Sunday, July 17, 2005

NOOOOOOoooooooo….

I’ve got to be honest. This weekend I think it officially hit me that I’ve come to a point in my life that disgusts me. I’m always the first to claim one shouldn’t get “bored,” there is so much to do in the world—be creative! But this weekend I have found myself in the pity of complete boredom. And it really isn’t all just this weekend that has contributed to my thoughts for this post…let me explain…

This past week at work I haven’t been more ready to get out of there by 5 PM (well really I would start being ready to leave around like 2:30ish…HA!) in a long time. I just find myself so burnt out and bored with work. I’m tired of the same thing. And I sit there and think, while I mindlessly enter more data after data into the Excel worksheets, that I don’t know what I’ll do if my career ends up repetitious like this. I can’t handle the same thing day after day. I need change, I can’t handle mindless repetitive tasks that require no change in thought. It is seriously driving me nuts!

This weekend I realized I’ve not only fallen into the slump of boredom that I’ve never wanted to hit, but I am becoming a very lazy person and that is something I’ve never wanted to become either! I just don’t care to go places, no interest in leaving the house unless I have to. Too lazy to cook some real food to eat. Too lazy to do this, too lazy to do that…

I promise, I’ve never been a lazy person in my life. My dad always called me his best helper when I was a kid. I was always doing something. I did manual labor with my dad all my life growing up. You need your bathroom retiled? I can do it. You need your house roofed? Got ya. Need a staircase built? Covered. I’ve grown up in small construction all my life. You can’t be lazy with that!

I’ve always done all my school work. Never just didn’t do an assignment. Never missed a deadline with papers or projects.

Lately I’ve just been so burnt out on everything. Burnt out on school. Burnt out on work. Burnt out on the same food. Even burnt out on the internet. About all that interests me anymore on the internet is an occasional updated blog every now and then, assuming it gives me something to think about. The only thing that is still keeping me entertained on the internet this weekend is instant messenger (oh how I’m so happy to have it! That’s one thing that one can’t get burnt out on since people are always different and talking to someone is a new adventure every time!) I have to be honest, I have been VERY blessed this past week with AIM! I have had the pleasure of talking with probably more than 6 or 7 people that I haven’t talked with in quite some time, some even more than a year! Luckily for me, most of them have IMed me! Now THAT makes you feel good! HA! Oh, and I’ve also found myself trying to occupy my boredom recently with researching up on people from the past…AKA people I went to high school with. It is easy to not know what MOST people are up to when you moved so far away from home! HA! As for blogging, I blog to keep myself busy and to keep my mind active—like right now for instance. It’s not really my normal bedtime…only 11:30, which is too early for me to go to bed because if I was to climb in bed I’d just lay there awake for quite sometime unable to fall asleep. So I sit here blogging….

Have I mentioned how burnt out I am on school too? Yeah, I have an exam tomorrow night and I still haven’t really studied for it yet. I’m not worried about it at all, which is making me even less interested in studying for it. Overall I don’t feel like I’m getting the challenge I want out of my classes. I don’t think papers really per say “challenge me” and unfortunately that’s what most of graduate school is about. It’s gotten so bad I’ve made my own challenge out of papers….i’ve put them off because of total no-interest until the weekend before they are due and see how quickly I can whip it out, with how many pages, and still get a good grade on it. So far I’ve gotten it down to an art. I whipped out a 31 pager last weekend, working on it on Sat. and Sunday and I turned it in on Monday to find that I was the longest paper. Hmmm…

I suppose it isn’t that school doesn’t challenge me anymore, because let’s face it, I’m not that smart (though I might like to think it…HA!). I think it is just that I’m not letting it challenge me. Does that make sense to you? It does me, in some strange way, but I’m too lazy to explain that too right now…HA!

I don’t know…this is probably the worst entry I’ve ever posted, but I just got overwhelmed with this idea of burnout this weekend and not having much of an interest in anything for some odd reason.

I’ve begun to fear a lack of interest is not a good thing. I’m hoping it is just a case of burnout that will blow over, but I suppose we’ll just see. I do recall though that a lot of depression scales ask questions such as, “Have you found a lack in interests lately?” CRAP!

Okay…I’m gonna end this here….this is not healthy…tomorrow I best be excited to be at work! HA!

Sorry for this crappy entry, which probably didn’t even make a lot of sense…lucky for both of us I have my Monday’s Picture Blog to post on top of it so this won’t be my top blog post! HA! ;)

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

Not a bad post at all, Kim. I understand the burnout thing. I've been burnt out on different things too, but all of them have caused me to make a change, to do something other than I thought I was going to do. Maybe this is just God navigating you along your "path". Like senior year, I was burnt out on accounting, so I decided not to stay anoter year for a masters degree in accounting. Or, another thing I got burnt out on was band in 8th grade. But I kept going and loved it even more in high school. That may have confused you, but I guess the second applies for to you if you love what you're doing in school. Treat yourself to something, and keep going.