years younger than me) and I never thought he seemed to treat my best friend well. I’ll never forget the one night on the phone that I had to do one of the “best friend” speeches. That’s one of those talks that you start it off with, “I can only tell you this because we are best friends and I am it takes a best friend to be able to tell you this and for you to be able to respect it, but…” I told her that night on the phone that I honestly didn’t think that guy loved her as she did him. That night she obviously cried, but by the next day she thanked me for tell her, because she said she knew it to an extent, but it was one of those things you didn’t want to believe, so you refused to accept it until she heard it from someone else.
Well, even with that, they stayed together off and on…and I actually ended up addressing him myself on the matter. When it comes to my friends I do what I can, so I actually wrote this boy a 10 page hand-written letter (I’ve got a typed copy of it for myself and it is equivalent to a single-spaced, size 10 font, 2.5 page typed letter…HA!) a couple days before I left for college on August 14, 2000. I told this boy what I thought of him and what I thought of how he was treating my best friend in their “relationship.” I didn’t tell Laura I was going to do it, though I called her the night after I wrote it (before I gave it to him) and read it over the phone to her and it made her cry because she said it made her know how much I loved her that I’d do something like that. Here are just a few parts from the letter:
Yes, I get very annoyed with you and disagree with a LOT of the things you do, but neither of those give me a reason to hate you…Whether true or not, I’ve got the impression from several that, it’s not exactly that your afraid of me, but that you just seem intimidated by me…
(SIDENOTE: everything I’ve said so far is just things I myself, for my own benefits as well as for yours wanted to tell you. But now the things I’m going to say, I say on behalf of my best friend! Someone I love to death and will say to benefit her and hopefully you yourself. These are mainly the reasons why I’m pretty pissed (to say the least) lately towards you!)…
Now yeah, I could go for a while on what I think of cheating, but that is besides the fact. I believe that when you cheated it became evident that all you care/were thinking about was yourself in your “relationship!”…
So I had someone give him the letter the next Sunday, which I wasn’t there because I was leaving for Texas for school, and in the letter I included an envelope for him to write me a response back, to which he did. His response was 4.5 hand written pages. It was a very respectful letter in which he did a lot of apologizing. Some of his words I’ve included here:
I gotta say, great letter! I enjoyed reading it and I agree with everything, almost everything, you said.
I also am not afraid of you but I do on some lever respect you. I try not to get in fights or arguments I don’t at least have a chance at winning. And in all honesty I don’t have a chance against you. That’s probably because you see right through my bull shit. I also kind of respect you because you’re the single most confident person (whether its an act or not) I’ve ever met.
When I didn’t want Laura telling you stuff sometimes it was because you would explain to her it was bull shit and I also didn’t feel like taking your condescending little jokes that you tell right to people’s faces and it catches them so off guard they don’t know what to say back.
All the stuff I did to her was so God awful I’m ashamed of myself and it turns my stomach to think how badly I’ve played with her feelings.
So I think I reached the boy to some extent. That letter played a big role in Laura and I’s continuing friendship throughout that next year. We would mention it on several occasions. However, about the time of that letter our friendship was about to hit a HUGE obstacle to which our friendship would have to overcome in efforts to continue on. That was me moving over 800 miles away to attend college which would only allow me to return back to STL only about twice a school year.
I’ll admit, that summer before I went off to ACU for the first time, Laura was my life-saver! That summer, in trying to decide where to go to college, I went through a rough time, and Laura would listen to me on the phone night after night. I even remember breaking down talking to her on the phone one night, though I did my best to not let her know I was crying, but I’m sure she probably knew. Though she never came out and said it while I was trying to make my decision on where to go, she didn’t want me to go to ACU. We both knew how far it was and that we wouldn’t get to see one another that often.
So as history has it, I ended up going to ACU. That first year we did pretty good! We still talked frequently, whether it was on the phone eating up calling cards, or via AIM or email. Heck, she was the person I ran up the dorm stairs to call when I had tears in my eyes as my parents drove out of the parking lot leaving me for welcome week at ACU. We were still doing pretty good that following summer: 2001. I even have a 4.5 page hand-written letter she wrote me on June 25, 2001. She said things in it as:
I think you are probably the only person who really understands me. Half the time I usually don’t understand myself, but it seems you do. You know my strengths and weaknesses and accept them both. When I am down and discouraged you know it and do your best to cheer me up, which you always do! I don’t have a sister, and most people tell me I should be thankful for that, but if I could ever choose to have one, I’d want her to be just like you. But to me, you are my big sister, always taking care of me and always looking out for me.
I can never tell you how much I appreciate the 10 page letter you wrote to _____. It isn’tso much what it might have done for him, but what it did for me. It was the time I realized that you were my best friend. You were my best friend before you wrote the letter, but it was then that I knew how much you meant to me and vice versa. I knew that no one else in the entire world would have done anything like that for me. Overtime, you made me realize that I deserve better than ______.
You have told me things that you knew I wouldn’t want to hear and things that have hurt me, but they were things that I needed someone to tell me. And these things I could have only heard from you because I knew you only had my best interests at heart, like you always do. I trust you with everything I have and everything I am. There isn’t anything I can think of that I would ever have to keep from you.
This is very hard for me to admit, but you are also one of the smartest people I know (don’t go getting a big head!) You are very mature and sophisticated about things. You make me laugh when you try to analyze different situations and are so serious about it…it makes me proud to think that my best friend is so smart.
I would rather do something with you, than anybody else. I have the most fun with you and you have the best sense of humor. I can always be myself with you and I don’t really feel that way about anyone else. I am most comfortable when I’m around youl.
When the phone rings and it is for me, I hope it is you more than anyone.
I have always had a hard time truly being happy for people. When you went off to school I was very upset and kind of mad at you.
You are my best friend, and I know that you are always with me, even if you are so far away. I think that you have made me a better person than who I was before we became friends. I believe that every person that you come in contact with, you make their life brighter, like you have with mine. God sends everyone an angel here on earth, and I know that He sent you to be mine.
So there’s that. Yes, that summer I felt like we were back as we were before I’d even left for school that year, but things would change the next year. I got busy with new friends at school, and I was pledging. She was in the midst of her senior year of high school. A busy time, as well as working a lot of nights and weekends. We didn’t talk as much that year.
So that next summer I found myself back in STL and things were definitely different between Laura and I. I went to her high school graduation because I wanted too, she had been a best friend to me and I wanted to honor her in an important time in her life! However, she didn’t really speak much to me after it and all, but I was glad I went and sat with her family.
That summer I found myself between July 26th and August 7th writing her an email EVERY night. I would email her sometimes only a couple sentences just saying hey and asking how she was. Telling her I missed her and stuff like that, all just to let her know I still cared, but I only got two emails back from all those, and one was actually a negative one where she basically just yelled at me for liking our preacher, because she didn’t like him. I even wrote at the bottom of EACH of those emails a quote from a song that I thought explained how I felt about being confused on our friendship and how I missed the old times when we talked and stuff.
I ended up going back to school that summer still not sure of what had happened to our friendship. Had we just grown that far apart? Was the less frequent phone conversations causing our friendship to deteriorate? Was she really that upset at me for going so far away for school? I just wasn’t sure, and she wouldn’t tell me in response to my emails and askings….
So the next years for school our correspondence grew less and less. I’d call her for her birthday each year still and when I was in STL for Christmas vacation, I’d go up to her after church when I’d see her there and say “hey” or something.
So this brings me to now. It was in maybe March or so this year that out of the clear blue I got an instant message from her. She said, “I wanted to tell you I’m engaged!” She and the boy from our church that she’d grown up with and dated for several years were now engaged. I told her congrats and was happy for her in that she seemed very happy with the situation.
It was in May that she called and left a message on my cell phone requesting my mailing address for a wedding invitation. When I called her back we chatted for about 20 minutes or so…it was good. And I actually called her back a couple more times that week and we chatted for about 10 minutes each time. But I’ve called her two or three more times since then and only gotten her answering machine, too which I left a message each time, and haven’t heard back from her. Though Friday afternoon I caught her as she was going out the door to work and she said she’d call me next week, since she had to work all weekend, but I didn’t get a call all that week (which was two weeks ago).
So here I sit. I ordered her her wedding gift online today and I plan to make the drive to STL in two weekends for her wedding. It’s weird, I’ll admit. We are basically on the level of acquaintances nowadays it seems, however I’m going to make a 800+ mile drive (for the second weekend in a row, might I add) to attend her wedding. I don’t know what it will be like being at the wedding, seeing her and this guy from my our church who I never approved of growing up uniting. I can’t say he hasn’t changed, as I’m sure he has, as we all do, and as Laura and I obviously have. They are apparently happy, for which I’m happy for them as well. But to this day I still wish I had my best friend Laura. I would give anything to know if it was just distance that caused us to grow apart or if there was more to the story that I never knew.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
B - Band listening to right now: Rascal Flatts
C - Crush: none as of right now
D - Dad's name: Ken
E - Easiest person(s) to talk to: just about any of my best friends
F - Favorite bands at the moment: Rascal Flatts
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: depends on my mood, probably worms
H - Hometown: Springfield, MO (born); St. Louis, MO (lived the majority of my life so far); Irving, TX (current home)
I - Instruments: none…though I’ve had a lot of people say I probably should have been in band (and I had enough friends in high school who were in band, and apparently a LOT of my friends from ACU were in band in high school…HA!)
J- Junior High: Buerkle Junior High School
K - Kids: yes, someday
L - Longest car ride ever: St. Louis, MO, to Abilene, TX—about 15 hours I think
M - Mom's name: Susan (and yes, she has the same name as that lady that drowned her two kids back in like 1995; however when she was always asked around that time if that was her, her response was always, “I have four kids, why would I drown only two of them?!?!” HA!)
N - Nicknames: Kim (though from my poll on this blog you’d think that WAS my name…HA!), Kimbo, Kimster
O - One wish: to be able to maintain the friendships I have now through my lifetime
P - Phobia[s]: being a psychology person I can say I don’t have any true “phobias” by the technical terms of the word, however my fears include, heights, rodents, and snakes
Q - Quote: “Anyone can make others laugh at someone else’s expense, but those who can make you laugh without hurting anyone truly possess the gift of humor” by none other than myself back on January 17, 2000.
R - Reason to smile: friends, feeling loved, loving someone or something
S - Song you sang last: “Skin” by Rascal Flatts
T - Time you woke up [today]: 11:22 AM….i needed to catch up on some sleep
U - Unknown fact about me: I have never swallowed a pill in my lifetime
V - Vegetable you hate: not really any, however I’m not a big fan of black-eyed peas, but I’ll eat them
W - Worst habit(s): undisciplined bedtime
X - X-rays you've had: I’m assuming I got an x-ray when I broke my collarbone on my 2nd birthday, and I got x-rays of my back in like high school I think it was when they found I have slight case of scoliosis—just meant I wouldn’t grow any taller, as if I thought I was going to be real tall or anything…HA!
Y - Yummy food: that's a hard question... Italian, Chinese, Mexican... there is not much that I don't like
Z - Zodiac sign: Sag.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Friend (8:49:00 PM): (random question that just popped in my head. you said that how we got here - the creation question - doesn't really matter. but if you answer that question, doesn't that prove/disprove the existence of God?)
Me (8:50:00 PM): uhh...i suppose, but if you're not out to answer that question....the creation question....then why does it matter
Friend (8:50:27 PM): it would matter if you were out to decide whether or not you believed in God.
Me (8:51:09 PM): well actually...then...i can say that those questions are kinda like the chicken and the egg....it's hard to prove one without the other
Friend (8:52:05 PM): hard to prove? yes...but i do have my own theories about those questions (which are prolly a little too logical and kinda hard to explain)
Me (8:52:17 PM): most people decided they believe in God...thus they chose the creation story
Friend (8:52:37 PM): i don't think we can go through live only believing and disbelieving whatever we see proof of....whether we're talking about God or not.
Me (8:53:08 PM): that's why i'm from "The Show-Me State" and you're not
Me (8:53:15 PM): tee hee hee
Friend (8:53:16 PM): lol
Friend (8:53:18 PM): nice
Me (8:53:21 PM): i thought that was funny ;-)
Friend (8:53:34 PM): it was a good one :-)
Me (8:54:43 PM): well....i fear you've gotten more of the deep religious talk than you asked for when you said you would be interested in discussing such topics
Friend (8:55:08 PM): never. i can't get too much. Of course, i do think conversations are much more fun when both ppl believe something one way or the other. the riding-the-fence undecided stuff isn't as fun. :-)
Me (8:57:34 PM): and what do you mean by that? i haven't ridden the fence
Friend (8:58:07 PM): i mean it'd be more fun to talk about God if you either believed in him or didn't believe in him...that's all i meant by "riding the fence."
Me (8:58:30 PM): i've been completely honest with you on where i stand...which is actually something i normally find hard to do with my friends based on the fear that it will change people's views for the negative...especially really religious friends
Friend (8:58:53 PM): i know. & i'm glad.
Me (8:58:48 PM): okay then....i can take the stance that i don't, because i have more theories on not believing it
Friend (8:59:40 PM): haha. no no. i want you to take the stance on what you believe. NOT what you can argue the best
Me (9:02:17 PM): i can tell you this....i've had no "pull" or strong desire toward wanting to be religious..... i can tell you the one time i really pretty strongly wanted myself to believe was this past fall when my friend died...i just wanted to see him again...i wanted to get to talk to him again...and i thought, well if that would be the only way, then that's what i need, but even with that wanting, i couldn't convince myself to believe, thus i knew i couldn't "be baptized and if it were true it would all work out in the end and i'd get to see my friend again"...no, if you don't believe it, it doesn't matter how many times you take the plunge, it won't be "authentic" i suppose i could call it
Friend (9:02:59 PM): tru dat
Me (9:03:42 PM): i don't take this side just to argue it.....i suppose it is my side....i dont' think this will make sense but, as it stands I don't "believe in God," however, I dont' claim His non-existence. I wont' say there isnt' a God, because I dont' know....but if there is one, i don't believe in Him as it stands currently
Friend (9:04:19 PM): it makes sense. but it also sounds like you're waiting for proof one way or the other.
Me (9:04:30 PM): that's it...i need to convince myself
Me (9:05:14 PM): i've said it before to people.....sometimes I want to believe it in my heart, but i just can't get my head to go along...i can't convince it.....it's basically like that situation i explained when my friend died
Friend (9:05:11 PM): but clearly, you won't be able to convince yourself based on proof. you were right in saying that there's no way to prove one way or the other.
Me (9:05:49 PM): right...and that's what's led me to the thoughts that....I might never be able to convince myself
Friend (9:06:19 PM): haha. that's actually quite ironic. most ppl that i've talked to have had the problem of knowing stuff in their head and then they have a hard time convincing their hearts.
Me (9:06:39 PM): yep...i'm a weird one..thanks for pointing it out
Me (9:06:54 PM): i think too much...what can i say….i over think things i suppose…but i love it…HA!
Friend (9:07:06 PM): hey. weird is good....and i think too much too.
Me (9:07:35 PM): basically were i stand.....bringing it to our level....i'd need some cognitive therapy to get myself to believe…i'd have to restructure my thoughts i suppose, on the whole issue
Friend (9:08:34 PM): haha. nah, you just need to get your head & heart in sync.
Me (9:08:48 PM): yeah....dang heart never listens to me. However i think it is pretty content with the "love" therapy though ;-)
Here is two small parts from two conversations I had tonight with two different people:
Friend: it has seriously been the week from hell at work
Friend: its all good though cause tomorrow is a half day- oh ya
Friend: might have to get a little drunk this weekend
Me: HA HA
Me: you make me laugh
Me: i love honest friendships
Friend: i mean uh, par take of refreshing beverages
Me: HA HA HA HA
Me: you are killlin' me
Friend: I did not know that you were/are/is an agnostic. That surprises me in a way but not in another
Friend: I do not mean that badly.
Me: why does is somewhat surprise you
Friend: Because you are smart
Friend: and smart people think a lot
Friend: most of my smart friends are agnostic or atheists
Friend: and it surprises me because... I dunno... it just did
People make me laugh! HA!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Anyways, we were chatting about religion and I’m going to post a portion of it here and let you comment on it. And I might post other portions of it later on.
Friend (7:57:13 PM): so lemme ask you. do you not believe in God?
Me (7:58:13 PM): as a highly religious person...i'm sure you know what an agnostic is. Am i correct in my assuming?
Friend (7:58:48 PM): i've heard different definitions, but i know what one is to me...what is one to you? (haha now THAT sounded like a therapy question.)
Me (7:59:59 PM): i claim the definition straight off the dictionary.com site...."One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism." Having said that...i can't say i believe in God, nor do I completely believe in his nonexistence
Friend (8:01:12 PM): so what keeps you from choosing to believe one way or the other?
Me (8:01:22 PM): my head
Friend (8:01:39 PM): what about your head?
Me (8:02:33 PM): i think too much...and, had you read my blog, you'd understand that i just can't convince myself that all the religion stuff actually happened
Friend (8:04:33 PM): well even at that, there's a difference between believing that the "religion stuff" happened and believing in God...Jews, Muslims, etc. believe in God but not in Jesus as His son.
Me (8:04:53 PM): okay....then....as for why i'm not a Christian...i can't convince myself to believe in all the Bible stuff
Friend (8:06:05 PM): well of course not. heck, if i wasn't sure i believed in God, then i certainly wouldn't buy into the Bible. that makes sense. So do you have a theory about the creation and all that jazz?
Me (8:07:39 PM): nope, but with me, i don't care. Who cares how we got here…we are here aren't we, why does it matter, why do we have to explain things that aren't worth worrying about
Friend (8:08:49 PM): oh c'mon. you always say that you like to think about the hard-to-explain things (i.e. purpose of life, etc.), don't you?
Me (8:09:00 PM): yep
Friend (8:09:06 PM): so what are those things?
Me (8:09:19 PM): but like i said....why does it matter...if there is nothing we can do about it and we are already here, we know how to get more of us here don't we? so why does it matter, however i totally understand that a lot of people must have answers to everything, so religion is good for them. i on the other hand....personally have no interest in creation
Friend (8:09:55 PM): alright then. how bout what happens after death? any theories there...that you're willing to tell me? ;-)
Me (8:11:15 PM): honestly....i don't know what happens after death...i lean toward saying nothing....you die you die...that's it, but that's too hard for most people to swallow....so religion is good also for help to sooth the idea of death for those that need it
Friend (8:12:26 PM): so, are you striving to decide one way or the other about the whole God/no God question?
Me (8:12:52 PM): what do you mean? am I sitting here today wondering which route will i pick?
Friend (8:13:58 PM): haha. no. i just mean do you eventually want to decide for yourself whether you believe in God or whether you believe that there is no God?...not neccessarily this very second. lol
Me (8:15:02 PM): well sure.....but as the other definition of agnostic says..."One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God"....i might never know whether there is a God or not; therefore....i just continue to live my life as i am....knowing i can't spend my entire life trying to figure it out, i have to live my life...and if along the way i can make a decision...that's cool
Friend (8:16:08 PM): i'm just curious b/c that seems like an important question to answer for yourself b/c if there is a God, then obviously, we should be living our lives in one certain way, but if there is no God, that way of life would be a waste of time...that question determines a lot of things.
Me (8:17:08 PM): i'm confused....what is the "question" that determines a lot of things? The question of "whether there is a God" or what?
Friend (8:17:18 PM): yeah
Me (8:21:00 PM): i suppose it seems like i lean more toward the idea of not believing, though i don't go to the extent of saying God is non-existent, since I can't prove that.....and with leaning toward the idea that religion, as i put it in my blog, can be viewed as a large form of therapy....a superb form of helping the human race to cope and survive, i don't see that "question" as important as say a totally religious believer like yourself does. does that make sense? I suppose the "importance" behind the question is on different levels pertaining from the perspective you take
Me (8:22:10 PM): look at it like this.... a Christian puts urgency on a question like that with the backing thoughts that "God could return any day now and if you're not ready when he comes it is too late"....well one who doesn't buy into the whole religion aspect doesn’t view it in that nature in that they don't see any sense of urgency since they don't acknowledge a "judgement day"
Friend (8:22:30 PM): well if you can chalk up religion as a form of therapy...you can do the same for science, relationships, love, chocolate...anything that helps us to understand, cope, or feel better
Me (8:23:38 PM): i didn't say you couldn't
Friend (8:26:35 PM): well i view it like this. if there is a God, then you're going to want to live a Christian life: serving, praising, worshipping, etc. in hopes to go to Heaven and to bring others with you....if there is no God and there is nothing after death, then you should make this life as enjoyable and comfortable as possible. i mean, you wouldn't have anything (other than the law) keeping you from doing everything to make this life as fun as possible. So to me it's an important question for anyone to answer simply because it will/should greatly affect how you live each day...for yourself or for God. i'm not refering to the urgency of Christ's return or anything.
Me (8:35:46 PM): ha ha.....yeah....that is how a religious person would view it....but i think your life can be guided by other things as i think you so PERFECTLY pointed out earlier...some of the other "therapies" in which case you don't see yourself living life either just for God or for yourself....it leaves it open to other options; another "therapy" as you might call it. Plus...in the sense you made it come off...and unfortunately as most religious people do....if you're not religious and you're "apparently living life for yourself" then you are led to do bad things....you made it sound like if a person is only out to please themself, they are going to do all these "bad" things. i don't see that as the case. yes, some people do that, but i suppose i look at it like this...and in my life...i suppose you could say my "chosen therapy" to guide my life is love...and with that as a guidance, it doesn't necessarily guide me to do bad things. Make sense?
Friend (8:40:43 PM): sure it makes sense. and i wasn't (purposefully) saying that all "self led" people did bad things...just self pleasing things...like love. ppl fall in love b/c things feel good for themselves. they get married because it feels good to them to be with one other person. these things aren't bad...they're just (if they're not God serving) self serving. but i'm an MFT, so i obviously don't think relationships or love or marriage are bad. make any sense?
Me (8:43:50 PM): yes...that makes sense, but i think we are on two different pages when we talk use the word love.....yes, love between two people leading to marriage is great too...and yes, that can be some of the love i'm talking about, but that's really not what i think of when i reference love....i think of the power....love for a quantity....loving people (in general)....loving life....loving what we do....loving _______ .....if we are led by our love for things or people or something i think that is such a powerful source.....similar to how highly religious individuals are led by their beliefs involving God; As for your self-pleasing comment....i'd say this...i have basically been sold on the idea that everything we do in our lifes has a selfish basis...granted most of the time I don't think we do it with that state of mind driving us, so many times it is unconscious, but still. I think even religion and being religious is led by selfish motives
Friend (8:45:37 PM): absolutely true. love like that is very powerful. but it still exists to please the self.
When I say recently, it is defined VERY loosely in the sense of one of these I learned just yesterday and one I learned my freshman year in college….so that’s just a sidenote!
- Why Six Flags ain’t joking when they warn that “Guests with neck problems shouldn’t ride this ride!”
- How the powers of depression can totally overcome and suck the life out of a person.
That cognitive-behavioral therapy would make for a great therapy for depressed people who are especially pessimistic.
- Cutters. That being why people can actually turn to self-mutilation
And the biggest one…the one that just totally made me say, “Wow…I understand it now was…
- Why being sexually abused as a child can lead a male to choosing a homosexual lifestyle in the future. I could always see the logic behind a female turning homosexual because of it, but couldn’t understand the male side of it till recently.
It’s so cool to learn new things! I suppose if you’re more interested in any of those types I mentioned, ask and I’ll let you know what I learned.
1. Do you own a polka dot shirt? Not anymore….i did at one time and I used it as part of my clown costume whenever I would dress up as a clown
2. Do you think that you will ever be the first women president? Nope, and no interest to be
3. How many showers have you taken today? One..just got out
4. What do you think you will be doing at this time tomorrow? Chatting on AIM or blogging like I’m doing now (or maybe playing MarioKart…HA!)
5. What is the hottest thing about a guy? personality
6. Who do you want the next president to be? Don’t care…but I would be interested in seeing Oprah run
7. What do you know about your religion? I don’t claim a religion, however, my stance on religion is agnostic, but I don’t believe that to be a religion
8. How many new people have you met this year? A ton…what a blessing!
9. What is the last number you used? Probably when I typed the number 75 to someone on AIM earlier
10. What was the last candy you had? Uhhh…I had a piece of gum after lunch today…does that count as candy?
11. Do you drink soda? no
12. Are you worried about your weight? I wouldn’t say “worried,” however I’m a lot more conscious of it nowadays then I used to be
13. What song would you want a guy to sing to you? MMMBop---I don’t know…HA!
14. What is your words per minute(how fast you type)? HA! I was just taking one of these tests the other day at work when I was bored! The best I did was 63 words per minute with zero mistakes! Not bad! Try it: www.learn2type.com
15. What will you eat next? I’m not sure
16. When was the last time you baked brownies? Hmm…a couple weeks back
17. How many people know your birthday? Uhh…isn’t this a question for them? I don’t know
18. Do you look tired today? Who knows…probably…I was SOOO slow getting to work today…I couldn’t get outta bed…LONG/busy day yesterday!
19. When was the last time you had a Now & Later? A few weeks ago
20. Do you think Tom DeLonge is hot? Who is that?
21. Name a friend & their favorite color. Misty—pink….YUCK! (about pink, not Misty!)
22. What was the last thing you ran for? Like ran in an election, or ran like with my legs? I suppose in an election was for GATA offices, and with my legs…I ran after one of the bosses the other day trying to catch him before he left…does that count?
23. Do you think you have no life? I think as long as you’re breathing, you have a life. Who is to define your life as “dull” or “unexciting”?
24. How many days until you get out of school or go back to school? My last day of class is on August 8th, and I start back on the 22nd!
25. Take your age, multiply it by your favorite number, add it to the amount of letters in your first name, subtract it by how many speakers you have and multiply it by 3. What do you get? 2295
26. Have you ever failed a final? You know, I don’t know…that’s usually the good thing about finals, you normally don’t get them back so you have no idea what your grade on them was! ;)
27. At what age do you think your hair will start turning gray? I have no idea
28. Name something that you have more than 28 of. Pictures on my walls and CDs
29. Do you like peas? You betcha
30. Have you ever woken up with a spider on you? Not that I can remember
31. Do you drool in your sleep? When I’m REALLY sleepy, yep!
32. Have you ever peed yourself in your sleep at a friend's? don’t think so
33. Do you watch the Real World? Never have
34. Have you whined today? Maybe, but I don’t remember; I don’t consider myself a big whiner
35. Have you talked mean about anyone today? not that I remember
37. What does your soap smell like? Uhhh….white stuff? It’s the Dove wannabe
38. Do you believe in pre-marital sex? Define “believe”…I mean it takes place, so I believe it is real…
39. Have you ever had a stalker? Who would want to stalk me…let’s be real!
40. Can you remember your last dream? Uhhh…I think I was getting in trouble by one of the cool doctors at work…but I don’t remember it for sure
41. Have you ever popped a string on a guitar? no
42. Do you leave food sitting up in your room? Snacks…yeah, because I always have snacks at my desk! HA! Regular meals-type food…no
43. Do you have a nose ring? no
44. How many people did you talk to last time you were on the phone? one
45. What is your reasoning for usually getting online? Check my email, Chat on AIM, read and write blogs
46. How much money do you think you'll make when you get older? I don’t know. If I end up with my own practice I could see me making maybe 65 or 70K
47. Do you have trouble falling asleep? Normally…I lay there and think about stuff
48. Have you ever been struck by lightning? nah
49. What is your sign? Sag.
50. Have you ever thought a teacher was really hot? I don’t recall thinking that
Monday, July 18, 2005
[Give this picture it's best caption! Either come up with a unique/fun caption for this picture or tell what you think is going on in the picture! Tomorrow I'll pick the best response! LEAVE A COMMENT (anyone can leave a comment, you don't have to have a blog)! I don't care if you're someone I don't know, someone I do know, or someone I'm not suppose to know that reads my blog all the time (secretly of course...HA!) Have fun!]
Sunday, July 17, 2005
This past week at work I haven’t been more ready to get out of there by 5 PM (well really I would start being ready to leave around like 2:30ish…HA!) in a long time. I just find myself so burnt out and bored with work. I’m tired of the same thing. And I sit there and think, while I mindlessly enter more data after data into the Excel worksheets, that I don’t know what I’ll do if my career ends up repetitious like this. I can’t handle the same thing day after day. I need change, I can’t handle mindless repetitive tasks that require no change in thought. It is seriously driving me nuts!
This weekend I realized I’ve not only fallen into the slump of boredom that I’ve never wanted to hit, but I am becoming a very lazy person and that is something I’ve never wanted to become either! I just don’t care to go places, no interest in leaving the house unless I have to. Too lazy to cook some real food to eat. Too lazy to do this, too lazy to do that…
I promise, I’ve never been a lazy person in my life. My dad always called me his best helper when I was a kid. I was always doing something. I did manual labor with my dad all my life growing up. You need your bathroom retiled? I can do it. You need your house roofed? Got ya. Need a staircase built? Covered. I’ve grown up in small construction all my life. You can’t be lazy with that!
I’ve always done all my school work. Never just didn’t do an assignment. Never missed a deadline with papers or projects.
Lately I’ve just been so burnt out on everything. Burnt out on school. Burnt out on work. Burnt out on the same food. Even burnt out on the internet. About all that interests me anymore on the internet is an occasional updated blog every now and then, assuming it gives me something to think about. The only thing that is still keeping me entertained on the internet this weekend is instant messenger (oh how I’m so happy to have it! That’s one thing that one can’t get burnt out on since people are always different and talking to someone is a new adventure every time!) I have to be honest, I have been VERY blessed this past week with AIM! I have had the pleasure of talking with probably more than 6 or 7 people that I haven’t talked with in quite some time, some even more than a year! Luckily for me, most of them have IMed me! Now THAT makes you feel good! HA! Oh, and I’ve also found myself trying to occupy my boredom recently with researching up on people from the past…AKA people I went to high school with. It is easy to not know what MOST people are up to when you moved so far away from home! HA! As for blogging, I blog to keep myself busy and to keep my mind active—like right now for instance. It’s not really my normal bedtime…only 11:30, which is too early for me to go to bed because if I was to climb in bed I’d just lay there awake for quite sometime unable to fall asleep. So I sit here blogging….
Have I mentioned how burnt out I am on school too? Yeah, I have an exam tomorrow night and I still haven’t really studied for it yet. I’m not worried about it at all, which is making me even less interested in studying for it. Overall I don’t feel like I’m getting the challenge I want out of my classes. I don’t think papers really per say “challenge me” and unfortunately that’s what most of graduate school is about. It’s gotten so bad I’ve made my own challenge out of papers….i’ve put them off because of total no-interest until the weekend before they are due and see how quickly I can whip it out, with how many pages, and still get a good grade on it. So far I’ve gotten it down to an art. I whipped out a 31 pager last weekend, working on it on Sat. and Sunday and I turned it in on Monday to find that I was the longest paper. Hmmm…
I suppose it isn’t that school doesn’t challenge me anymore, because let’s face it, I’m not that smart (though I might like to think it…HA!). I think it is just that I’m not letting it challenge me. Does that make sense to you? It does me, in some strange way, but I’m too lazy to explain that too right now…HA!
I don’t know…this is probably the worst entry I’ve ever posted, but I just got overwhelmed with this idea of burnout this weekend and not having much of an interest in anything for some odd reason.
I’ve begun to fear a lack of interest is not a good thing. I’m hoping it is just a case of burnout that will blow over, but I suppose we’ll just see. I do recall though that a lot of depression scales ask questions such as, “Have you found a lack in interests lately?” CRAP!
Okay…I’m gonna end this here….this is not healthy…tomorrow I best be excited to be at work! HA!
Sorry for this crappy entry, which probably didn’t even make a lot of sense…lucky for both of us I have my Monday’s Picture Blog to post on top of it so this won’t be my top blog post! HA! ;)
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Having done some research, I’ve found that 100% of the time (even though researchers like to state that NOTHING can be measured to be 100% of the time), you are with yourself. What do I mean by that? I mean it is impossible for you to get away from yourself (as sad or even scary as THAT might seem as well…HA!) Yes, I would be willing to guess that in however many years you happen to have been alive, yourself has always been by your side. ;)
It is because of this state, the state that we are always with our self, that we can’t possibly know if on a normal basis we “smell.” This is due to the fact that if we are always with our self, therefore we are unable to get away from it in order to know what it could smell like not being with it. We are accustomed to our own smell. Basically, our normal smell is all we know for how we could smell.
So, when considering the question, “Do I smell” it is necessary to involve a third party (i.e. yourself being party #1, your smell being party #2, and another individual being party #3).
Now, while the topic of how you smell might be interesting to you on occasion, it lingers toward the bottom of these types of questions that are important. This type of questions being references is none other than the questions that require someone other than yourself to be answered. Though I’m only taking minimal time at this moment to think about it, I’d venture to say most, if not all, these types of questions revolving around one’s self. And because of that, they are the questions about one’s self that you can’t possibly answer since you can’t get away from yourself to see them from “the other side.”
Hmmm…..think about it…
What I’m trying to get to in this is the importance of people in our lives (sorry, I know you’re thinking, why the crap did we just go through all that to get to this point, but hey, I think it is a good way to look at it, so there! HA!)
I can remember when only years ago I could be found saying “I don’t care what people think.” It was like a statement of pride; shows how tough I am; what people think of me doesn’t matter to me. But today, I’m less likely to make statements like that, or if I do, they normally have a disclaimer after them. Let me explain…
We need each other. Not just to tell us if we smell, but to help us to be a better person. If we are not fully aware of the ways in which we act, how can we behave in the most pleasing ways? If some part of our personality causes us to behave in a particular manner, and we can’t get away from that sort of behavior (once again going back to the fact that we can’t get away from our self), how are we to know if that behavior is annoying to others, or unpleasant?
Without others, we can not be the best person we can be. We must get input from those around us to know of areas in which we could use change.
We should care what others think; however, we must know how to take what others think as well as what of the things people think should be used for self-change and what shouldn’t (but that’s all for another blog...HA!)
I can honestly tell you I love input from others. Whether it comes out sounding as praise (as I think we all enjoy), or comes out sounding like a criticism. Whatever the case, we all need to hear it sometimes.
Still, nothing is more helpful in life than getting the honest truth from people. We all need to have people in our life that we can rely on for the truth and these people will be people you feel you can trust. These people should be relied upon to tell you when you need to work on an area of your life, but also, and just as importantly, they need to point out areas in your life in which you shine! We all need encouraging feedback from those around us!
I’ve recently been recollecting on fun and memorable times from my past years in undergraduate, and one time I have been reminded of when thinking through these times was a time in which I got feedback from some dear friends that I’ll never forget.
It was in January 2004, and I was with most of my fellow GATA officers at our officer retreat in Conroe, Texas. One of the activities on our agenda that weekend was a where we sat around a table as a group and did just that, gave each other encouraging feedback. It was an activity some of our officers in the group had learned from a Willard Tate weekend class, so we did it as a group of officers. The jist of the activity was that we went around the table and each person was the “person of the moment.” When you were the “person of the moment” you were required to tell about yourself for 60 seconds; talk about your interests and what you think about yourself or how you think you come off, etc. Once your time was up, everyone else at the table would have to talk about you, they would have to say what they have grown to know about you, or what they see in you as a person, etc. Though it has been over a year since I was involved in that activity with my friends, I can truly say some of the comments and feedback I got from those ladies stays with me today. Granted I can’t remember what everyone said about me, or even what I said about all them, but I will never forget the words of some of those women.
Some feedback we during our lifetime will live with us forever. We need encouraging feedback from our peers, our friends, our family, etc. We need to know about ourselves from the outside looking in.
On January 21, 2004, I challenged the Women of GATA in a newsletter to tell two people just how important they are to them that day. I can tell you I received words from women that day that will always be with me as well.
Today I want to make that same challenge to you! It doesn’t take but a minute to write someone an email, or drop someone a note in the mail, or even to pick up your phone and call. If in a three sentence email you can have impact on a persons life that will last for a lifetime, isn’t it worth your minute or two? Tell them what you think of them. Or, more importantly, tell them what they have meant to you; they might never have even known!
Friday, July 15, 2005
- I have noticed lately that there are a lot of people joining the blogging community. And might I add how happy I am that they are joing the blogger community and not the Xanga community since I don’t have a membership there and can’t comment on those blog entries…HA! Anyways, I was thinking lately about how I would love to read blogs by certain people. However, one particular person came to mind, I think possibly because I enjoy a good blog read that challenges me to think in ways I might not have thought before. I enjoy deep thinkin’ posts and I was just thinking how cool it would be to read blogs by Randy Harris. I suppose he could have a blog out there and I’m not aware of it, and if that is the case, please someone send me his website address. But since I’m under the impression that he doesn’t I think he would make a GREAT blogger. I could see him becoming the next Mike Cope of the blogging world! Okay…that’s that!
- I have a post-it note from WAY back when when I watched this Dateline special on exorcisms. This programming totally had me hooked; not in the fact that I believe in exorcisms, but just watching these people and trying to believe this stuff really happens! The show claimed that “as many as 10,000 exorcisms are performed per year in the United States.” That I found simply amazing! The program was interesting because it showed an exorcism taking place. I totally couldn’t believe it! I personally don’t believe the devil manifests himself in people, like these individuals on the program believed. And if anything, I certainly didn’t believe the emotions the supposedly possessed man was demonstrating (i.e., random screaming outbursts as the people referred to it as the evil spirits talking to them through the man). If anything, I viewed the stunt as a man who was overcome with depression and stress in his life (as he openly admitted to on the show), simply wanting answers or hope for his life, therefore, jumping at the chance to call it “demon-possessed” in hopes that these people would come and “cure” him of the apparent “spirits” or in other words, free him from his depressed lifestyle. I don’t know, I suppose since I don’t believe in the stuff I thought it just looked bad on the part of the religious group that was affliated with the “exorcism team” which was trying to free the man of his “spirits.” Did anyone else see this episode and want to comment on it? Or anyone else want to tell me what they think about the idea of exorcisms or “demon-possessed” individuals?
- I love quotes! Frequently I’ll find myself watching television, or a movie, or reading a book, and I’ll stop and jot down a quote someone said because I thought it was nicely put or it was something I wanted to think about. I love to think about quotes and decide if I agree with them or not. So I have two sticky notes here with three quotes, so I’ll go through those now.
- “You don’t become what you want; you become what you believe” by Oprah. Hmm…I like that one. I mean I suppose I don’t know about the first part, that might have just been something Oprah whipped up outta the blue to make it into a good quote length-wise, but the second half is good! I mean I think if you want something you most likely believe in it, so I’d think in that case, you could become it. So the first part, not real sure on. But the second part…good. Your beliefs are so powerful! Don’t ever forget that!
- “If we obsess about looking good instead of doing good, we will get caught in a spiral of ineffective action” by Andrea Ayvazian. I got this quote out of one of my textbooks from last semester (see, I told you I’ve had these sticky notes on my desk for a while…HA!) Anyways, I like this because I think it is so true. If you’re too busy trying to look good in front of people. Being like, “look at me…look what I did,” you aren’t going to be as effective as if you just focus on doing what is good and get the credit as it comes. When you are concerned with always looking good, you’ll be too focused on what others think and not worried about what you can do for others instead.
- Finally, “You are not your past” by Oprah. This was something she said to a young girl who was 17 years old I believe who was on the show because she was a meth-addict. I think this quote is interesting because to me, it is a situational quote. I don’t think that one really applies in life in general. Yes, it might be good to use with individuals such as this girl who has been addicted to drugs for the past 2 or 3 years, but I think in general, a person IS the product of their past. I don’t think you are tied down to what you were in the past, should you choose to change from your ways of the past, but I think in general you are what your past has made you, thus making you your past. I mean I think I get the point Oprah was trying to make with this quote, but I think it could have been said differently. While I think there is no doubt about it that this girl is a drug addict (her past), that doesn’t have to be who she is. She can go to rehab and become the person from her past that was in rehab—the drug-free girl. I just think this is funny because had this been the story of a highly successful/powerful person who has spent the last 25 years doing good in the world and loving people, the quote might have been “Your past describes who you are!”
- Sidenote: I’m beginning to think I didn’t explain myself very well in that last bullet, but we’ll see how it comes off to y’all…HA!
Three things you like about yourself: my patterns of thought, my confidence, my humor
Three things you don't like about yourself: my hair, my eyesight, and recently, my allergies!Three parts of your heritage: English, German, and Scottish
Three things that scare you: (Note: this question is for people who are just asking for it…HA! But since most people already know these, I’ll just put them) Rodents (i.e. mice and rats), snakes, and heights
Three of your everyday essentials: internet, music, and food
Three things you are wearing right now: hat, watch, and ACU bracelet
Three of your favorite songs: since this question is too hard, I’ll just name the ones for this point in time, like one’s I love right now—“when the sand runs out” by rascal flatts, “feels like today” by rascal flatts, and “you’ll be there” by george strait
Three new things you want to try in the next twelve months: sushi, contacts or laser eye surgery, making the move ;)
Three things I want in a relationship: Honesty, friendship, communication
Two truths and a lie: I’ve gone to counseling for therapy, I’ve had to testify in court, I’ve been to a male strip joint
Three things you can't do without: love, friends, music
Three places you want to go on vacation: New York City, the Colorado mountains, Australia Three things you just can't do: stay off the computer, go a day without eating meat, swim
Three kids' names: Timothy, Garrett, Racheal??
Three things you want to do before you die: get married, write a book, own my own private practice
Three Celeb crushes: I suppose Tim McGraw, the younger of the two dudes in Montgomery Gentry (I don’t remember his name), and Hugh Laurie’s character on “House”…HA!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
While I was in the car on the ride up to the church building tonight I began thinking about when I was younger.
Growing up we went to church "religiously." We seemed to never miss a Sunday morning, Sunday night, or Wednesday night. Believe it or not, I actually usually loved going too! I love groups of people! However, when there would be an occasion that we wouldn't be able to make it to church some night, my parents always made us have a family Bible study. Unfortunately I MUCH would have rather gone to church...HA! But whatever the case, if like my dad had to work late and my mom and us kids weren't able to call and get a ride in time, we'd have a Bible study all together whenever my dad would get home. You know, sing a few songs, my mom or dad would teach a short little lesson out of the Bible and us kids would be asked questions, and then we'd pray and that would be it, however I would still rather be at church...HA!
So in the car tonight on the way to the church to meet up with the family for the baptisms I was remembering one particular "family Bible study" night. I was probably like in either 5th, 6th, or 7th grade. Well I remember my dad had talked that night during the study about baptism. And I remember he asked me the question first and it was, "What do you think you need to learn in order to be baptized?"
I immediately responded, "How to swim!"
HA HA! Needless to say I was just as smart and witty back then as I am today! ;)
Whelp, after getting a good laugh about that thought while in the car driving tonight I can say this...
Even many years following that "family Bible study" I still find myself not having been baptized...but I haven't learned to swim either! ;)