Sunday, April 15, 2007

Best Friends

For a single woman in her twenties, a best friend is more valuable than gold! It’s true.

Sure, best friends are important to anyone, but if you’re single, that best friend represents a big part of meeting one’s social needs. Granted, it doesn’t take a “best” friend for a person to be able to socialize; however, to fully be able to satisfy these needs, we need to be able to share all in which we are willing to share. We need to be able to socialize to an extent of feeling we can entrust what we are sharing with the person whom we are sharing it with. This level of socializing requires a unique bond between two people—a relationship built around closeness—a relationship found between best friends.

Best friends are treasured individuals! So what happens when these friendships dwindle for one reason or another?

It’s interesting to me to note how best friends can fall apart in a matter of months or a matter of hours. I can sit here right now and think of two individuals from my past that have held the title of “best friend” from me, but times have changed and we’ve changed along the way. One I have no more contact with and the other our contact is just less frequent; however, we have had a recent exchange, and through it we both seemed to come to the realization that we miss our friendship from the past. Here is a segment from our recent correspondence:

friend: are we still best friends?
me: i don't know
me: does the terminology really matter though?
friend: no, its just hearing it admitting it
friend: i guess
me: sometimes we all just need a dose of a friend...someone we can trust to talk to....
friend: yeah, i miss it
me: whether you call them a best friend or not...who cares

Sometimes it just hurts realizing friendships aren’t what they used to be. Sure, maybe you still talk, but it can still be so different.

Maybe it was a trust issue and things changed from there on out. Maybe it was a moment of truth, where someone’s true self shined through and it wasn’t what you expected. Maybe it was just a gradual decline in communication and things grew apart…

Whatever the case, the feeling of losing a best friend can hurt. I know that hurt all too well. I can sit here and think of one of my best friends that knows that hurt very similarly to my experience. Still, another close friend of mine just sent me a note this week which included “It’s tough to lose a best friend, but, oddly, this whole thing has strengthened certain friendships, including ours. I am so grateful for a friend like you!” I couldn’t agree with that more! It sure is hard, but at the same time, it can strengthen other relationships. I guess maybe when one door closes another does open up.

So who’s to blame? Could the falling apart have been avoided? Possibly, but at the same time, what’s the likelihood that there is only one half of the friendships to be blamed?

I can reflect back on my own situations with individuals who were once referred to as “best friends” by me (but no longer are), and I can see how I could have acted differently. I can acknowledge that I am partly to blame for our friendships decline.

With my two friends that I know who have gone through similar loses of best friends, I know enough about their accounts to feel as if we all could note where their behaviors had a negative effect on their friendships as well.

I believe in mistakes. We’ve all made them before, and sometimes they will affect relationships we are in. But more importantly, I believe in forgiveness and the possibility of looking past our mistakes with a willingness to learn from them and go forth with a stance of bettering ourselves.

I believe if friends are willing to endure the hard times, friendships can be re-gathered through the toughest of times with forgiveness and willingness by both parties to learn and accept changes when necessary.

It’s the appreciation for such a treasured friendship that can bring about our greatest efforts!

1 comment:

Hannah Jensen said...

Hey! thanks for the blog visit! I didn't know if you realized that I'm Lindy's friend who came to MO for Thanksgiving...I remember meeting you there. You are a social worker right?

About this entry: so true. Friends are so important, and so vital to community. I don't think I ever realized that fact more than I do now.