Now this is just creepy to me!
Allow me to explain…
BACKGROUND INFORMATION #1:
Yesterday, I was making a long and boring drive, so I was doing my usual—thinking. One of the things that I was thinking about was about weddings and the point that you see in the movies where the priest asks, “if for any reason someone here today has a reason these two should not be married please speak now, or forever hold your peace”…
[In the movies] Someone always speaks.
[In real life] Silence.
As I thought about this, I began to attempt to think back to the weddings I have been to and tried to recall if that line is even used in wedding ceremonies in real life nowadays. Honestly, I couldn’t really remember, but I could remember that I’ve never been to a wedding where someone DID “speak now”—because I would have for sure remembered that!
The more thought I gave to this topic, the more I was willing to bet that IF that line IS used in weddings then I figure very rarely does someone actually speak up in the ceremony.
Sure, it’s great drama for the movies, but in real life, by the point of the ceremony, let’s face it, most people aren’t going to stand out and jump up and start bickering about how much they can’t stand your fiancé, or about how they think your significant other isn’t the best choice for you. Many times, people that care enough to even tell you that will probably have said it to you BEFORE the ceremony anyways. And if that is the case, they normally understand that saying something at a ceremony isn’t going to change anything. Or sometimes, the person will chose not to even attend the ceremony—depending on how strongly they feel.
So is this “line” even spoken in wedding ceremonies anymore? And if so, is there really a purpose? Do a groom and bride really expect people to say something? Do they really WANT someone to say something?
These were some questions crossing my mind while I thought about this yesterday…
BACKGROUND INFORMATION #2:
Also yesterday, I got in the mail the “My Secret” Postsecret book that I had ordered online. I was way excited, of course! HA! So today I started reading through it while I was stuck at home because the pool guy was here working. It was when I was only on my 48th page of postcards that I came across the card shown at the beginning of this entry.
CREEPY! I had JUST been thinking about this exact topic yesterday! So, I just stopped and stared at it and thought…
Now, on with the thoughts…
I’ve been to several weddings over the past 5 years. I’ve had many friends, some close friends, getting married, and most of the times it’s the bride’s side I’m sitting on. Many times the groom is a guy I do not know very well.
Yes, I’ve had the hand-full of weddings I’ve attended where I knew my friend’s significant other very well, but those weddings have been the minority. I’d be willing to guess that many times a lot of the weddings people attend, they only know one of the two parties uniting very well.
So there I am, attending these weddings (which I typically dislike attending weddings), and sometimes I find myself having thoughts (that I have obviously had BEFORE the actual ceremony) about how I have some of my own personal uncertainties about the couple uniting. [Note: Don’t be acting like you’ve NEVER had this happen to you before…HA!]
On some of the occasions I have shared these thoughts with my soon-to-be married friend, but sometimes I haven’t. I’ve talked about my concerns with other mutual friends of the fiancé and I’ve gotten many different responses. What is often believed to be the best response is the one about how it is not my life and I can’t make the choices for someone else. I can’t argue that. That is true. But then I still can’t help but think about the responsibilities of a friend, that I would want my friends to express their concerns with me, especially my close friends, if I were in a similar situation. I can’t say their concerns would change my mind, but I would appreciate and respect them none-the-less.
So I have those thoughts. Then I have other thoughts…
What about the women who so badly want to get married and one of their darkest fears is living a single life forever? What about those women when they see a chance to make a marriage happen. Granted, it might not be EXACTLY what she wanted, but it will do, because it will keep her from her deepest, darkest fear of remaining single the rest of her life.
But sometimes the pressures to go-through-with-the-marriage are not internally driven. Sometimes it is the expectations of the others around the couple—family, friends, etc. Sometimes a couple that has been together for a while is just “expected” to get married. But what if you are starting to grow apart or you realize that maybe the “other half” is not really who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Or maybe you’ve decided you can’t “put up with this” any longer (whatever “this” may be). Sometimes it’s the fear of having to tell everyone “it is over” and that what they “expected” isn’t going to “be” after all that leaves people in what seems to them like, no-other-choice but to say, “I do.”
Or, maybe it’s pressure from the significant other. Maybe one of the parties really wants to get married and the other just isn’t ready.
Or, maybe they are pregnant and one party demands marriage before the baby is born, or even quicker—before the baby is even “showing.” Or maybe the pregnancy has brought about pressure from family members to get married.
So many reasons and pressures that encourage one to go through with a wedding that maybe just isn’t quite ready yet; or even worse, a wedding that maybe never should happen.
Well, what about the author of the Postsecret postcard…
Does he/she have external pressures to go through with the wedding? Does he/she feel he/she couldn’t carry the guilt of backing out now, so they need another reason, as in “your” support and help in giving them a reason to get out? Is that his/her prayer that you would make the plea for him/her?
I think the bigger questions to me are: Has this person told ANYONE that they want out? Have they given ANY signs of doubts so someone could have picked up on them? OR, is this person scared into silence of revealing his/her true feelings? Does he/she feel the expectations and pressures are too great to overcome—strong enough to the point of choosing the misery of going through with the wedding that he/she does not truly want (as in the quote from the card “I don’t want to be here anymore”)?
I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I do know that if the author of this card were a friend of mine, I would hope they would decide to come out with their true feelings to someone, before he/she does something they could regret for quite some time.
Sometimes breaking the silence can be one of the hardest things we ever do, but many of the times, once we break it, it feels no where near as difficult and embarrassing as we had expected it to. It can be one of the most freeing experiences to let out our true feelings that we were keeping bottled up!
I give my best wishes to the creator of the postcard and any others who feel they are relating right along with the “secret.” You can get the courage to say something if you really want to!