So if you caught my away messages yesterday, or even my blog from last night, you might be under the impression that yesterday was the “Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” for me (as in the words of author Judith Viorst). Well, yes, it was a very “low” day for me. And matter of fact, I came to the conclusion yesterday that my lowest days over this past year (with exception of losing a mentor, for whom I GREATLY missed yesterday and wished I could have gone to for advice) are days when I think to myself, “Maybe I’m just not cut out for this” (in reference to days I’m at school and working toward my masters in social work). Sooo…under this definition, yesterday was exactly that-- one of my very “low” days.
So, while several times throughout my afternoon (basically only during my supervision period and my team meeting time) I found myself on the verge of tears (gosh, I just realized I’ve admitted that state of being one several occasions throughout my blogs, so I’m sure people are getting a new opinion of me. Oh great…)
So I was driving home and all I could think of (and even during the meeting I was thinking this) was how I really needed to just cry it all out and talk it out with someone. And so I was thinking, but who? And I don’t want any of my close friends to take this the wrong way, because as boy-girl relationship as this might sound, “it is me, not you.” It isn’t that I feel like I couldn’t talk to you and cry because of YOU, but because of ME. I don’t picture myself as that type of person and can’t bring myself to do it, even as close as I was to calling a couple of you. So I went home and continued in my “low” mood. So around about 8 PM I decided I really wanted to call and talk to someone, so the only person I could bring myself to call was the ONLY friend I think I’ve ever cried over the phone too. [Note: However I HAD been crying just previously to when I called Holly on the phone on the day I broke my glasses the day of GATA composite pictures….HA! And I bet a tear or two might have still fallen while I was on the phone with her, but I did my best to disguise that…HA!]
The person I called was unfortunately someone I was about 85% sure I’d end up getting a voicemail for, as I’ve called her about 4 or 5 times over the past few months and left messages and still no answers or returned calls. But whatever the case, I wanted to try again. So, as in the past I ended up with another voicemail, but part of me felt better knowing I’d tried.
So this puts me where I am today. I didn’t talk about my day to anyone, even those who had asked me over IM last night what the matter was. So I’m going to share my feelings and thoughts from yesterday with y’all through the way I expressed them over IM just moments ago with one of my friends.
The fun and exciting part is the fact that this friend and I are two fun, smart, and exciting folks that like to jazz stuff up to make it more fun! HA! Sooo…
The following is the conversation I had, which explains my “low day” in all metaphorical terms! HA! If you read through it and get completely lost, or just don’t understand what we are talking about, you should consult your local English professor (they are good with metaphors and symbolism…HA!) But I think if you know me very well, and know what I’m dealing with in my life right now, you’ll have no problem following this one! ;)
ENJOY!
Friend: So, how is the sail upon the Intern-ship going?
Me: okay i suppose…it has a few holes in it...but i'm working on patching them up....though it is really hot out in the sun patching up the sail, so the procedure will go slow
Friend: well... so long as you turn the sails in the appropriate directions, things should float smoothly towards the correct destination
Me: ONLY if the holes are patched though ;-)
Friend: yes, only if they can be patched first
Friend: but really, as you may have learned from hurricane Katrina, nothing [dealing w/ water] is smooth -- there are always waves
Me: yes...but a properly prepared ship can handle waves...it is a not-so-prepared ship, or one not built for the waves that struggles with the waves
Friend: Well, I always believed the cast of Gilligan's Island could have escaped on a small raft…but you are right -- it must be quality built
Friend: there are positives and negatives for sure -- i found that out real quick in my internship -- but I think I became a better worker by experiencing the negatives, ya know
Me: oh yes...i totally agree... and to be honest....going back to the ship example...the problems believe it or not are not with the water or the waves or anything external...they are the ship it's self or like i said...the sail
Friend: yes, I hear ya mate
Me: thanks Gilligan
Friend: the sail is the central control center; the ship has a mind of it's own
Me: yeppers...and when the control center is a little fuzzy...or the gages aren't aligned with the destination, things don't work as well
Friend: true, then one must just rely on fate and hope they don't end up on unknown shores like Jurassic Park Island
Me: ha ha...yes, this is true, but you have to worry about ending up on Jurassic Park Island in the end and ending up being eaten, or receiving a failing grade for your navigation
Friend: that is true
Me: let me be more specific...like i said, it wasn't about the water or the waves yesterday...it was more like the captain was receiving word from the men up in the lighthouse and they were telling him he was headed straight for the rocks
Me: though not that bad...HA!
Me: it was just how the captain started to interpret it…HA!
Friend: Sometimes though, the best way to learn is to just navigate and get yourself lost in the seas. If you get eaten by dinosaurs, you get eaten by dinosaurs. You've just got to try to evaluate your course and pray you make it.
Me: yeah but...i don't want to spend days and days at sea to end up being eaten by dinosaurs
Friend: I hear ya -- but it's kinda like driving half way to Abilene whilst gas prices are $2.85 and then deciding to turn back -- too much trouble.
Me: here is what made yesterday such a thunderstorm at sea....the captian spent the late hours at sea ready to cry (because he had salty air in his eyes of course!..HA!) because he felt maybe he should have stuck with being an airplane pilot instead of crossing over to water navigation especially when all his life he has never had any interest in the water
Friend: wow -- the captain has some very deep emotions.
Friend: (sorry... just picturing a tough old man in my head, on a boat, crying)
Me: yes...yes HE does (note the masculine pronoun there...so it OBVIOUSLY wasn't me) ;-)
Friend: But I hear ya -- back when I was sailing all summer... I had days like that too
Friend: and mama said there'd be days like that
Me: LOL
Friend: But... I spent a lot of my time thinking... why did I go into sailing when I could have stuck w/ Psychology. So, I just ended up going with the flow of the seas to some degree
Me: it kinda sucks because like yesterday the crew were asking the captain questions about where to fish and the captain was like, "I don't know, I'm just driving..."
Friend: Well you know -- the crew should realize that the captain is a temporary, first time captain -- the captain hasn't been sailing these kinds of seas like the others may have. These are new waters -- waters they haven't had where we came from. Waters we haven't seen in our short 23/24 years.
Me: right right
Friend: Sometimes it takes getting lost in the sea to learn the most...And lemme tell ya... getting lost is SCARY! But, so worth it in the end.
Me: oh i TOTALLY agree!
Me: yeah....and honestly, the captian knows that....but....
Friend: I figured, the captain is a smart person.
Me: what it really boils down too, and what he really wonders, is if he is really cut out for sailing, or even air-flight for that matter....he finds himself not even knowing what to tell the crew when he is in familiar territory, familiar territory as in sitting on a plane, and they have come to him for advice....he feels like he can empathize well, but offering advice....he has no idea…and maybe he just hasn't been prepared, but for goodness sakes, he will be taking his test for sailing licensing before he knows it and time is running out, for goodness sakes, he has already been thrown out to sea and is being questioned and even expected to have the answers and he is like, “I don't know”
Friend: Well, like we talked about in my field training class, the first sailing experience is often a time when sailing students find that they just aren't cut out for that particular type of sailing -- but there are so many more areas of sailing.
Me: yes, i totally agree...and honestly, I'm pretty sure the captain realizes he isn't all that interested in pursuing further journeys in this sea, but he is confused on if he will be any good in ANY sea, even the ones he always thought he was interested in sailing
So that is that, but I want to end with a quick point and story. The point I want to get out there is that I can honestly say I've enjoyed my client contact thus far! And as many of you have said, as well as I knew going into this, I will probably get more out of this than my clients ever will, and this if very true. Just yesterday I was having lunch with a client (and yes, I've eaten lunch with clients the past two days) and it was just myself and the client and we were talking and at one point she stopped and goes, "You aren't from down here are you?" And I said, "No, actually I'm not, but what suggested that to you?" And I think, while she was obviously correct in her assumption, she wasn't sure exactly how she knew, but she covered with a response that meant more to me than a "logical" answer such as, "your accent" would have. She paused for a moment, I think struggling to figure out why she had come to that assumption and said, "Well, you have an intelligence and confidence about yourself with how you talk and present yourself."
Exactly, how that would distinguish me as someone from not around here, I’m still yet to figure that out, but whatever the case, she put a smile on my face, and I was able to think back on that during the times when I felt tears welling up in the back of my eyes the rest of the afternoon.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Thoughts Surrounding Today...
Do you ever just think...
What the hell am I doing??!?!?!
**Update**
To those for which I'm a "role model" consider "hell" to read "heck"...and thank you for your time!
Here is a quote I came up with late this evening and am adding to this blog. I think it is a good thought that has some deeper meaning if you think about it and apply it to other life settings. It kind of puts my thoughts from today into a perspective that is geared toward a more positive outlook:
"Sometimes it takes stepping in the dog crap in order to get it cleaned up."
**Update**
As someone who looks up to me, be appreciative of the usage of "crap" in this quote.
What the hell am I doing??!?!?!
**Update**
To those for which I'm a "role model" consider "hell" to read "heck"...and thank you for your time!
Here is a quote I came up with late this evening and am adding to this blog. I think it is a good thought that has some deeper meaning if you think about it and apply it to other life settings. It kind of puts my thoughts from today into a perspective that is geared toward a more positive outlook:
"Sometimes it takes stepping in the dog crap in order to get it cleaned up."
**Update**
As someone who looks up to me, be appreciative of the usage of "crap" in this quote.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Think About This One...
Okay, I know some of y'all come here in hopes of finding a good thought provoking entry. I do my best to please my readers, but this time I can't take credit for this thought-provoking piece. But it's funny because you most likely would have known it wasn't from me simply because it is short, sweet, and too the point! HA! But anyways, this question came off something from my class tonight and though I sat in class all night tonight thinking how much I don't enjoy this professor as a teacher, which I plan to go more into that later at another point, I honestly TRULY enjoyed the information we covered tonight. And I can say that and not appreciate the teacher simply because this material came out of a book and it was honestly the strick material I found soooo cool and not his presentation of it.
Let me say the material we learned tonight was the 10 Characteristics of a Mentally Health Individual. They are SOOOO cool to think about! I plan to share them with y'all in a later post, but tonight I just want to share this one point from the material. I think this is a brilliant question to think about. It is this....
Are people mentally healthy because of the support of their friendships or are those with high degrees of mental health better able to develop productive friendships?
I love it! Think about it and share with us what you think!
Let me say the material we learned tonight was the 10 Characteristics of a Mentally Health Individual. They are SOOOO cool to think about! I plan to share them with y'all in a later post, but tonight I just want to share this one point from the material. I think this is a brilliant question to think about. It is this....
Are people mentally healthy because of the support of their friendships or are those with high degrees of mental health better able to develop productive friendships?
I love it! Think about it and share with us what you think!
Monday's Picture Blog!
[Give this picture it's best caption! Either come up with a unique/fun caption for this picture or tell what you think is going on in the picture! Tomorrow I'll pick the best response! LEAVE A COMMENT (anyone can leave a comment, you don't have to have a blog)! I don't care if you're someone I don't know, someone I do know, or someone I'm not suppose to know that reads my blog all the time (secretly of course...HA!) Have fun!]
Sunday, August 28, 2005
What Do YOU Think of These Movies?
Here is a list of my top ten movies listed in alphabetical order. Now I want your opinion on them. If you have seen the movie before rate it from 1-10 with 10 being AMAZING and 1 being TERRIBLE! If you haven't seen it before simply write "haven't seen it."
A. A Beautiful Mind
B. John Q
C. Life As a House
D. Million Dollar Baby
E. Patch Adams
F. Phenomenon
G. Remember the Titans
H. Searching for Bobby Fischer
I. The Green Mile
J. The Village
A. A Beautiful Mind
B. John Q
C. Life As a House
D. Million Dollar Baby
E. Patch Adams
F. Phenomenon
G. Remember the Titans
H. Searching for Bobby Fischer
I. The Green Mile
J. The Village
I've Been Tagged...
Since my buddy JWalk tagged me, I have to continue this game of tag, but first I have to list my top ten favorite songs at the moment (NOTE: this is not asking for my top ten songs of all time, but my loves currently).
So, in no particular order, my current favorite songs right now are:
So, in no particular order, my current favorite songs right now are:
- Feels Like Today--Rascal Flatts
- You'll Be There--George Strait
- We Belong Together--Mariah Carey
- Let Me Hold You--Bow Wow
- Don't Mess With My Heart--Black Eyed Peas
- It's Like That--Mariah Carey
- Texas--George Strait
- Skin--Rascal Flatts
- One Thing--Finger Eleven
- When the Sand Runs Out--Rascal Flatts
So now I have to tag others that MUST fulfill these "having been tagged" requirements. Hmm...my sources say I should tag: all 825 Alive members, Becca, BJ, Holly, Naye, Linds, and Nicole.
Now, can I just comment on my nice array of different genres of music I like...HA! ;)
See if you can follow me on this one…
Once again, I want to try to let you inside on my religiosity of the past. I’m not positive, but I think I’ve only shared this with one of my close buddies in the past; and it just so happens that our close friendship that we share today was basically all founded on religious talks. Anyways, I say that in reference to this: I’m not positive, but I think when I tried to explain what I’m about to talk about here to her, she struggled with understanding my reasoning behind why I did what I did. So this is a forewarning that you might have to try to think outside-the-box on this one to follow it and to understand why I saw it as I did producing my behaviors.
If you ever had the opportunity to attend church with me or even sit near me during a chapel service at ACU, you might have noticed I do sing the songs, I do bow my head and many times even close my eyes during the prayers. Now, if you’ve kept up with my blogs in the past referring to my agnostic views during my years at ACU, you might question these mentioned behaviors. Why would someone that doesn’t follow the Christian beliefs sing the songs or bow their head or close their eyes during a prayer?
One possible answer that I want disregard is the idea of the behaviors being used as a cover-up (cover-up meaning to hide my true beliefs that were not Christian). Many of my close friends from ACU knew my stance on religion. Well, I say that with this stipulation--it was my close friends that would ASK ME about my religious thoughts that knew them.
At ACU I took a stance of “don’t ask, don’t tell.” In a strong Christian community atmosphere such as ACU it is easy to be viewed in a “different” way if you aren’t among the “majority.” The majority being the firm Church of Christ believing community. Granted, ACU has many Baptist students as well, and other religions, but being of any religion other than Christian marks you with a red flag--you are different.
This is very easily noticed, thus I chose not to draw attention to my religious beliefs. However, I think it is very important that I make it clear that I would never lie about my beliefs. If I was asked, I would be honest about my beliefs, but it did work to my advantage that many people, especially at ACU, just assume you are Christian or Church of Christ or even baptized. So am I to blame for letting them assume that about me? I suppose that is left up to personal opinion.
So, back to the original question posed: Why would I sing, bow my head and close my eyes? Well, the singing was simply due to the fact that I love to sing and I love music, and collective singing, such as in a group at church or chapel is a special kind of singing all in it’s self, so I love to get to take part in that opportunity and the beauty behind it.
When it comes to bowing my head and even closing my eyes this is where you’ll have to try to follow me on this one. The view I take on this matter is this: I want to respect those for which I respect. I know that sounds confusing, or even sounds like it doesn't make sense, but I think it does. I have much respect for religious people, especially when it comes to my friends, so I bow my head and even will close my eyes out of respect for my friends. I respect that that represents an important time to them, the time of prayer, and I want to be of no distraction during such a time.
We all know how easy it can be to become distracted when we are amongst a large gathering of people, whether that be thousands sitting in chapel, hundreds sitting in church, or even less than a hundred when praying during a social club gathering. Whatever the case, we are all human and it is easy to become distracted from anything in life. So, I do my best to respect those for which I respect.
This can also be seen when I’m writing to my friends on instant messenger or in an email or even on this blog. When writing you might have noticed I will capitalize words such as the Bible, God, or Him or He when in reference to God. This is done out of respect for those for whom I’m addressing that hold these terms in respect. I’ve even been chatting with a good friend of mine once who is Catholic and I capitalized Mass because I knew it was a term that was capitalized among the Catholics and I wanted to respect that (and she even noted that I had capitalized it…HA!)
Alright…if you’ve been able to follow me up to this point then congrats, but I will tell you, I’m going to throw one more idea before you and this is the one that is sometimes tricky to understand my reasoning behind my behaviors.
So, if you can understand that I would behave in certain ways out of respect of others, then go with that idea on this one too…
Prayer. Though this might come as a shock, or even discourage some of you, in all honesty, I can’t remember the last time I prayed. I would say it was probably back during my junior or possibly my senior year at ACU, but I’m not even positive it was that recent.
At this point you might be thinking… “Okay, so she didn’t believe in God, but she was praying back then. Hmmm…” Correct. Let me explain. When I say that that was the last time I prayed, I didn’t tell you anything about how the prayer went.
During my years at ACU I began praying differently. Growing up I prayed because I was told to usually. For instance, as a kid I can remember every night I had the routine. The parent would come to tuck us kids into bed and we would have to say our prayers and give them hugs and kisses—that was the nightly routine. Well, when you do this as a kid for years upon years, the prayers would become scripted…HA! No joke! I was just thinking about this a few minutes ago and I can remember I could rattle off this identical prayer night after night in record time I had it down so well…HA! I remember one time I got in trouble because I would rattle it off so fast…like saying a memory verse like the Micro-machines man (don’t act like you don’t know who I’m talking about…HA!), and my dad told me to slow down and put some thought into what I was saying. HA HA! Opps! ;)
So in college when I began rethinking religion and questioning what I truly believed I questioned the idea of a God. So, with that in mind, why would I pray to God, if I wasn’t sure if He existed? Considering this, pray was nothing routine to me anymore, however, it wasn’t none existent either.
During my college years my prayer life revolved around requests of my friends, whether I was asked personally or subliminally. Subliminally meaning they would bring a concern to me that they were experiencing and they would mention how they were really struggling with it and that they really hoped God would help them through it. Basically, I considered that as them being a truly religious individual who believed in the power of prayer and would appreciate the prayers they could get.
So, here is where my actions might be difficult to understand my reasoning, but I’ll try to explain them.
I would pray on behalf of my requesting friends, not necessarily because I thought there was a God up there listening and that I believed in the power of prayer, but because I respected that they believed that and that they had asked me to pray for them. I looked at it in this fashion: If there truly was a God up there listening, and I prayed to Him on my friend’s behalf, then maybe He would still “accept” (for lack of a better term) the prayer because it was being asked for one of His believers, even though it was coming from someone that didn't necessarily believe in Him. As funny as it might sound, I would start my prayers with something like, “God, if you really are up there, you know my stance on believing right now, but I come to you right now not for myself, but for ___(insert the name of my friend)___ who really needs your help right now with ________.”
I wouldn’t pray for myself, for anything I needed, because I personally didn’t know if I believed in God or not, so why would I pray to something or someone that I didn’t truly believe in. Make sense?
So that was my “prayer life” during college, if you can even call it that. But I’ll be honest. As I mentioned earlier of not being able to remember the last time I prayed, I haven’t kept up this praying on behalf of requests recently. I don’t know why I stopped honestly. I want to say I was telling someone about my stance on this topic and about my actions of praying for others, but not for myself personally and they described it as hypocritical or something, so maybe that was why I decided to stop. I honestly don’t know, but whatever the case, I still respect the requests I get from friends to raise them or others up in prayer. I mean I want to be a therapist for goodness sakes. I would hope people would be comfortable bringing their troubling situations to me and respecting me enough to ask for prayers or such for their situation. But as a person who might not pray for the person, I always keep a hurting or struggling friend among my thoughts, and on many occasions will use the power of words to encourage that individual personally. I might not be a firm believer in the power of prayer, but I believe in the power of words, so I use them as one might choose to use the power of prayer for their healing device.
So does any of this make sense? Can you follow my reasoning behind some of my actions when associated with religious situations? If anything, maybe this will at least give you a deeper understanding into my respect for those in which I respect.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
825 Alive!
Let me share with those of you that don't know already something that is so freakin' cool! Okay, "825 Alive" for those of you who are still clueless is the name myself and my 3 other roommates from my junior and senior year in college nicknamed our apartment. The 825 is because that was our address and alive because...well....we were alive...like on fire, baby! HA! ;)
Anyways, let me share with you something that is SOOO freaky cool! Today, the last member of 825 Alive found out she will be moving to the Dallas/Fort Worth area to join the rest of the three of us!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOO freakin' exciting! JB is here now! Or will be by next week. ;) She had a dance audition today for graduate school here and got in today!
AND....today another member of 825 Alive--Sarah, had an interview for a new job this morning and she too was accepted (for the position that is)!
Now...for the freaky part....
I LOVE this....JB pointed it out to me today, because I hadn't even noticed....
Today is August 25th, as in 8-25, as in 825 ALIVE!!!!
I think today is going to go down in 825 Alive history as OUR day! HA!
SOOOOOO excited to have us all back together again (well within shorter driving distance that is!)
Love y'all, 825 Alive!
Anyways, let me share with you something that is SOOO freaky cool! Today, the last member of 825 Alive found out she will be moving to the Dallas/Fort Worth area to join the rest of the three of us!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOO freakin' exciting! JB is here now! Or will be by next week. ;) She had a dance audition today for graduate school here and got in today!
AND....today another member of 825 Alive--Sarah, had an interview for a new job this morning and she too was accepted (for the position that is)!
Now...for the freaky part....
I LOVE this....JB pointed it out to me today, because I hadn't even noticed....
Today is August 25th, as in 8-25, as in 825 ALIVE!!!!
I think today is going to go down in 825 Alive history as OUR day! HA!
SOOOOOO excited to have us all back together again (well within shorter driving distance that is!)
Love y'all, 825 Alive!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
I Don't Know...
I don't really have time to blog, and probably shouldn't, but a second ago I started almost getting depressed because I have had so many things I've wanted to blog about the past few days but haven't had the chance too, but tonight I've had so many things running through my head that I just have to let this out and suffer the consequence of being tired tomorrow on my longest day of the week...
I need to start off by clarifying about my recently mentioned concerns about working my internship at the homeless shelters. My concerns revolve around the idea of fear for my own safety as well as concerns of knowing what I'm doing as well as being taken seriously. On the other hand, my concerns were in no way related to having to work with the homeless population in relation to them being homeless people who I'm better than, or that they are gross no good folks that just need to go out and get a job.
I won't say whom, but I've experienced the comments from some folks when I've mentioned that I would be working at a homeless shelther this semester that aren't all that impressive in my opinion. I've gotten everything from, "Will you be able to eat lunch out there with them!?!?" to "Why don't they just go get jobs?!?!" to "Are you going to wash off with a hose when you go home before you go into your house?!?!" I've gotten it all, trust me....
Basically what I want to get at really quick in this entry is the whole idea of are any of us really better than anyone else? And if so, what makes someone better than someone else?
I was thinking and it's funny how people's differences can be viewed as so negatively or they can be viewed so positively. Look how the comments I mentioned above make the differences between the homeless population that I will be working with and the commenters themselves seem so negatively different. Yes, maybe the homeless don't get to shower as often as you and I. And yes, maybe they are more suseptible (however the crap you spell that word...i don't have time to put it on Word right now and see) to illnesses or lice or scabbes (can't spell that one either), but does that make them "bad" people?
I don't know....honestly, I'm really not in a great mood right now and it is totally influencing this blog...HA (at least I can laugh about it!) ;)
Here are two quick points I want to make to wrap these random thoughts up...
1) This makes me think of the ONE thing I got out of going to church tonight (yes, I actually went and I can honestly say I didn't enjoy it): Romans 12:16--Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willling to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited."
So maybe if people's differences really do make them into "positions," indicating some people are higher than others, then maybe I will be working this semester with "people of low position." But that only brings me to my second point which I've been thinking a lot about lately and even read another blog recently that had some comments that made me think even more about this....
2) Maybe the whole idea out there about people who grow up lower class will most likely all be lower class and people middle class will normally remain middle class...and so on and so forth. And the idea that the lower class should associate and marry within the lower class and the middle class within their class and the upper class within their class...
I've never liked that idea. I like the thought that just because I someone grew up poor they can still be whatever or whoever they want to be in the future.
But maybe society has a way of keeping the lower class folks with the lower class folks and the middle with the middle and so on and so forth.
Maybe that's why I'm working with some of the poorest individuals in our country...I grew up poor and that's where I belong in a sense. I didn't pick this placement; it kind of found me. Was that society's influence? A good friend of mine grew up in a family that has always lived comfortably and her placement was in a hospital setting; a setting among doctors, some of the wealthiest professionals in our country. She didn't pick her placement, it found her. Society at work again?!?! I don't know....
Maybe i'll be poor and "trailer trash" the rest of my life...i don't know...i don't know what life has in store for me. Maybe there is a reason I shop at Wal-Mart. Maybe I'll end up with a graduate degree and homeless as statistics show that many homeless DO in fact have college degrees. I don't know....
All I do know right now for sure is I gotta go make my lunch for tomorrow and get to bed...
[Note: This entry has just been written as some of the thoughts going through my head recently. It's just food for thought. No one should take this personally as it is not written to target anyone...it's just thoughts I've had based on things I've seen, read, and heard lately.]
THIS BLOG HAS NOT BEEN PROOF READ AS OF RIGHT NOW. SORRY!
I need to start off by clarifying about my recently mentioned concerns about working my internship at the homeless shelters. My concerns revolve around the idea of fear for my own safety as well as concerns of knowing what I'm doing as well as being taken seriously. On the other hand, my concerns were in no way related to having to work with the homeless population in relation to them being homeless people who I'm better than, or that they are gross no good folks that just need to go out and get a job.
I won't say whom, but I've experienced the comments from some folks when I've mentioned that I would be working at a homeless shelther this semester that aren't all that impressive in my opinion. I've gotten everything from, "Will you be able to eat lunch out there with them!?!?" to "Why don't they just go get jobs?!?!" to "Are you going to wash off with a hose when you go home before you go into your house?!?!" I've gotten it all, trust me....
Basically what I want to get at really quick in this entry is the whole idea of are any of us really better than anyone else? And if so, what makes someone better than someone else?
I was thinking and it's funny how people's differences can be viewed as so negatively or they can be viewed so positively. Look how the comments I mentioned above make the differences between the homeless population that I will be working with and the commenters themselves seem so negatively different. Yes, maybe the homeless don't get to shower as often as you and I. And yes, maybe they are more suseptible (however the crap you spell that word...i don't have time to put it on Word right now and see) to illnesses or lice or scabbes (can't spell that one either), but does that make them "bad" people?
I don't know....honestly, I'm really not in a great mood right now and it is totally influencing this blog...HA (at least I can laugh about it!) ;)
Here are two quick points I want to make to wrap these random thoughts up...
1) This makes me think of the ONE thing I got out of going to church tonight (yes, I actually went and I can honestly say I didn't enjoy it): Romans 12:16--Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willling to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited."
So maybe if people's differences really do make them into "positions," indicating some people are higher than others, then maybe I will be working this semester with "people of low position." But that only brings me to my second point which I've been thinking a lot about lately and even read another blog recently that had some comments that made me think even more about this....
2) Maybe the whole idea out there about people who grow up lower class will most likely all be lower class and people middle class will normally remain middle class...and so on and so forth. And the idea that the lower class should associate and marry within the lower class and the middle class within their class and the upper class within their class...
I've never liked that idea. I like the thought that just because I someone grew up poor they can still be whatever or whoever they want to be in the future.
But maybe society has a way of keeping the lower class folks with the lower class folks and the middle with the middle and so on and so forth.
Maybe that's why I'm working with some of the poorest individuals in our country...I grew up poor and that's where I belong in a sense. I didn't pick this placement; it kind of found me. Was that society's influence? A good friend of mine grew up in a family that has always lived comfortably and her placement was in a hospital setting; a setting among doctors, some of the wealthiest professionals in our country. She didn't pick her placement, it found her. Society at work again?!?! I don't know....
Maybe i'll be poor and "trailer trash" the rest of my life...i don't know...i don't know what life has in store for me. Maybe there is a reason I shop at Wal-Mart. Maybe I'll end up with a graduate degree and homeless as statistics show that many homeless DO in fact have college degrees. I don't know....
All I do know right now for sure is I gotta go make my lunch for tomorrow and get to bed...
[Note: This entry has just been written as some of the thoughts going through my head recently. It's just food for thought. No one should take this personally as it is not written to target anyone...it's just thoughts I've had based on things I've seen, read, and heard lately.]
THIS BLOG HAS NOT BEEN PROOF READ AS OF RIGHT NOW. SORRY!
Monday, August 22, 2005
Maternity Leave?
The author of this blog is currently under the impression that she might be forced to take a leave of absence from her nearly routine entry-publishing; though her thoughts and ideas for posts have in no way become limited. As she is expecting to be overcome in the evenings during the week with keeping up with her classes and getting to bed early because of her required early rising for her internship, she fears her number of posts will drastically decrease, especially during weekdays.
When asked, the author of this blog decided the form of leave she was most interested in taking was maternity leave, simply because it sounded like fun! ;)
When asked, the author of this blog decided the form of leave she was most interested in taking was maternity leave, simply because it sounded like fun! ;)
Monday's Picture Blog!
[Give this picture it's best caption! Either come up with a unique/fun caption for this picture or tell what you think is going on in the picture! Tomorrow I'll pick the best response! LEAVE A COMMENT (anyone can leave a comment, you don't have to have a blog)! I don't care if you're someone I don't know, someone I do know, or someone I'm not suppose to know that reads my blog all the time (secretly of course...HA!) Have fun!]
Saturday, August 20, 2005
I've learned...
I got this in an email and I thought it made some really good points, so I wanted to share it with you so you might read it and say to yourself, "That's very true," as I did when I read it!
I've learned....That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned....That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned....That the less time I have to work, the more things I get done.
I've learned....That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned....That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned...That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned....That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned....That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned....That the less time I have to work, the more things I get done.
I've learned....That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned....That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned...That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
Survey from Linds
I am bisexual or homosexual...or something like that. heterosexual
I've run away from home. Nope, about the closest I’ve got was running away from my apartment when chasing people who were TRYING to prank me! ;)
I listen to political music. What the crap is political music? I love the Dixie Chicks and they were in that political controversy…does that count? ;)
I collect comic books. Did when I was younger. Me and my older brother did. I think he ended up with all of them though.
I shut others out when I'm sad. I wouldn’t say I shut them out, I just don’t normally let them in. ;)
I open up to others easily. Hmm…some I suppose, but honestly, for instance, if I’m sad, I don’t tell anyone specifically normally. The closest I might get would be to let it out in a blog, then I suppose anyone is welcome to it.
I am keeping a secret from the world. Who isn’t?
I watch the news. Occasionally. I just normally keep up with that stuff from the internet.
I own over 5 rap CDs Maybe 5. I might have like 3 or 4 actually.
I own an ipod. Nah
I own something from Hot Topic. no
I love Disney movies. They are okay. It is hard to get me to watch a cartoon nowadays.
I am a sucker for hair/eyes. Only if the hair consists of a goatee! ;)
I don't kill bugs. Whatever…kill them all the time.
I curse regularly. Nah, but the work atmosphere can get to me sometimes and get me into it occasionally.
I paid for that cell phone ringtone. Nah…who cares what the ring sounds like, 95% of the time I just keep mine on vibrate, unless I’m in bed asleep…then I turn the ring on. And yes, that means I leave my phone on at night. I don’t want my friends to not be able to get a hold of me in the night if they need me.
I have "x"s in my screen name. No
I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation. Believe it or not, no.
I love Spam. No
I bake well. If this is in reference to cooking, yeah pretty “well.” As for baking in the sun, yeah, I can do that pretty well too! ;)
I would wear pajamas to school. I have in undergrad, but not in graduate school.
I own something from Abercrombie. Not that I’m aware of, unless someone gave me something from there…HA!
I have a job. yes
I love Martha Stewart. I love her as a person, though I’ve never met her.
I am in love with love. Absolutely, but not solely the love that this might be referencing such as the romantic love for a significant other. Just love as a feeling!
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. VERY rarely, and it will only be for like one word, like: CrAzY
I like to laugh. NO DOUBT!
I smoke a pack a day. Never been a smoker. I’ve tried to smoke a cigarette on more than one occasion and I just can’t inhale…I’m no good at that, which is actually just fine with me!
I have cough drops when I'm not sick. No, I’m not a huge follower of medicines
I can't swallow pills. Yep, that’s me. Never have swallowed a pill in my life. Like I said, not a huge follower of medicines anyways.
I have many scars. Not really, but I have one I am really proud of on my arm from a night of pranking. Torn the crap out of my arm on Ellison’s gate…HA! But believe it or not, I wasn’t pranking Ellison that night…I was on HER side. However I was also on her roof that night as well…HA! How many of y'all can say you've been on Ellison's roof before!? ;)
I've been out of this country. Yes.
I believe in ghosts. no
I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. Depends. If I saw it in my bed and didn’t catch it probably not, otherwise, I’m probably good to go
I am really ticklish. I’m ticklish, but I don’t know if I’d say “really”
I see/have seen a therapist. No
I love chocolate. It’s good
I bite my nails. nah
I am comfortable with being me. No doubt
I play computer games/video games when i'm bored. Not really
Gotten lost in your city. Nah…I’m pretty good with my sense of direction
Saw a shooting star. yep
I had a serious Surgery. nope
Gone out in public in your pajamas. Yep, many times
I have kissed a stranger. yeah
Hugged a stranger. I think so
Been in a fight with the same sex. Yeah, but I don’t fight a lot with folks
Been arrested. Nope
Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose. no
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator. nope
Made out in an elevator. No, but that might be fun!
Made out at Six Flags. No, but I’ve been in line many times for a ride and had people in front of me in line making out and crap…that’s just not what I care to stand in line behind when I’m waiting in an hour or longer line.
Swore at your parents. yes
Kicked a guy where it hurts. No, but I’ve been slapped by a boy before…HA! I know that isn’t what this question is about, but it made me think of it…HA!
Been skydiving. No.
Been bungee jumping. No.
Broken a bone. Just my collarbone on my 2nd birthday
Played spin the bottle. no
Gotten stitches. no
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. no
Bitten someone. I don’t remember having done this, but maybe when I was a kiddo
Been to Niagara Falls. No.
Gotten the chicken pox. yes
Crashed into a friend's car. No.
Been to Japan. No, but my buddy is trying to get me to go home with her sometime there!Ridden in a taxi. Yep, and the last one I rode in was in San Antonio and the driver was SOOO freakin’ cool! HA! Fun times!
Shoplifted. Yeah, when I was young
Been fired. Nope
Have/had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. yes
Stole something from your job. Yeah, like little things like a pen or paper clips or something like that…HA!
Gone on a blind date. Yes, and I wasn’t excited about it, but I did get to see Dave and Busters for the first time and that place was kind of cool.
Lied to a friend. yes.
Had a crush on a teacher/coach/student teacher. no
Celebrated Mardi Gras. no
Been to Europe. no
Slept with a co-worker. no
Been married no
Gotten divorced. no
Saw someone dying. no
Driven over 400 miles in one day. yes
Been to Canada. no
Been on a plane. yes
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. no
Thrown up in a bar. no
Eaten Sushi. No, but I want to
Been snowboarding. No
Been skiing. no
Been ice skating. I freakin’ LOVE it!!! And SOOO want to go again soon! Anyone in the metroplex wanna go?!?!?! Or anyone from outside the metroplex wanna come here and go!?!? ;)
Met someone in person from the internet. Yes
Been to a moto cross show. yes
Gone/Going to college. yep
Done hard drugs. nope
Taken painkillers. Nope, about the closest to a pain killer for me would be junior strength chewable Tylenol….HA!
Cheated on someone else. Nope
Were you so bored that you took this survey. Pretty much
I've run away from home. Nope, about the closest I’ve got was running away from my apartment when chasing people who were TRYING to prank me! ;)
I listen to political music. What the crap is political music? I love the Dixie Chicks and they were in that political controversy…does that count? ;)
I collect comic books. Did when I was younger. Me and my older brother did. I think he ended up with all of them though.
I shut others out when I'm sad. I wouldn’t say I shut them out, I just don’t normally let them in. ;)
I open up to others easily. Hmm…some I suppose, but honestly, for instance, if I’m sad, I don’t tell anyone specifically normally. The closest I might get would be to let it out in a blog, then I suppose anyone is welcome to it.
I am keeping a secret from the world. Who isn’t?
I watch the news. Occasionally. I just normally keep up with that stuff from the internet.
I own over 5 rap CDs Maybe 5. I might have like 3 or 4 actually.
I own an ipod. Nah
I own something from Hot Topic. no
I love Disney movies. They are okay. It is hard to get me to watch a cartoon nowadays.
I am a sucker for hair/eyes. Only if the hair consists of a goatee! ;)
I don't kill bugs. Whatever…kill them all the time.
I curse regularly. Nah, but the work atmosphere can get to me sometimes and get me into it occasionally.
I paid for that cell phone ringtone. Nah…who cares what the ring sounds like, 95% of the time I just keep mine on vibrate, unless I’m in bed asleep…then I turn the ring on. And yes, that means I leave my phone on at night. I don’t want my friends to not be able to get a hold of me in the night if they need me.
I have "x"s in my screen name. No
I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation. Believe it or not, no.
I love Spam. No
I bake well. If this is in reference to cooking, yeah pretty “well.” As for baking in the sun, yeah, I can do that pretty well too! ;)
I would wear pajamas to school. I have in undergrad, but not in graduate school.
I own something from Abercrombie. Not that I’m aware of, unless someone gave me something from there…HA!
I have a job. yes
I love Martha Stewart. I love her as a person, though I’ve never met her.
I am in love with love. Absolutely, but not solely the love that this might be referencing such as the romantic love for a significant other. Just love as a feeling!
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. VERY rarely, and it will only be for like one word, like: CrAzY
I like to laugh. NO DOUBT!
I smoke a pack a day. Never been a smoker. I’ve tried to smoke a cigarette on more than one occasion and I just can’t inhale…I’m no good at that, which is actually just fine with me!
I have cough drops when I'm not sick. No, I’m not a huge follower of medicines
I can't swallow pills. Yep, that’s me. Never have swallowed a pill in my life. Like I said, not a huge follower of medicines anyways.
I have many scars. Not really, but I have one I am really proud of on my arm from a night of pranking. Torn the crap out of my arm on Ellison’s gate…HA! But believe it or not, I wasn’t pranking Ellison that night…I was on HER side. However I was also on her roof that night as well…HA! How many of y'all can say you've been on Ellison's roof before!? ;)
I've been out of this country. Yes.
I believe in ghosts. no
I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. Depends. If I saw it in my bed and didn’t catch it probably not, otherwise, I’m probably good to go
I am really ticklish. I’m ticklish, but I don’t know if I’d say “really”
I see/have seen a therapist. No
I love chocolate. It’s good
I bite my nails. nah
I am comfortable with being me. No doubt
I play computer games/video games when i'm bored. Not really
Gotten lost in your city. Nah…I’m pretty good with my sense of direction
Saw a shooting star. yep
I had a serious Surgery. nope
Gone out in public in your pajamas. Yep, many times
I have kissed a stranger. yeah
Hugged a stranger. I think so
Been in a fight with the same sex. Yeah, but I don’t fight a lot with folks
Been arrested. Nope
Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose. no
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator. nope
Made out in an elevator. No, but that might be fun!
Made out at Six Flags. No, but I’ve been in line many times for a ride and had people in front of me in line making out and crap…that’s just not what I care to stand in line behind when I’m waiting in an hour or longer line.
Swore at your parents. yes
Kicked a guy where it hurts. No, but I’ve been slapped by a boy before…HA! I know that isn’t what this question is about, but it made me think of it…HA!
Been skydiving. No.
Been bungee jumping. No.
Broken a bone. Just my collarbone on my 2nd birthday
Played spin the bottle. no
Gotten stitches. no
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. no
Bitten someone. I don’t remember having done this, but maybe when I was a kiddo
Been to Niagara Falls. No.
Gotten the chicken pox. yes
Crashed into a friend's car. No.
Been to Japan. No, but my buddy is trying to get me to go home with her sometime there!Ridden in a taxi. Yep, and the last one I rode in was in San Antonio and the driver was SOOO freakin’ cool! HA! Fun times!
Shoplifted. Yeah, when I was young
Been fired. Nope
Have/had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. yes
Stole something from your job. Yeah, like little things like a pen or paper clips or something like that…HA!
Gone on a blind date. Yes, and I wasn’t excited about it, but I did get to see Dave and Busters for the first time and that place was kind of cool.
Lied to a friend. yes.
Had a crush on a teacher/coach/student teacher. no
Celebrated Mardi Gras. no
Been to Europe. no
Slept with a co-worker. no
Been married no
Gotten divorced. no
Saw someone dying. no
Driven over 400 miles in one day. yes
Been to Canada. no
Been on a plane. yes
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. no
Thrown up in a bar. no
Eaten Sushi. No, but I want to
Been snowboarding. No
Been skiing. no
Been ice skating. I freakin’ LOVE it!!! And SOOO want to go again soon! Anyone in the metroplex wanna go?!?!?! Or anyone from outside the metroplex wanna come here and go!?!? ;)
Met someone in person from the internet. Yes
Been to a moto cross show. yes
Gone/Going to college. yep
Done hard drugs. nope
Taken painkillers. Nope, about the closest to a pain killer for me would be junior strength chewable Tylenol….HA!
Cheated on someone else. Nope
Were you so bored that you took this survey. Pretty much
Survey
1. What time is it now? 12:56 pm.
2. Nicknames: Kim, Kimbo
3. Piercing: none
4. Eye color: I don’t know
5. Place of birth: Springfield, MO
6. Favorite food: too many to choose
7. Ever been to California? nope
8. Ever been toilet papering? No doubt
9. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes
10. Been in a car accident? yes
11. Croutons or Bacon bits: bacon…I love meat
12. Favorite day of the week? I don’t like to play favorites among days
13. Favorite restaurant: Chili’s, East Buffet (it is a Chinese food place), Cheddars, Steak ‘N Shake
14. Favorite flower: no preference
15. Favorite sport to watch: football
16. Favorite drink: lemonade or water
17. Favorite ice cream: I don’t eat much ice cream
18. Disney or Warner Brothers: whichever
19. Favorite Fast Food restaurant: McDonalds
20. What color is your bedroom carpet? cream
21. What's under your bed? Nothing, I don’t think
22. How many times did you fail your driver's test? none
23. who did you get your last personal e-mail from? Well I got an email this morning from Michelle Wallace which went to a few folks, but the last email written ONLY to me was from my dad
24. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? I’m too money conscious to max out a credit card, but if I had to I suppose maybe Wal-Mart or CompUSA
25. What do you do most often when you are bored? Blog or read blogs
26. What is your bedtime? Well this past week I’ve gotten it to be between 10:30 and 11:30 PM…GO ME!
27. Favorite TV show: Fear Factor, Oprah, House, American Idol
28. Last person you went out to dinner with: 825 Alive Reunion last night! So Erin, Jackie Beth, and Sarah!
29. Ford or Chevy? Neither…Toyota or Honda!
30. What are you listening to right now? The radio…right now it is Keith Urban’s “Days Go By”
31. What is your favorite color? Blue or black
32. Lake, ocean, or river? No preference
33. How many tattoos do you have? none
34. Have you ever run out of gas? Not when I was driving
35. Cats or dogs? Dogs
36. Time you finished this? 1:06 pm
2. Nicknames: Kim, Kimbo
3. Piercing: none
4. Eye color: I don’t know
5. Place of birth: Springfield, MO
6. Favorite food: too many to choose
7. Ever been to California? nope
8. Ever been toilet papering? No doubt
9. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes
10. Been in a car accident? yes
11. Croutons or Bacon bits: bacon…I love meat
12. Favorite day of the week? I don’t like to play favorites among days
13. Favorite restaurant: Chili’s, East Buffet (it is a Chinese food place), Cheddars, Steak ‘N Shake
14. Favorite flower: no preference
15. Favorite sport to watch: football
16. Favorite drink: lemonade or water
17. Favorite ice cream: I don’t eat much ice cream
18. Disney or Warner Brothers: whichever
19. Favorite Fast Food restaurant: McDonalds
20. What color is your bedroom carpet? cream
21. What's under your bed? Nothing, I don’t think
22. How many times did you fail your driver's test? none
23. who did you get your last personal e-mail from? Well I got an email this morning from Michelle Wallace which went to a few folks, but the last email written ONLY to me was from my dad
24. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? I’m too money conscious to max out a credit card, but if I had to I suppose maybe Wal-Mart or CompUSA
25. What do you do most often when you are bored? Blog or read blogs
26. What is your bedtime? Well this past week I’ve gotten it to be between 10:30 and 11:30 PM…GO ME!
27. Favorite TV show: Fear Factor, Oprah, House, American Idol
28. Last person you went out to dinner with: 825 Alive Reunion last night! So Erin, Jackie Beth, and Sarah!
29. Ford or Chevy? Neither…Toyota or Honda!
30. What are you listening to right now? The radio…right now it is Keith Urban’s “Days Go By”
31. What is your favorite color? Blue or black
32. Lake, ocean, or river? No preference
33. How many tattoos do you have? none
34. Have you ever run out of gas? Not when I was driving
35. Cats or dogs? Dogs
36. Time you finished this? 1:06 pm
Thursday, August 18, 2005
What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?
It’s a question you were asked as a wee-little kiddo and one you’ve probably asked of some kid yourself.
Exactly “why” we ask it of kids when they are like 3 or 4 years old, I’m not sure. Are we trying to start goal setting at a young age? Are we wanting them to start planning their future before they have even learn to tie their own shoes? Exactly why we ask a young child what they want to be when they grow up I’m not sure; sometimes I think it is just for our own entertainment to hear what they will say. I always wanted to grow up to be a McDonalds worker when I was young, but then it changed to a policewomen, then a veterinarian, then a pediatrician, then a….
So we start at a young age thinking about what we want to take on as our “profession.” And unfortunately, from that point on, that question doesn’t seem to go away till one’s “profession” is established, or even then, sometimes the questioning continues. But one that does change throughout those years of questions is the thought behind answering the question and the multitude of possibilities that are discovered as possible answers to the question. Let’s face it, as a young child the choices are about limited to what dad does for a living, what mom does for a living, what the kid saw on Sesame Street that day, and what the dad of little Johnny from next door does. But as you get into the latterly years of high school, you start to think more seriously about the question because it determines if you choose college, or if you go straight into the workforce without college, and if you do choose college, what will you major in. But it isn’t like once you have made that move to college and even picked a major your answer is necessarily final. It’s interesting to see how many people graduate with a degree in one area and work in an area that is in no way related to their major from the past 4 (or more) years.
So in a sense, it is the never-ending question. What WILL I be when I grow up?
So maybe we don’t know what we want to be when we grow up. And it’s unfortunate that we feel as though the answer to this question is a life or death matter, when in actuality it isn’t. Sometimes I think the question takes on this quality because we DO start asking it at such a young age.
I’ll be honest, I’ve given it a lot of thought and I’ve honestly begun to believe that it isn’t necessarily the character you’ll be, but more whether you’ll have character. I honestly think the specific character role you play in life isn’t as important as whether you choose to have some character.
Think about it…
Who really cares what you were? What’s more important in life is who you were!
I don’t know anyone that would argue with the thought of being called an inspiration. What a great feat to be on your death bed and be remembered by many as an inspiration in their life!
He was someone who always put others before himself!
She was someone who befriended those most in need!
Believe it or not, a garbage collector has just as much of an opportunity to be an inspiration in someone’s life as does a doctor or a lawyer or a politician or an actor.
I just wish we’d all just spend as much time working on our character as we sometimes do on worrying about what character role we’ll play in life.
I say go after who you want to be in life, because the what comes from the who! Believe it or not, I think the what will kind of fall into place as the who is being established!
Maybe we shouldn’t ask “What do you want to be when you grow up?” But rather…
“Who do you want to be?”
Exactly “why” we ask it of kids when they are like 3 or 4 years old, I’m not sure. Are we trying to start goal setting at a young age? Are we wanting them to start planning their future before they have even learn to tie their own shoes? Exactly why we ask a young child what they want to be when they grow up I’m not sure; sometimes I think it is just for our own entertainment to hear what they will say. I always wanted to grow up to be a McDonalds worker when I was young, but then it changed to a policewomen, then a veterinarian, then a pediatrician, then a….
So we start at a young age thinking about what we want to take on as our “profession.” And unfortunately, from that point on, that question doesn’t seem to go away till one’s “profession” is established, or even then, sometimes the questioning continues. But one that does change throughout those years of questions is the thought behind answering the question and the multitude of possibilities that are discovered as possible answers to the question. Let’s face it, as a young child the choices are about limited to what dad does for a living, what mom does for a living, what the kid saw on Sesame Street that day, and what the dad of little Johnny from next door does. But as you get into the latterly years of high school, you start to think more seriously about the question because it determines if you choose college, or if you go straight into the workforce without college, and if you do choose college, what will you major in. But it isn’t like once you have made that move to college and even picked a major your answer is necessarily final. It’s interesting to see how many people graduate with a degree in one area and work in an area that is in no way related to their major from the past 4 (or more) years.
So in a sense, it is the never-ending question. What WILL I be when I grow up?
So maybe we don’t know what we want to be when we grow up. And it’s unfortunate that we feel as though the answer to this question is a life or death matter, when in actuality it isn’t. Sometimes I think the question takes on this quality because we DO start asking it at such a young age.
I’ll be honest, I’ve given it a lot of thought and I’ve honestly begun to believe that it isn’t necessarily the character you’ll be, but more whether you’ll have character. I honestly think the specific character role you play in life isn’t as important as whether you choose to have some character.
Think about it…
Who really cares what you were? What’s more important in life is who you were!
I don’t know anyone that would argue with the thought of being called an inspiration. What a great feat to be on your death bed and be remembered by many as an inspiration in their life!
He was someone who always put others before himself!
She was someone who befriended those most in need!
Believe it or not, a garbage collector has just as much of an opportunity to be an inspiration in someone’s life as does a doctor or a lawyer or a politician or an actor.
I just wish we’d all just spend as much time working on our character as we sometimes do on worrying about what character role we’ll play in life.
I say go after who you want to be in life, because the what comes from the who! Believe it or not, I think the what will kind of fall into place as the who is being established!
Maybe we shouldn’t ask “What do you want to be when you grow up?” But rather…
“Who do you want to be?”
Random Stuff
[I'm trying to get rid of some more post-it notes! If you don't know what I mean by that, sorry! HA!]
- I have this newspaper article (USA Today's Money section from June 15, 2005) my mom gave me while I was at home that talks about this dude that got fired from his job for blogging about his job and things he didn't like about it and bad things like that and it ended up getting him fired! HA! Just be careful what you write friends! HA!
- This same newspaper article had some interesting statistics on it about bloggers. Granted statistics can be so skewed and stuff, and I how these statistics were collected, but here they are anyways...still interesting I thought:
- There more than 8.5 million bloggers in the USA.
- 57% are male.
- 48% are under the age of 30.
- 42% earn more than $50,000.
- 39% have a college or graduate degree.
- 82% have been online for six or more years.
- About 20,000 new blogs are created daily.
- About 32 million Americans are blog readers.
- Two things that I've noticed lately that kind of aggrevate/bother me. 1.) people who have their AIM screennames set so people can't tell when they are idle. This is just not cool in my opinion. I think the only reasons why someone would want to do that is to either not let people see that they are ALWAYS online at their computer (which personally, in my opinion, who gives a crap what people think if you ARE at your computer a lot) or second to be able to ignore people who IM them and just pretend taht they aren't there even though they are. I think it is bad because honestly, I don't like IMing people that I know that have their settings set to not show them as idle. I don't like to IM them if I don't know if they are there or not. 2.) when people don't have the time zone set correctly on their blog. HA! Honestly this bothers me. And I don't think a lot of people do it on purpose, I think they just haven't noticed it, or didn't know they could fix it! For those interested in changing theirs and don't know how, you just go into your settings tab and click "formatting" and go down and fix it where it says "time zone". Now you know! ;)
- Finally--if you know me you know i'm obsessed with love. I also really like the movie "The Village" because I think it has a GREAT storyline to it! And while I don't want to disclose any of it for those of you who haven't seen it, I do want to share some lines from it that I just LOVE. It says: "She is led by love...The world moves for love...It kneels before it in awe!" I LOVE that! I think it is SOOO true! Love is so powerful, friends! And even in a world with as much hatred and selfishiness as the one in which we live, love is still able to move mountains! Let love be your guiding light when times seem difficult! Love one another!
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Two Can Play That Game…
[Note: I am not saying this is necessarily what I truly believe, but I like to play the devil’s advocate and instigate discussion, especially on religious topics, so read and share what you think on the matter]
Okay, so a week ago tonight I had planned to randomly show up at the church where several of my buddies attend. Whelp, I got home from work about 5:15ish and went through my “just got home routine”…AKA checked email, blogs, etc. I ended up getting wrapped up in something online; I think it was surfing potential prisoner pen pals…HA! Anyways, next thing I knew I looked down at the clock and it was 6:20ish or so and I hadn’t eaten anything, nor changed clothes or anything, and since the church began at 7 PM and it is about 20 to 25 minutes away (with no traffic), and I didn’t know where my friends sat, and I didn’t want to go in late, I decided not to go and that maybe I’d give it a try next week.
Well today I was sitting at work at about 4:30 PM when I got a phone call from a buddy of mine that attends that church I had planned to go to. Well I had TOTALLY forgot it was Wednesday and hadn’t even thought about church till she called me to ask if I was planning on going again this week. So I thought, sure, why not. Well I got home…did my routine and got myself ready and left about 6:25 in efforts to still get there early and be able find my friends.
Whelp, at 7 PM I was less than 5 miles from my house. I had sat in traffic because of a wreck for more than 30 minutes and was still about 15 or 20 minutes from the church by 7 PM, which was about when I passed the wreck.
So here is where I begin the thoughts….
Was this a “sign?” Was I not meant to attend church tonight?
It’s funny because I know all the die-hards out there are right now saying, “Of course not! God would never intend for someone NOT to go to church.”
But what I find so funny is how those same people can find purpose and meaning in everything and relate it back to God. They seem to be the people that don't believe in coincidence or things "just happening" without reason. So in this instance did God not want me to go to church? I mean let’s face it, I’m not a normal attendee and the one time I’m like, “Okay, I’m going tonight” this happens.
And if the traffic wasn’t enough, get this…
So then when I turned around to go back home, I realized I was going to be going right by Wal-Mart, which I hate having to drive out to, just because of traffic and shear laziness to be honest…HA! So I thought, well, since I’m out here I might as well just stop in since I need to go sometime in the next few days for looking to get some of those last few things on my list.
So I turn into Wal-Mart and, no joke, the first aisle I turned down a car backed out of the second to end spot closest to the store! Is that luck?! Or was that a “sign?” A lot of people say there is no such thing as “luck” or “coincidence,” so that would make that a “sign” then, huh? Did God mean for me to be at Wal-Mart tonight (even as funny as that sounds…HA!).
And it gets better…
If you read my blog a few back you recall the TERRIBLE time I had this past weekend looking for bras. That’s right, you saw it coming--did God mean for me to go to Wal-Mart tonight to get an AMAZING parking spot AND to find 3 perfect bras within 15 minutes of being in the store!?! I mean I had spent more than two hours at two different stores this past weekend trying to find ONE bra and came up empty, much less THREE (not to mention a whole HECK of a lot cheaper than the ones I was looking at this weekend…HA!) AND…I sure did get two other things while there from my list of remaining items to pick up before school starts back up!
Sooo…this is where I ask all you “everything in life has a purpose—God’s purpose” people, how do you interpret my night tonight? ;)
And let me just start a lot of y’alls thoughts for you…let me guess…. “this was the devil working…” HA! ;) Did the devil put the wreck there and tempt me with the decision to not keep going on to church anyways once I passed the wreck, even though I would have been at least 20 minutes late getting in the doors?
Hmmm…I just think the “this happened because it was God’s purpose” idea can be played both ways…it has to be considered on both sides of the coin...I suppose what I'm saying is...
Two can play this game… ;)
Okay, so a week ago tonight I had planned to randomly show up at the church where several of my buddies attend. Whelp, I got home from work about 5:15ish and went through my “just got home routine”…AKA checked email, blogs, etc. I ended up getting wrapped up in something online; I think it was surfing potential prisoner pen pals…HA! Anyways, next thing I knew I looked down at the clock and it was 6:20ish or so and I hadn’t eaten anything, nor changed clothes or anything, and since the church began at 7 PM and it is about 20 to 25 minutes away (with no traffic), and I didn’t know where my friends sat, and I didn’t want to go in late, I decided not to go and that maybe I’d give it a try next week.
Well today I was sitting at work at about 4:30 PM when I got a phone call from a buddy of mine that attends that church I had planned to go to. Well I had TOTALLY forgot it was Wednesday and hadn’t even thought about church till she called me to ask if I was planning on going again this week. So I thought, sure, why not. Well I got home…did my routine and got myself ready and left about 6:25 in efforts to still get there early and be able find my friends.
Whelp, at 7 PM I was less than 5 miles from my house. I had sat in traffic because of a wreck for more than 30 minutes and was still about 15 or 20 minutes from the church by 7 PM, which was about when I passed the wreck.
So here is where I begin the thoughts….
Was this a “sign?” Was I not meant to attend church tonight?
It’s funny because I know all the die-hards out there are right now saying, “Of course not! God would never intend for someone NOT to go to church.”
But what I find so funny is how those same people can find purpose and meaning in everything and relate it back to God. They seem to be the people that don't believe in coincidence or things "just happening" without reason. So in this instance did God not want me to go to church? I mean let’s face it, I’m not a normal attendee and the one time I’m like, “Okay, I’m going tonight” this happens.
And if the traffic wasn’t enough, get this…
So then when I turned around to go back home, I realized I was going to be going right by Wal-Mart, which I hate having to drive out to, just because of traffic and shear laziness to be honest…HA! So I thought, well, since I’m out here I might as well just stop in since I need to go sometime in the next few days for looking to get some of those last few things on my list.
So I turn into Wal-Mart and, no joke, the first aisle I turned down a car backed out of the second to end spot closest to the store! Is that luck?! Or was that a “sign?” A lot of people say there is no such thing as “luck” or “coincidence,” so that would make that a “sign” then, huh? Did God mean for me to be at Wal-Mart tonight (even as funny as that sounds…HA!).
And it gets better…
If you read my blog a few back you recall the TERRIBLE time I had this past weekend looking for bras. That’s right, you saw it coming--did God mean for me to go to Wal-Mart tonight to get an AMAZING parking spot AND to find 3 perfect bras within 15 minutes of being in the store!?! I mean I had spent more than two hours at two different stores this past weekend trying to find ONE bra and came up empty, much less THREE (not to mention a whole HECK of a lot cheaper than the ones I was looking at this weekend…HA!) AND…I sure did get two other things while there from my list of remaining items to pick up before school starts back up!
Sooo…this is where I ask all you “everything in life has a purpose—God’s purpose” people, how do you interpret my night tonight? ;)
And let me just start a lot of y’alls thoughts for you…let me guess…. “this was the devil working…” HA! ;) Did the devil put the wreck there and tempt me with the decision to not keep going on to church anyways once I passed the wreck, even though I would have been at least 20 minutes late getting in the doors?
Hmmm…I just think the “this happened because it was God’s purpose” idea can be played both ways…it has to be considered on both sides of the coin...I suppose what I'm saying is...
Two can play this game… ;)
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Does Size Really Matter?
I used to say no, but now I’m starting to second guess it, even when I know deep down I shouldn’t.
I’m talking one’s overall physical appearance (who knows what y’all were thinking…HA!).
Let’s face it, I’m not exactly a big character. I stand 5’2” and push the scale needle to a whopping 115 (120 right after a meal! HA!). But in all honesty, I don’t think I’ve ever really thought of my height/size as any sort of a disadvantage, and actually, I hardly even think about it at all.
I mean look at my two favorite sports to play: basketball and football. If there is ANY sport that you think of when you think of a tall person it is basketball. Height is definitely an advantage in basketball, but that didn’t discourage me at all. It was the only sport I played throughout my entire youth years…all the way through high school, as well as in college in intramurals. And actually in high school I was one of the best shots on our team, maybe not the top shot blocker, but that didn’t matter to me.
In college my favorite intramural sport to play was flag football, and even in that, the two positions I played would probably be the top two positions when placing tall players on the team: wide receiver and quarterback.
I don’t know, I’ve just never really thought much about my size. Maybe it’s just I believe you are as big as you want to be! I mean, I am currently living in a house that when everyone is here there are 8 people living here and I’m still the second tallest in the house…HA! So maybe I’m not all that short afterall! ;)
But whatever the case, this morning I found my size being questioned. Not by others, but by myself actually. And actually, now that I say that, I’m sure my size has been questioned by others often…HA! But anyways….
This morning I had gotten up at 6:25 AM to see what lies in my near future. As y’all should know from my previous blog entries I will be beginning my internship this fall at a homeless shelter in Fort Worth next week. So I wanted to get up this morning and see where this place was, and more importantly, see what traffic I was going to have to deal with in order to get there coming from Irving. I decided to take the route maps.yahoo.com gave me, though I thought it would be a more congested route when considering traffic, but since this was my trial run, I figured why not try it out.
So I got up and got out of the driveway at 7:06 AM (time is crucial when you’re trying to see how late you drag your butt outta bed for the next semester and still make it to “work” on time..HA!) To my surprise, traffic wasn’t bad at ALL; however, I did notice how crappy of a road highway 121 is in Fort Worth…HA! So I get onto the street that the homeless shelter is apparently located on in downtown Fort Worth and began slowing down to do the “look for addresses drive” as we all know so well when we aren’t sure what place we are looking for. Well, in my case, I didn’t need addresses, I was able to spot it from a block away. How you ask? By the gathering outside the doors. It was 7:35 AM when I arrived and the center is suppose to open at 7:30 (I suppose they were a little late getting the doors opened today…which figures since it is between the summer semester and the fall semester and this center is basically completely staffed by interns from what I hear). The center and the gathering were approaching on my left, so in efforts to get a closer look, I drove by and then I went up a block and circled around to come back.
[Note to readers: I don’t want to come off as degrading with my next comments. My sole purpose is to help paint a picture of my surroundings as well as to help to explain my thoughts that I’ve had today because of my experience this morning. And in all honestly, I think from the majority of my readers of this blog, I think most of us have come from similar backgrounds in that we haven’t been raised in what society labels as the slums or the ghetto or such, and I’m willing to guess most, if not all of us have never experienced homelessness. And yes, I’m sure many of y’all have visited areas of such nature, either through mission trips or spring break campaigns or such, but I want to describe it for those who haven’t]
I found myself in an area where we all seem to take a quick glance at our car’s door locks; just to make sure they are locked. We become more alert of our surroundings. We turn down the radio. We drive slower. We take a second glance through the rear-view mirror when passing someone on the sidewalk.
Now don’t attack me for those comments before you think for yourself whether you’ve been guilty of the above actions. I would be surprised if you have never driven through an area where made a conscious effort to check your door locks.
So as I came around for the second pass by the center I found myself, well my car actually, within feet of I’d guess 30 or so people all sitting and standing outside the front door on the sidewalk. While I was careful not to appear too out of the ordinary, I couldn’t help but notice the ethnic breakdown of the group. I’ll be completely honest, I was surprised to not see many Hispanics. Though I didn’t go by really slow, nor stop to take a head count, I would guess it was 2/3rds blacks and 1/3 whites; granted I think I remember seeing one Hispanic gentleman, so maybe it was 19/30ths black, 10/30ths white and 1/30th Hispanic! ;)
[Note: If you have been discouraged by my usage of the term “black” rather than “African-American” I would encourage you to read my explanation from a past blog as too why I choose to use that term]
Quickly, let me give you my reasoning for my expectations of seeing more of Hispanics. If there is one dramatic cultural difference between coming from St. Louis to Texas, it has been the presence of more Hispanic individuals. In all actuality, Hispanics are of the EXTREME minority in St. Louis. I recently went to St. Louis with a couple friends from college and I told them as we left Texas that their mission for the weekend was to see how many Hispanic individuals they counted the entire weekend. And as I had expected, I believe their total was still able to be counted on one hand. So, my expectation was that being in Texas, where individuals of Hispanic decent are nearly as populated as the majority, I expected statistically to find nearly as many Hispanics as white and blacks. My expectation was not based on the idea that one race is better than another, therefore, I would expect one race to more likely be homeless over another. If there is anything I want to be sure to point out in this blog, it is the fact that the white man (well I say man in general…as for sex, I’m not sure) makes up the majority of the poverty bracket. Though I’m not positive, I wouldn’t doubt that means more white individuals are homeless than another race, but I could be wrong on that, as I know you can still be in the poverty bracket and not be homeless.
So, as I drove away from my soon to be place of internship, the thoughts began to flow (even at 7:30 in the morning…HA!)
…will I be able to do this?
…will I be able to help any of these people?
…will these people even listen to me?
…do I know what I’m getting myself into?
But I suppose the main idea that crossed my mind was how out of my comfort zone I felt just by driving by.
I’ll be honest, and I’m sure ya’ll might disagree, but I’ve always viewed myself as someone that isn’t easily discouraged. In a way I feel like I have a big comfort zone, if that makes sense. I feel like it takes a lot for me to feel “weird” (for lack of a better word) in a situation. But as I drove off this morning, without a doubt I felt “weird.”
I suppose my biggest concern goes back to the only other time I can remember thinking “maybe size does matter.” That was when I experienced substitute teaching for the first time last year. If you’ve ever heard me talk about that first day I substituted, I’m sure I used the word “hell” somewhere in my explanation. To this day I don’t know, nor will I ever know, if that class I had was one of the “worst classes in the school” or if I was just that crappy of a sub, but I left that day scared to walk in my house because my mom was staying with me that week and I didn’t want her to see my eyes watering. It took everything I had to get out to her how my day was without crying or letting my eyes water…HA!
I ended up substituting on two more occasions which were BOTH great actually, but in both of those settings I wasn’t a teacher in front of a huge class (one time I subbed for a teacher that pulls kids out of their normal classes and words with them on subjects they struggle with, and one time I was a teacher’s aid for Pre-K kiddos! HA!)
So, when reevaluating that first subbing experience I’ve decided, though through rationalizing possibly (who knows), that my size was a factor. I mean look at me. It is hard for kids to take me serious, when I’m barely taller than them (and they were only 2nd graders!). And I don’t look all that “adult-like.” I don’t really come off as an authority figure at glance, or even at a long stare for that matter…HA!
So I think that was what hit me today. I’m little. Or as Ellison said today when I kind of vented some to her online earlier…I’m an “itty bitty little thing.”
Don’t think the thought hasn’t crossed my mind today of being mugged while going or coming from my car while I’m there or having my car broke into or such. In a sense, I honestly think I’ve been more worried about my car today than myself…HA! I love my car! She’s been so good to me. Not to mention that the Toyota Camry has actually been at the top if not in the top five car types of stolen vehicles for the past few years.
I don’t know. I suppose I’m just sort of intimidated and scared in a sense. It isn’t nervous, like nervous for an interview, or nervous of doing bad, but more intimidated that these people won’t take me seriously. Or that they will be like, “she’s just a kid.” Trust me, I bet a good many of y’all would have been just as intimidated had you been sitting in my car with me and seen that group of people waiting outside the center this morning. I suppose in a strange odd way I was picturing myself standing in the middle of all of them; almost like a coach among a huddle. [shudder] Why this has bothered me as it has today I don’t know. I mean yes, they are homeless, but how much different can they really be from someone like myself.
Maybe it was from the fact that since they are homeless and they carry most all, if not all, of their possessions with them, it makes them appear bigger, which can seem more intimidating…so maybe size really DOES matter! ;)
I’m talking one’s overall physical appearance (who knows what y’all were thinking…HA!).
Let’s face it, I’m not exactly a big character. I stand 5’2” and push the scale needle to a whopping 115 (120 right after a meal! HA!). But in all honesty, I don’t think I’ve ever really thought of my height/size as any sort of a disadvantage, and actually, I hardly even think about it at all.
I mean look at my two favorite sports to play: basketball and football. If there is ANY sport that you think of when you think of a tall person it is basketball. Height is definitely an advantage in basketball, but that didn’t discourage me at all. It was the only sport I played throughout my entire youth years…all the way through high school, as well as in college in intramurals. And actually in high school I was one of the best shots on our team, maybe not the top shot blocker, but that didn’t matter to me.
In college my favorite intramural sport to play was flag football, and even in that, the two positions I played would probably be the top two positions when placing tall players on the team: wide receiver and quarterback.
I don’t know, I’ve just never really thought much about my size. Maybe it’s just I believe you are as big as you want to be! I mean, I am currently living in a house that when everyone is here there are 8 people living here and I’m still the second tallest in the house…HA! So maybe I’m not all that short afterall! ;)
But whatever the case, this morning I found my size being questioned. Not by others, but by myself actually. And actually, now that I say that, I’m sure my size has been questioned by others often…HA! But anyways….
This morning I had gotten up at 6:25 AM to see what lies in my near future. As y’all should know from my previous blog entries I will be beginning my internship this fall at a homeless shelter in Fort Worth next week. So I wanted to get up this morning and see where this place was, and more importantly, see what traffic I was going to have to deal with in order to get there coming from Irving. I decided to take the route maps.yahoo.com gave me, though I thought it would be a more congested route when considering traffic, but since this was my trial run, I figured why not try it out.
So I got up and got out of the driveway at 7:06 AM (time is crucial when you’re trying to see how late you drag your butt outta bed for the next semester and still make it to “work” on time..HA!) To my surprise, traffic wasn’t bad at ALL; however, I did notice how crappy of a road highway 121 is in Fort Worth…HA! So I get onto the street that the homeless shelter is apparently located on in downtown Fort Worth and began slowing down to do the “look for addresses drive” as we all know so well when we aren’t sure what place we are looking for. Well, in my case, I didn’t need addresses, I was able to spot it from a block away. How you ask? By the gathering outside the doors. It was 7:35 AM when I arrived and the center is suppose to open at 7:30 (I suppose they were a little late getting the doors opened today…which figures since it is between the summer semester and the fall semester and this center is basically completely staffed by interns from what I hear). The center and the gathering were approaching on my left, so in efforts to get a closer look, I drove by and then I went up a block and circled around to come back.
[Note to readers: I don’t want to come off as degrading with my next comments. My sole purpose is to help paint a picture of my surroundings as well as to help to explain my thoughts that I’ve had today because of my experience this morning. And in all honestly, I think from the majority of my readers of this blog, I think most of us have come from similar backgrounds in that we haven’t been raised in what society labels as the slums or the ghetto or such, and I’m willing to guess most, if not all of us have never experienced homelessness. And yes, I’m sure many of y’all have visited areas of such nature, either through mission trips or spring break campaigns or such, but I want to describe it for those who haven’t]
I found myself in an area where we all seem to take a quick glance at our car’s door locks; just to make sure they are locked. We become more alert of our surroundings. We turn down the radio. We drive slower. We take a second glance through the rear-view mirror when passing someone on the sidewalk.
Now don’t attack me for those comments before you think for yourself whether you’ve been guilty of the above actions. I would be surprised if you have never driven through an area where made a conscious effort to check your door locks.
So as I came around for the second pass by the center I found myself, well my car actually, within feet of I’d guess 30 or so people all sitting and standing outside the front door on the sidewalk. While I was careful not to appear too out of the ordinary, I couldn’t help but notice the ethnic breakdown of the group. I’ll be completely honest, I was surprised to not see many Hispanics. Though I didn’t go by really slow, nor stop to take a head count, I would guess it was 2/3rds blacks and 1/3 whites; granted I think I remember seeing one Hispanic gentleman, so maybe it was 19/30ths black, 10/30ths white and 1/30th Hispanic! ;)
[Note: If you have been discouraged by my usage of the term “black” rather than “African-American” I would encourage you to read my explanation from a past blog as too why I choose to use that term]
Quickly, let me give you my reasoning for my expectations of seeing more of Hispanics. If there is one dramatic cultural difference between coming from St. Louis to Texas, it has been the presence of more Hispanic individuals. In all actuality, Hispanics are of the EXTREME minority in St. Louis. I recently went to St. Louis with a couple friends from college and I told them as we left Texas that their mission for the weekend was to see how many Hispanic individuals they counted the entire weekend. And as I had expected, I believe their total was still able to be counted on one hand. So, my expectation was that being in Texas, where individuals of Hispanic decent are nearly as populated as the majority, I expected statistically to find nearly as many Hispanics as white and blacks. My expectation was not based on the idea that one race is better than another, therefore, I would expect one race to more likely be homeless over another. If there is anything I want to be sure to point out in this blog, it is the fact that the white man (well I say man in general…as for sex, I’m not sure) makes up the majority of the poverty bracket. Though I’m not positive, I wouldn’t doubt that means more white individuals are homeless than another race, but I could be wrong on that, as I know you can still be in the poverty bracket and not be homeless.
So, as I drove away from my soon to be place of internship, the thoughts began to flow (even at 7:30 in the morning…HA!)
…will I be able to do this?
…will I be able to help any of these people?
…will these people even listen to me?
…do I know what I’m getting myself into?
But I suppose the main idea that crossed my mind was how out of my comfort zone I felt just by driving by.
I’ll be honest, and I’m sure ya’ll might disagree, but I’ve always viewed myself as someone that isn’t easily discouraged. In a way I feel like I have a big comfort zone, if that makes sense. I feel like it takes a lot for me to feel “weird” (for lack of a better word) in a situation. But as I drove off this morning, without a doubt I felt “weird.”
I suppose my biggest concern goes back to the only other time I can remember thinking “maybe size does matter.” That was when I experienced substitute teaching for the first time last year. If you’ve ever heard me talk about that first day I substituted, I’m sure I used the word “hell” somewhere in my explanation. To this day I don’t know, nor will I ever know, if that class I had was one of the “worst classes in the school” or if I was just that crappy of a sub, but I left that day scared to walk in my house because my mom was staying with me that week and I didn’t want her to see my eyes watering. It took everything I had to get out to her how my day was without crying or letting my eyes water…HA!
I ended up substituting on two more occasions which were BOTH great actually, but in both of those settings I wasn’t a teacher in front of a huge class (one time I subbed for a teacher that pulls kids out of their normal classes and words with them on subjects they struggle with, and one time I was a teacher’s aid for Pre-K kiddos! HA!)
So, when reevaluating that first subbing experience I’ve decided, though through rationalizing possibly (who knows), that my size was a factor. I mean look at me. It is hard for kids to take me serious, when I’m barely taller than them (and they were only 2nd graders!). And I don’t look all that “adult-like.” I don’t really come off as an authority figure at glance, or even at a long stare for that matter…HA!
So I think that was what hit me today. I’m little. Or as Ellison said today when I kind of vented some to her online earlier…I’m an “itty bitty little thing.”
Don’t think the thought hasn’t crossed my mind today of being mugged while going or coming from my car while I’m there or having my car broke into or such. In a sense, I honestly think I’ve been more worried about my car today than myself…HA! I love my car! She’s been so good to me. Not to mention that the Toyota Camry has actually been at the top if not in the top five car types of stolen vehicles for the past few years.
I don’t know. I suppose I’m just sort of intimidated and scared in a sense. It isn’t nervous, like nervous for an interview, or nervous of doing bad, but more intimidated that these people won’t take me seriously. Or that they will be like, “she’s just a kid.” Trust me, I bet a good many of y’all would have been just as intimidated had you been sitting in my car with me and seen that group of people waiting outside the center this morning. I suppose in a strange odd way I was picturing myself standing in the middle of all of them; almost like a coach among a huddle. [shudder] Why this has bothered me as it has today I don’t know. I mean yes, they are homeless, but how much different can they really be from someone like myself.
Maybe it was from the fact that since they are homeless and they carry most all, if not all, of their possessions with them, it makes them appear bigger, which can seem more intimidating…so maybe size really DOES matter! ;)
Survey Time
I got this from Janaye...lines in bold are the ones that apply to me.
001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own a home.
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
007. I love to play video games.
008. I've done something illegal.
009. I've watched a porn movie.
010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I like my handwriting.
013. I have acne-free skin.
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I've been to another country.
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I'm really, really smart.
021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain.
024. I'm paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.
030. I have long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.
035. I have a twin.
037. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look.
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
040. I know how to do cornrows.
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings.
043. I think prostitution should be legalized.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
045. I have cheated on a significant other.
046. I have a hidden talent.
047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
048. I've been sexually intimate more than ten people.
049. I am currently single.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat.
055. I would classify myself as ghetto.
056. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
057. I'm obsessed with my journal
058. I don't hate anyone.
059. I'm a pretty good cook.
060. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
062. I have a cell phone instead of a landline.
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
067. I have never been in a real relationship before.
068. I've rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone.
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future.
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. I've had the cops called on me before.
074. I bite my nails.
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
077. I have a lot to learn.
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
081. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
083. I have been rejected by someone.
084. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
085. I own the "South Park" movie.
086. I have avoided work to play on OD.
087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I love my best friend.
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
096. Halloween is awesome!
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
098. I have dated a close friend's ex.
099. I'm happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. Had a crush on somebody you have never met.
102. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
103. I play a musical instrument
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I'm procrastinating on something right now.
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest movies/books ever.
110. I'm obsessed with the tv show "The O.C."
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
112. I am a different person around different people...(aren't we all?I think we act slightly different around everyone)
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.
115. I am suffering of a broken heart.
116. I am a nerd.
117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.
119. I try not to change who I am for someone.
120. My heart resides below my feet.
121. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have had major surgery.
124. I have adopted a pet from the pound.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126. Some people call me by a nickname.
127. I once stole a music stand.
128. I like pumpkin pie.
129. I love NASCAR!
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week.
132. I have mono.
132. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
134. I'm still in my PJs.
135. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.
136. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong guys, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.
137. I'll try anything three times.
138. Done drugs other than alcohol or cannabis.
139. I'm having trouble sleeping.
140. I am a cuddler.
141. I love John Waters films.
142. I have made a pornographic videotape.
143. Sloth is my favorite deadly sin.
145. I know all the words to the "Firefly" theme song.
146. I love Dr. Pepper!!!!
147. I'm a programmer.
148. I can't explain why I'm unhappy at times.
149. I own and have read all of the Harry Potter books.
150. I like to smell my own hair.
151. I carry a book with me almost everywhere I go.
152. I have an eating disorder.
153. I have flown to a different country to see a band.
154. Been hospitalized for "mental issues".
155. I have survived totaling a car I was driving.
156. I am addicted to a Manga/anime.
157. Somehow I always seem to get myself into trouble.
158. I have dated someone for longer than 5 years.
159. I have been hit by flying Eric Szmanda spittle.
160. I have lived in three different countries.
161. I am holding a grudge against someone right now.
162. I am currently obsessed with the TV show "Farscape"
163. I wear nothing but tight clothes.
164. I love heavy metal.
165. I am absolutely in love with my car.
166. I own a punching bag and plan on using it in the next 24 hours.
167. I have more than just my ears pierced.
001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own a home.
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
007. I love to play video games.
008. I've done something illegal.
009. I've watched a porn movie.
010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I like my handwriting.
013. I have acne-free skin.
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I've been to another country.
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I'm really, really smart.
021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain.
024. I'm paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.
030. I have long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.
035. I have a twin.
037. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look.
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
040. I know how to do cornrows.
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings.
043. I think prostitution should be legalized.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
045. I have cheated on a significant other.
046. I have a hidden talent.
047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
048. I've been sexually intimate more than ten people.
049. I am currently single.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat.
055. I would classify myself as ghetto.
056. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
057. I'm obsessed with my journal
058. I don't hate anyone.
059. I'm a pretty good cook.
060. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
062. I have a cell phone instead of a landline.
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
067. I have never been in a real relationship before.
068. I've rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone.
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future.
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. I've had the cops called on me before.
074. I bite my nails.
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
077. I have a lot to learn.
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
081. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
083. I have been rejected by someone.
084. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
085. I own the "South Park" movie.
086. I have avoided work to play on OD.
087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I love my best friend.
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
096. Halloween is awesome!
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
098. I have dated a close friend's ex.
099. I'm happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. Had a crush on somebody you have never met.
102. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
103. I play a musical instrument
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I'm procrastinating on something right now.
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest movies/books ever.
110. I'm obsessed with the tv show "The O.C."
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
112. I am a different person around different people...(aren't we all?I think we act slightly different around everyone)
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.
115. I am suffering of a broken heart.
116. I am a nerd.
117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.
119. I try not to change who I am for someone.
120. My heart resides below my feet.
121. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have had major surgery.
124. I have adopted a pet from the pound.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126. Some people call me by a nickname.
127. I once stole a music stand.
128. I like pumpkin pie.
129. I love NASCAR!
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week.
132. I have mono.
132. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
134. I'm still in my PJs.
135. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.
136. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong guys, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.
137. I'll try anything three times.
138. Done drugs other than alcohol or cannabis.
139. I'm having trouble sleeping.
140. I am a cuddler.
141. I love John Waters films.
142. I have made a pornographic videotape.
143. Sloth is my favorite deadly sin.
145. I know all the words to the "Firefly" theme song.
146. I love Dr. Pepper!!!!
147. I'm a programmer.
148. I can't explain why I'm unhappy at times.
149. I own and have read all of the Harry Potter books.
150. I like to smell my own hair.
151. I carry a book with me almost everywhere I go.
152. I have an eating disorder.
153. I have flown to a different country to see a band.
154. Been hospitalized for "mental issues".
155. I have survived totaling a car I was driving.
156. I am addicted to a Manga/anime.
157. Somehow I always seem to get myself into trouble.
158. I have dated someone for longer than 5 years.
159. I have been hit by flying Eric Szmanda spittle.
160. I have lived in three different countries.
161. I am holding a grudge against someone right now.
162. I am currently obsessed with the TV show "Farscape"
163. I wear nothing but tight clothes.
164. I love heavy metal.
165. I am absolutely in love with my car.
166. I own a punching bag and plan on using it in the next 24 hours.
167. I have more than just my ears pierced.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Monday's Picture Blog!
[Give this picture it's best caption! Either come up with a unique/fun caption for this picture or tell what you think is going on in the picture! Tomorrow I'll pick the best response! LEAVE A COMMENT (anyone can leave a comment, you don't have to have a blog)! I don't care if you're someone I don't know, someone I do know, or someone I'm not suppose to know that reads my blog all the time (secretly of course...HA!) Have fun!]
Sunday, August 14, 2005
What a Weekend...
Since Thursday I’m been getting pretty siked up about my up-coming internship for school. For those unaware, in our masters program we do two internships, the first being a placement (meaning we don’t get to pick it) and the second being somewhere that we pick. While the first one is only 400 hours, so you do it all in one semester (averaging out to 26.6 hours a week), the second one is 500 hours and can done over the course of two semesters, making it only 250 hours a semester.
For my first internship I have been placed at the UTA community service center—developmental division. Being there means as a first-year intern, I’ve been assigned to work at the homeless shelter in Fort Worth that the UTA community center runs.
Well on Thursday I received my email with my schedule for my work hours for this fall! My schedule for this fall at the shelter is as follows:
Tuesdays 8 AM till 4 PM
Wednesday 8 AM till 4:30 PM
Thursday 8 AM till 4:30 PM
Fridays noon till 3 PM
I was stoked to see I’m the only intern there that has been assigned to teaching the computer classes there at the shelter for the homeless! I have two one-hour classes I’ll be teaching each week. I teach a class on Tuesday’s from 10-11 AM and then another one on Thursday’s noon till 1 PM. I guess the supervisors that interviewed me for the internship originally were serious when they show my computer knowledge and asked if I’d be interested in teaching some computer classes! ;)
So with my first professional experience in my field only days away, I decided this weekend I needed to do a little shopping. Kinda felt like back to school clothes shopping, though I haven’t done that in YEARS (I sure didn’t care about buying new clothes for my new years at ACU...I mean I got enough t-shirts throughout the year from events that my wardrobe was complete…HA!)
So on Saturday I began shopping at about 10 AM. After seriously shopping ALL day on Sat. and then several more hours today on Sunday, I successfully spent about $230. However, we need to clear up what some of that money went towards this weekend:
$20 for an oil change while shopping at Walmart
$45 on a picture frame and picture developing for a huge collage for my room
$11 on books from a garage sale
$25 on a bookcase for my room
$10 on the new George Strait cd
The other $115 went toward dress pants, dress shirts, and dress shoes. The only things I have left on my list to get are necklaces, socks, bras, black boots, and perfume. Let me example why some of these are still left…
Socks…just forgot! HA!
Black boots…wasn’t planning on needing any until I found a cool pair of pants today that need them.
Perfume and necklaces…waiting till this week at work when I’m going with one of my co-workers to hit the places on Harry Hines!
Bras….this is the story of the weekend…
Can I just tell you there isn’t anything that I can’t stand shopping for more than bras!! It is so aggravating, for one, you can never find the right sizes…and if you find one, it ain’t like the other ones that size are with it, so unless you just need one, you’ll be looking for HOURS to find more than one! Not only this, but who really knows if the size I’m looking for is really my size…HA! I kid you not, I spent about an hour at Kohls in Irving on Sat. looking and when I decided I wasn’t having any luck, I hit the Kohls in Arlington on Sunday and spent 1.5 hours in there, looking at only bras mind you, to leave the store without any. But the funny part is, I FINALLY found three I liked and felt like they fit, then I started toward the door and was like, you know, just because I THINK this is my new “right” size because of that Oprah episode, what if it’s not? So I went and really quick tried on another size, and found I think that fit too, so I wouldn’t let myself spend the $30 per bra on the ones I had in my hand because I wasn’t even sure they were my size…HA! So I left. HA! Can you see why I hate bra shopping!
Still, my time spent in Kohls today was worth it because of two reasons…1) when I was in the dressing rooms trying them thingies on, there was this mom with her two little girls in one of the other rooms and apparently one of her little daughters was a bra virgin and it was funny to listen to them because the other little girl was obviously too young for a bra, and she kept making fun of the sister and was like, “Ha…you have to get a bra…you have boobs now!” HA HA! I was trying not to laugh out loud! And then the other little girl I could hear her saying, “I don’t know how to put this thing on” to her mother…HA! Funny times! And 2) did you know they make AA cups?!?! Holy crap…like honestly…why wear a bra?!?! I looked at that thing…I was like “dang, if that was me, I could get out of all this bra shopping business and not even have to mess with it OR spending all this money!”
One quick question….is a AA bigger than an A? Because that dang AA was itty bitty….but I thought when the letters are doubled it means bigger? And today I saw these “NB” things….apparently means “nearly B”…interesting…HA! Can you tell I don’t do this bra business much!
Besides all the shopping this weekend for getting ready for my internship, I found myself also contributing to my girliness for preparation of being professional…HA! All weekend I didn’t wear my hat one time! This wouldn’t be that big of a deal had I just stayed at home all weekend, but nope…I was out in public and not at work! And second, I even purchased a SECOND pink shirt to go in my wardrobe! HA!
Whelp….all in all I had a VERY busy weekend, since I don’t care much for shopping; however I was really proud of some of my purchases, especially the books, bookcase, and pictures and frame for my room!
The black and white GATA picture collage ROCKS! You’ll have to come see it!
As for the bookcase…I already have it all filled up with my new book purchases this weekend, my videos, and my textbooks! It looks good!
Finally, here are all the great books I got this weekend at a church garage sale for really cheap! I just love books, even though I can’t find the time to read them…HA! I just know someday I’ll find the time! I also think you can tell a lot about a person by the types of books they read (or in my case, purchase to read someday!) Here are my “new” books from this weekend (all for $11 mind you!):
The Power of the Mind to Heal by J. Borysenko & M. Borysenko
Being Happy: A handbook to greater confidence and security by A. Matthews
Mars and Venus on a Date by J. Gray
What Smart Women Know by S. Carter and J. Sokol
Never be Lied To Again by D. Lieberman
The Courage to Heal Workbook: for women and men survivors of childhood sexual abuse by L. Davis
Self-Esteem by McKay and Fanning
The Practice of Case Management by Moxley
Ego Psychology and Social Work Practice by Goldstein
Life Lessons with Max Lucado
The Count of Monte Cristo by A. Dumas
A Time to Kill by J. Grisham
I Know This Must is True by W. Lamb
Internet!: I Didn’t Know You Could Do That…
The Silence of the Lambs by T. Harris
Hannibal by T. Harris
Yukon Ho! (a Calvin and Hobbes comic book)
Chicken Soup for the Soul
A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul
A 4th Course of Chicken Soup for the Soul
Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul
Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul
Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul
For my first internship I have been placed at the UTA community service center—developmental division. Being there means as a first-year intern, I’ve been assigned to work at the homeless shelter in Fort Worth that the UTA community center runs.
Well on Thursday I received my email with my schedule for my work hours for this fall! My schedule for this fall at the shelter is as follows:
Tuesdays 8 AM till 4 PM
Wednesday 8 AM till 4:30 PM
Thursday 8 AM till 4:30 PM
Fridays noon till 3 PM
I was stoked to see I’m the only intern there that has been assigned to teaching the computer classes there at the shelter for the homeless! I have two one-hour classes I’ll be teaching each week. I teach a class on Tuesday’s from 10-11 AM and then another one on Thursday’s noon till 1 PM. I guess the supervisors that interviewed me for the internship originally were serious when they show my computer knowledge and asked if I’d be interested in teaching some computer classes! ;)
So with my first professional experience in my field only days away, I decided this weekend I needed to do a little shopping. Kinda felt like back to school clothes shopping, though I haven’t done that in YEARS (I sure didn’t care about buying new clothes for my new years at ACU...I mean I got enough t-shirts throughout the year from events that my wardrobe was complete…HA!)
So on Saturday I began shopping at about 10 AM. After seriously shopping ALL day on Sat. and then several more hours today on Sunday, I successfully spent about $230. However, we need to clear up what some of that money went towards this weekend:
$20 for an oil change while shopping at Walmart
$45 on a picture frame and picture developing for a huge collage for my room
$11 on books from a garage sale
$25 on a bookcase for my room
$10 on the new George Strait cd
The other $115 went toward dress pants, dress shirts, and dress shoes. The only things I have left on my list to get are necklaces, socks, bras, black boots, and perfume. Let me example why some of these are still left…
Socks…just forgot! HA!
Black boots…wasn’t planning on needing any until I found a cool pair of pants today that need them.
Perfume and necklaces…waiting till this week at work when I’m going with one of my co-workers to hit the places on Harry Hines!
Bras….this is the story of the weekend…
Can I just tell you there isn’t anything that I can’t stand shopping for more than bras!! It is so aggravating, for one, you can never find the right sizes…and if you find one, it ain’t like the other ones that size are with it, so unless you just need one, you’ll be looking for HOURS to find more than one! Not only this, but who really knows if the size I’m looking for is really my size…HA! I kid you not, I spent about an hour at Kohls in Irving on Sat. looking and when I decided I wasn’t having any luck, I hit the Kohls in Arlington on Sunday and spent 1.5 hours in there, looking at only bras mind you, to leave the store without any. But the funny part is, I FINALLY found three I liked and felt like they fit, then I started toward the door and was like, you know, just because I THINK this is my new “right” size because of that Oprah episode, what if it’s not? So I went and really quick tried on another size, and found I think that fit too, so I wouldn’t let myself spend the $30 per bra on the ones I had in my hand because I wasn’t even sure they were my size…HA! So I left. HA! Can you see why I hate bra shopping!
Still, my time spent in Kohls today was worth it because of two reasons…1) when I was in the dressing rooms trying them thingies on, there was this mom with her two little girls in one of the other rooms and apparently one of her little daughters was a bra virgin and it was funny to listen to them because the other little girl was obviously too young for a bra, and she kept making fun of the sister and was like, “Ha…you have to get a bra…you have boobs now!” HA HA! I was trying not to laugh out loud! And then the other little girl I could hear her saying, “I don’t know how to put this thing on” to her mother…HA! Funny times! And 2) did you know they make AA cups?!?! Holy crap…like honestly…why wear a bra?!?! I looked at that thing…I was like “dang, if that was me, I could get out of all this bra shopping business and not even have to mess with it OR spending all this money!”
One quick question….is a AA bigger than an A? Because that dang AA was itty bitty….but I thought when the letters are doubled it means bigger? And today I saw these “NB” things….apparently means “nearly B”…interesting…HA! Can you tell I don’t do this bra business much!
Besides all the shopping this weekend for getting ready for my internship, I found myself also contributing to my girliness for preparation of being professional…HA! All weekend I didn’t wear my hat one time! This wouldn’t be that big of a deal had I just stayed at home all weekend, but nope…I was out in public and not at work! And second, I even purchased a SECOND pink shirt to go in my wardrobe! HA!
Whelp….all in all I had a VERY busy weekend, since I don’t care much for shopping; however I was really proud of some of my purchases, especially the books, bookcase, and pictures and frame for my room!
The black and white GATA picture collage ROCKS! You’ll have to come see it!
As for the bookcase…I already have it all filled up with my new book purchases this weekend, my videos, and my textbooks! It looks good!
Finally, here are all the great books I got this weekend at a church garage sale for really cheap! I just love books, even though I can’t find the time to read them…HA! I just know someday I’ll find the time! I also think you can tell a lot about a person by the types of books they read (or in my case, purchase to read someday!) Here are my “new” books from this weekend (all for $11 mind you!):
The Power of the Mind to Heal by J. Borysenko & M. Borysenko
Being Happy: A handbook to greater confidence and security by A. Matthews
Mars and Venus on a Date by J. Gray
What Smart Women Know by S. Carter and J. Sokol
Never be Lied To Again by D. Lieberman
The Courage to Heal Workbook: for women and men survivors of childhood sexual abuse by L. Davis
Self-Esteem by McKay and Fanning
The Practice of Case Management by Moxley
Ego Psychology and Social Work Practice by Goldstein
Life Lessons with Max Lucado
The Count of Monte Cristo by A. Dumas
A Time to Kill by J. Grisham
I Know This Must is True by W. Lamb
Internet!: I Didn’t Know You Could Do That…
The Silence of the Lambs by T. Harris
Hannibal by T. Harris
Yukon Ho! (a Calvin and Hobbes comic book)
Chicken Soup for the Soul
A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul
A 4th Course of Chicken Soup for the Soul
Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul
Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul
Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
"Worth Your Time!"
I want to announce a new feature I’ve added to my blog…well my blog sidebar that is. The top thing on my sidebar is now a section called, “Worth Your Time!”
I have great appreciation for thought-provoking, or just down-right good blog posts! And recently (well over the past few months or half a year even) I’ve noticed a lot of new faces (or writers) have joined into the world of blogging and I’ve really enjoyed some great blog posts from some of my most frequently visited blogs, or even some I frequent less for that matter. Whatever the case, I believe great posts are worth sharing, and though many times I’ve simply made posts on my blog to direct people to these posts, I think this is a much better way of doing it.
I have no set schedule for when I’ll be changing this link, it is totally up to what kind of blog posts I come across. I might change it once a week or daily…it totally just depends. However, I highly encourage you to read the “Worth Your Time!” entries and leave a comment yourself. Though you might not agree with one of the entries, I can almost always guarantee they will make you think! And that, my friend, is “worth your time!”
Blessings, writers! And thanks for keeping me thinking!
I have great appreciation for thought-provoking, or just down-right good blog posts! And recently (well over the past few months or half a year even) I’ve noticed a lot of new faces (or writers) have joined into the world of blogging and I’ve really enjoyed some great blog posts from some of my most frequently visited blogs, or even some I frequent less for that matter. Whatever the case, I believe great posts are worth sharing, and though many times I’ve simply made posts on my blog to direct people to these posts, I think this is a much better way of doing it.
I have no set schedule for when I’ll be changing this link, it is totally up to what kind of blog posts I come across. I might change it once a week or daily…it totally just depends. However, I highly encourage you to read the “Worth Your Time!” entries and leave a comment yourself. Though you might not agree with one of the entries, I can almost always guarantee they will make you think! And that, my friend, is “worth your time!”
Blessings, writers! And thanks for keeping me thinking!
Weight Gain in Graduate School
I’ve noticed there are two points when people really seem to gain weight: after being married and after going from undergrad to graduate school.
In my case I’m yet to experience the first, but am in full force living the second! So, in efforts to go along with my points, I’ll admit I’ve gained some weight since graduating ACU and going to graduate school. Granted I haven’t put on a ton, but as someone that has always been rather petite, I’m having problems with jeans and shorts lately…HA!
So a day or so ago it just HIT me out of no where! It was so cool…HA! I figured out why graduate students gain weight!
It all goes back to something I saw on the news back when I was in high school. They said students shouldn’t carry book-bags that weight more than 10% of their body-weight because it is bad for their backs. And let’s face it, in graduate school your books are two times the size of the undergraduate books as well as each course has two times the number of books required! So, to compensate for the heavier book load, literally, our body does its part to help you out! HA!
As for weight gain for married couples, I haven’t quite put my finger on the explanation for that one, maybe because I’m not married yet (which I’ll point out once again, since EVERYONE seems to be getting married lately…HA!), but I bet it has to do with testing the waters of the vows given… “…through sickness and in health…” ;)
In my case I’m yet to experience the first, but am in full force living the second! So, in efforts to go along with my points, I’ll admit I’ve gained some weight since graduating ACU and going to graduate school. Granted I haven’t put on a ton, but as someone that has always been rather petite, I’m having problems with jeans and shorts lately…HA!
So a day or so ago it just HIT me out of no where! It was so cool…HA! I figured out why graduate students gain weight!
It all goes back to something I saw on the news back when I was in high school. They said students shouldn’t carry book-bags that weight more than 10% of their body-weight because it is bad for their backs. And let’s face it, in graduate school your books are two times the size of the undergraduate books as well as each course has two times the number of books required! So, to compensate for the heavier book load, literally, our body does its part to help you out! HA!
As for weight gain for married couples, I haven’t quite put my finger on the explanation for that one, maybe because I’m not married yet (which I’ll point out once again, since EVERYONE seems to be getting married lately…HA!), but I bet it has to do with testing the waters of the vows given… “…through sickness and in health…” ;)
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
When Did 1 + 1 Become 3…
…with “I do.”
[Note: Though I normally save these disclaimers/notes for the end of a post, I feel it is important to point out at the beginning that this post that it is in no way geared toward any of my readers. If it has even been inspired by anything in particular, I suppose it would have to be my most recent trip to St. Louis. However, I view it as a whole idea rather than pointing fingers, because that is not the intent at all.]
Remember growing up and making the invitations to send out to your birthday party? Remember having the limited number of guests you could invite? Remember the pain-staking task of deciding who would get invited and who wouldn’t?
If you answered “no” to all these questions, try these more specific situations…
Remember getting to take one friend with you to go to the movies or another outing and though you wanted to invite your best friend, you knew that if you asked her, “so-and-so” would find out about it and they would want to come too, or even worse, they would be hurt that you hadn’t asked them instead.
Or maybe it was trying to decide who to invite to the birthday party, but you knew if you invited Jane, her twin sister-Jessica, who you actually weren’t that close too, had to come too. Or if you asked Molly, her best buddy who did everything with her-Carla, would “have” to come too.
In college, it was the roommate dilemma. You’re friends with Sammy and Katie, but their third roommate Beth you really don’t hangout with as much. But if you invited Sammy and Katie, don’t you “have” to invite Beth to the party too?
Sometimes I feel that is the situation one encounters when one of their best buddies ends up married. It isn’t that their new spouse is someone you don’t like, though they might be, it’s just that it isn’t just that friend anymore. It gets to the point where you feel if you invite your best friend, you are required to invite the spouse along too.
Yeah, everyone always says, “no, that isn’t the case,” but let’s be honest with ourselves; that’s normally how it is. How often do newly-wed wives that you know go hangout alone with their buddies? Or a girls' night out? It seems once marriage life hits, an additional person has been brought into all the pictures.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying there is anything wrong with hanging out with your friends when their spouses are with them now too. That’s fun and cool too, especially if you like the spouse…HA! But it almost seems as if sometimes you can’t keep the same friendship you might have originally had with a friend before the significant other became united.
I don’t know…maybe this is just something I’ve noticed…
While it used to be one and one made two, it is now that the outing becomes one plus one makes three…
[Note: Though I normally save these disclaimers/notes for the end of a post, I feel it is important to point out at the beginning that this post that it is in no way geared toward any of my readers. If it has even been inspired by anything in particular, I suppose it would have to be my most recent trip to St. Louis. However, I view it as a whole idea rather than pointing fingers, because that is not the intent at all.]
Remember growing up and making the invitations to send out to your birthday party? Remember having the limited number of guests you could invite? Remember the pain-staking task of deciding who would get invited and who wouldn’t?
If you answered “no” to all these questions, try these more specific situations…
Remember getting to take one friend with you to go to the movies or another outing and though you wanted to invite your best friend, you knew that if you asked her, “so-and-so” would find out about it and they would want to come too, or even worse, they would be hurt that you hadn’t asked them instead.
Or maybe it was trying to decide who to invite to the birthday party, but you knew if you invited Jane, her twin sister-Jessica, who you actually weren’t that close too, had to come too. Or if you asked Molly, her best buddy who did everything with her-Carla, would “have” to come too.
In college, it was the roommate dilemma. You’re friends with Sammy and Katie, but their third roommate Beth you really don’t hangout with as much. But if you invited Sammy and Katie, don’t you “have” to invite Beth to the party too?
Sometimes I feel that is the situation one encounters when one of their best buddies ends up married. It isn’t that their new spouse is someone you don’t like, though they might be, it’s just that it isn’t just that friend anymore. It gets to the point where you feel if you invite your best friend, you are required to invite the spouse along too.
Yeah, everyone always says, “no, that isn’t the case,” but let’s be honest with ourselves; that’s normally how it is. How often do newly-wed wives that you know go hangout alone with their buddies? Or a girls' night out? It seems once marriage life hits, an additional person has been brought into all the pictures.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying there is anything wrong with hanging out with your friends when their spouses are with them now too. That’s fun and cool too, especially if you like the spouse…HA! But it almost seems as if sometimes you can’t keep the same friendship you might have originally had with a friend before the significant other became united.
I don’t know…maybe this is just something I’ve noticed…
While it used to be one and one made two, it is now that the outing becomes one plus one makes three…
Angels Among Us?
“Oh I believe there are angels among us. Sent down to us from somewhere up above”
~Alabama’s Angels Among Us
Do you believe there are angels among us? More specifically, do you think there are people in your life who have been sent as “angels” to you?
This thought just came to me tonight and I was curious what y’all think. I mean I’ve heard it said many times before. One instance…
God sends everyone an angel here on earth, and I know that He sent you to be mine.
I’ve gotten that one before. But if people really are “angels” I’ve got some questions about that then. I suppose this would be towards those who believe this idea (not saying I do or don’t, I’m still questioning it, hence the forth coming questions)…
So if someone was an “angel sent to him/her,” does that mean the “person” is an angel as a whole (as in they are always an angel, therefore an angel for everyone they come in contact with) or just an angel to that particular individual? Like could a person who is an “angel” be someone that was put on this earth solely for the purpose of being an angel in aiding others?
Even more, are they an angel to that individual simply during a trying time in that person’s life, and then back to maybe “just a friend” after that time period, or do they always seem to represent that person’s angel? The angelic being is permanent vs. temporary.
I mean if you consider the next line of the song it goes:
“They come to you and me in our darkest hours”
So I don’t know. I suppose it’s cool to think of people in your life as people being brought into your life as a special angel for you, but whatever the case may be, angel or not, I suppose I just always look at these types of people as special blessings in my life!
Monday, August 08, 2005
The Gene and Julie Show
So this morning while I was too lazy at 6 AM to go out to my car to get my cds, which were still in there from my weekend trip this past weekend, I was left with the same old cds my uncle always has in his car and the radio for taking my little cousins back home to their mom’s this morning. Now this is a 3 hour trip, and I was exceptionally tired this morning, so I really needed some good tunes to keep me awake. Unfortunately, morning radio is mostly all talk shows, and I’ve never been a fan of radio talk shows, with the exception of Delilah; however she is on in the evenings and I’m much more attentive at that time…HA! One thing I DO like morning shows is that they can help to keep me updated with current events, so this mornings was no exception.
It was from the Gene and Julie morning show on KVIL 103.7 FM this morning that I learned of Peter Jennings passing. While that was sad news to hear, I can admit I’ve never been all that close with Mr. Jennings. HA! I’ve only recently begun enjoying watching the news on television, and even with that, it is normally just the local news…I’ve never been much of a fan of the national news. HA! I just get things off the internet (or morning shows for that matter).
However, when they were talking about his passing it was because they were beginning a segment for callers to call in and discuss an email they had just received in response to some comments they had apparently made when referencing Peter Jennings passing. These comments were made before I had begun listening to the show this morning, however, I had tuned in by the point where they read the email they had received for the first time on air.
Let me give you the jist of their previous comments, apparently, and then I’ll tell you about the email.
Apparently when mentioning his passing, they commented on how they hadn’t known until now that he was a high school dropout from Canada, who had dropped out of high school in his junior year (I believe was when they said it was) to accept his first broadcasting job. They apparently went on to express how great it was that he accomplished so much in his life and was such a great guy, even as a high school dropout. Once again, I say that I never heard their original words, but that was the jist of what they kept saying they had said whenever they were repeating what they had said.
So then a listener of the station had emailed in that she was appalled that they would say that. And that they would go on as they did about him and his lack of education and make it seem encouraging to young people today to dropout of high school, because they too can become rich and famous also without a high school diploma or a college degree.
So that was the jist of the topics for discussion…
So I’ll admit, when I first heard them reiterate what they had apparently originally stated and then heard them read the lady’s email response, I was siding with the email. I too don’t agree with encouraging the youth of today to dropout of high school and pursue life without much of an educational background. But then I listened in more to the callers calling in and I changed my initial reactions somewhat (or at least maybe I started to wake up…let’s face it…it was about 7:30 AM! HA!)
The more they seemed to “apologize” for how they had come off with their original statements, though in no way taking them back, Gene and Julie were about to clarify more of what they had apparently meant by what they had said. Apparently what they meant was that Peter Jennings should be viewed as an inspiration for those who don’t have any college education, or even more, those who didn’t complete high school. Peter Jennings’ life can encourage those who maybe couldn’t make school their “thing” to keep pursuing life and make themselves who they want to be whether they have a high school diploma to show along the way or not.
Now I’ll be honest, as most of you know, I value and respect an educational background highly! I think education is a GREAT thing; however, I don’t hold a lack of a “formal” education against anyone.
As one of the callers that voiced their opinion stated, it is possible that some people, maybe because of a learning disability or a handicap, they are not able to succeed in college. That is totally understandable. However, for me, the key point to what she said was that while she herself had a learning disability, she tried college and then found out it wasn’t for her. I think trying is important to remember. Even with the idea of financial obstacles, I can be the first to tell you, anyone can go to college that wants too. If you try for it, you can find financial support!
I think one of the biggest differences in Peter Jennings case and today is the fact that he was 67 years old when he died. When considering that it shows you that it’s been a LONG times since Mr. Jennings dropped out of high school. With this being said, it is apparent that things change, and if anything has changed from then to now, it is the importance of an education. Only a matter of years ago, women weren’t even thought to consider college. College was more of an upper-class thing to do. Having a college education wasn’t expected by employers for a lot of positions.
Look at financial stability back then. With the importance of family back then compared to today, being independently financially stable back then wasn’t as big of a deal. Families took care of one another. In today’s society, this is becoming a less and less common occurrence. We have begun to place so much importance and value on being independent (it goes along with the high divorce rate…you gotta be independent in some sort of manner, because you never know when you could be on your own!).
I really appreciated one lady who called in to the show. She was a woman apparently in her late 40’s who had three kids in their 20’s apparently and she said that while she didn’t agree totally with the email lady, she did side in that manner because she didn’t have a college education back in the 80’s when she began working, and it was okay then. She had a fine job. But then she just recently moved to Texas and was trying to find a new job and was having such a hard time because employers today, though more different from back in the 80’s, look heavily for a college degree. However, she wanted to point out that it wasn’t really about what the degree was in, as so much just that someone had one, because having a degree shows a sign of accomplishment and dedication. She mentioned that she agreed with the emailer in the sense that with her 3 kids in their 20’s and one of them already having dropped out of college and used their mom as an example to justify their actions, she said she doesn’t think it is right to encourage individuals to not pursue a college education.
While that was not Gene and Julie’s intent from their comments (“to encourage individuals to not pursue a college education”), I too would go along with the lady and say, I think it is important in today’s society especially to encourage a college education upon our youth. It sometimes seems to me that kids nowadays are turning away from school more and more. And yes, I know college isn’t for all, but I do think our society is growing closer and closer to the time when a job opportunity that doesn’t require a college education will not keep an individual above the poverty level.
Also, I do want to comment about the point the caller lady made about employers looking for a degree because of the idea of it representing an achievement from dedication. She mentioned, as I agree, that this doesn’t have to necessarily be from a college or a university, but a trade or technical school education also shows a dedication and achievement upon completion. I think in either case, it shows a person who is dedicated to their aspirations, their hopes, their dreams. It shows a person with a mission!
I appreciate a well educated person, but I also appreciate a hard-worker, and I know the first is not necessary for the second!
[End Note: I think it is interesting to see how everyone seems to defend stances based on their self. HA! Not that it is surprising at all, but it is interesting to see how all the people that called in and were all disappointed in the email person’s response were all people who admitted to having no college education, and then in my case, I have a college degree and am currently pursuing a masters, so it is apparent that I’d be all for a college education. It’s funny how we all just want justification for our ways of life, and are willing to defend them in such manners…HA! I suppose in a way, just because I want to justify my life, and you want to justify yours, is one really more right than the others?!?! HA! Just something to think about!]
It was from the Gene and Julie morning show on KVIL 103.7 FM this morning that I learned of Peter Jennings passing. While that was sad news to hear, I can admit I’ve never been all that close with Mr. Jennings. HA! I’ve only recently begun enjoying watching the news on television, and even with that, it is normally just the local news…I’ve never been much of a fan of the national news. HA! I just get things off the internet (or morning shows for that matter).
However, when they were talking about his passing it was because they were beginning a segment for callers to call in and discuss an email they had just received in response to some comments they had apparently made when referencing Peter Jennings passing. These comments were made before I had begun listening to the show this morning, however, I had tuned in by the point where they read the email they had received for the first time on air.
Let me give you the jist of their previous comments, apparently, and then I’ll tell you about the email.
Apparently when mentioning his passing, they commented on how they hadn’t known until now that he was a high school dropout from Canada, who had dropped out of high school in his junior year (I believe was when they said it was) to accept his first broadcasting job. They apparently went on to express how great it was that he accomplished so much in his life and was such a great guy, even as a high school dropout. Once again, I say that I never heard their original words, but that was the jist of what they kept saying they had said whenever they were repeating what they had said.
So then a listener of the station had emailed in that she was appalled that they would say that. And that they would go on as they did about him and his lack of education and make it seem encouraging to young people today to dropout of high school, because they too can become rich and famous also without a high school diploma or a college degree.
So that was the jist of the topics for discussion…
So I’ll admit, when I first heard them reiterate what they had apparently originally stated and then heard them read the lady’s email response, I was siding with the email. I too don’t agree with encouraging the youth of today to dropout of high school and pursue life without much of an educational background. But then I listened in more to the callers calling in and I changed my initial reactions somewhat (or at least maybe I started to wake up…let’s face it…it was about 7:30 AM! HA!)
The more they seemed to “apologize” for how they had come off with their original statements, though in no way taking them back, Gene and Julie were about to clarify more of what they had apparently meant by what they had said. Apparently what they meant was that Peter Jennings should be viewed as an inspiration for those who don’t have any college education, or even more, those who didn’t complete high school. Peter Jennings’ life can encourage those who maybe couldn’t make school their “thing” to keep pursuing life and make themselves who they want to be whether they have a high school diploma to show along the way or not.
Now I’ll be honest, as most of you know, I value and respect an educational background highly! I think education is a GREAT thing; however, I don’t hold a lack of a “formal” education against anyone.
As one of the callers that voiced their opinion stated, it is possible that some people, maybe because of a learning disability or a handicap, they are not able to succeed in college. That is totally understandable. However, for me, the key point to what she said was that while she herself had a learning disability, she tried college and then found out it wasn’t for her. I think trying is important to remember. Even with the idea of financial obstacles, I can be the first to tell you, anyone can go to college that wants too. If you try for it, you can find financial support!
I think one of the biggest differences in Peter Jennings case and today is the fact that he was 67 years old when he died. When considering that it shows you that it’s been a LONG times since Mr. Jennings dropped out of high school. With this being said, it is apparent that things change, and if anything has changed from then to now, it is the importance of an education. Only a matter of years ago, women weren’t even thought to consider college. College was more of an upper-class thing to do. Having a college education wasn’t expected by employers for a lot of positions.
Look at financial stability back then. With the importance of family back then compared to today, being independently financially stable back then wasn’t as big of a deal. Families took care of one another. In today’s society, this is becoming a less and less common occurrence. We have begun to place so much importance and value on being independent (it goes along with the high divorce rate…you gotta be independent in some sort of manner, because you never know when you could be on your own!).
I really appreciated one lady who called in to the show. She was a woman apparently in her late 40’s who had three kids in their 20’s apparently and she said that while she didn’t agree totally with the email lady, she did side in that manner because she didn’t have a college education back in the 80’s when she began working, and it was okay then. She had a fine job. But then she just recently moved to Texas and was trying to find a new job and was having such a hard time because employers today, though more different from back in the 80’s, look heavily for a college degree. However, she wanted to point out that it wasn’t really about what the degree was in, as so much just that someone had one, because having a degree shows a sign of accomplishment and dedication. She mentioned that she agreed with the emailer in the sense that with her 3 kids in their 20’s and one of them already having dropped out of college and used their mom as an example to justify their actions, she said she doesn’t think it is right to encourage individuals to not pursue a college education.
While that was not Gene and Julie’s intent from their comments (“to encourage individuals to not pursue a college education”), I too would go along with the lady and say, I think it is important in today’s society especially to encourage a college education upon our youth. It sometimes seems to me that kids nowadays are turning away from school more and more. And yes, I know college isn’t for all, but I do think our society is growing closer and closer to the time when a job opportunity that doesn’t require a college education will not keep an individual above the poverty level.
Also, I do want to comment about the point the caller lady made about employers looking for a degree because of the idea of it representing an achievement from dedication. She mentioned, as I agree, that this doesn’t have to necessarily be from a college or a university, but a trade or technical school education also shows a dedication and achievement upon completion. I think in either case, it shows a person who is dedicated to their aspirations, their hopes, their dreams. It shows a person with a mission!
I appreciate a well educated person, but I also appreciate a hard-worker, and I know the first is not necessary for the second!
[End Note: I think it is interesting to see how everyone seems to defend stances based on their self. HA! Not that it is surprising at all, but it is interesting to see how all the people that called in and were all disappointed in the email person’s response were all people who admitted to having no college education, and then in my case, I have a college degree and am currently pursuing a masters, so it is apparent that I’d be all for a college education. It’s funny how we all just want justification for our ways of life, and are willing to defend them in such manners…HA! I suppose in a way, just because I want to justify my life, and you want to justify yours, is one really more right than the others?!?! HA! Just something to think about!]
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