I'm so high on life right now! I don't thinkg I've been so happy and in love with life as this since my undergraduate days!
It's 10 minutes till 11 PM right now on a Monday. I didn't get back to my house till after 9 PM tonight and I'm just in a GREAT mood!
I just got done chatting with two of my best friends online and I was just in such good spirits during our talks, I KNOW they could both tell...HA! It's one of those feelings that overcomes you in so many ways that people can't help but notice your demeanor, even if they are only engaging with you via online chat...HA!
It's funny because recently I've found myself noting someone's away messages talking about how they are just so in love with their life situation right now and how life couldn't be any better, and every time I would read these messages I would think to myself, "I used to be like that...some 3 years ago." But tonight, I'm in that state of being! And I love it!
I hope it can last through the night...
...assuming I'm ever able to fall asleep! It's not easy when you're on a high...HA! ;)
Monday, August 27, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Psychology Humor
A little humor for the psychology-side in all of us. Come on now, who doesn't know about the Pavlov experiment?! ;)
This is his dog saying, "take a taste of your own medicine, crazy old man!" HA!
This is his dog saying, "take a taste of your own medicine, crazy old man!" HA!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Autopsy Details
Did you know that medical examiner's records are apparently "open records"? Well that was what I recently learned of, so if you're interested in the details of that gruesome murder you heard about on the news, feel free to request a copy of the autopsy from the office of the medical examiner that performed it (for a small fee of $5).
So last week I requested the autopsy results on my friend and her husband who killed her and then killed himself. I anxiously rummaged through the mail as soon as it arrived today HOPING to find my reports. BINGO! They had come in!
My first interest was to immediately flip to the last page of her husbands to where I was told the results of the toxicology report were. And the verdict:
Clean. The man was completely free of alcohol and drugs when he killed his wife!
Now, as a man with a history of social usage of cocaine, 99.9% of the people that knew my friend and knew her husband and his "social ways" were SURE he had to have been "coked up" at the time of the killings, but we now have the report proving our assumptions wrong.
So this led to our new theory...
We think he accidently killed her. We even have considered that thought that he didn't even mean to pull the trigger...
As we have recalled some of the witness testimony, we have been able to put together a possible story suggesting that the murder was a complete accident and when he later learned of the results of his actions (or mistake, whatever it ended up being), he couldn't live with the thought of what he'd done and that's when he chose to take his own life.
We do know that he lived for several hours after her passing. And we know he got word of his wife's passing and that that was when he said, "without my wife I don't want to live." So, with that chain of events, I am led to believe that HAD he had this whole day planned...had he planned on killing his wife and then taking his own life, he wouldn't have waited around to hear his wife's status before taking his own life. I have reason to believe that he would have taken his life in a rather short period of time after shooting her. Not to mention, if he had planned on shooting her to kill, I believe he would have shot her in a different place on her body (as he shot her in the lower back area just above the waist) and that he would have shot more than once.
My friend's reported "Manner of Death: homicide." The report states that the bullet entered the right side of her lower back and perforated fifth lumbar vertebra, the right common iliac vain, the right common iliac artery, the mesentery of the small intestine and then exited out the left side of abdoninal wall.
Due to the bullet hitting the iliac artery and vein, there was no hope for my friend. After speaking with a medical professional I was told that it wouldn't take but a matter of minutes for an individual to die after damaging the iliac artery OR the iliac vein. Seeings how she had both "hit" there was no way she could have been helped, even had medical attention been provided almost immediately.
It's crazy to hear these stories about people being shot 8 or 9 times, or being stabbed repeatedly and living through the experience. But then to think of someone being hit once with a bullet in the lower back of ALL places and it killing them almost immediately, with minimal blood exiting the external wounds. It's bizarre, but at the same time, it is a reminder of how fragile we all can be.
One lesson learned...
Don't jack around the guns, they truly can be deadly, whether meant to be or not. Accidents CAN happen and the guilt left from them can be just as deadly.
So last week I requested the autopsy results on my friend and her husband who killed her and then killed himself. I anxiously rummaged through the mail as soon as it arrived today HOPING to find my reports. BINGO! They had come in!
My first interest was to immediately flip to the last page of her husbands to where I was told the results of the toxicology report were. And the verdict:
Clean. The man was completely free of alcohol and drugs when he killed his wife!
Now, as a man with a history of social usage of cocaine, 99.9% of the people that knew my friend and knew her husband and his "social ways" were SURE he had to have been "coked up" at the time of the killings, but we now have the report proving our assumptions wrong.
So this led to our new theory...
We think he accidently killed her. We even have considered that thought that he didn't even mean to pull the trigger...
As we have recalled some of the witness testimony, we have been able to put together a possible story suggesting that the murder was a complete accident and when he later learned of the results of his actions (or mistake, whatever it ended up being), he couldn't live with the thought of what he'd done and that's when he chose to take his own life.
We do know that he lived for several hours after her passing. And we know he got word of his wife's passing and that that was when he said, "without my wife I don't want to live." So, with that chain of events, I am led to believe that HAD he had this whole day planned...had he planned on killing his wife and then taking his own life, he wouldn't have waited around to hear his wife's status before taking his own life. I have reason to believe that he would have taken his life in a rather short period of time after shooting her. Not to mention, if he had planned on shooting her to kill, I believe he would have shot her in a different place on her body (as he shot her in the lower back area just above the waist) and that he would have shot more than once.
My friend's reported "Manner of Death: homicide." The report states that the bullet entered the right side of her lower back and perforated fifth lumbar vertebra, the right common iliac vain, the right common iliac artery, the mesentery of the small intestine and then exited out the left side of abdoninal wall.
Due to the bullet hitting the iliac artery and vein, there was no hope for my friend. After speaking with a medical professional I was told that it wouldn't take but a matter of minutes for an individual to die after damaging the iliac artery OR the iliac vein. Seeings how she had both "hit" there was no way she could have been helped, even had medical attention been provided almost immediately.
It's crazy to hear these stories about people being shot 8 or 9 times, or being stabbed repeatedly and living through the experience. But then to think of someone being hit once with a bullet in the lower back of ALL places and it killing them almost immediately, with minimal blood exiting the external wounds. It's bizarre, but at the same time, it is a reminder of how fragile we all can be.
One lesson learned...
Don't jack around the guns, they truly can be deadly, whether meant to be or not. Accidents CAN happen and the guilt left from them can be just as deadly.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Hurting for the Sisterhood
It's special how no matter how people might grow apart over time and with relocation leaving long distances separating one another, the unity that a sisterhood can bring stil has the power to leave many hurting when one of their own is hit with devastating news.
Yesterday, I heard the news of one of my GATA sister's losing her husband of two years as yet another casualty in Iraq...
Friday, Lt. John Edds was killed in Iraq. Here and here are two stories reporting the situation.
Many thoughts and prayers are going out for those loved ones he left behind, especially his wife, Laura [Russell] Edds, and his parents and two brothers.
Though I haven't kept good communication with Laura since our college days, I still felt a sickening hurt, as well as a yearning to comfort feeling as soon as I got the news.
What a sad situation...
Yesterday, I heard the news of one of my GATA sister's losing her husband of two years as yet another casualty in Iraq...
Friday, Lt. John Edds was killed in Iraq. Here and here are two stories reporting the situation.
Many thoughts and prayers are going out for those loved ones he left behind, especially his wife, Laura [Russell] Edds, and his parents and two brothers.
Though I haven't kept good communication with Laura since our college days, I still felt a sickening hurt, as well as a yearning to comfort feeling as soon as I got the news.
What a sad situation...
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Just Incase I Die...
Just incase I happen to drown this weekend on our float trip (seeings how I don't know how to swim)...do you think someone could book this guy to sing at my funeral?
You can probably look him up under crack-head or pot-smoker...
You can probably look him up under crack-head or pot-smoker...
Monday, August 13, 2007
You're Never Alone
Loneliness is a tough feeling. It's a feeling no one wants to live with and a feeling that can seem to linger sometimes. It might be a passing feeling for some and a constant state for others. Whatever the cause, it is typically unwanted by those who are experiencing it.
Feeling alone can take place when one feels there is no one to talk to; it can come when one feels there is no one to hold them; it can also come when one has multiple people around them to interact with. It is a feeling, not a physical state of existence. Simply having people around does not always cease the feeling.
There's not much worse than feeling you're alone and you don't know what to do, or who is there for you. Stressful times can leave us feeling alone and like no one else would understand even if we felt there WAS someone to talk too.
I very recently found myself feeling depressed. I think I was still dealing with the lose of my friend and I remember at some of the low points I felt so alone and as if I had lost all my friends. Not physically, to death or anything, but as if I had lost touch with the majority of my friends...
I've always been one of those people that smiles in the thought of keeping in touch with many friends. I GREATLY appreciate quality friendships, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I enjoy having a good quantity of friendships as well. I've always been that type of person. Someone that loves being friends with everyone and makes an effort in keeping multiple friendships.
...so when I was feeling down I found myself thinking how I was losing all my friendships. I felt I had lost contact with everyone but my couple closest friendships I have here in town. I felt like I was in a state of my friendships revolved around my two best friends here and not that I don't greatly appreciate and love them dearly, but I always try to keep myself grounded in the fact that I can't allow my social contact and support to come solely from one or two individuals. Even before my friend's recent passing, I've had this belief, because I know good in well that relying so heavily on one person to get my needs met (social needs in this case) is not healthy. [Note: this is VERY important to remember in a marriage, this is why it is healthy to be sure you keep close friendships outside a marriage as well].
So in a depressive state the feeling of loneliness was sinking in. I mean I was obviously missing my passed friend, and it was leading to other thoughts. Depressive thoughts can be distorted and that they were. I had begun to feel as if I had no other friends but my two close ones. I remember thinking to myself, who else is left, even in the Metroplex? I was able to think of one or two people and I remember thinking, I haven't talked to them in what seems like forever. How strange would that be to try to call and rekindle our friendship now?
But luckily these thoughts passed and I was able to schedule a get together with none other but one of those friends I had thought about. I actually had that get together this evening and had a BLAST getting to catch-up!
It was on my way to this get together that I heard a song in the radio while listening to Delilah (yes, I proudly admit I LOVE the Delilah radio show and I have listened to it since I was a youngster growing up, as my best friend and I in high school would listen to it together over the phone and just talk about the stories and songs together). The song I heard this evening I had never heard before, but it was a dedication made by a mother for her daugther. Her daughter was about to start her FIRST full-time job as a teacher. It would be her first year teaching. The daughter was real close to her mother, but they were in separate towns and the daughter was nervous to start her career, so the mom dedicated this song to her. The song was called "Never Alone" by Jim Brickman / Lady Antebellum. I am not family with Brickman or Lady Antebellum, and for all I know they are popular...HA! But I remember really enjoying the song as I drove and I just thought it would make such a wonderful song to listen to in times of feeling lonely.
As I listened to the song I began to think of how relevant it was to my recent feeling of feeling alone, but even more than that, I began thinking of people I would dedicate the song too...
I thought of a friend of mine who will leave this week for her first year of college. She's very nervous as she's moving away from home for the first time and to a school she's never been too with no one she knows going to attend there.
I thought of a friend of mine who was remembering the death of her father on the anniversary today.
I thought of a friend of mine who was losing an unborn child today.
I thought of others...
There's nothing easy about feeling alone, but there's nothing quite like the moment of realizing we are "never alone."
Whether that "moment" comes for you by means of getting out of a state of depression, or by catching up with an old friend, or by getting a hug from a family member, or by feeling the presence of your God; whatever brings the feeling of not being alone for you, that is what is important. Remember you are NOT alone and that there are others out there. Others willing to listen, to share, to simply BE THERE.
I end with the video of the song that I dedicate to anyone who is or has gone through feeling alone...
Never Alone - Music Video
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Feeling alone can take place when one feels there is no one to talk to; it can come when one feels there is no one to hold them; it can also come when one has multiple people around them to interact with. It is a feeling, not a physical state of existence. Simply having people around does not always cease the feeling.
There's not much worse than feeling you're alone and you don't know what to do, or who is there for you. Stressful times can leave us feeling alone and like no one else would understand even if we felt there WAS someone to talk too.
I very recently found myself feeling depressed. I think I was still dealing with the lose of my friend and I remember at some of the low points I felt so alone and as if I had lost all my friends. Not physically, to death or anything, but as if I had lost touch with the majority of my friends...
I've always been one of those people that smiles in the thought of keeping in touch with many friends. I GREATLY appreciate quality friendships, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I enjoy having a good quantity of friendships as well. I've always been that type of person. Someone that loves being friends with everyone and makes an effort in keeping multiple friendships.
...so when I was feeling down I found myself thinking how I was losing all my friendships. I felt I had lost contact with everyone but my couple closest friendships I have here in town. I felt like I was in a state of my friendships revolved around my two best friends here and not that I don't greatly appreciate and love them dearly, but I always try to keep myself grounded in the fact that I can't allow my social contact and support to come solely from one or two individuals. Even before my friend's recent passing, I've had this belief, because I know good in well that relying so heavily on one person to get my needs met (social needs in this case) is not healthy. [Note: this is VERY important to remember in a marriage, this is why it is healthy to be sure you keep close friendships outside a marriage as well].
So in a depressive state the feeling of loneliness was sinking in. I mean I was obviously missing my passed friend, and it was leading to other thoughts. Depressive thoughts can be distorted and that they were. I had begun to feel as if I had no other friends but my two close ones. I remember thinking to myself, who else is left, even in the Metroplex? I was able to think of one or two people and I remember thinking, I haven't talked to them in what seems like forever. How strange would that be to try to call and rekindle our friendship now?
But luckily these thoughts passed and I was able to schedule a get together with none other but one of those friends I had thought about. I actually had that get together this evening and had a BLAST getting to catch-up!
It was on my way to this get together that I heard a song in the radio while listening to Delilah (yes, I proudly admit I LOVE the Delilah radio show and I have listened to it since I was a youngster growing up, as my best friend and I in high school would listen to it together over the phone and just talk about the stories and songs together). The song I heard this evening I had never heard before, but it was a dedication made by a mother for her daugther. Her daughter was about to start her FIRST full-time job as a teacher. It would be her first year teaching. The daughter was real close to her mother, but they were in separate towns and the daughter was nervous to start her career, so the mom dedicated this song to her. The song was called "Never Alone" by Jim Brickman / Lady Antebellum. I am not family with Brickman or Lady Antebellum, and for all I know they are popular...HA! But I remember really enjoying the song as I drove and I just thought it would make such a wonderful song to listen to in times of feeling lonely.
As I listened to the song I began to think of how relevant it was to my recent feeling of feeling alone, but even more than that, I began thinking of people I would dedicate the song too...
I thought of a friend of mine who will leave this week for her first year of college. She's very nervous as she's moving away from home for the first time and to a school she's never been too with no one she knows going to attend there.
I thought of a friend of mine who was remembering the death of her father on the anniversary today.
I thought of a friend of mine who was losing an unborn child today.
I thought of others...
There's nothing easy about feeling alone, but there's nothing quite like the moment of realizing we are "never alone."
Whether that "moment" comes for you by means of getting out of a state of depression, or by catching up with an old friend, or by getting a hug from a family member, or by feeling the presence of your God; whatever brings the feeling of not being alone for you, that is what is important. Remember you are NOT alone and that there are others out there. Others willing to listen, to share, to simply BE THERE.
I end with the video of the song that I dedicate to anyone who is or has gone through feeling alone...
Never Alone - Music Video
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Sunday, August 12, 2007
Postsecret in Motion
Only one of the best websites available online...
POSTSECRET!
You can check out the new PostSecret mini-movie here (or on the PostSecret site). What a well crafted piece of work!
Watch the movie and then join the millions of other weekly PostSecret website checkers.
Are you a PostSecret checker?
POSTSECRET!
You can check out the new PostSecret mini-movie here (or on the PostSecret site). What a well crafted piece of work!
Watch the movie and then join the millions of other weekly PostSecret website checkers.
Are you a PostSecret checker?
Saturday, August 11, 2007
My Taste
I always claim myself to be the type of person that isn't much into movies. I've seen a good number of movies in my time, but still, probably no where near as many as most people my age.
Still, not much into movies, I do have a goal I'm working on to see all the films that have won the prized "Best Picture" Oscar award. I've currently seen 38 out of the 79 "Best Picture" films, but that goal is basically due to my interest in having the knowledge tagged to having seen all the "Best Picture" films. You KNOW it would help me through a round of Trival Pursuit! ;)
I think there's two good reasons to why I'm not much of a movie type person. 1.) I typically don't have the attention span to sit throw an entire movie if it doesn't really grasp my interest. And 2.) I just don't find too many movies that "really grasp my interest." In other words, I have real picky movie taste.
For one thing, most "comedy" films just aren't funny to me. I find most of the modern day comedies as corny humor, or vulger humor, or just plain stupid humor and I just don't find it funny most the time. I guess this would make me picky in the department of humor too, huh? HA!
As for action films, eh, I just don't get all excited about hunt-him-down-and-kill-him films. Some aren't bad, but most just kinda bore me, even though they are meant to keep-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat.
Most the movies I like leave me feeling inspired. They get me thinking about life as I'm following along with the characters. They get me thinking about my life, or my friend's lifes, or someone else's life that I can relate too. They leave me feeling like I want to do something, or change something, or they just leave me thinking about them in general.
Many times the movies I really like are dramas. And as most dramas tend to go, someone typically dies and the death plays a major part in the film. I like those for some reason. The ones where the death isn't one of MANY (like in the action films) and it leaves the audience to think about it's reference to life in reality. Mortality and how it affects people in real life.
Strangely, two of my ALL time favorite films are two that are classified as fairly depressing films...HA! Million Dollar Baby and Life as a House are easily in my top 5 favorite movies of all time. I love the storylines of love, outside the setting of romantic love. I love the inspiring nature the stories bring about in the viewing audience to strive to do more and exceed the limitations life might try to put on us. I like to look past the depressing side of death and see the love the person brought about.
Here is a listing of more of my favorite movies: Patch Adams, Crash, The Village, The Green Mile, Remember the Titans, A Beautiful Mind, The Shawshank Redemption, Silence of the Lambs, Backdraft, Phenomenon, Rudy, The Client, Signs, Glory, John Q, Finding Nemo, and Rent.
Out of that list, many others include death and inspiring storylines filled with aspiring characters. After watching any of those, I have a good feeling within me. There's something about a movie that can "do it" for ya. It makes you feel like you are there and can feel it.
Tonight I have the pleasure of seeing another film that my first impression has left me thinking, "why is it that I really like these depressing dramas?!?" HA! But once again, I watched this film and felt a sense of relating to life and understanding the characters roles.
House of Sand and Fog was a great movie to me. It was one I wasn't able to predict and it was one that had me feeling for the characters. I wanted to keep watching and wonder what other hardships could these characters face and how would it be handled this time. There was a part where I cringed and literally said "ouch" out loud. There was a part I wanted to help the characters. And there was a part I found myself feeling the emotional hurt the characters were feeling.
It's a movie that left me not only feeling inspired, but thinking to myself, "you know, that's exactly how life is--it's hard sometimes and it just sucks sometimes, but there will be times among the hardships that good-hearted people will overlook their differences and allow love to direct their actions."
I like those kind of happy endings to a thought that begins as generally unattractive.
Still, not much into movies, I do have a goal I'm working on to see all the films that have won the prized "Best Picture" Oscar award. I've currently seen 38 out of the 79 "Best Picture" films, but that goal is basically due to my interest in having the knowledge tagged to having seen all the "Best Picture" films. You KNOW it would help me through a round of Trival Pursuit! ;)
I think there's two good reasons to why I'm not much of a movie type person. 1.) I typically don't have the attention span to sit throw an entire movie if it doesn't really grasp my interest. And 2.) I just don't find too many movies that "really grasp my interest." In other words, I have real picky movie taste.
For one thing, most "comedy" films just aren't funny to me. I find most of the modern day comedies as corny humor, or vulger humor, or just plain stupid humor and I just don't find it funny most the time. I guess this would make me picky in the department of humor too, huh? HA!
As for action films, eh, I just don't get all excited about hunt-him-down-and-kill-him films. Some aren't bad, but most just kinda bore me, even though they are meant to keep-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat.
Most the movies I like leave me feeling inspired. They get me thinking about life as I'm following along with the characters. They get me thinking about my life, or my friend's lifes, or someone else's life that I can relate too. They leave me feeling like I want to do something, or change something, or they just leave me thinking about them in general.
Many times the movies I really like are dramas. And as most dramas tend to go, someone typically dies and the death plays a major part in the film. I like those for some reason. The ones where the death isn't one of MANY (like in the action films) and it leaves the audience to think about it's reference to life in reality. Mortality and how it affects people in real life.
Strangely, two of my ALL time favorite films are two that are classified as fairly depressing films...HA! Million Dollar Baby and Life as a House are easily in my top 5 favorite movies of all time. I love the storylines of love, outside the setting of romantic love. I love the inspiring nature the stories bring about in the viewing audience to strive to do more and exceed the limitations life might try to put on us. I like to look past the depressing side of death and see the love the person brought about.
Here is a listing of more of my favorite movies: Patch Adams, Crash, The Village, The Green Mile, Remember the Titans, A Beautiful Mind, The Shawshank Redemption, Silence of the Lambs, Backdraft, Phenomenon, Rudy, The Client, Signs, Glory, John Q, Finding Nemo, and Rent.
Out of that list, many others include death and inspiring storylines filled with aspiring characters. After watching any of those, I have a good feeling within me. There's something about a movie that can "do it" for ya. It makes you feel like you are there and can feel it.
Tonight I have the pleasure of seeing another film that my first impression has left me thinking, "why is it that I really like these depressing dramas?!?" HA! But once again, I watched this film and felt a sense of relating to life and understanding the characters roles.
House of Sand and Fog was a great movie to me. It was one I wasn't able to predict and it was one that had me feeling for the characters. I wanted to keep watching and wonder what other hardships could these characters face and how would it be handled this time. There was a part where I cringed and literally said "ouch" out loud. There was a part I wanted to help the characters. And there was a part I found myself feeling the emotional hurt the characters were feeling.
It's a movie that left me not only feeling inspired, but thinking to myself, "you know, that's exactly how life is--it's hard sometimes and it just sucks sometimes, but there will be times among the hardships that good-hearted people will overlook their differences and allow love to direct their actions."
I like those kind of happy endings to a thought that begins as generally unattractive.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
(more) Random Thoughts...
- I think I might start just doing these "random thought" bullet blogs...they are easier to write. Though not as interesting I know. HA!
- I got to go to the Cowboys Preseason Opener tonight versus the reigning Superbowl champion Colts. We had seats on the 19th row up from the field at the 50-yard line. NICE seats! PLUS...we were on the Colts side and it was SOOO cool to be that close to Manning!!
- The lesson I learned today...mental health insurance coverage really IS a bitch! I've always heard people saying that...and of course being in that field I've always just agreed and said yeah...there needs to be some more respect...but uhhh...yeah. What the crap!?!
- I learned a new trick to use with myself and I recommend it to others: accountability buddies really works. For instance...if you have something that you keep putting off. Maybe something that is a private matter of yours...something you know you should and need to do, but you always come up with an excuse as to why you couldn't or didn't do it today...and then yet another day passes by that you put it off. Try this...pick one of your closest friends. Someone that you wouldn't want mad at you, or that you wouldn't want to disappoint, etc. Tell that person you want them to hold you accountable tomorrow, and to accept NO excuses from you (no matter HOW good the excuse may sound). You don't even have to tell them what it involves...just give them enough of something to ask you the next day to see if you did what you needed to do. My example: Last night I told myself enough is enough and that I needed to make myself do something. So I texted a best friend and said, "listen, tomorrow I need you to hold me accountable. I need you to ask me tomorrow if I made the call. Accept NO excuses from me." In other words I was saying, I give you permission to not talk to me or be mad at me if I haven't done what I'm saying I need to do. That in itself was the motivation it took for me to do what I had put off for months! I made the call I needed to make and proudly texted back my friend that next day and said, "call made." I refused to let myself get myself in "bad terms" with a best friend...and it motivated me to do what I hadn't been able to bring myself to do for QUITE sometime.
- That last long bullet I just thought I'd share. It was long though and probably could have made it's own blog...HA!
- Oh my gosh, can I just say that there are some people in work settings that whine and bitch and complain about things that are RIDICULOUS!!!!! PLEASE people....just do your job and get outta other people's business. It doesn't concern you, so shut up! HA!
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Random Thoughts
- I really like the "tabs" feature on the new version of Internet Explorer.
- I still find it interesting to think about the reasons people would choose the option on their AIM preferences to not "allow users to see how long you have been idle." I know one person once said, "I don't want people to know that I'm ALWAYS at my computer," but to me, showing your screenname as NEVER going idle seems like it kinda defeats the purpose... I know there's other reasons, but they always interest me to think about them. HA!
- How about that AIM option of "allow users to see I am typing a response." I use that feature. And I'll be the first to admit that it gets me in trouble sometimes. HA! I love it, but I hate it sometimes...HA! HOWEVER, on the receiving end of it, I LOVE it when the people I'm chatting with have it. When you're on the sending end, it can get you in trouble in those deep serious talks. You find yourself starting to answer a serious/deep question and then you stop and you look at it...or you decide you want to change your response and oh yeah, the receiver is FULLY aware of your hesitation...HA! My best friend and I actually joke about that feature a lot when we are in those deep conversations...one of us will be like, "Come on now...I KNOW you were going to say something because you started to type something...so just say it!" HA! HA!
- I know of two people who today were going to take the first step in setting up appointments to see counselors; neither of them did it. Of course, as I know a little about the counseling field, I know all to well that they could teach an entire class on the reasons why people choose not to take that first step to go to counseling. HOWEVER, I still found myself really thinking both of these individuals were going to do it and for some reason I let myself feel surprised that they ended up having "excuses" for why they couldn't do it today.
- Does the term "electrocuted" imply death? Like can you be electrocuted and still live, or if that's the case were you just "shocked?" HA! Like I think someone once said to me that it's possible for you to drown and still live, but I don't know that I believe that one...HA! If you drown you died in my book.
- I've been thinking that going into private practice in a situation with business hours in the evening times, even up till like late...like taking a last client at like 9 or 10 PM would be more beneficial for treating the mildly depressed. Why? Because the mildly depressed are typically dealing with their depressive symptoms at night time. During the daytime they are typically in a better mood and busy and not feeling as depressed or depressed at all and they think they are "all better" and then the cycle begins again that evening. I guess it's kinda like how many severely mentally ill individuals get on their medications and the medicine starts to help them, and their symptoms go away and then they get off the medication because "they are better" and then it just gets bad again. Hmmm...
- Barry cheats. I'm sure Hank was thinking it in his head while he "congratulated" Barry too.
- My 7-year streak of attending ACU Homecomings will be coming to an end. The Sing Song streak ended this year too.
- Today at work I got SOOOO aggrevated, but I made myself walk away without saying something because I'm supposed to be the peacemaker now in this new position. But I sure did find myself back at my desk fuming thinking to myself: SERIOUSLY PEOPLE I PROMISE THIS WOULD BE THE BETTER WAY TO DO IT!!!! And the thing was that more people agreed with the way I was saying to do it (that it made more sense and that more people would participate that way), but when someone played it off as "it'll be more work" (which is crap, because it wouldn't be much more work at all) they just said let's do it the easier way. Yeah, easier by saving yourself 3 seconds and one pen-stroke, but I guarantee they'll raise less money this way. GRRRRRRRRRRrrrrr....
- Do you have those friends that you forget how much you love them and how much fun you have when you're around them until you find yourself spending time with them again? Yes, you do have those friends. I think we all do. I even actually end up telling those friends of mine that when I realize they are one of "those friends" for me. HA! Hey, it really is a compliment! Anyways, I just LOVE those moments of realization. Like you're talking with one of them again after an extended period of time without any interactions and you just find yourself thinking how much you've missed interacting with them! But then of course you realize that and then you most likely go another long extended period of time without interacting again...thus not learning your lesson. HA!
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
I miss the smile.
I really miss her tonight. Tomorrow she would have turned 31. Man, she had a beautiful smile.
The week before she died I remember walking down the hallway...the first time I saw her that morning and she was approaching me...she looked tired and not happy (I mean it WAS early and all) and me being the type of person that can be chipper just about anytime (early morning or late at night), smiled real big at her as she approached. I did one of those smiles where they say to you, "where's your smile?!?! I'm looking for a smile, it can be a good day, friend!" and she forced herself to smile back. =)
I miss the smile.
The week before she died I remember walking down the hallway...the first time I saw her that morning and she was approaching me...she looked tired and not happy (I mean it WAS early and all) and me being the type of person that can be chipper just about anytime (early morning or late at night), smiled real big at her as she approached. I did one of those smiles where they say to you, "where's your smile?!?! I'm looking for a smile, it can be a good day, friend!" and she forced herself to smile back. =)
I miss the smile.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Common Senses
In elementary school when we do the units on the 5 senses they seem so cool. It’s THE FIVE SENSES!!! We go through a phase where much emphasis is placed on each sense and on noting the experiences brought about by each sense. Each sense is viewed as so important and such a crucial aspect of experiencing life’s events.
Our teacher quizzes us over which sense we use to identify different objects. Did you note the smell? Was it the sound you heard? What flavor did it taste like? Did you run your finger across its surface?
There’s no doubt the senses are amazing and essential to our everyday lives, but how close attention to do give them as we get older? Do we begin to take them for granted? What if one of our senses was suddenly taken from us? Would we once again experience the appreciation for that sense? Would it be a feeling of sudden loss?
I think as we grow accustom to our senses, we begin to take them for granted. We begin to experience the senses as just commonalities. We get to a point where they are just our common senses, rather than THE FIVE SENSES!!!
As life moves along we forget to note the details. We ignore the pleasantries that the senses can provide us. The saying “stop and smell the roses” is just one example of how we get to a point of missing out on what the senses can add to life.
Though we may not consciously note the experiences our senses provide us with on a daily basis, they play a larger role in our life than we give them credit for most the time…
If you’ve ever lost a loved one that you had regular interactions with, it’s in the days following the loss that your senses remind you of their presence. For example…
Pictures of that loved one become MUCH more present following their death than before. People find themselves surrounding themselves with photographs of the individual. We miss seeing the person and photos are the last visual we have for our sense of sight.
People long to touch their loved one again. They miss the casual touches, the embraces, the romantic touches. Many long for that last opportunity to place a hand on the body at the funeral. Sure, we realize they will not feel the same then—that touch will be different—but we long for the sense of touch again. We want to hold that shirt he/she always wore. We want to hug the stuff animal he/she loved.
The sound of one’s voice takes on a new meaning. We long to hear the loved one’s voice again. We’ll call voicemail machines, just to hang-up at the sound of the beep merely to get to hear their voice one last time. We save voicemail messages left from them on our phones. We refuse to erase the recorded messages knowing that they can never be recreated.
The loss of a romantic partner can leave an individual missing a taste. One wanting to revisit the taste of a romantic kiss. Missing the taste left behind after a goodbye kiss.
Smells are often taken for granted in life, but they are some of the most noted reminders after a loved one passes. His/her perfume or cologne. The smell of one’s shampoo lingering from their freshly cleansed hair. The mere smell of one’s body scent. We each have a unique body scent that is often only noted after spending much time in one’s presence, particularly in one’s home. We smell every shirt of his/hers. We can smell them on their belongings. We want to smell their clothes that smell like them or the pillow they once laid their head on. The child’s blanket or stuff animal they slept with still carries their body scent. It’s those smells that we find ourselves taking in deeply when we get a chance to re-experience them after losing the being that they are associated with.
The revisiting of the senses following a loss can come quickly and last for different periods of time. Some will find it hard to past the visual reminders. Some will continually fix their sights on photos. Some will never erase the voice recordings. Others will use no other cologne to engulf their surroundings. Maybe its one sense connecting a person with their loved one, or maybe it’s four or five senses; whatever the case, the senses leave their common state and become alive again.
It’s amazing how THE FIVE SENSES affect our daily interactions with one another! Truly take in every sight, every smell, every taste, every sound, and every touch, because you don’t know when it might be gone for good.
Our teacher quizzes us over which sense we use to identify different objects. Did you note the smell? Was it the sound you heard? What flavor did it taste like? Did you run your finger across its surface?
There’s no doubt the senses are amazing and essential to our everyday lives, but how close attention to do give them as we get older? Do we begin to take them for granted? What if one of our senses was suddenly taken from us? Would we once again experience the appreciation for that sense? Would it be a feeling of sudden loss?
I think as we grow accustom to our senses, we begin to take them for granted. We begin to experience the senses as just commonalities. We get to a point where they are just our common senses, rather than THE FIVE SENSES!!!
As life moves along we forget to note the details. We ignore the pleasantries that the senses can provide us. The saying “stop and smell the roses” is just one example of how we get to a point of missing out on what the senses can add to life.
Though we may not consciously note the experiences our senses provide us with on a daily basis, they play a larger role in our life than we give them credit for most the time…
If you’ve ever lost a loved one that you had regular interactions with, it’s in the days following the loss that your senses remind you of their presence. For example…
Pictures of that loved one become MUCH more present following their death than before. People find themselves surrounding themselves with photographs of the individual. We miss seeing the person and photos are the last visual we have for our sense of sight.
People long to touch their loved one again. They miss the casual touches, the embraces, the romantic touches. Many long for that last opportunity to place a hand on the body at the funeral. Sure, we realize they will not feel the same then—that touch will be different—but we long for the sense of touch again. We want to hold that shirt he/she always wore. We want to hug the stuff animal he/she loved.
The sound of one’s voice takes on a new meaning. We long to hear the loved one’s voice again. We’ll call voicemail machines, just to hang-up at the sound of the beep merely to get to hear their voice one last time. We save voicemail messages left from them on our phones. We refuse to erase the recorded messages knowing that they can never be recreated.
The loss of a romantic partner can leave an individual missing a taste. One wanting to revisit the taste of a romantic kiss. Missing the taste left behind after a goodbye kiss.
Smells are often taken for granted in life, but they are some of the most noted reminders after a loved one passes. His/her perfume or cologne. The smell of one’s shampoo lingering from their freshly cleansed hair. The mere smell of one’s body scent. We each have a unique body scent that is often only noted after spending much time in one’s presence, particularly in one’s home. We smell every shirt of his/hers. We can smell them on their belongings. We want to smell their clothes that smell like them or the pillow they once laid their head on. The child’s blanket or stuff animal they slept with still carries their body scent. It’s those smells that we find ourselves taking in deeply when we get a chance to re-experience them after losing the being that they are associated with.
The revisiting of the senses following a loss can come quickly and last for different periods of time. Some will find it hard to past the visual reminders. Some will continually fix their sights on photos. Some will never erase the voice recordings. Others will use no other cologne to engulf their surroundings. Maybe its one sense connecting a person with their loved one, or maybe it’s four or five senses; whatever the case, the senses leave their common state and become alive again.
It’s amazing how THE FIVE SENSES affect our daily interactions with one another! Truly take in every sight, every smell, every taste, every sound, and every touch, because you don’t know when it might be gone for good.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Random Thoughts
Just some random stuff...
- Best Thing to Say If You Get Caught Sleeping at Your Desk: " ... in Jesus' name, Amen."
- I have nothing left lingering behind in Missouri any longer... When my parents came down this trip they brought the rest of my belongings that had been boxed up there for YEARS. This is mostly stuff I had TOTALLY forgotten about. Granted there were a few things I remembered and was excited to look through the boxes to find when they arrived: my sports cards collection, school memorabilia (i.e. the few yearbooks I didn't already have with me, my basketball stuff, etc.), and my pogs collection. I haven't gotten through ALL the boxes yet (there's probably about 10 medium/smaller sized boxes), but all I have left to find is the pogs collection, and I am REALLY looking forward to that...HA (seriously)!
- As I was going through some of this older stuff here is some conclusions I'm coming too: 1.) I saved a LOT of stuff I forgot I had saved, such as notes from high school (like notes you'd pass between friends during classes...HA). I reached in the bag of notes and pulled one out to look at it and see what one of them used to look like....uh, yeah, I have NO idea who that person was that it was from...HA! 2.) I've finally made it to "older" as I found old newspaper clippings I had saved thinking they would be cool to look back on "when I got older"...well, yeah, I guess I've made it to "older" because it was cool to see newspapers from when Agassi was winning championships with his LONG hair, and the newpapers of Princess Diana's funeral. The newspaper of the movie Titanic sweeping the Oscars and past Superbowl winners. 3.) I made some REALLY cool art projects in high school! HA! I found some of my COOL ceramic projects and airbrush projects and photography projects! 4.) I was REAL good at not paying attention in classes in high school and still getting good grades...HA! I found a binder I had put together after graduating that contained funny notes I took in class of what the teachers were saying, as well as practical joke type things I had made/did in classes. HA!
- Finally having my sports card collection back in my hands was SOOO exciting for me! HA! I LOVED collecting sports cards as a kid. What happened to that hobby? Oh right, video games. =( Anyways, I'm saddened that I can't find Beckett sports card pricing guides at libraries anymore. I guess it's because kids don't collect cards anymore. I remember as a kid growing up I'd look forward to every once in a while taking my "good" cards up to the library and sitting for hours looking them up in the Beckett price guides to see which ones were going up and down in price. When I got the collection out and was going through it the other day I kept smiling as I'd find the ones I had labeled as worth so much. I went to the library here this weekend hoping to be able to check out some Beckett guides, so I could look the cards up and see if they are worth much today, but they don't have them at the library. Sad day.
- Speaking of things that remind me of my childhood days... I went to a HalfPrice books store this weekend that was having a blowout sale on their VHS tapes (I still don't mind watching a movie on a VHS) where they had HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of VHS tapes all on sale for $1 each. So yeah, I ended up buying 18....HA! Anyways, a few of them I got and they reminded me of my childhood: "Short Circuit," "The Brave Little Toaster," "Glory" (we had to watch it in our 8th grade history class...I LOVE that movie), and "Little Giants." Yes, a couple of them are Disney kids movies, but hey, I said they were movies that took me back to growing up times...HA!
- Yesterday I went and played tennis with my little brother who is in town with my parents. It was GOOD to get to play some sport again. I miss having people around to play a pick-up game of something or another with. I hadn't got to play me some tennis in over I year I think was the last time. Back when my siblings and I were all together in July of LAST year we all played for several hours. So I was a little outta practice with the game (not to mention I'm outta shape). And then there was my little brother who decided to welcome me to the courts with his comment of "I've been getting to play tennis either everyday or every other day this summer"...oh boy. HA! Well it didn't end up being TOO bad. He did win though with the final scores being 6-4 and 6-2. Oh well. We are going to go play again tonight I think, so maybe I'll be a little less tired and be able to beat him this time around. HA!
- I enjoyed the Postsecret cards posted for this week. In the approximate 1.5 years that I've been following the Postsecret phenomenon I have never seen any cards similar to the two "confessions" I made in the two cards I have ever sent in. This week was the FIRST time there was one even HALFWAY close to one of my cards. That was interesting to see. HA! Besides that one, there were several other cards this week that I enjoyed.
- I think I'll end with this card taken from the Postsecret site this week. It is a card that made me laugh out loud when I read it and it reminded me of an inside joke one of my cousins I live with has with me. The joke is about how he once came into my room and noticed that I have a box of Fruit Loops on my bathroom counter. When he saw it, he was like, "What the heck? You eat in the bathroom?" HA! I was like, "Yeah, when I'm getting ready in the mornings. I don't have much time." HA! So from then on we always joke about Fruit Loops (or cereal in general) in the bathroom. HA! NOTE: However, I want to state for the record that I do NOT eat while I'm GOING to the bathroom...HA!
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Rallying Against Domestic Violence
Here is the story Fox 4 News ran from our office on the loss of our employee, Dawn. When they posted it on their website, it made the top story! After you watch the video clip, you can then click on the "related link" link which will take you to benefit fund and fundraiser our office is also doing to raise money for the children. [Note: if the first time you click on the "related link" it doesn't take you immediately to the story, then click on the link again and it will take you there the second time you click on it...kinda strange I know...HA!]
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