Life

It's what life is. It's a series of rooms. And who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our lives are.

This was a quote taken from Tuesday's episode of House on FOX. I think the writers of that show come up with some of the most clever things to think about. This was just one from many I've pondered over the past three seasons of the show.

The more thought I gave to this quote, the more I thought how sometimes we go into rooms on our own in life and sometimes we are assigned to the rooms. And not only that, but sometimes I think there is a fine line between whether we believe we went in on our own or we were assigned to the rooms. Either way, I guess what it comes down to is what happens when we are in those rooms. How we interact with the situation and the others who are "stuck in those rooms." I suppose the quote is right, as this is what will affect our life.

So as the character on the show prefaced her statement...

I'm going to base this moment on who I'm stuck in a room with.

Do Drugs in Groups, It's Less Dangerous. Okay?!

I couldn't help but post this because I just found it humurous when I read it...

Loner Teens Worse Off Than Social Addicts
HEALTH NEWS BYTE
Thursday, January 18, 2007

Isolation and loneliness are two of the most common and debilitating pains of adolescence. According to a new study in the journal Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, they may also be among the most dangerous. Conducted by researchers at the nonprofit RAND Corporation, the study concludes that teens who drink or take drugs alone are more likely to suffer health problems than their peers who engage in social substance abuse. The study was based on surveys of more than 6,000 adolescents who were monitored over the course of nine years. Overall, solitary substance abusers showed worse physical health and engaged in more instances of delinquent and disruptive behavior than teens whose drug use was primarily restricted to "party" situations.

What This Means for You
While socializing may offset a few of the deadliest risks of drug use in the short run, the long-term impact of substance abuse hits loners and partiers alike. Talk to your kids about not using drugs.

[Link for the above article]

It's almost like I can see the parents having the talks with there children now...

"Honey, if you're gonna do drugs, make sure you're with other people. Don't do them alone. It's less dangerous."

HA! HA!

Okay, don't get me wrong. I do see the benefits of the study and why it can be helpful to know that sort of findings, but at the same time, if one is going to consider the part of getting their teen OFF drugs, I would think the peer pressures of being in friend groups with other teens that are doing drugs would be difficult. One, because they are the added pressure to engage in drug activity. Sure, you can encourage the teen get a different group of friends, but that puts even more stress and pressure on the teen, which leads to point number two. Having to go through the strain of changing/losing friends could encourage the teen to go back to their coping through drug use.

I think overall, this article is not sharing enough information about the teens studied. What was mental health of these teens? Were the "solitary substance abusers" "loner" adolescents who possibly were using to cope with their depression of a lack of social interactions? Or, how about how they mentioned, "teens whose drug use was primarily restricted to 'party' situations." So how often were these teens involved in "party situations?" If they were only partying on weekends, and the "solitary substance abuser" was using every night when he was home in his room because he was depressed, then sure, he is going to have more health issues because he is using more often.

Oh well... I just thought it was an interesting article.

P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C!!

Here is PATHETIC...

Okay, I am not embarrassed to admit the extent to my pathetic laziness on this issue: So, I have this "outfit," it is actually one of those dresses/suits that is like a dress that has a suit coat that goes over it that is basically all fancy/professional looking. Blah blah blah. Anyways, I got it to wear to my uncle and aunt's wedding. That was the first time and the last time I've worn it. Well, with it being the type of clothing it is (i.e. material-wise and a suit and all), it is one of those dry-clean only things.

[I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this...]

So, yes, I've been too lazy to ever take it to get cleaned and matter of fact, I have just left it wadded up in back of my closet on the floor ever since the wedding.

So, yes, putting off taking an outfit to the dry-cleaners for a little while is lazy. No doubt, but at what point does laziness become shearly pathetic?

Well, the exact point of that, I'm not sure. I guess that would have been at some point between now and when the wedding was. So when was that wedding you ask?

October 2, 2004!!

HA! HA! HA! HA!

Talk about PATHETIC! HA! I wasn't kiddin' ya! Luckily, it doesn't smell. Well, actually, maybe if it hadn't I wouldn't have let it go this long, so maybe that would have been better because then I would have been more motivated to take it to the cleaners before I got to the point of being PATHETIC!

SOOOOoooooo...

We all have our points of being pretty pathetic; many of which are brought about due to the status of being lazy. So when were you to the point of being "pathetic?" Let's all laugh with one another at our pathetic times! Maybe it's something you've currently got, such as my current state of pathetic-ness related to the UN-dry-cleaned laundry in my closest for nearly 2.5 years! HA! Or maybe it was something you did in the past that you were to the point of being pretty pathetic.

Has anyone been as "PATHETIC" as me? Come on...think of your laziest times.

Maybe it was that time when you couldn't find the remote control and since you were being lazy and didn't want to get up, you just threw something at the television, hoping to hit the channel button, but missed and broke the lamp nearby instead?! HA! Don't act like you've never done that! ;)

5 Reasons Why You COULD be Settling for Mr. Wrong

I've written about this type of thing several times...

Here.

Another here.

So I wanted to share it from someone else...

I really liked this article: "He's Not 'The One': 5 Reasons Why You're Settling for Mr. Wrong".

A State of Thoughts Following the Address...

I went ahead and watched the State of the Union Address this evening even though when I heard it was on tonight I had about as much interest in watching it as I have in seeing Dreamgirls. Oh well. Here were my thoughts...

• Did anybody else notice that it seemed like President Bush had to help "Madam Speaker" along with what to do. Like how he asked her if she was ready to get this thing starting [Hinting to her to start the show with her introduction of him]. Then, after he said that to her, she seemed like she wasn't sure what to do to get the audience quieted. She seemed to be uncertian of her task [I bet Cheney had to point to the gavel for her to jog her memory]...HA!
• When watching the two individuals having to sit behind the President (yes, I know who they are: the Vice President and the Speaker of the House), I always try to decipher their state of nerves. Cheney likes to shift his weight a lot, but he seems fairly calm. "Madam Speaker" on the other hand. I kept thinking she was going to puke. I probably would if I knew MILLIONS of people were staring at me for 45 minutes! Plus, I think she was worried she might not know when to stand-up or not! HA!
• Condoleezza always looks like she is ready to beat the crap out of someone!
• So was Obama sitting in front of Hillary supposed to be a prediction? I mean I suppose it's most likley "assigned" seating, but still, was it like a fore-telling? Mainly, my curiosity lies in the thoughts of whether this country is more ready for a female president or a non-white president? Or, are we "ready" for either yet?
• I think that Secretary of Homeland Security fella is worn-out. He looked like death! I suppose if his appearance is in any way related to the long hours and efforts he has put into his job position I'd say, "bring it on, Osama!" HA!
• When the "brother" that threw himself on top of the civilian who had fallen on the train tracks to save him was being honored, I so thought the chamber was going to burst out into chanting his name. I mean he sure was throwing out the love to them!
• Does Dick Cheney smile?
• I thought it was nice camera work when they aired the shot of the young soldier sitting in the audience who had apparently lost his eye, while President Bush continued to talk about the importance of not giving up on the Iraq efforts!
• Each time I've watched this State of the Union all the way through (which is basically only a couple times...HA!) my favorite camera shots are the ones when John Kerry is show standing and applauding the President. HA!
• Why is it that we have some of the most goofiest looking people as the leaders of our country!? [Cheney and McCain, just to name two] HA! Maybe it's because many of them are so old. Hey, let's face it, we all get goofier looking the older we get!
• Speaking of old, I watch this thing and can't help but think to myself, "Goodness! That guy is STILL alive, much less he is STILL a senator/representative?!" I mean I admit, I have totally forgotten how many terms/years these people can be in office, but some of these fellows I look at there and see and I'm like, "I thought Senator Kennedy was senator 10 years ago?!?! And that Liebermann fella...SERIOUSLY!"
• Whose bright idea was it to sit the Asian lady next to Dikembe Mutombo?!?!
• And finally, a poor approval rating or not, "W" always makes me smile when he does that cute little grin and wink! HA!

[What should be your first "thought" following reading this passage: the author does not know the name of the current speaker of the house, thus she keeps using "Madam Speaker" (trying to be smooth) to refer to her. Correct! For the life of me I can't recall her name and I'm too lazy to look it up! HA!]

Let It RING FREE...

Today, when I tore off yesterday’s calendar page to reveal this picture, I knew I had to write the following blog entry in reference to the news reports I had heard on television last night. As for this picture: I cracked up and thought yep! As for the news story, I’ll let you state come to your own thoughts…

If you live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, and watched the late night news last night, there is a 50% chance you heard the findings of the study I’m about to share. This is because I couldn’t help but notice that both WFAA channel 8 news, as well as KDFW channel 4 news, were promoting the story in their commercials during the evening hours to advertise for their 10 o’clock news broadcast. It was not the typical type of advertising commercial that shouted the top stories of “Winter Blizzard” or “Murder Suspect caught locally.” No, it was shouting DON’T FRET ABOUT THE “RELATIONSHIP STATUS” QUESTION! It was shouting how SUCCESS DOESN’T ONLY COME WITH “I DO.” But even more, it was shouting EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY BE ALONE, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

The story, as covered by channel 8, was entitled Being Single and Female Becomes the Norm. The essence of the story came from some recently released data which found that more than half of the women in the United States were “living without a spouse” in 2005. It was saying how not only are women more frequently living the single life, but they are also living it in a state of happiness and with successes.

Here is the news article taken from the WFAA site:

Today, it's a root canal performed by the steady hands of Dr. Jones.

Dr Angela Jones.

Dentist, solo practitioner, 36 and single.

"I just think that the generations and times are changing. You know, we have more opportunities, women, and we're just taking advantage of it," Jones said.

She finished dental school in 2001.

She bought a car, a house and then bought this practice. All on her own.

"A lot of my friends are single, female, that have their own homes and businesses and so I think it's a positive change," she added.

And statistics show, she's becoming the norm among women, even the majority.

In 2005, 51 percent of U.S. women were living without a spouse, up from 49 percent in 2000 and 35 percent in 1950.

The trend is most common among African-American women, 70 percent of whom live without a significant other. Some 51 percent of Hispanic women live on their own while 45 percent of non-Hispanic white women and 40 percent of Asian women live the single life.

Jones isn't in a hurry to walk down the aisle or get a stone on that ring finger.

"School and job, they've always been my main focus. One day I hope to find a husband and have children, but right now, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen," she says.

So there you have it. Even in a time in my life when it seems like EVERYONE is getting engaged, I can resort back to one of my true loves: statistics….HA!

So don’t be afraid to let it ring free that you’re single and proud of it! You don’t have to have a ring to be happy and successful in life; and from what we’re hearing now ladies, even to be “normal!”

And take this advice from me (and my calendar), single ladies: keep attending those “bring-a-date” functions and when asked where your date is, you can start answering that question as I now plan too…






[The above pictures were taken from the 2007 Year-in-A-Box calendar made by Co-edikit. Someone told me they can be found at Wal-Mart, but they are also sold online at the Co-edikit website.]

Or Forever Hold Your Peace…

Now this is just creepy to me!

Allow me to explain…

BACKGROUND INFORMATION #1:

Yesterday, I was making a long and boring drive, so I was doing my usual—thinking. One of the things that I was thinking about was about weddings and the point that you see in the movies where the priest asks, “if for any reason someone here today has a reason these two should not be married please speak now, or forever hold your peace”…

[In the movies] Someone always speaks.

[In real life] Silence.

As I thought about this, I began to attempt to think back to the weddings I have been to and tried to recall if that line is even used in wedding ceremonies in real life nowadays. Honestly, I couldn’t really remember, but I could remember that I’ve never been to a wedding where someone DID “speak now”—because I would have for sure remembered that!

The more thought I gave to this topic, the more I was willing to bet that IF that line IS used in weddings then I figure very rarely does someone actually speak up in the ceremony.

Sure, it’s great drama for the movies, but in real life, by the point of the ceremony, let’s face it, most people aren’t going to stand out and jump up and start bickering about how much they can’t stand your fiancé, or about how they think your significant other isn’t the best choice for you. Many times, people that care enough to even tell you that will probably have said it to you BEFORE the ceremony anyways. And if that is the case, they normally understand that saying something at a ceremony isn’t going to change anything. Or sometimes, the person will chose not to even attend the ceremony—depending on how strongly they feel.

So is this “line” even spoken in wedding ceremonies anymore? And if so, is there really a purpose? Do a groom and bride really expect people to say something? Do they really WANT someone to say something?

These were some questions crossing my mind while I thought about this yesterday…

BACKGROUND INFORMATION #2:

Also yesterday, I got in the mail the “My Secret” Postsecret book that I had ordered online. I was way excited, of course! HA! So today I started reading through it while I was stuck at home because the pool guy was here working. It was when I was only on my 48th page of postcards that I came across the card shown at the beginning of this entry.

CREEPY! I had JUST been thinking about this exact topic yesterday! So, I just stopped and stared at it and thought…

--------------------------------------------------------

Now, on with the thoughts…

I’ve been to several weddings over the past 5 years. I’ve had many friends, some close friends, getting married, and most of the times it’s the bride’s side I’m sitting on. Many times the groom is a guy I do not know very well.

Yes, I’ve had the hand-full of weddings I’ve attended where I knew my friend’s significant other very well, but those weddings have been the minority. I’d be willing to guess that many times a lot of the weddings people attend, they only know one of the two parties uniting very well.

So there I am, attending these weddings (which I typically dislike attending weddings), and sometimes I find myself having thoughts (that I have obviously had BEFORE the actual ceremony) about how I have some of my own personal uncertainties about the couple uniting. [Note: Don’t be acting like you’ve NEVER had this happen to you before…HA!]

On some of the occasions I have shared these thoughts with my soon-to-be married friend, but sometimes I haven’t. I’ve talked about my concerns with other mutual friends of the fiancé and I’ve gotten many different responses. What is often believed to be the best response is the one about how it is not my life and I can’t make the choices for someone else. I can’t argue that. That is true. But then I still can’t help but think about the responsibilities of a friend, that I would want my friends to express their concerns with me, especially my close friends, if I were in a similar situation. I can’t say their concerns would change my mind, but I would appreciate and respect them none-the-less.

So I have those thoughts. Then I have other thoughts…

What about the women who so badly want to get married and one of their darkest fears is living a single life forever? What about those women when they see a chance to make a marriage happen. Granted, it might not be EXACTLY what she wanted, but it will do, because it will keep her from her deepest, darkest fear of remaining single the rest of her life.

But sometimes the pressures to go-through-with-the-marriage are not internally driven. Sometimes it is the expectations of the others around the couple—family, friends, etc. Sometimes a couple that has been together for a while is just “expected” to get married. But what if you are starting to grow apart or you realize that maybe the “other half” is not really who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Or maybe you’ve decided you can’t “put up with this” any longer (whatever “this” may be). Sometimes it’s the fear of having to tell everyone “it is over” and that what they “expected” isn’t going to “be” after all that leaves people in what seems to them like, no-other-choice but to say, “I do.”

Or, maybe it’s pressure from the significant other. Maybe one of the parties really wants to get married and the other just isn’t ready.

Or, maybe they are pregnant and one party demands marriage before the baby is born, or even quicker—before the baby is even “showing.” Or maybe the pregnancy has brought about pressure from family members to get married.

So many reasons and pressures that encourage one to go through with a wedding that maybe just isn’t quite ready yet; or even worse, a wedding that maybe never should happen.

Well, what about the author of the Postsecret postcard…

Does he/she have external pressures to go through with the wedding? Does he/she feel he/she couldn’t carry the guilt of backing out now, so they need another reason, as in “your” support and help in giving them a reason to get out? Is that his/her prayer that you would make the plea for him/her?

I think the bigger questions to me are: Has this person told ANYONE that they want out? Have they given ANY signs of doubts so someone could have picked up on them? OR, is this person scared into silence of revealing his/her true feelings? Does he/she feel the expectations and pressures are too great to overcome—strong enough to the point of choosing the misery of going through with the wedding that he/she does not truly want (as in the quote from the card “I don’t want to be here anymore”)?

I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I do know that if the author of this card were a friend of mine, I would hope they would decide to come out with their true feelings to someone, before he/she does something they could regret for quite some time.

Sometimes breaking the silence can be one of the hardest things we ever do, but many of the times, once we break it, it feels no where near as difficult and embarrassing as we had expected it to. It can be one of the most freeing experiences to let out our true feelings that we were keeping bottled up!

I give my best wishes to the creator of the postcard and any others who feel they are relating right along with the “secret.” You can get the courage to say something if you really want to!

A Continual Competition…

…life is just that.

You can’t try to beat it,

because by beating it,

you’re joining it.

I’m beginning to think it’s unavoidable. We are always competing in life. Sometimes it is taught directly, other times it is learned subliminally. We have to compete. That’s just what life is about.

Still, at the same time, we look down upon the parents who are drilling into their children’s heads that they must be number one. There’s the parents that buy their young daughter the eye shadow and lipstick at the age of three and expect her to bring home the blue ribbon at every beauty pageant. Or there’s the dad that expects his son to not only be on the championship T-ball team, but he expects him to get the team MVP trophy as well.

Not only will both of these parents most likely be carrying home the trophy’s themselves (since the prize will probably be taller than the pint-sized recipient), but the parents will also be getting a sense of pleasure for having competed and “won” his/herself. Sometimes if we can’t compete ourselves in a desired competition, that leaves us to competing through others.

Why is this? Because we are brewed to compete! We are taught from a young age to find our “talent”.

"What’s your talent Little Johnny? What are you good at?" Because THAT is what you’ll compete at!

Be it...

Sports.

Academics.

Speaking.

Writing.

Persuasion.

Physical Strength

Mental Strength

Some even compete at looks. No, not necessarily through beauty contests or modeling, but just keeping up with the trends and fashions of looks in society. This includes more than clothes, but also appropriate hygiene such as grooming (i.e. hair styles, tans, nails, piercings, etc.)

Maybe this all dates back to the early days where it came down to the survival of the fittest. If you were not competing, you were not going to survive to live. You were in competition for food.

So we compete(d) for food. We compete(d) for trophies. We compete(d) for job positions. We compete(d) for recognition. We compete(d) even for relationships.

I mean look at the bar scene. Competition! It’s everyone for his/herself. It’s the single men competing for the single women. The single women competing for the single men. If you don’t want to go to the bar, you can see it on tv. Ever heard of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette? That’s okay if you haven’t. I don’t watch them either. I prefer American Idol. Yet another competition. Wait a second. Oh that’s right, that’s what makes a reality show—competition!

Well at least we can leave reality and watch Grey’s Anatomy. But even the less “real” is based on the competitions of life. I mean it IS the focus of the romantic relationship competitions on the show that makes it one of the top-rated shows on television. Will it be McDreamy or McSteamy? You personally might think there’s no competition (I mean McDreamy did out-rank McSteamy in People magazine), but Dr. Grey seems to have a problem coming to that conclusion. And as the doctors all continually to compete for being the one, America continues to tune-in. Why? Because we thrive on competition! It’s what makes life exciting. We enjoy the suspense! As if our own lives do not have enough competition, we need to watch others compete!

We anticipate seeing who will come out on top. Who will take home the prize? If it’s not the Super Bowl, it’s the World Series.

Sports are participated in world wide. Look at the Olympics. If it isn’t the athletes competing against one another; it’s the countries competing to see who can get the most medals. Professional athletes compete on the field, and then compete off the field to get the better financial signing deal. College athletes compete on the field with one another, and then off the field for professional drafting slots. High school athletes compete on the field with one another, and then off the field for college scholarships. Then there’s the MVPs of the game. MVPs of the series. MVPs of the season. Rookies of the year. The competitions go on and on in the world of sports.

But competing isn’t wrapped up only for the rich and famous (as if becoming “rich and famous” isn’t one of the biggest competitions among the competitions of life). No, every one of us is competing...

First, there are the obvious competitions we all seem to face in life:

…Academic competition. Competition for ranking in the top ten percent of the class. Being the curve setter on the exam. Being the valedictorian.

…Then there’s the professional competition. Competition for the job position. Competition for the recognition of a job-well-done. Competition for the job promotion. Then if we aren’t competing within the job, we have our job competing with other jobs—competition between companies! Companies compete on profits. Profits are based on monetary success. Now there’s a big competition in life—whether you look at it from a group perspective (i.e. companies) or an individual perspective—who will make the most money?

Then there are the less obvious competitions:

…competing for acceptance. Friendships are based on this. Your friends have passed. They “won” the competition. They competed for your acceptance and got it! How they competed and “won” differs. Possibly they got it through sharing similarities with you. Maybe they competed in life and were able to show you that they had similar professional successes—they got your acceptance based on their professional accomplishments. They competed in life and were able to show you they had similar views/judgments/decisions-made in life and you decided that based on their stance because of those views/judgments/decisions-made, they got your acceptance. Or growing up in school, maybe they competed among you and your peers to obtain the label of “popular kid,” “nerd,” “jock,” “outcast,” etc. and based on the similar results of that competition for you and them, they got your acceptance.

But then there is the competition of sustaining the acceptance once it has been gained in the friendship…

…Should our professional status change, our friendships could change. Should our views change, our friendships could change. Should our label change, our friendships could change. We are competing to keep our friends, and sometimes competing to change our friends.

Friendships are a perfect example of how the competitions in life never seem to end.

Once you succeed in the competition for acceptance, you have to compete to sustain it.

Once you get the championship trophy, you have to compete to defend it.

Once you get the ring of marriage, you have to compete to keep it from divorcing.

Once you get the CEO position, you have to compete to keep the successes coming.

Because if you don’t continue to competed and succeed, you’ll be replaced with a new “victor.”

Don’t get me wrong. Each competition completed results in points for those involved, but either you got an extra point or you didn’t…

If you didn’t, you compete again. Sure you gained the knowledge from the competition (which is worth a point), but that still leaves you one less point behind those who were victorious.

However, if you were ahead in the point count at the end of the competition, you may relish the accomplishment, but realize that soon you’ll have to prepare for the next round.

Because there seems to always be a next round...